Short Story: Why

A little something different this time around.

So back in May there was a contest run on the site Avalora is posted on. Basically authors got to submit a short story of any subject to win various levels of subscription to the site itself which was pretty cool. The only limitation was the short had to be under 4000 words.

I didn't place in the top 12 which is fine.

For kicks, here's my entry. Critiques welcome and please remember this has only been seen by two sets of eyes thus far: my own and whoever read it at Channillo. I don't have money for an editor, hardly enough to keep the billed paid so...yeah.

ANYWAY, here's the story:

Why

Let me explain why I killed them.

My parents were great people. Dad was some kind of business man. I’m not sure who he worked for or what he was exactly. All I really remember is that he had to wear a suit all the time and he made a lot of money. This allowed us to live in a big house and go to Disney World every summer for as long as we wanted.

Mom stayed at home with me. I remember her smile the most. It was bright, loving, and always made me happy. She had a lot of friends who came and sat with us, always telling me what a cute little boy I was and saying I’d grow up to be a heart breaker. They had that right.

On the night my life changed it was dark. Rain sluiced against the windows of the white truck dad drove and he had to keep his high beams on. He guided the immense beast of machinery carefully, a little under the speed limit, and making sure to check around every corner for any kind of oncoming traffic.

Funny how it works, the one who’s always careful is the one who ends up at the mercy of someone not so careful. All I remember is one moment mom was smiling back at me and telling me we would be home soon. The next moment the truck had filled up with bright white light and the sound of a horn blew through my ear in a warning which was too late.

I woke up alone, scared, with tubes in my arms and a machine beeping beside me. It terrified me and I started screaming. I tried ripping out all the tubes but I had been four and not exactly dexterous enough to do as needed. It did not take many nurses to stop me and I remember I kept shouting for my mom and dad.

The looks on the nurses’ faces went from panic and worry to pity. I didn’t exactly recognize pity then as no one had looked down at me and thought “the poor child.” One of the nurses sat on my bed beside me and hugged me. She explained my dad’s truck had been hit in the driver’s side, dad’s side.

The impact had sent the truck spinning and the passenger side, mom’s side, had hit a light post so hard it snapped under the pressure, tore down electrical wires as it fell and crushed the hood of dad’s truck. The rain kept a fire from starting. The driver of the other vehicle had been rendered unconscious from the blow. A passerby in a white car had called the police. It had all happened a week ago. Dad and mom had not made it out of the truck alive.

Coincidences are strange. I remember at the time I had an intense infatuation with Batman, the superhero who had no parents. Now I was Batman. I had no parents.

The solace I was given by the nurse was the man in the other car had broken his spine and would never walk again. It did not provide me with comfort but gave me anger. Why should he live when both my parents, good people, had died? The little comfort I did get from the information was at least he could never make another Batman.

My stay at the hospital was boring and the anger left. The nurses tried to entertain me but not much could be done for a child barely out of toddler-hood who suffered such a devastating blow. Who barely understood why mom and dad were not coming back. Who kept asking why this had happened and received no answers.

No one had an appropriate answer to give.

A week went by and I was approached by a woman from the government. She said she had contacted my mother’s sister and the woman, my aunt, would be taking care of me. I did not know my mom had a sister. It would not take me long to find out why.

The woman looked like my mother. She had the same dark hair and dark eyes with the same lips. She did not have the same happy smile, not even for her two children. She did not have a husband but when I asked her why she slapped me. Later my older cousin told me it was better without daddy as he had hit harder.

My aunt moved me out of the nice house my parents had and sold it. She had saved nothing from my former life except a suitcase of clothes. I had managed to sneak a picture under my shirt before we left and I have it to this day. It remained on my night side table to remind me of the life I could have had.

My aunt was given all the money from the house and the money my parents had saved in the bank. As I was four I could not access this money and it was supposed to be saved for me for when I turned eighteen. I did not understand the concepts at the time but I knew because of Batman I would get some kind of compensation. The issue was Batman did not have an aunt who liked to yell, hit, and drink.

I grew up in a house that had a sagging front porch, yellow weedy grass in the front and back, and shutters which banged in storms. I had to share a room with my older cousin even when she grew up and started high school. She was five years older than me and my nine year old self was always kicked out of the shared room when she had friends over.

When she turned sixteen my cousin was gone. No note but a suitcase of her clothing had gone missing and she had taken a couple thousand dollars from her mother’s bank account. My eleven year old self had been happy to finally have my own room but a small part of me wondered how my aunt who never worked had thousands of dollars in the bank.

My younger cousin, nine at the time and female had been upset her sister left. She began yelling at her mother a lot so I took to closing myself in my room to read. It had become a habit for me to look over at the empty bed and wonder how my older cousin was doing.

Life keeps going no matter what you do and I grew up. The women my mother used to speak with were right. I did grow into a heart-breaker. I had dark hair; dark “puppy dog” eyes with my father’s strong jaw and my mother’s high cheek bones. I had the good fortune to have clear skin and gain my father’s height gene. As I did not like my aunt or her home, I spent a lot of time after school in the gym so my body became toned. In the summer I ran, likely much more than any teenager should be.

Tall, dark, and handsome: every woman’s wet dream and I was it in real life. They swooned over me, the mysterious boy who hid in the library during lunch reading in one of the back corners and sat in the back of the class. I had all the answers for tests and did not act like the others boys:

The jocks with their minds full of sports, the nerds who to high school girls were funny looking and weird, the druggies who stunk of weed or booze, and the loners who were too creepy. I was part of the loner group but I had the benefit of being good looking. No one thought it entirely odd I had no friends. They assumed because of my outer shell I could do no harm and I used this outer shell as a sort of buffer.

When I was sixteen I spent the twenty dollars my aunt gave me weekly on some Batman comics. I read them with a passion during the evening hours after my homework was done and my aunt had left to go out with one of her boyfriends. I stayed away from the later issues when Batman had grown up and focused more on his early life as Bruce Wayne.

Nowhere in the comics did it ever say what exactly happened to his parents’ money. It had been left to him of course and in the end he had access to it. This was because he did not have an aunt whose name was on all the accounts until he turned eighteen and could be responsible enough to handle his money.

When I asked my aunt about the money she said I would get it and not to worry. This came in a shout and she almost hit me but I stopped her. For the first time in my life I saw what fear was in another person’s eyes. It made me let go of her hand and get a twisting feeling in my stomach. She avoided me for a week after that incident and I did not ask again because I did not want to see the fear.

The concept of someone being afraid of me was foreign. Everyone loved me at school or they were jealous of me. Some outright hated me but no one ever showed me fear. It made me feel like I had become the Joker instead of Batman and I did not like it.

Life kept moving on as it does. I graduated High School with honors and a scholarship to go to whatever school I wanted. I did not know what I wanted. My aunt had told me nothing of my parents so even if I wanted to follow in my father’s path I had no idea what it was. The scholarship would not expire so I decided to take a year off and travel wherever my beat up sedan would take me. First though, I had to get access to my money.

After graduation I did not leave on my trip. I waited until the day I turned eighteen two months later then approached my aunt in her dim kitchen. I had startled her and she showed the fear again. This time I would not let it overwhelm me. I wanted my parents’ money as now it was legally mine.

“It’s gone.”

