Everyone's doing it, Hell I did it last year. Did I stick to last year's resolutions? Er, kind of. I did finish the Thriller/Mystery Series (all 13 books in total with a spin-off zombie book and short stories). I did lose weight. I kept working at the dead-end job till Dec 24 though. I didn't send out query letters to agents or publishers but I did write them. And no, I didn't work to get things done and again coasted through everything. Oops?
This year I'm not going to make a huge self-motivation speech about changing my life. I've tried doing it for years now and it never works. I am going to set some goals though and we'll see what happens. After the list of goals will come the list of what I've written this year. For more details on what I wrote in 2014, check out the "Novel Series" tab at the top there. From there you can get details on every book except the Mists of Time series as I haven't yet posted the summaries for it yet. I will, don't worry.
One goal I kind of accomplished was leaving the dead-end job. It was great working there because I was guaranteed to be working regular shifts and had weekends/evenings off. Why did I leave? I wasn't getting paid. Like, at all, or for a long time and to put it simply: I can't afford to not get paid anymore. It put way too much stress on me and as much as everyone would like to think love makes the world go around, it doesn't. Money is the root of everything and if it's not coming in then you will suffer.
I also spoke to an editor about getting a short edited. When that's done (February by the looks of things) I'll start promoting said short story. I've also re-claimed the rights to Tale of the Twins which means I can control the pricing of it so I can start promoting it as well, if I want. It does suck I have to pay a fee to get usage rights for the edited copy since I've all ready sunk about $10,000 into the book at this point. That's what a vanity press is people: you give them all your money, they do stuff for you that you could get done a lot cheaper, then when you want to get your book back they charge you even more for keeping the (crappy) cover and edited copy.
I also wrote 16 novels. If we want to get technical I wrote 18. No. 17 was all the short stories for the thriller series as well as other random ones. No. 18 was a novel-length piece of fiction for another series. I also started on No. 19 (17 according to the list in "Novel Series") yesterday.
Enough ranting. Here are my goals for this year:
1) Milwordy: Yes, again. I will be trying to write 1,000,000 words from now until Dec 31. This time I made that the timeline in writetrack.com instead of the end of November. Now I'll get a better final word count in the fancy spreadsheet I can download at the end of the year.
2) Market my stuff: Once I get Tale of the Twins back and Best Friends: The Body Fairy edited, I will be trying a bit harder to self-promote. I'll also be re-vamping the anthologies I all ready have out and yes, raising the price. Single short stories (like Best Friends) will be priced at $0.99. Anthologies: $1.99. Novellas: $2.99. Novels: $4.99. Plus sales and regular deals and what not. So, anyone who wants a hardcopy of Tale of the Twins before it comes off the market: go to the "Store" Tab and get it now. Anyone who wants a cheaper version of the anthologies I've all ready got out: Again "Store" Tab.
3) Continue Losing Weight: I started out last year at 210 pounds. I am now 190-ish depending on the scale at the gym. Yes, that's 20lbs in a year. It doesn't seem like much but I can feel it. I'm not as physically worn out and I can fit into pants and skirts I didn't fit into before last year. I know I'll take off more this year than last year because I won't have people giving me chocolate or other treats at work and I don't buy them for home. One of the reasons I didn't lose more weight is because of the old job. Since the gym is a block away from the new job I'll be able to go right after or right before work. My goal? 160-170 lbs. Oh, and before anyone wonders: I'm 5'8" with a larger bone structure. So yes, I would like to be at my ideal sometime this year by eating properly and exercising.
4) Stop working: This is one of those goals that will probably continue into next year. Basically I want to be able to get to the point where all I have to do is write and edit all day, every day. I don't want to work at a call center (the new job, yay?) for my whole life. I don't want to go into a reception position even though I'm qualified to do it. I don't want to go back to the old job as much as I liked working there, liked who I worked with, and believed in the product. I don't need much to live month per month. $2400 would do it and give me spending money and "retirement" money. If I could make $2400 per month off my writing, steadily then I'll be happy. I'm not looking to be Stephen King famous. I don't want to be the next JK Rowling or EL James. I only want to live comfortably knowing I have a roof over my head, food in my fridge, and can spend a bit on frivolous things if I want.
Again, I've only four goals but it's not the amount of goals a person has. It's how much motivation they have to get those goals done and how much work those goals are going to take to get completed.
One of my pitfalls is my inability to market. I know the concepts behind it but I tend to fail miserably as seen with my sad attempt at getting Burnt: The Story of the Fire King published. And yes, if it had succeeded we wouldn't be having this conversation right now. I'd all ready be working on getting it out there and all that.
Anyway. Yes. Goals are an interesting concept. We all make them but rarely does one accomplish all their goals. For me it's better to have goals I know I'll be able to reach. Can I hit Milwordy? Yep. I only need 80K a month (10 months) with 200K in November. Can I market? Not really but I may have found someone to help. Can I lose weight? Sure. I'm not snacking nearly as often on unhealthy stuff and I'll likely be going to the gym 4-5 times a week. Can I stop working? Eventually.
Now the final part of this post: what I wrote last year. You can find this below list in the "Novel Series" tab where links are provided to each summary post. The below list includes stories and other writing adventures not mentioned in the "Novel Series" tab
The 2014 Writing List:
January: 84,755 Dryer, Cara Synopsis, query, pitch; Face Snatcher query, synopsis, pitch, Lies pitch, part of Witches, editing Cara Book 1
February: 142,503 Witches, Car Jacking, VanHelgroves The Children, Alt to Lies
March: 124,571 Daimin meets Lapus, Memories and Times Between, Hunter
April: 145,067 Disease, Memories and Times Between, VanHelgroves Book 3 scene, Trust
May: 125,308: Trust, Child, Daimin meets Lapus
June: 96,563 Bloody X Mas, Memories and Times Between, Daimin meets Lapus
July: 148,522 Pieces, Senses, Best Friends, planning for Tattooed Man, short scene with Tyo VanHelgrove
August: 157,810: Zombies, The Tattooed Man (1,000,000th word: "down")
September: 129,158 Tattooed Man, Burnt: The Story of the Fire King
October: 3299 Planning Mists of Time Trilogy
November: 251,956 Mists of Time Books 1, 2, and 3
December: 25,846 Mists of Time Book 3 final 4 chapters and the first two chapters of book 4
So, what am I planning to write this year? No idea besides Mists of Time Book 4: Adam's Story and possibly a sequel to Zombies: The thriller/mystery alternate universe story. But I am in possession of 36 planned story ideas and 29 prompts. I'll be writing for a long time and I came to the conclusion writing is what I was meant to do.
The other loose goal I have for this year is to re-work the nature of this blog. I want to focus on three things: reviews of books, writing tips/interviews/etc, and summary posts for the novels. I'm in NO WAY promising three posts a week because it would be insane. I am promising a post a week, likely more till the end of this month at least as I've nothing much to do. And my January goal is to clean up the house a bit. Closets have to be re-organized and well, I'm off and likely won't have any better time to do it.
Until next time: thoughts, comments, rage, rants, questions, and out-right insults can be directed to the comments.
Showing posts with label anthology. Show all posts
Showing posts with label anthology. Show all posts
Thursday, January 1, 2015
Friday, October 21, 2011
Go Frighten Yourself
The weather is getting cooler, the nights are getting longer and soon monsters will come to your door begging for candy or treats. No, it's not the beginning of a fantasy short story. Halloween is just over yonder, you can make it out over the haunted house decorations and pumpkins.
Why is this important? Two reasons:
First: Most people love Christmas or prefer Thanksgiving. Not me. I adore Halloween. There's just something about frightening the crap out of people (or scaring kids for life) that makes me giddy with excitement. Halloween also signals the beginning of winter and I cherish winter. The cold air, hot chocolate, and crystal-like snow amke me giddy with joy.
Back to Halloween though. I am fond of all things morbid or creepy. Skeletons, the Grim Reaper, black cats, ghosts, ghouls, spiders, witches, vampires, pumpkins, and other dark things make me squeal with delight. It is the only time of the year where my loosely Gothic wardrobe won't be mocked. It is the only time of the year where people won't look at me as if I'm insane when I mention something about zombies or wanting to buy a bag of rats.
Second: In celebration of Halloween I wrote 8 stories and put them into an anthology that will be coming out in 4 days. Yep, that is what my count-down was about on Twitter if any one was paying attention. The cover is just below, you can't miss it:
I know some will ask me: "What's with the ominous house?" Well, it IS a Halloween Anthology. And what Halloween Anthology would be complete without a story about a haunted house? And yes, the moon is reddish for effect purposes only.
Adding to that there are a variety tales included in 'Tis Hallow's Eve and here is a list of ghoulish themes involved:
Witches in Boil and Trouble
Haunted House/Ghosts in Happy Halloween
Evil Cats in Shadow
Vampires in Blood Letting
Clowns in Carnival
Being stranded in Far From Home
Nightmares (or dreams) in Magic and finally
Frightening Trick or Treat happenings in Tricky Treats
Though I have to admit Tricky Treats ends on a happy note and allows you to heave a sigh of relief. I did enjoy writing it since it was something I used to do on Halloween with friends. Scaring people is fun.
A forewarning on Magic: it may be a little upsetting for some. It really doesn't have much to do with Halloween except that the events occurred on Oct. 31st. I could technically expand it into novel length but that would add more to my over-filled plate.
Speaking of my over-flowing plate, I'm partaking in National Novel Writing Month which starts on Nov. 1. Do I have a new plot to write? Nope. Do I have any inclination to write one of my pre-planned (but not yet scribed) ideas? Negative. Am I going to have an idea by the end of the month? All signs are pointing to "no." This is going to make NaNoWriMo interesting, more so since I plan to put out my fourth short story anthology sometime next month.
Yes I am insane. No I will not go with you and the men holding the white jacket. White is not my color.
A final mention goes out to my BFF Sharon because she's not having a good month and one of the stories in 'Tis Hallow's Eve was inspired by her. Speaking of, look below for a sneak preview.
Until next time, try to stay out of trouble and never take candy from strangers. Unless of course, it's Halloween night. Then it is perfect acceptable (even encouraged) to take treats from people you don't know.
Preview of Tricky Treats
They had been 13 then and their parents had said they were too old for trick or treating. So Andy (the werewolf) made The Plan. They told their parents they were going to a friend’s house to watch movies but in actuality, they stalked little kids to steal their candy. Half-way through the night they were forced to stop because they could not physically carry any more candy.
“Ready?” Andy the werewolf asked.
“Yeah,” the clown replied.
The two made their way from the bushes and darted across two adjoining back lawns, hopping a small fence in the process. No one watched the back of their homes with all the distractions that came from the front. The clown shivered once they made it behind a big oak tree and looked back. A flash of white darted away at the last possible moment and the clown gasped.
“What?” Andy grunted without turning to his sibling.
“I saw something,” the clown revealed.
“Yeah right, probably just your reflection,” Andy groused.
“No, I swear!” the clown protested.
“Shut up, Roger,” Andy the werewolf whispered back and pointed to a Darth Vader with a Ninja Turtle, and a ninja.
“But,” Roger the clown attempted.
“Just quiet okay? Those kids are perfect,” Andy growled out.
Roger heaved a sigh and glanced back behind him. He scanned the bushes they had just left and saw it again: a white face with black rimmed, glowing yellow eyes was staring at them. Before he could turn Andy to look, it was gone. Roger swore it scuttled away on more than four limbs but decided against telling his brother.