Two words, one contracted. She said them in a low whisper and bit her lower lip after, eyes downcast and hands clenching hard at the counter behind her. The light from the window behind her shone off her messy dark hair and emphasized the bags under her dark eyes. She could have been pretty like my dead mother but cigarettes, booze, and a myriad of other bad habits had taken her youth and beauty from her.

“What do you mean it’s gone?”

She shook her head and kept her eyes down, not wanting to meet mine. The shirt she wore was skimpy and clung to her body like a sort of second skin. Her jeans were the same way and she did not wear shoes on her feet. I remember looking down at the floor to see the red nail polish on her toes and wondering if she was looking for chips in it to avoid looking me in the face.

“Gone where?”

“I spent it.”

Fourteen years of bill payments, booze, cigarettes, not working, expensive clothes for herself, holidays to Las Vegas with her boyfriends, and holidays to the beach had depleted the money my parents had left for me.

I had nothing. No mementoes to remember them. No memories or stories to know them. And now because of my aunt’s greed: no money to start my life with.

You have to realize I had never been an angry person. I took what life threw at me because I knew with time I would be okay. I had the brains, the looks, and the will to leave my aunt’s home and start my life once I could get what I had been promised. I had been driven by this fact so it curbed my anger and the worst off all my emotions and kept me level, cool, calm, and collected. Now the chain keeping the beast from rising was no more.

I cannot remember what I hit her with first though I assume since I was unarmed at the time it was a punch. I do not remember what area of the body I hit her in or when exactly I picked up the knife. I do not remember when my younger cousin had come home and began beating on my back to stop hurting her mom.

I’m not entirely sure when I pushed her to the floor and how I hurt her. The next memory I do have is of me standing in the kitchen with a steak knife in my hand. The blood dripped off the knife the same way the taps would drip into the sinks. There was a lot of blood.

It seeped into my shoes and slid under the refrigerator. It soaked into the cracks on the floor and turned the stained yellow floor deep red, the same red as my aunt’s toe nails. The blood stained my aunt and my cousin’s clothing, making my cousin’s dyed yellow hair turn a sort of orange-red color.

There were spatters of blood up the counters, across the tables and walls, even across the window and some on the ceiling. It had rained over the exposed flesh I did not cut through on both of them, marring it with little red freckles. Both lay at awkward angles and their eyes had no light in them. Neither took a breath. For some reason this did not bother me as much as it likely should have.

I walked out of the kitchen but do not remember dropping the knife. I do remember going into the bathroom and washing my hands. I stripped out of my clothes, realizing how bloody I was all over then took a shower. I dried. I dressed. I took the expensive jewellery my aunt had bought with my money and her purse.

I picked up my luggage bag and packed away all my clothes. I used my aunt’s luggage to pack away more of the belongings I wanted to take with me. Both went into the trunk of my beat up sedan. One of the neighbours asked if I was taking a holiday and I said I was. He waved to me as I pulled out of the driveway and turned away from my aunt’s home. It was probably him who called the police after a few days of not seeing my cousin or my aunt.

You know I lived free for a month. You caught up to me in Florida where I simply sat on the beach sipping a soda and watching the girls my age giggle over me. You know I went with you without argument. You know I did not change my name or appearance or attempt to hide in any way. I am a little disappointed it took you so long to find me.

Now you know why I did it. Why I stabbed my aunt sixty-eight times after beating her with my fists for so long she was hardly identifiable. Good thing for dental records, hm? You know why I stabbed my cousin three times, enough to kill her and in places which would incapacitate her and let her bleed out. I never would have hurt her if she had not hit me but this is not much of an excuse.

Now you can understand why the neighbours were so stunned to find the scene. Why they are crying because I had been a good kid. Why all those people I graduated with and my teachers seemed shock to hear about why you were looking for. Why all the lives I touched on my way to Florida were suspicious as to why you were looking for me.

I am not a horrible person. Circumstances made me this way. If I had not had a greedy aunt maybe I would have become Batman. But what is Batman except a vigilante who beats up the bad guys and lets them get away to wreak havoc again and again? If Batman actually dealt with the villains like I had then he would not have to keep chasing the same ones.

But heroes are not allowed to kill. Killing makes them villains. Funny isn’t it? The bad guys are allowed to deal with their problems with a sort of finality the heroes are never allowed to have. The heroes must toil again and again while people get hurt, their city gets destroyed, and the people they want to protect get killed. Yet they are still looked upon to save the city.

I saved no one but myself in killing my aunt and cousin. Perhaps I saved society a little because on less person living on booze and government checks might help overall. But she deserved her death like the Joker would deserve his if Batman would ever be allowed to kill the crazy bastard.

The regret I do have is killing my cousin. She is the reason I allowed you to catch me. She is why I did not try to hide. You can thank her later.

Now I supposed you have to finish processing me. I assume I get a lawyer and there will be a trial. If my lawyer is any good I will get a sentence of twenty-five years as in this state the death penalty is illegal and who can argue with snap rage especially when I showed no sign of it? Given the circumstances, I am as much of a victim as my aunt.

But I will take whatever punishment I am given because of my cousin. I deserve that. So. Let’s start the process, hm? No point in sitting here talking anymore. I will see you later, detective.

Have a nice day.

2015 Novel Series #2: Zombies 2

Second book in the year and because I'm fun: sequel (second book) of a prior book. Ha.

Technically this book wasn't supposed to exist. I wrote Zombies 1 to get over the fact I would be killing a main character in the last book of the Detective Series called The Tattooed Man. I took all the characters, main and minor, then made zombies take over Woodborough. One main character and one minor character survived the initial strike and lasted to the end of Zombies 1. Apparently my brain couldn't leave it at that so Zombies 2 came along.

The problem with zombie fiction is you never have to end it. You can always add more characters, kill off a bunch, throw more zombies at your characters, keep giving them hope then ripping it away, and write about a few choice mains for years. Zombie fiction either ends on a hopeful note or everyone really does die.

Mine ended on a hopeful note. The same main and minor who survived in Zombies 1 survive in this one along with two other people who they found along the way. I make it glaringly obvious who survives because of the point of view switching but that's okay. You don't know how they survive.

I am going to give a bunch of memorable lines as I normally do but I'm going to try and stay away from the major and minor character who lived. Why? Cuz then you know who died in Zombies 1 and that's no fun. Onwards.

Genre: Alternate Reality/End of the World/Zombies

Word Count: 95,745

Prompt: The original prompt was thanks to Senses. How Zombies 1 ended made this book pop up.

Main Characters: The main and minor who survived from Zombies 1, Lisa, Bill, and Janie.

Minor Characters of Note: Allison, Caleb, Hanson, Smith, Randy, Hope, Heather, Helen, Jason, Kennedy Hobstine, and Michelle

Summation: More zombies. Nuff said.

High Points: Finally writing THE END and putting a nice end to all these characters lives both in their real world and in the alternate dimension.

Low Points: Only five of the main and minor characters mentioned make it to the end. Yes, I killed 11 named people.

The World: Ours but with zombies.

Memorable Lines:

Sometime later he spotted an off-white cement barricade ten or more feet tall. It was completely smooth and there were spikes on top of it spaced less than a foot apart. He (minor character who lived) slowed his bike to watch as the wall continued.
The more he travelled along the barricade the more he began to realize there would be no shelter beyond the walls. The forest behind was burning and the smell was stifling. He shifted to the other side of the road and saw plumbs of smoke rising up into the sky. Whoever the arsonists were they had decided to take out anything standing even if people had holed up safely inside.
It was so ridiculous, greedy, and insane, all he could do for a few moments was watch the forest burn. He started pedaling again and came to a smashed in steel gate that was on fire. It looked like a tank had driven through and he shook his head. Someone had built a life beyond those walls and because of some idiots that life was destroyed. It wasn't fair. (This is significant because at the exact moment, the MC who lived, (and the one minor character is looking for) is behind those burning walls with the other major characters who hadn't died yet. Cool huh? ;) )

McGregor said...
McGregor had been here. He spotted other names he knew: James, Mia, Michael, Sable, David, and Andy. They had been here. He sat down on the bed (in the prison the major characters set up camp in the last book, yes before the house above) and wondered what had happened. Something had exploded and they had to leave, that was obvious. There was mention of a truck but the truck wasn't here. They must have gotten out. He didn't know who had gotten out or where they were now.

(Aw, there's a really funny line here that I can't use because it reveals the name of the minor character who made it to book 2. *pouts*)

"C'mon, he's just a kid--" The man started.
"A kid with no skills who'll become someone we'll have to protect and feed but get nothing from him in return," the buff woman said.
"Just because he has a dick and you like dick doesn't mean we can bring him along," the Spanish woman said.

"Hi, I'm Chantelle. You folks want a lift? We've got food, water, and other supplies in the truck. Randy drives and his wife Hope switches out with him. There are also their daughters Helen and Heather who are the twins, and Jason their son. Who are you?" (Now let's look over the names up there. You don't see Chantelle do you? Now, let's think about which of the major characters in the Detective Series is known for breaking and switching identities. That's right. You get a prize if you're gasping and yelling at your screen right now. ;) )

"Do I dare ask how many zombies you've actually killed?" Hope questioned.
"I stopped counting after 1000. You did find me after I beat back a hoard of a few dozen," (Hehe)

"Grocery store and it looks untouched,"
"Probably because of the couple dozen zombies in the front of it," Randy said.
...
"You're not really thinking of going down there?" Hope asked.
"Of course I am. Do you know what happens when 18 wheeler meets zombie?" (Pancake.)

"How you holding up, kid?" Lisa questioned.
"I, it wasn't, I killed it," He (minor character who lived) said.
"It was dead all ready," Lisa told him. (It was also his first kill.)

"She turned while we were still fighting those things then attacked me. She bit my leg but I killed her. Then I cut my own leg off and set the stump on fire to cauterize the wound,"

"Taking a shit is no excuse to go out alone,"

"It might look like crap now but we can't give up. We gotta go for as long as we can because maybe we'll end up beating all these things. When that's done there are going to have to be people around who can rebuild. We can't give up," Bill said.

"Never assume because it gets you killed. That's especially true now,"

"Let's go, kids," Lisa said.
He was sure she would be grinning under her riot helmet. He heard Caleb scoff.
"I'm 24," Caleb said.
"I'm 32. You're a kid. Now, no talking unless absolutely necessary," Lisa said.

*Employee only door thunking in a candle shop*
"Zombie?" Bill asked.
"Naw, probably an employee wanted to help,"

"Do you mind if I ask you things?" Bill questioned.
He tried to hold back the remark but it came out.
"You just did."

"I guess some people think dying is better than living without a limb. He drank the bleach and left us with the mess. Well, let's clean up."

"Where are we going?"
"I don't know,"
"What?"
"I don't know. I'm fresh out of serial killer's homes with massive cement gates."

"If anyone can hear this: come to New York. We're set up against the hoards and the entire state is a zombie free zone."
"Think this is like the whole Terminus thing in The Walking Dead?"

She placed her hand on the key and turned it. The van (which they'd been using for a few days now to get to NY) sputtered but turned over after a moment. She took it out of park and hit the gas. The van moved ten feet then died.
She blinked then tried the key again. The van sputtered, jolted forward two feet then stopped. It made a weird creaking sound as something gave out and it sunk. She turned the key to turn the van off (not that it mattered) and sat in the driver's seat for a few minutes. No one spoke.
...
"Sixty miles, that's all. Comfortable walking pace will get us there (NY) in two days, probably less. We can handle two more days, right?" she questioned.
(Yes, yes they can...so we think. ;) )

"The only reason I'm here is because of my friends. They're the ones who deserve the credit and they're going to get it."

Writing Tip #6: Words to be Wary Of

This writing tip isn't so much about the process behind writing but focuses more on the actual writing. You should be aware of what you're writing at all times. I'm not talking only story-wise, nope, I'm also talking about the words you're using.

It's difficult to master the ability to tell a story while consciously making sure you're not over-using words or using one of the words/types of words I'm going to list too much. Even though I've been writing for about two decades now I still stumble and accidently use one too many of the words below and it ends up weakening my writing.

Of course, the easiest way to master the ability to tell a story while consciously watching your word choice is to keep writing. Write every day even if you have nothing to write about or you think your story is crud. Keep writing. Then go back and edit. Then rewrite. Write some more. Read some more. Edit some more...you get the picture, right?

For those who know what National Novel Writing Month is: REMOVING SOME OF THESE WORDS WILL KILL YOUR WORD COUNT. Some of the words listed below are meant to make your writing concise which is kind of the opposite of NaNo's goal of getting 50K in a month. It is possible to avoid these words and still hit the 50K. I've done it, not as well as I do when it's a non-NaNo month, but it can be done. There are a few words if taken out and replaced properly can add more words to your novel. You have to know how to use them.

Anyway, here are some words you should either outright avoid or tone down as much as possible:

That

"The fact that," "she said that," "that was going to be difficult,": take out "that" and your sentence will become tighter. If the sentence sounds awkward as in the case of "that was going to be awkward" replace your "that" with what was going to be awkward. "That" can easily become a lazy descriptor for something you should be explaining in detail. If there is no detail attached to your "that" then remove it.

There are few exceptions to the rule, mainly in the case of dialogue. Most people use "that" without even realizing and it would sound odd if there wasn't at least one "that" in your characters speech patterns. Most people would say "Well that's weird" instead of saying "It's weird the sky is purple today."

Another exception? "As typical of theaters there was a sign atop the awning that showed what was playing." But, you could change the sentence to say "As typical of theaters there was a sign atop the awing showing what was playing." It depends on your narrator's personality and what your reader has come to expect from said narrator. Generally: if it's not needed: don't use it.

Very

"Substitute 'damn' every time you're inclined to write 'very'; your editor will delete it and the writing will be as it should be." - Mark Twain.

One hundred percent accurate. Unless used in dialogue YOU SHOULD NEVER USE VERY. If you want to say an object or person is "very" something, there is ALWAYS a better word. You are not very hungry: you're ravenous. You're not very angry: you're enraged. You're not very scared: you're terrified. A person isn't very small: they're tiny. They're not very strong: they're unyielding. They're not very tall: they're massive or immense.

For more ways to avoid very, here's a chart:

These words are MUCH stronger and more descriptive than "very something"

Again, the only exception to including "very" in your writing is if your character is saying it. Even then, I'm sure your characters can come up with a better word as well.