“C’mon, they’re going to pass in front of those bushes soon,” Andy broke into Roger’s thoughts and darted towards the line of bushes along the side-walk.
“Right,” Roger stuttered out and followed his more agile twin.
Andy leaped out of the bushes behind the trio a moment later with a howl of fury. The kids squealed and started to run from Andy as Roger leaped in front of them with a cackle. This made the trio drop their bags and run for the other side of the street. The brothers snagged the three bags and disappeared back into the bushes.
“That was awesome,” Andy panted out with a chuckle.
Howling seemed to tire him out but Roger knew his brother could do this all night. Roger did not say a word as he dumped one of the three bags into his black pillow case. Andy tilted his werewolf’s head to a side and watched his brother’s sullen movements.
“What?” Andy queried.
“Something was watching us,” Roger told him.
“Right,” Andy grumbled and stuffed the other two bags of candy into his own pillow case.
“I’m serious!” Roger insisted while waving his hands to emphasize his point.
Andy only shook his head and hefted up his own bag. Roger huffed and followed his brother out of the bushes and down the sidewalk. The area was getting deserted as they walked for a while in silence. Andy was looking for hiding spots as Roger mentally whinged about his twin.
“Over here,” Andy whispered as he pulled Roger behind a tree.
“Welcome,” a voice hissed.
Both boys turned to find the source of the sound but there was nothing but darkness around them. Roger gulped as Andy peered into the trees branches. Nothing was there. Andy kicked the tree then glanced around it, looking again for the three younger girls he had seen a moment before.
“Naughty children,” the voice hissed again...
Why is this important? Two reasons:
First: Most people love Christmas or prefer Thanksgiving. Not me. I adore Halloween. There's just something about frightening the crap out of people (or scaring kids for life) that makes me giddy with excitement. Halloween also signals the beginning of winter and I cherish winter. The cold air, hot chocolate, and crystal-like snow amke me giddy with joy.
Back to Halloween though. I am fond of all things morbid or creepy. Skeletons, the Grim Reaper, black cats, ghosts, ghouls, spiders, witches, vampires, pumpkins, and other dark things make me squeal with delight. It is the only time of the year where my loosely Gothic wardrobe won't be mocked. It is the only time of the year where people won't look at me as if I'm insane when I mention something about zombies or wanting to buy a bag of rats.
Second: In celebration of Halloween I wrote 8 stories and put them into an anthology that will be coming out in 4 days. Yep, that is what my count-down was about on Twitter if any one was paying attention. The cover is just below, you can't miss it:
I know some will ask me: "What's with the ominous house?" Well, it IS a Halloween Anthology. And what Halloween Anthology would be complete without a story about a haunted house? And yes, the moon is reddish for effect purposes only.
Adding to that there are a variety tales included in 'Tis Hallow's Eve and here is a list of ghoulish themes involved:
Witches in Boil and Trouble
Haunted House/Ghosts in Happy Halloween
Evil Cats in Shadow
Vampires in Blood Letting
Clowns in Carnival
Being stranded in Far From Home
Nightmares (or dreams) in Magic and finally
Frightening Trick or Treat happenings in Tricky Treats
Though I have to admit Tricky Treats ends on a happy note and allows you to heave a sigh of relief. I did enjoy writing it since it was something I used to do on Halloween with friends. Scaring people is fun.
A forewarning on Magic: it may be a little upsetting for some. It really doesn't have much to do with Halloween except that the events occurred on Oct. 31st. I could technically expand it into novel length but that would add more to my over-filled plate.
Speaking of my over-flowing plate, I'm partaking in National Novel Writing Month which starts on Nov. 1. Do I have a new plot to write? Nope. Do I have any inclination to write one of my pre-planned (but not yet scribed) ideas? Negative. Am I going to have an idea by the end of the month? All signs are pointing to "no." This is going to make NaNoWriMo interesting, more so since I plan to put out my fourth short story anthology sometime next month.
Yes I am insane. No I will not go with you and the men holding the white jacket. White is not my color.
A final mention goes out to my BFF Sharon because she's not having a good month and one of the stories in 'Tis Hallow's Eve was inspired by her. Speaking of, look below for a sneak preview.
Until next time, try to stay out of trouble and never take candy from strangers. Unless of course, it's Halloween night. Then it is perfect acceptable (even encouraged) to take treats from people you don't know.
Preview of Tricky Treats
They had been 13 then and their parents had said they were too old for trick or treating. So Andy (the werewolf) made The Plan. They told their parents they were going to a friend’s house to watch movies but in actuality, they stalked little kids to steal their candy. Half-way through the night they were forced to stop because they could not physically carry any more candy.
“Ready?” Andy the werewolf asked.
“Yeah,” the clown replied.
The two made their way from the bushes and darted across two adjoining back lawns, hopping a small fence in the process. No one watched the back of their homes with all the distractions that came from the front. The clown shivered once they made it behind a big oak tree and looked back. A flash of white darted away at the last possible moment and the clown gasped.
“What?” Andy grunted without turning to his sibling.
“I saw something,” the clown revealed.
“Yeah right, probably just your reflection,” Andy groused.
“No, I swear!” the clown protested.
“Shut up, Roger,” Andy the werewolf whispered back and pointed to a Darth Vader with a Ninja Turtle, and a ninja.
“But,” Roger the clown attempted.
“Just quiet okay? Those kids are perfect,” Andy growled out.
Roger heaved a sigh and glanced back behind him. He scanned the bushes they had just left and saw it again: a white face with black rimmed, glowing yellow eyes was staring at them. Before he could turn Andy to look, it was gone. Roger swore it scuttled away on more than four limbs but decided against telling his brother.
“C’mon, they’re going to pass in front of those bushes soon,” Andy broke into Roger’s thoughts and darted towards the line of bushes along the side-walk.