Really

Is exactly like "very:" AVOID AT ALL COSTS UNLESS IN DIALOGUE. The other exception? You're writing in first person PoV and your character is "normal" as in someone who thinks casually using easy to understand words, as most people do.

Just and Only

Same as all of the above: it's unnecessary and unless in dialogue it's not needed. Remember, even in dialogue using "very," "really," "just," and "only" all the time make for annoying dialogue. Yes, there are instances when people will use "just" in dialogue: "Oh the place you're looking for is just around the corner" and it's fine to use "just" in this way. But do realize you can say: "Oh the place you're looking for is right around the corner." And please don't say "the only thing wrong with..." because you're breaking two rules. Say what was wrong with whatever is wrong. BE DESCRIPTIVE.

It again depends on your character as well as your audience.

In order

As in "I did the autopsy in order to find out when he died." Replace with "I did the autopsy to find out when he died." YOU DO NOT NEED "IN ORDER." The sentence makes the same amount of sense BUT it's more concise. If you can say it in fewer words but still paint a pretty picture: DO SO.

Thing

Is a lazy descriptor, kind of like "that." Instead of saying "James' thing was profiling" tell us what James' thing was: "James' talent was profiling." Instead of saying "the thing was huge" tell us what the thing is: "the tower was huge." Bonus points: don't say "the thing was very big" but instead: "the tower was immense." Sorry, had to. ;)

Anyway, again the only time "thing" might be acceptable is in dialogue in which a character says: "You know the thing with the swirly things, the yeah?" because yes, people do talk as such in real life.

Besides dialogue you should be replacing "thing" with the specific word for whatever "thing" is describing. And yes this ALSO means the dirty "thing" those with minds in the gutters are thinking of. Don't have lazy descriptors. They weaken your voice.

Quite

Unless you're writing old English style, skip the "quite" as in "he was quite tall." Saying: "He was immense" has more impact. Unless you want to sound like you're an English person sipping on tea and eating crumpets (which there is nothing wrong with): take it out.

Get or got

These are tricky because there are instances where a more descriptive word won't make sense. Generally speaking: "He got up" can become "He stood up" OR "He woke up" depending on what your main character is doing. But, "He got into the car" might sound better than "He settled into the car" depending on your narrator and when the story occurs, time wise.

Be careful you're not over-using "got" or "get" but also remember people aren't formal when they're talking. "Get down!" won't become "Oh could you kindly lower your body to the floor so you don't get shot?"

-ing words

This is a difficult one for me and I know a lot of people will find it difficult to drop words with an "ing" ending. Instead of saying "I'm struggling with this" you say "I struggle with this." Proper grammar and all but to me "I'm struggling" sounds more human. Could be me though.

Anyway, -ing words also tend to mean you're writing in the passive voice where you should be using the active voice. Of course, there are -ing words you sometimes can't remove: "something" and "nothing" hold position for the top two. "Saving him is something I have to do." "I can't sit back and do nothing." "There was something behind the bush." "There was nothing in the sky." Same concept with was: passive writing so get rid of it. Yes, I know it'll be difficult but the strength of your story will be worth it.

Then

As in "Bill stood, strode across the room then sat." We don't need to constantly know one action comes after the other ALL THE TIME. "Then" is another word you'll find hard to dispose of.

Suddenly

I get you're trying to build suspense and life can sometimes happen "suddenly." Please, please, PLEASE keep this to a minimum. It's a mark of inexperienced writing.

Smirk

I'm horrible at over-using this word. It's fine if your character smirks one or twice and it's cool to use it if your character is being condescending or smug. Smirking is similar to a sneer, NOT a smile so please DO NOT replace all those "he smiled" with "he smirked" in your novel because you're using smile too much. It will not fit.

Quirk

There are two meanings for quirk. One is the verb: "he quirked an eyebrow" and two is the noun: "he has his quirks." Both are perfectly acceptable to use once, maybe twice, in a single novel. If your character's are constantly quirking their eyebrows I might think something is wrong with them.

Like

Overuse means you have too many metaphors. I love a good metaphor, I do, but I don't want to be reading one after the other through your entire novel. I will toss your book across the room then burn it in ritualistic fashion.

As

Be careful with this one since it does imply a person is doing two things at once. Yes, people can "chatter as they walked" or "chomped on his gum as he moved" but be careful how many tasks your character is doing at once or how often because overuse will confuse your reader.

Feel and Think

SHOW US what your character is thinking or feeling. Instead of "I think we should run" say "we should run." Instead of "he was nervous" say "he bit his lip." Be aware how often a character is biting their lip or trembling or whatever else you may use to show us feeling. The Emotion Thesaurus is a great resource to help you mix up those feelings when you find yourself stuck with characters who keep shaking their heads or biting their lips.

A lot

How much is a lot? Is it 1,000 pieces or 100,000,000 pieces? What I think is a lot is different from what you think is a lot so be specific. Remember, people do use this word in regular conversation so you can have "a lot" in dialogue or sparingly in first person narrative.

Sort of/Kind of

What do you mean you're "sort of" cold? You're either cold or you're cool. What, you're "sort of" on fire? How can you be "sort of" anything? Give exact descriptions and again, liberties can be taken in dialogue.

Remember: you have more freedom in dialogue and first person point of view because no one speaks grammatically correct all the time. You should still be conscious of how often you're using the above words and what effect they will have on your story and your reader.

Trust me when I say I know how difficult it can be to remember to use these words sparingly. It's a big list. So, write your story in full then go back to the beginning and hit Ctrl+F on your keyboard. Yes, you're going to find every instance of every word on the above list and either replace it or take it out. You editors will love you. And yes, I do try to Find/Replace all the words mentioned above...when I remember to.

Until next time: thoughts, comments, rages, rants, questions, and out-right insults can be directed to the comments section.

Writing Tips #5: Your Voice and Writing Rules

If you've been doing any sort of research into how to write then you've come across the term "Voice." No, it's not what you (or your characters) physically sound like. It's how you write. I know, I know, it's a bit confusing. You've stumbled upon this post to learn how to write so you don't know how you write.

It's okay. You don't have to know how you write right now. All you have to know is your voice is how you tell your story. It's how you string together your sentences, how long or short your paragraphs are, how much detail you include, what tense or PoV you write in, and all the other fun stuff that comes with writing combined in a way uniquely you.

Finding your voice can be difficult and to be honest the best way to find your voice is to read a lot and write a lot. You'll begin to develop your own way of doing things differently (for the most part) to everyone else and eventually people will began to recognize your Voice as yours.

Finding your Voice, like everything else in writing takes time and patience. It also takes a lot of practice and knowing the rules. It also means knowing when you can break the writing rules. What are the writing rules? Well, those differ from author to author but we'll go over the basics. Ready? Let's go.

Avoid Prologues (and Epilogues)

The basis for this is the reader skips them anyway. The other basis is if you're writing a prologue or epilogue then they can be a chapter of the story. Mm, not so much. I'm a believer in prologues and epilogues if the story needs them.

A prologue or epilogue should be no longer than a few pages, just enough to give a basic idea of an event or space in time prior to the events of the novel or act as a good summary to what happened in said novel. In serials the epilogue can be used to lead into the next novel, breaking up what happened in the current novel and helping to push along into the next.