“Right,” Roger stuttered out and followed his more agile twin.
Andy leaped out of the bushes behind the trio a moment later with a howl of fury. The kids squealed and started to run from Andy as Roger leaped in front of them with a cackle. This made the trio drop their bags and run for the other side of the street. The brothers snagged the three bags and disappeared back into the bushes.
“That was awesome,” Andy panted out with a chuckle.
Howling seemed to tire him out but Roger knew his brother could do this all night. Roger did not say a word as he dumped one of the three bags into his black pillow case. Andy tilted his werewolf’s head to a side and watched his brother’s sullen movements.
“What?” Andy queried.
“Something was watching us,” Roger told him.
“Right,” Andy grumbled and stuffed the other two bags of candy into his own pillow case.
“I’m serious!” Roger insisted while waving his hands to emphasize his point.
Andy only shook his head and hefted up his own bag. Roger huffed and followed his brother out of the bushes and down the sidewalk. The area was getting deserted as they walked for a while in silence. Andy was looking for hiding spots as Roger mentally whinged about his twin.
“Over here,” Andy whispered as he pulled Roger behind a tree.
“Welcome,” a voice hissed.
Both boys turned to find the source of the sound but there was nothing but darkness around them. Roger gulped as Andy peered into the trees branches. Nothing was there. Andy kicked the tree then glanced around it, looking again for the three younger girls he had seen a moment before.
“Naughty children,” the voice hissed again...
Thursday, September 1, 2011
Insanity
So I decided yesterday while I was in a daze from lack of sleep the night before that I would work on the website. That led to thinking up another short story collection which led to actual release dates of three other anthologies. (You can see all that here: Future Works)
Normally this wouldn't be a problem and I'd putter along to get things done at a good enough pace. But in some stroke of utterly insane genius I decided that all three collections would be released before the end of this year.
Am I insane? I do believe so. But I also believe that any author needs a bit of the crazies in order to actually be an author.
I mean, what person in their right mind would want to write all day, every day and edit the rest of the time without the guarantee that they would get paid at the end of the week? Unless of course they're Stephen King, James Patterson, Anne Rice, Dan Brown, John Locke or any other famous author.
I'm not too far gone (yet) though. I didn't quit my day job once my book got published. Good thing too or I'd be living out of a cardboard box by the 12 Mile Creek right now with only a laptop, a shopping cart of clothes and an old coffee mug to collect money.
I may be a bit delusional in thinking that I would make it over-night. And I have to admit, I suck at marketing. I'm also quite lazy and would rather spend my time writing or reading then actually sitting down and *GASP* promoting.
But I'm slowly starting to creep out from the bat-infested cave I've been hiding in (plus the bats were starting to look at me funny) and decided to seriously try this marketing thing. At least on weekends and evenings.
Back to the original topic of this post: I'm releasing three more short story anthologies. Yes. Three. How many months are left in the year? That's right, four. That's an anthology a month folks. Can I do it? I have no idea but I'm certainly going to try.
The first will be called Apocalyptic and be out sometime this month (I'm hoping for the 15th). It will feature stories of the so-called Doomsday - Dec. 21 2012. And for those interested, you'll get to meet my all time favorite creation: Daimin VanHelgrove. I talked about him in the last blog. Also, he's on the website. Twice I think. That's how much I love him. Plus he's been bugging the Hell out of me waiting to be written seriously.
The second anthology will be a Halloween Special entitled 'Tis Hallows Eve. This one will be the most fun as I don't have an idea for the cover yet and the six stories featured aren't even written. At least I know what they are. So I'll have to pull 30-40,000 words out of my arse and edit them in the next month, or less.
The final is set for release in November and will be called Hodge Podge because it will be a mixed theme of ideas ranging from lunatics (like myself) to homeless people to mermaids. I actually have 5 stories written for it and only have to add two more and edit the whole thing.
Am I insane? Oh I think so. Will I actually meet these self-imposed release dates? I certainly hope so. Will I have a social life in the next three months? Probably not. Will I get sleep? Nope. But I think it will be well worth it.
I leave you will some shameless self-promotion:
Small Slice of the Undead: A Zombie Anthology AVAILABLE NOW through Smashwords
Tale of the Twins Book 1: Gathering and Destruction AVAILABLE NOW through Authorhouse.
Buy them for the sake of all characters new, old and waiting to be loved by someone other than their creator. Plus they need to get out of the dark basement I've stashed them in. It's getting a bit crowded down there what with all the new stories I'm writing and old ones begging to be written. Ah, excuse me while I go feed them some utterly horribly fanfiction I've read.
Normally this wouldn't be a problem and I'd putter along to get things done at a good enough pace. But in some stroke of utterly insane genius I decided that all three collections would be released before the end of this year.
Am I insane? I do believe so. But I also believe that any author needs a bit of the crazies in order to actually be an author.
I mean, what person in their right mind would want to write all day, every day and edit the rest of the time without the guarantee that they would get paid at the end of the week? Unless of course they're Stephen King, James Patterson, Anne Rice, Dan Brown, John Locke or any other famous author.
I'm not too far gone (yet) though. I didn't quit my day job once my book got published. Good thing too or I'd be living out of a cardboard box by the 12 Mile Creek right now with only a laptop, a shopping cart of clothes and an old coffee mug to collect money.
I may be a bit delusional in thinking that I would make it over-night. And I have to admit, I suck at marketing. I'm also quite lazy and would rather spend my time writing or reading then actually sitting down and *GASP* promoting.
But I'm slowly starting to creep out from the bat-infested cave I've been hiding in (plus the bats were starting to look at me funny) and decided to seriously try this marketing thing. At least on weekends and evenings.
Back to the original topic of this post: I'm releasing three more short story anthologies. Yes. Three. How many months are left in the year? That's right, four. That's an anthology a month folks. Can I do it? I have no idea but I'm certainly going to try.