Again, they should only be used if needed. I used a prologue for every novel in the thriller/mystery series. Why? Because the prologue was where the unknown subject gave their feelings and motivations behind what they were doing. It's kind of like the first few minutes of Criminal Minds or House MD where the viewer gets to see what's going to happen before the show actually starts. Do you skip those first few minutes? Heck no. They draw you in and make you try to think of what the show is going to be about. You also get to try and connect the rest of the show with the "prologue" and see how everything fits.

I didn't use a prologue in any of the Mists of Time books. The story didn't need a different PoV or an explanation leading into it. I'll probably have an epilogue in the last book that will summarize the events of all three books.

That is the job of the prologue and the epilogue: to summarize everything neatly so the reader can readily understood what might be happening (in the case of prologues) or what has happened (in the case of epilogues).

Never use a verb other than said and never modify the verb said

I hate, hate, HATE this advice. I wrote an entire blog post about my reasons behind hating the word said but I'll summarize here.

I AM in agreement said should make up the majority of your dialogue tags. I AM in agreement overusing other verbs gets to be overwhelming. I request instead of flooding all dialogue with said, we as writers use other verbs or modify said sparingly to keep things interesting.

The arguments for always using said:

1) It's distracting to the reader. I get it. When you start using fancy words every time someone talks your reader might not understand the word or be so stunned by the word they might stop. You know what distracts me? Said. All. The. Time. It makes me think you've written a news article instead of a work of fiction.

2) The reader doesn't pay attention to dialogue tags anyway. Well too bad. I've spent weeks/months/years of my life writing this novel, going over every word, and if you're going to ignore 10% (or more) of my words then don't bother with the rest. I put my heart and soul into every word, the least you can do is read them all.

3) You should be showing the reader what your character is saying. Basically it means you should use said then the sentence after should be something like: "He was keeping his voice low so they wouldn't be caught." You know what single word says the sentence in quotes? Whispered. HE WHISPERED. Then you can go on: "If they got caught they would be killed." And hey, you cut down nine words.

Again, I AGREE said should be the main dialogue tag. But there are words like whispered, muttered, mumbled, told, yelled, shouted, exclaimed, explained, answered, and replied. There are modifiers like with a grin, with a frown, while scowling, with his eyes narrowed, with a growl, in a low voice, with a grunt, and with a chuckle. I ask again: why should we disregard entire words and phrases? It's like asking a plumber not to use his wrench or an electrician not to use rubber handled tools.

Dialogue tags should be a comfortable mixture of said alone, other verbs, modified said, or no tags. Also: Stephen King, JK Rowling, and Anne Rice break this rule. Best of all GRR Martin busts this rule to bits IN A PROLOGUE in Game of Thrones. So. MIX IT UP. Be creative and find what works for you when it comes to dialogue tags.

Avoid detailed descriptions of characters, things, and places

This was covered in detail (ha) in my Show vs Tell blog post, writing tip #3. Again, I'll summarize.

Showing is fine and it's okay to include the five senses in your novel. Don't include every sense for every character in every scene or your reader's going to drop your book with a groan and move onto something else. General rule of thumb: if you're going over 100,000 words and you're not half way done (or close to being done) then you've got too much going on in one book and/or you've over-described.

Now, I agree with describing a character. I want to know what they look like. Black hair, green, eyes, pale skin, freckles, average in height, slender build? Awesome! Just don't do:

Blair had thick, straight black hair that fell to his mid back like a curtain of silk across his shoulders. His green eyes were the color of jade, clear, and bright framed with thick curled lashes and perfectly arched eyebrows above. His skin was light in color from his Scottish descent and in the sun would go bright red before peeling and returning to its natural moon-pale tones. A smattering of freckles went over both cheeks and his nose but did not extend to his forehead or chin. Only a few stray freckles covered his body and randomly in so many different places that not even Blair was sure how many freckles he had. He was average in height for a male, standing at precisely five feet and nine inches. He was not a proponent of weight lifting nor did he do any exercises that were physically draining. His frame was slender, not defined, but he was not over-weight in any way. In fact, his frame was delicate, almost like a woman's with a slender waist and broad hips. Blair was often mistaken for a woman and hated it but did not wish to cut his hair to stop the miss-gendering. Sometimes, he liked being miss-gendered, especially when he was feeling like a woman when he woke.

I'm betting at least half of you started groaning half way through. Don't feel bad if you did. See, all that description could easily be tacked onto other parts of the novel, sprinkled through when needed until your reader gets the entire block of text in their head without you needing to include the entire block of text.

Yes, I want to know what your character, place, and objects look like in great detail if you care to give it to me. No, I don't need all the detail at once. And no, I don't necessarily need to know EVERY detail. Brown eyes, short black hair, dark skin, female? Cool. I'll get a general picture and fill in details when you give them to me.

That's the thing about description: sometimes it's okay for the reader to fill in the little details. The trick to knowing if you're over describing? Give it to someone else. If they start groaning then you know you've got to much. The other trick? If you start skipping over your descriptions during editing then you know they're too long.

Avoid clichés

A cliché is one of two things: an overused phrase (frightened to death) or an idea with a different meaning, ex, sweaty palms. We know the person's palms are sweaty but it's a sign of nervousness.

I can agree on lessening the amount of clichés in your work. I don't want to read string after string of cliché but a modified cliché or a bare hint of one? That's okay. Instead of saying he had sweaty palms to say a character was nervous, give some other tell. Say his eyes were moving back and forth over the room and he was sweating. Say he kept swallowing too much and licking his lips. Don't show me how sweaty his palms are unless he's holding hands with someone and they notice it.

Don't use a long word when a short one will do

Basically this means don't use some strange unusual word you found in the thesaurus when a simple word like "pain" will do. On the same token, don't keep reusing the same word over and over. Yes, mix it up, but don't go digging for words people have to look up because then they'll get distracted and if they get distracted they'll stop reading.

Now, if you're dealing with someone who describes things in medical terms and you know it's part of this person's personality: use it but make sure the person explains what the word means to the other characters who don't.

If it doesn't belong then cut it out

AGREED ONE HUNDRED PERCENT. If a word, sentence, paragraph, scene, CHAPTER does not move along the plot or show character growth then take it out. Kill your darlings, as Stephen King says.

Grammar rules: don't start with joining words or end with linking verbs.

This can be played with carefully depending on the tone of the novel, the scene, and the character who's narrating. This also goes for run on sentences because what better way to show fear than have your narrator start to ramble?

Avoid repetition

Again, it can be played with depending on the situation. "And she looked up at him. And up. And up" means hey, we're looking at a tall person in comparison to the "she." Better yet, we're being shown we're looking at a tall person instead of being told this person is tall.

Remember: all rules in writing CAN AND SHOULD be bent (or broken) every so often. No one gets it right the first time and even best selling authors break the above rules. Just be sure you're breaking the rules in the right way to make your writing interesting enough to stand out.

One final point because I know it'll come up. Other writers might say the only people who can break/bend the above rules are professional authors and if you're a first time published author you should stick to the above. I say *chuckles*: JK Rowling, Stephanie Mayer, EL James...I could go on but I think you get the idea. I also say: If you want to be a "professional author" to the likes of Stephen King or G.R.R Martin (or whomever) then write like one. That is, BEND AND BREAK THE RULES LIKE THEM.

Until next time: thoughts, comments, rages, rants, questions, and out-right insults can be directed to the comments section.