The first will be called Apocalyptic and be out sometime this month (I'm hoping for the 15th). It will feature stories of the so-called Doomsday - Dec. 21 2012. And for those interested, you'll get to meet my all time favorite creation: Daimin VanHelgrove. I talked about him in the last blog. Also, he's on the website. Twice I think. That's how much I love him. Plus he's been bugging the Hell out of me waiting to be written seriously.
The second anthology will be a Halloween Special entitled 'Tis Hallows Eve. This one will be the most fun as I don't have an idea for the cover yet and the six stories featured aren't even written. At least I know what they are. So I'll have to pull 30-40,000 words out of my arse and edit them in the next month, or less.
The final is set for release in November and will be called Hodge Podge because it will be a mixed theme of ideas ranging from lunatics (like myself) to homeless people to mermaids. I actually have 5 stories written for it and only have to add two more and edit the whole thing.
Am I insane? Oh I think so. Will I actually meet these self-imposed release dates? I certainly hope so. Will I have a social life in the next three months? Probably not. Will I get sleep? Nope. But I think it will be well worth it.
I leave you will some shameless self-promotion:
Small Slice of the Undead: A Zombie Anthology AVAILABLE NOW through Smashwords
Tale of the Twins Book 1: Gathering and Destruction AVAILABLE NOW through Authorhouse.
Buy them for the sake of all characters new, old and waiting to be loved by someone other than their creator. Plus they need to get out of the dark basement I've stashed them in. It's getting a bit crowded down there what with all the new stories I'm writing and old ones begging to be written. Ah, excuse me while I go feed them some utterly horribly fanfiction I've read.
Saturday, August 13, 2011
Zombie Fish and why I love Shun: Shameless Self-Promo ahead
Yes, you DID read that right: zombie fish. The anthology is out, you can find it here at Smashwords.com or here on the website.
Furthermore, since you're here and reading the blog I have a special treat. Straight from the fourth short story ("In the Water") in "Small Slice of the Undead: A Zombie Anthology" is a preview...of the famed zombie fish of course:
I know I was cursing and talking to myself, but I can't remember what I was saying. I know I turned towards my tanks and what I saw made me shut up and stare.
My fish were all looking my way. Normally I wouldn't be so freaked out because fish tend to look at you when you come towards them, especially Siamese Fighting Fish. Vibrations through the floor and thus through the water in their tanks give them a good enough guess that you're making your way over with either food or to talk. Usually I get one or two looking over, then the others join in. I never get looks from the non-Siamese fish since they're not as attentive or something.
But every single fish in their tank was looking right at me, in formation no less. People say it's creepy when cats stare at you for a long period of time. Imaging having close to 40 fish hovering in their tanks looking right at you, blowing bubbles in a formation similar to migrating birds.
I approached the tanks wearily and stood in front of them. The banging at my door was still happening but I didn't care since I knew it would hold for a good while. I slid to the left and all the fish followed in unison. I moved quickly to the right and they copied.
"What the hell?" I asked myself.
Before I could second guess my thoughts, I pulled the lid up on the miscellaneous tank. I don't think I could have ever prepared myself for the next few minutes. All 20 fish in the tank leaped out of the water and attacked me with their little mouths puckering up and grabbing at the exposed skin of my arms and neck.
"THE FUCK?" I shouted as I flailed and began whipping and bashing fish off me.
They were like leeches and no matter how hard I squished or how much I floundered about they clung to me. I finally had enough and began ripping them off by their tails. Once every fish was nothing but an oozing mess on the floor I gasped in a few deep breaths and examined the wounds.
Twenty chunks of flesh were missing and blood was trickling down my arms and neck....
Furthermore, since you're here and reading the blog I have a special treat. Straight from the fourth short story ("In the Water") in "Small Slice of the Undead: A Zombie Anthology" is a preview...of the famed zombie fish of course:
I know I was cursing and talking to myself, but I can't remember what I was saying. I know I turned towards my tanks and what I saw made me shut up and stare.
My fish were all looking my way. Normally I wouldn't be so freaked out because fish tend to look at you when you come towards them, especially Siamese Fighting Fish. Vibrations through the floor and thus through the water in their tanks give them a good enough guess that you're making your way over with either food or to talk. Usually I get one or two looking over, then the others join in. I never get looks from the non-Siamese fish since they're not as attentive or something.
But every single fish in their tank was looking right at me, in formation no less. People say it's creepy when cats stare at you for a long period of time. Imaging having close to 40 fish hovering in their tanks looking right at you, blowing bubbles in a formation similar to migrating birds.
I approached the tanks wearily and stood in front of them. The banging at my door was still happening but I didn't care since I knew it would hold for a good while. I slid to the left and all the fish followed in unison. I moved quickly to the right and they copied.
"What the hell?" I asked myself.
Before I could second guess my thoughts, I pulled the lid up on the miscellaneous tank. I don't think I could have ever prepared myself for the next few minutes. All 20 fish in the tank leaped out of the water and attacked me with their little mouths puckering up and grabbing at the exposed skin of my arms and neck.
"THE FUCK?" I shouted as I flailed and began whipping and bashing fish off me.
They were like leeches and no matter how hard I squished or how much I floundered about they clung to me. I finally had enough and began ripping them off by their tails. Once every fish was nothing but an oozing mess on the floor I gasped in a few deep breaths and examined the wounds.
Twenty chunks of flesh were missing and blood was trickling down my arms and neck....
###
There is one other fun character you'll meet twice in the Zombie Anthology: Shun. Actually there are quite a few fun characters. I enjoyed writing "Bomb" because of a Gothic Kid who calls himself Voltaire. "Itch" has Amber who happens to be Victim Zero, meaning the first person to become a zombie. Of course, "In the Water" has aforementioned zombie fish and "Daddy's Home" has Sam.