2014 Novel Series #15: Mists of Time Book 2: Seeking

Book two I wrote during National Novel Writing Month. The main focus of Book 1 was Blair's personal life, discovering who Blair is as a person and xe discovering xe has magic. Book 1 is all about Blair starting a new life. Book 2 is about Blair learning how to deal with the repercussions of being the only earthling with magic as well as figuring out how to deal with other people finding out about xer magic. Book 1 was basically a taste of the Mists. Book 2 is all about the Mists. ONWARDS!

Genre: Urban Fantasy

Word Count: 91,060

Prompt: Continuation of Mists of Time Book 1: Discovery in which they find out who the bad guy really is.

Main Characters: Blair, Tim, Tenkondin, Tim, and Dyns

Minor Characters of note: Natalie, Katie, Orrell, Hanrel, Meryl, Alaya, Xias, Ova, and The Mist Watcher

Summation: They find out who the bad guy is and crap hits the fan in a horrible way.

High Points: Tenkondin. He's freaking hilarious.

Low Points: The ending.

The World: Ours but with magic. Oh and the Mists.

Memorable Lines:

"So you've decided to dress male today?" Hanrel asked.
"And you've decided to keep being a bitch." Blair returned.

"If you make the wrong choice in the next year you will be the one who brings about the destruction of the universe." (Person who can see the future to...Blair. Mwahaha)

"A crack, as in a break?" Xias questioned.
"That's the definition of crack, actually in Blair's world it's some kind of illegal drug too, but yeah, break." Tenkondin said.

"You fainted." Dyns said.
"Thank you Mr. Obvious." Tenkondin said.
"It was the magical output from the Mist Watcher. Blair will be fine, I'm certain." Xias said.

"By the way, your ass looks really good in those pants. Can I play with it?" Tenkondin asked.
"No, you can't play with my ass." Blair said.
"What if I buy you food first?" Tenkondin asked.
"Tenkondin, be serious for once," Dyns said. "Blair isn't interested and I doubt he ever will be. Besides, we have more important situations to deal with than trying to get into Blair's pants."
"But I wanna hit it." Tenkondin said.
"And I want to hit you with a really big rock." Blair said.

"We can't do nothing but train and keep an eye out." Dyns said.
"Good thing you've got three." Tenkondin remarked. (Dyns does have three eyes...haha)

"You, gah, hey! Stop touching my ass!"
It made Dyns laugh again and Blair grinned. Tenkondin rubbed him so Blair stabbed him with a knife. Tenkondin made a weird choking sound in his throat then chuckled.
"Kinky." (Yeah, Tenkondin's basically a large green slime monster with tentacles who can't be killed by melee weapons, or explosions, falling from great heights...you get the idea)

"I need new clothes, you know? And I'm not going to let a little thing like society's perspective of what a woman should look like hold me back. I'm going to look good and be curvy." Katie said. (You go girl. :) )

"Katie's just, well; she doesn't so much care about personal hygiene when there's a new mystery to be solved. And what bigger mystery is there than a tentacle creature popping into your best friend's living room through a rip in time?"

"Do you know why you don't see many Usglerthians (what Tenkondin is) in the Mists?"
Tenkondin probably meant the question to be rhetorical but Dyns opened his mouth to answer. Tenkondin whapped a tentacle over Dyns' mouth and Dyns blinked in wonder. (That's one way to get someone to shut up.)

"Aw, Dyns, why do all the curvy girls have boyfriends?"
"Because Tenkondin, life is unfair to perverts like you."

"Closed minded town, two guys kissing: duh."
"I'll never get that. Who cares who loves who? As long as no one's shoving it down my throat and by it I mean everything from religion to sexuality then I'm fine. Tim wanting to be with Blair and Blair being bi-gender isn't bothering me so whatever."

"Did you forget what I told you when we first met? I said: "If you make the wrong choice in the next year you will be the one who brings about the destruction of the universe." It's still true you know." Alaya said. (She's an Ala'gan from another planet. Ala'gan are seers of the future, healers, and wind elementals.)
"What choice?" Blair asked.
Alaya shrugged.
"I don't know."
Blair blinked.
"What do you mean you don't know? I thought,"
"Ala'gan can't predict the future with any kind of accuracy," Alaya began. "We see snippets of things and sometimes we don't even know who or what the thing belongs to until we see the person. We can't control it and sometimes we don't even remember what we've seen until we see the person our vision was meant for. I can't tell you who's going to die or when you're going to have to make this all important decision. All I know is that something you're going to decide on sometime this year will either destroy or save the universe."

"Great. Can we find somewhere to sleep?" (Blair's heard a bunch of horrible things and dealt with trying to fight a bunch of Mist Beasts alone at once)
"You mean together?" Tenkondin asked. (Ha, always the pervert)

"Don't ever leave me, okay? I mean, I don't think I could handle it if you were just gone and I know I sound clingy and," Blair began.
Tim kissed him and Blair shut up. Tim pulled back from the kiss after a moment but held Blair tightly.
"You don't sound clingy. If I don't get to leave then you don't get to leave either, okay?" Tim asked.
"Deal."
Blair blinked then pulled back. Tim was smiling. Blair smirked.
"Was that some kind of double proposal thing?" Blair asked.
"Hey, I've still got the ring,"
"Ah, nope. Too cliché."

"There isn't a magical sentence you can say so she'll instantly understand. It will take time."
"Good thing I can freeze it."

"We need to find a small cave or something."
"Okay. Would if answer if we called?"
...
"How long was I out?"
"I'm not sure. Your watch is broken." (GUYS! You're in the middle of some world you don't know with no supplies and beasts that want to kill you near by. One of you has a broken arm. YOU'RE NOT SUPPOSED TO BE CRACKING JOKES!)

"You've been missing for two weeks."
"Oh hey look, we're found. My arm hurts and we're starving and tired and holy shit I think I'm going to fall over."

"Of course it's on the top shelf. I swear the other healers think they're pulling pranks on us Ala'gan by putting everything so high. Come get this." Alaya (who's 4'6") said.
Blair strode deeper into the room and reached for the jar. Alaya swatted him and he huffed.
"The one to the right, yes, that one."
Blair brought the jar down but Alaya took it from him. She spun open the cap, dabbed her finger in the thick blue-tinged cream then licked her finger. Blair stared at her as she nodded, screwed the cap back on, and offered the jar to him. (In the jar is a cream to help scarring, btw. It's not meant to be food.)

"Blair, I, okay. Give me a few more minutes to freak out."
"Sure, you can even run around in circles if you want."

"It's your job to protect,"
"The Mists, not your planet or any other planet."

Writing Tips #4: Point of View

When writing a novel one has to think about dialogue, whether or not to use contractions, showing vs. telling, and yes: point of view.

Point of view is essentially the perspective from which your novel is told. Because the English language is sometimes convenient: first, second, and third Point of View is entirely dependant on which personal pronouns you're using: first, second or third. For any non-writer or newbie writer reading this, Point of View is often abbreviated to PoV, in case you're wondering. Now? Onwards.

First Person PoV:

Pronouns used: I, we, me, my, mine, us, our, and ours.

Example: I saw the sun beginning to rise over the hills and knew it was time for my clan to wake. We woke early as we needed to hunt early. If we waited for the sun to fully rise before hunting then we would become the hunted.