Anyway, back to Shun. He appears in the final two stories, "Recording" as well as "Video Feed" and I love him. It might have something to do with the fact he's Asian and I have a certain weakness for Asian men. Or it might be the fact that he uses a samurai sword as a weapon and I am morbidly obsessed with swords and other pointy objects. Or it could be that he's the most intelligent of the bunch and really, who doesn't like a smart man?
If you've been following me on Twitter, you will know that Shun is in fact homosexual. I tweeted a conversation between him and Jess on Saturday night where Shun admits to being homosexual with a lot more words then needed:
Shun: "I am a free thinker and my parents did not tolerate free thinking,"
Jess: "Free-thinking?"
Shun: "I prefer men to women...sexually,"
Jess (or Derrick): "Ah..."
There is nothing wrong with being homosexual, I want to make that perfectly clear. I'm open-minded when it comes to things like that. I think the main reason I like Shun is because he's homosexual. For his family, that's a major sin and even after being disowned by everyone he knew back home, he managed to make a few new friends and a good living for himself. He struggled through adversity, moved to a new country, got accepted into a prestigious university, made new friends and bought himself a house.
Then of course zombies happened and it didn't matter what he did or didn't do. He's just one of those characters that really sticks out in my mind. Kind of like La Puce or Anguish from the "Tale of the Twins" trilogy (Book 1 is out now), or Daimin VanHelgrove from another trilogy I'm working on for far in the future. Of course there's the lovely bunch in "Face Snatcher" which will hopefully be out within the next year or so. Yes, I have a lot on my mind. Or my mind has a lot for me to do. Whichever.
Either way, you should check out "Small Slice of the Undead: A Zombie Anthology". Why? Because it has zombies. More specifically, there are zombie fish. There's also a homosexual Asian man. The Government also admits to creating zombies. Oh and there's aliens. Well, mention of "aliens". Also, it would benefit your own survival if zombies ever attacked. I mean you would know what to do if a bomb went off, or you got really itchy, or green goo appeared in your water, or you woke up dead, or you saw people generally eating each other in a really horrible way.
Plus zombies are cool. They have the whole undead-brainless-will-eat-you thing going on. Actually there's brainy zombies in the anthology. Yes, THINKING zombies. Who would have thought? Anyway, do it for the zombie fish. Do it for Amber, Shun, La Puce and Anguish (who you won't meet if I can't get a good editor ;) ). Do it for the love of all characters and the enjoyment of all living-dead things.
Do it for Daimin VanHelgrove because he's an evil manipulative bastard and if you don't, he'll come after you....once he's done fighting the forces of evil. Yes. Evil fighting evil. Trust me, Daimin's evil incarnate. Pure badassery. As in gets pleasure out of torturing people badassery. Destroying entire planets on a whim. Collects an army of dead (more zombies) to do his bidding. Yeah. Oh and he can't be killed easily. So you get to see him maimed and as he heals, he laughs manically about the attempt as he murders the maimer in the slowest most painful way possible. Now do you see why he's my favorite?
So do it because you want to meet more of my characters. Go on, get the anthology. Get Book 1. It'll make me happy. And when I'm happy, I write more. When I write more, you get to read more. See, it's a win/win situation all around.
Now, don't be so disappointed. I warned you about the shameless self-promoting in the title. And if you are disappointed, buy the anthology anyway. It'll make you happy. Plus it's cheap and you're only losing to try a new author. Expand your horizons before I become exceptionally popular (insert your laugh here, go on, I'll understand) and have to jack up my prices.
Thus my self-promotion rant is over. Enjoy:
Website: http://www.vonravenstone.com/store.html
Smashwords: https://www.smashwords.com/books/view/81428
Anyway, back to Shun. He appears in the final two stories, "Recording" as well as "Video Feed" and I love him. It might have something to do with the fact he's Asian and I have a certain weakness for Asian men. Or it might be the fact that he uses a samurai sword as a weapon and I am morbidly obsessed with swords and other pointy objects. Or it could be that he's the most intelligent of the bunch and really, who doesn't like a smart man?
If you've been following me on Twitter, you will know that Shun is in fact homosexual. I tweeted a conversation between him and Jess on Saturday night where Shun admits to being homosexual with a lot more words then needed:
Shun: "I am a free thinker and my parents did not tolerate free thinking,"
Jess: "Free-thinking?"
Shun: "I prefer men to women...sexually,"
Jess (or Derrick): "Ah..."
There is nothing wrong with being homosexual, I want to make that perfectly clear. I'm open-minded when it comes to things like that. I think the main reason I like Shun is because he's homosexual. For his family, that's a major sin and even after being disowned by everyone he knew back home, he managed to make a few new friends and a good living for himself. He struggled through adversity, moved to a new country, got accepted into a prestigious university, made new friends and bought himself a house.
Then of course zombies happened and it didn't matter what he did or didn't do. He's just one of those characters that really sticks out in my mind. Kind of like La Puce or Anguish from the "Tale of the Twins" trilogy (Book 1 is out now), or Daimin VanHelgrove from another trilogy I'm working on for far in the future. Of course there's the lovely bunch in "Face Snatcher" which will hopefully be out within the next year or so. Yes, I have a lot on my mind. Or my mind has a lot for me to do. Whichever.
Either way, you should check out "Small Slice of the Undead: A Zombie Anthology". Why? Because it has zombies. More specifically, there are zombie fish. There's also a homosexual Asian man. The Government also admits to creating zombies. Oh and there's aliens. Well, mention of "aliens". Also, it would benefit your own survival if zombies ever attacked. I mean you would know what to do if a bomb went off, or you got really itchy, or green goo appeared in your water, or you woke up dead, or you saw people generally eating each other in a really horrible way.
Plus zombies are cool. They have the whole undead-brainless-will-eat-you thing going on. Actually there's brainy zombies in the anthology. Yes, THINKING zombies. Who would have thought? Anyway, do it for the zombie fish. Do it for Amber, Shun, La Puce and Anguish (who you won't meet if I can't get a good editor ;) ). Do it for the love of all characters and the enjoyment of all living-dead things.
Do it for Daimin VanHelgrove because he's an evil manipulative bastard and if you don't, he'll come after you....once he's done fighting the forces of evil. Yes. Evil fighting evil. Trust me, Daimin's evil incarnate. Pure badassery. As in gets pleasure out of torturing people badassery. Destroying entire planets on a whim. Collects an army of dead (more zombies) to do his bidding. Yeah. Oh and he can't be killed easily. So you get to see him maimed and as he heals, he laughs manically about the attempt as he murders the maimer in the slowest most painful way possible. Now do you see why he's my favorite?
So do it because you want to meet more of my characters. Go on, get the anthology. Get Book 1. It'll make me happy. And when I'm happy, I write more. When I write more, you get to read more. See, it's a win/win situation all around.
Now, don't be so disappointed. I warned you about the shameless self-promoting in the title. And if you are disappointed, buy the anthology anyway. It'll make you happy. Plus it's cheap and you're only losing to try a new author. Expand your horizons before I become exceptionally popular (insert your laugh here, go on, I'll understand) and have to jack up my prices.
Thus my self-promotion rant is over. Enjoy:
Website: http://www.vonravenstone.com/store.html
Smashwords: https://www.smashwords.com/books/view/81428
Monday, August 1, 2011
The Love life of a Cab Driver
Picture the scene: 5Am and the sun hasn't quite begun to make its ascent yet. A young woman is waiting outsite a building, eyeing the dark sky and trying to figure out how long it has been since she has seen a sunrise. In a cloud of exhaust fumes and a too-loud engine, a cab pulls up and asks if she is the bearer of a certain name. Not fazed by this, she admits to being the owner of the name and gets into the cab.
"So, heading to the Buffalo Airport, eh?" the cab driver asks through a full gray beard that reminds the woman of Santa Claus (or if you're a Harry Potter fan - Dumbledore).
"Yes," she replies simply since her sleep-addled brain could not come up with a wittier retort.
"What for?"
"Personal, mostly vacation,"
"Ah okay,"
Silence which is followed aptly by more silence as the young woman thinks she can nod off and catch another half hours of precious sleep before reaching the border. The cab driver breaks into her half-sleep with the follow proclamnation:
"You know, I kind of know what's up with women. I mean I had four wives..."
If you hadn't guessed it yet, the young woman was me. And yes, I did sit through about an hour of a stranger telling me about his love life that spanned over 30 years while (in mostly shock and sleepiness) I listened and made the appropriate comments. Had I been more awake I think the conversation would have gone a tad bit better.
Oh, and if you haven't been keeping up (or remembering) on the past few tweets (shame on you), then I'll let you know now that the above was the beginning of a 12 hour journey to Los Angeles, CA where I was to pitch my book as a movie idea to Hollywood executives. Yes you read that right. I was headed to Hollywood with my book in one hand, a suitcase in the other and half-remembered dreams of, well, I can't exactly remember what I was dreaming. Surely it had something to do with impressing an executive enough that I'd get a call back.
I digress (as I normally do); the cab ride went over fairly smoothly. The airport was a normalcy for me since I'd been there before. Finding the gate and waiting for the hour was no concern. Once the plane actually came and we made our ascent, I assumed I was settling in for a two hour flight as the ticket had said.
A voice from somewhere in front broke into these thoughts and informed us: "Thanks for joining us on this five hour flight..." Excerpt from brain: Five hours? Huh? Oh right, time change. Oh Hell, I didn't bring enough to amuse myself with in my purse and there's no way in Hell I can get my carry-on down from the luggage compartment. Bloody Hell.
The last was thought in a British accent of course. Anyway, let's fast foward over the exceptionally boring five hour plane righe and get to the more interesting descent, shall we?
As the air-bird began to land, I looked out my window and saw the great black pyramid rising up through a cluster of flat and stale looking buildings. Excitment bubbled in my chest (either that or it was indigestion) as I thought: "Oh my freaking God, it's the Luxor! Criss Angel performs there!" This was quickly followed by: "Noooo, this is only a two hour layover, I can't DO anything!" And thus my fan-girl/morbid obsession with pyramids/perverse obsession with magic moment was destroyed.
Skipping over the escape of the tublar metal flying can, I realized the Las Vegas airport was about the size of a small city. People crowded everywhere and the gate I was looking for was no where near my general proximity. I was happy that I booked a two-hour layover. Finding the gate was akin to a journey through the tourist section of a city made famous for hosting a wonder of the world. I should know since I live 15 minutes from such a city.
A path cleared ahead and I noted with a sense of relief that I found my gate. Unfortunately my stomach reminded me that it hadn't been fed and would soon eat itself if I didn't feed it soon. I followed my nose (literally) and found food. I just travelled 4000 KM/2,800 miles to eat at Burger King.
Skipping forward another hour and a half, I got on the second plane. According to my ticket (I should have known that tickets lie), I would be in LA in two hours. A summary of the flight: the plane went up and we could turn on electronic devices. The plane hovered for 15 or 20 minutes and we had to turn off our electronci devices as we made the final descent. Excerpt from brain: Why exactly was there a layover for that?
Regardless, I made it out of the second air-born tin can relatively safely and found a bright green cab to spend an obscene amount of money in to get to my hotel. That night was spend on taking in my surroundings, exploring the concept of a mall without a roof (we call these "a plaza" in Canada and have indoor malls. The entire outdoor mall concept amuses me), eating and working on detailed character profiles for a crime fiction novel I'm working on.