Seen in: Young Adult novels, mainly. There are some adult novels written in first person PoV (Twilight and 50 Shades of Gray come to mind) but most of the time, first person PoV is reserved for young adult novels or pre-teen novels.

Pros and cons: It directly links you to the main character. Unfortunately, that's the ONLY link you have to the story. So, no other characters can comment, you don't get other people's thoughts, and you don't really know for sure if what this character is telling you is 100% true. Of course it leads lots of interesting plot twists open because if your main character doesn't see it then neither will your reader.

But, if your ONLY narrator is unlikeable then you're going to get a lot of annoyed readers. So if you're going to use first person PoV, you have to be especially careful your only PoV character is likeable or someone out there is going to start rooting for the bad guy.

Second Person PoV:

Pronouns used: you, your, yours.

Example: You saw the sun beginning to rise over the hills and knew it was time for your clan to wake. The clan woke early as you needed to hunt early. If you waited for the sun to fully rise before hunting then you would become the hunted.

Seen in: Bright Lights, Big City by Jay McInerney...and I had to go Google a novel for second person PoV.

Pros and cons: The 'you' will always imply the reader is the main character. It's not about making the reader connect, it's about making the reader think they are the character. It's a whole other level of imagination that sometimes is pretty cool. The reader is not hearing the story in this sense, THEY ARE the story.

Writing in second person PoV isn't as hard as one would think. It's essentially writing in first person but changing the "I" to "you" with some tweaks here and there. Is it worth it? Well, there aren't many novels written in second person PoV. That tells us one of two things: no one wants to read them OR everyone's too afraid to write them.

Third Person PoV:

Pronouns used: character's name, he, she, it, him, her, his, hers, its, they, them, their(s)

Example: Hannah watched as the sun began to rise over the hills and she knew it was time for her clan to wake. They woke early as the clan needed to hunt early. Hannah knew if they waited for the sun to fully rise then they would become the hunted.

Seen in: Basically everything. Third person PoV is the most common PoVs as it's essentially "God Mode."

Pros and Cons: There are two types of third person PoV: God Mode (omniscient) and Singular (Limited). God Mode means jumping from character to character like G.R.R Martin in his Song of Ice and Fire series. Singular third person PoV means sticking to ONE character's PoV like in Harry Potter.

God Mode: Seeing into every character's thoughts when necessary at any given time and knowing things before certain characters. It means you can find your own person to connect with, you can hate other characters, and laugh/yell/gasp/ect when a character misses something obvious. It also means you can form your own opinions on who's good or bad and what the story's message is.

Singular: like first person PoV: you only get ONE characters thoughts/feelings/ect. So if your main character is separated from his friends you have NO IDEA what his friends are doing until the main character reunites with them. So it's all the pros and cons of first person but you're out of the character's head.

Which PoV do I use?

Whatever PoV will best tell your story. Do you want to keep every plot twist unknown to the reader until it happens? Use first person or third person limited. Do you want your reader to know things your main characters might not? Third person God Mode. Do you want your reader to be the main character? Second person.

Choosing a PoV depends entirely on the message you want to get across to your reader and how you want your story to be told. Most of the time I use third person and it's normally God Mode. The Mists of Time trilogy was limited to Blair's PoV. Anything xe didn't know/see, the reader didn't know/see which makes for some fun times.

On the other hand, a series like the thriller/mystery series wouldn't have worked so well in third person limited. Why? Each of the MC's jobs are unique to the MCs and cutting out one persons perspective takes something away from the story.

Third person is generally the easiest PoV to write. It gives you the most freedom and allows your reader the best chance to form a lasting relationship with multiple characters and to form opinions on the story itself rather than the narrator of said story.

Can I switch PoV?

Well you could but it's not advised. If you go from "I saw this happen" to "she saw this happen" in one novel it could throw your reader for a loop and the last thing you want to do is confuse your reader. If you confuse the reader then the reader will stop reading and no one wants that. The only time it's okay to switch your PoV is if you kill off your main narrator in either first person PoV or third person limited PoV.

How often can I switch perspectives in third person God Mode?

There is no numerical answer to this. It depends entirely on your novel and which of your main characters would tell whatever part of the story the best. How did I know to switch between James, Mia, Lucy, Michael, and Sable in the thriller/mystery series? I tried to keep it even, for one, or close to. They each had their say in every novel when they needed to. I also tried to keep each character's scene focused on their talents: James for interviews, Mia for chases, Lucy for forensics, Michael for finding people, and Sable for dissections.

Of course they over-lapped sometimes and because of the nature of the novel Lucy's forensic information was basically described in James' scenes or the reverse. They were part of a bigger unit that had to keep other parts informed after all.

I did give it a lot of thought in later novels mainly because of how I wanted these grisly murders to be seen and, more importantly: I wanted the reader to see how my MCs were growing over the course of the series.

Give everyone a chance to speak if they need to speak. If a character only has one scene in their PoV then really think about that character as a main. Are they going to become important in later novels or can you change the perspective of the scene to another character without changing the meaning/dynamics of the scene? If you answer yes to the first: keep it the way it is. Answer yes to the second? Well, that so-called Main character is not someone who needs a perspective.

Again, PoV is all about finding your voice and what works for your novel. It takes a lot of practice to know innately which PoV will work for each story and when you can switch it up in God Mode.

Until next time: thoughts, comments, rages, rants, questions, and out-right insults can be directed to the comments section.

2014 Novel Series #14: Mists of Time Book 1: Discovery

This was the first book I wrote during this year's National Novel Writing Month. I didn't set out to start and finish the series and was four chapters short of doing it in November. I know, I'm nuts.

Mists of Time is a trilogy focusing on Blair who, when xe turns 18, discovers xe is a super-hero of sorts who will eventually have to learn to control xer magic so xe can save the world. If you've been paying any sort of attention to the pronouns I've been using you'll notice I'm not using a specific pronoun for Blair. Why? Blair is bi-gender. Sometimes Blair will feel female and dress/act accordingly and sometimes Blair will feel male so will dress/act accordingly. Blair is physically male.

Is this a main focus in the series? Kind of. Blair is from a small city near the bible belt where anything LGBTQ is not looked kindly upon. The series is a coming of age type with a bit of magic and saving the world themes thrown in. Blair knows who xe is as a person but grows more into "both" halves of who xe is: male and female. Xe also has to deal with the fact xer parents hate Blair's bi-gender identification, the fact xe thinks xe's going insane, and a whole slew of other problems which if I got into would reveal too much.

There are crazy monsters who become Blair's friends and of course there's death, destruction, and mayhem. Mwahaha. ONWARDS!

Genre: Urban fantasy

Word Count: 91,846 which is the longest piece of fiction I've written since Zombies. Kind of short for urban fantasy...I think.

Prompt: People fighting beasts in an alternate dimension only special people can see. Oh and they can control time. Oh and the main's androgynous. Oh and...this is taken straight from my original notes. Ha. Where it came from? I think it was a dream but I can't remember.

Main Characters: Blair, Dyns, Tenkondin, and Tim. Guess which two are from earth? ;)

Minor Characters of note: Katie, Natalie, Dr. Clay Orrell, Ron, Jason, Rob, and Hanrel.

Summation: So Blair turns 18 and starts thinking xe's going crazy because xe's seeing shadows no one else can. Blair learns the shadow person is actually xer tutor from the Mists who is trying to bring xer into the Mists so xe can learn how to save the world.