No, the irony of profiling detective characters was not lost on me. And knowing one such character extremely well, the irony would be exceptionally amusing to one fictional detective known as James Reeves. He might even make a reference to some obscure factoid that people could live without knowing a la Sheldon Cooper from "The Big Bang Theory". Probably not though as James is not Sheldon.
Sleep was imminent by 8PM (11 PM in the Great Not-so-white-right-now North) but I pushed through until 11PM and enjoyed the luxury of having a king-sized bed all to myself. The next day would be spent at an exhibit featuring creepy clowns and meeting my fellow authors. But as I began to drift into unconsciousness, I had no idea of the creepy clowns that would claim my waking hours. Thus ends the first day of the LA trip.
A bit of shameless self-promotion: "A Small Slice of the Undead" (my zombie anthology) will be coming out this month. Once the cover is complete and the final edit done, I will be putting it up for sale as an ebook. Until then, be amused by future blogs and don't answer the door if someone asks if you have an extra brains.
"So, heading to the Buffalo Airport, eh?" the cab driver asks through a full gray beard that reminds the woman of Santa Claus (or if you're a Harry Potter fan - Dumbledore).
"Yes," she replies simply since her sleep-addled brain could not come up with a wittier retort.
"What for?"
"Personal, mostly vacation,"
"Ah okay,"
Silence which is followed aptly by more silence as the young woman thinks she can nod off and catch another half hours of precious sleep before reaching the border. The cab driver breaks into her half-sleep with the follow proclamnation:
"You know, I kind of know what's up with women. I mean I had four wives..."
If you hadn't guessed it yet, the young woman was me. And yes, I did sit through about an hour of a stranger telling me about his love life that spanned over 30 years while (in mostly shock and sleepiness) I listened and made the appropriate comments. Had I been more awake I think the conversation would have gone a tad bit better.
Oh, and if you haven't been keeping up (or remembering) on the past few tweets (shame on you), then I'll let you know now that the above was the beginning of a 12 hour journey to Los Angeles, CA where I was to pitch my book as a movie idea to Hollywood executives. Yes you read that right. I was headed to Hollywood with my book in one hand, a suitcase in the other and half-remembered dreams of, well, I can't exactly remember what I was dreaming. Surely it had something to do with impressing an executive enough that I'd get a call back.
I digress (as I normally do); the cab ride went over fairly smoothly. The airport was a normalcy for me since I'd been there before. Finding the gate and waiting for the hour was no concern. Once the plane actually came and we made our ascent, I assumed I was settling in for a two hour flight as the ticket had said.
A voice from somewhere in front broke into these thoughts and informed us: "Thanks for joining us on this five hour flight..." Excerpt from brain: Five hours? Huh? Oh right, time change. Oh Hell, I didn't bring enough to amuse myself with in my purse and there's no way in Hell I can get my carry-on down from the luggage compartment. Bloody Hell.
The last was thought in a British accent of course. Anyway, let's fast foward over the exceptionally boring five hour plane righe and get to the more interesting descent, shall we?
As the air-bird began to land, I looked out my window and saw the great black pyramid rising up through a cluster of flat and stale looking buildings. Excitment bubbled in my chest (either that or it was indigestion) as I thought: "Oh my freaking God, it's the Luxor! Criss Angel performs there!" This was quickly followed by: "Noooo, this is only a two hour layover, I can't DO anything!" And thus my fan-girl/morbid obsession with pyramids/perverse obsession with magic moment was destroyed.
Skipping over the escape of the tublar metal flying can, I realized the Las Vegas airport was about the size of a small city. People crowded everywhere and the gate I was looking for was no where near my general proximity. I was happy that I booked a two-hour layover. Finding the gate was akin to a journey through the tourist section of a city made famous for hosting a wonder of the world. I should know since I live 15 minutes from such a city.
A path cleared ahead and I noted with a sense of relief that I found my gate. Unfortunately my stomach reminded me that it hadn't been fed and would soon eat itself if I didn't feed it soon. I followed my nose (literally) and found food. I just travelled 4000 KM/2,800 miles to eat at Burger King.
Skipping forward another hour and a half, I got on the second plane. According to my ticket (I should have known that tickets lie), I would be in LA in two hours. A summary of the flight: the plane went up and we could turn on electronic devices. The plane hovered for 15 or 20 minutes and we had to turn off our electronci devices as we made the final descent. Excerpt from brain: Why exactly was there a layover for that?
Regardless, I made it out of the second air-born tin can relatively safely and found a bright green cab to spend an obscene amount of money in to get to my hotel. That night was spend on taking in my surroundings, exploring the concept of a mall without a roof (we call these "a plaza" in Canada and have indoor malls. The entire outdoor mall concept amuses me), eating and working on detailed character profiles for a crime fiction novel I'm working on.
No, the irony of profiling detective characters was not lost on me. And knowing one such character extremely well, the irony would be exceptionally amusing to one fictional detective known as James Reeves. He might even make a reference to some obscure factoid that people could live without knowing a la Sheldon Cooper from "The Big Bang Theory". Probably not though as James is not Sheldon.
Sleep was imminent by 8PM (11 PM in the Great Not-so-white-right-now North) but I pushed through until 11PM and enjoyed the luxury of having a king-sized bed all to myself. The next day would be spent at an exhibit featuring creepy clowns and meeting my fellow authors. But as I began to drift into unconsciousness, I had no idea of the creepy clowns that would claim my waking hours. Thus ends the first day of the LA trip.
A bit of shameless self-promotion: "A Small Slice of the Undead" (my zombie anthology) will be coming out this month. Once the cover is complete and the final edit done, I will be putting it up for sale as an ebook. Until then, be amused by future blogs and don't answer the door if someone asks if you have an extra brains.
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