High Points: Tim and Tenkondin. Not together.

Low Points: Blair's parents, and this one scene where Blair is confused about xer gender which is a huge thing as xe's never been confused before. Xe's always known when xe wakes up or goes to bed what gender xe is.

The World: Ours, mainly, but with maaaggggiiiiiicccccc. ;)

Memorable Lines:

"Daddy, is the checker (Blair) a boy or a girl?"
Blair felt his smile twitch but kept it in place. The little boy had meant to be quiet but kids didn't understand the concept of whispering. At least the dad looked embarrassed. The mother looked horrified. The younger kid looked as curious as his older brother.
"Buddy, that's not nice to ask." the father said.
"But I can't tell." The kid said.
"I'm a boy." Blair broke in.
...
"If you're really a boy why's your hair so long?" the little boy asked.
"Because I like it." Blair returned.
The little boy frowned but Blair kept doing his job. The little boy looked up to his father who was giving him a look and shaking his head.
"Are you gunna donate it?" the little boy questioned.
"Yeah, eventually." Blair said.
It was a lie but Blair didn't want to keep answering questions about why he looked the way he did. At least he didn't feel feminine today and wear make-up. That would have been crap.
(Later in the day, at the bank to a guy who cut in line):
"Listen lady, I've got things to do,"
"First: we all do. Second: I'm not a lady."

"Natalie destroyed one of my shirts." Blair said.
Mom sighed and Blair turned to see her holding her reading glasses in one hand. Blair turned to face their dresser and put the last of mom's clothes on her side of the dresser.
"She doesn't have the money to repay you." Mom said.
"You could take half of her allowance this week and give it to me." Blair said (Note: Blair doesn't get an allowance and has been made to work since 14. Natalie, who's 16 doesn't have to work and gets an allowance)
"That wouldn't be fair."
"Why not? She took something of mine without asking, destroyed it, and now she's not going to be repaying me for it? On what world is that fair?"
Mom sighed again and Blair turned to face her.
"It was one of your girl's shirts wasn't it?" Mom asked.
Blair kept back the eye roll and ran a hand through his hair. He hadn't even brushed it again and it was tangled as all hell, he could feel it. He still had to return the laundry basket and clean his room (because of Natalie) before he could worry about his hair.
"It was. Listen, I know you don't like me dressing in girly clothes sometimes but it's not fair she gets to use and destroy my stuff without asking when I can't even borrow her toothpaste without her hissy-fitting." Blair said.
"No, it's not fair but your father isn't going to want to replace something from that half of your closet." Mom said.
Blair knew it all ready but hearing it made it worse. Blair shook his head and grabbed the laundry basket from off the floor.
"I don't like replacing it either."
...
"I mean it, brat. Stop taking my stuff or I'm going to start taking yours." Blair said.
"Then I'll go to mom and dad and they'll ground you." Natalie told him.
Blair snorted and shook his head. Natalie's forehead crinkled while she tried to figure out what was wrong with her sentence.
"Oh yeah, I'm so scared of being grounded. I don't have a life outside of working and cleaning up after the rest of you. What's dad going to do? Tell me I can't go out until 9PM anymore? I don't do that anyway. You can't threaten me but there are lots of things I can do to make your life miserable. So again: stop taking my shit."

"I'm not changing. This is who I am, okay?" Blair said.
"No, it's not okay. You're a boy and you should act like one." Dad said.
Blair bit her lip to keep from crying and blinked away tears. Today she wasn't a boy. She was a girl in mind and looks. Maybe in a few hours, a day, or a week she'd feel like a boy again but not right now.

"I found this site where transgender people like you," Natalie said.
"I'm not transgender." Blair interrupted.
"But you dress like a girl." Natalie said.
"I know but I don't want to be a girl, not permanently. I'm male-female bi-gender. It means some days when I wake up I feel like a girl on the inside. I want to wear skirts and make up and talk about cute boys while shopping for clothes. Other days when I wake up I want to sit around and scratch myself all day. I mean, I know there are guys out there who feel like guys and like cross-dressing but I'm not just a cross dresser. I am a girl when I feel like one. I'm not a guy and it's weird to know I still have guy parts when I'm like this. That doesn't mean I want to get surgery and take hormones to be a girl all the time because even if I change my body to be a girl I'd still feel like a guy sometimes and be a guy."

"I do love you, you know. I only push so hard because I want you to understand you can't keep playing dress-up." Dad said.
"I'm not playing dress-up and I'm done being your slave." Blair said.

"Keep the keys." Mom said.
"Why?" Blair asked. (She's moving out)
"Because you're still our son.
"Well right now I'm your other daughter and until you can accept that I don't want the keys." Blair said.
...
"If you walk out that door Friday then don't expect to be able to walk back in until you've grown out of this phase." Father said.
...
"Then don't expect me to ever walk through that door again after I leave Friday."

"Are you comfortable in your body?"
"Mostly. I don't like having to shave my face and chest when I feel like a woman, like today, but I'm okay with my penis. I can hide it with underwear and I can give myself a fake chest with a special bra. That's enough. Besides, if I had a sex change then I'd feel uncomfortable with my breasts when I felt like a guy. There is no perfect body for me."

"Seriously, what the fuck did you do?" Blair asked.
"I stopped time. God, I thought I was the last one on earth..." (hehe)

"How's Dylan?" Blair asked (Katie, his BFF about her BF)
"I'm surprised boy you asked. You are a boy today, right?" Katie replied.
"Yep. I'm a boy dating a boy today. The fun thing is sometimes I'm a girl dating a boy."
"It is a fun thing and don't you forget it," Katie said.
"I mean it, Blair. It is a fun thing and you should be who you want to be when you want to be."

Dyns when Blair asks if he can stop time to save someone: "If someone is supposed to die, we have to let them die no matter how much we care about that person."
"What happens if I do it anyway?" Blair asked.
Dyns scowled.
"For every second of time you stop on earth you lose a bit of your magic. Eventually, you'll run out and you won't be able to protect yourself as well in the Mists. It'll take you longer to get back and forth and you'll struggle with creating beasts and weapons. Think of your magic like a jar filled with sand. Every time you use your magic outside of the Mists the jar tips and you lose a few grains of sand. Eventually the jar is empty and you have nothing. Then you die. So would it be worth your life to save the lives of others without them knowing?"

"Hi, you've reached Katie's Taxidermy. You snuff 'em, we stuff 'em. Leave a message." (no she doesn't own a taxidermy business...;) )

"Stop molesting my student." Dyns said.
"But she's so cute!" Tenkondin said with a smile.
...
"You're frightening her." Dyns said.
Tenkondin pouted then turned back to Blair with a grin. Blair wanted to run but one of Tenkondin's tentacles was rubbing against her ankle.
"Okay, let's start over. Hey baby, what's your sign?" Tenkondin asked.
"Stop." Blair said.
Dyns chuckled but Tenkondin sagged. He perked up a moment later and Blair yelped when one of his tentacles did some kind of acrobatic trick and went down the back of her skirt.
"Seriously, stop it!"
"Sorry, sorry, I really like round things and your ass, it's so, damn." Tenkondin said.
...
"Aw. Just a little rubbing. You know, I can vibrate. Imagine all the fun you can have with dozens of vibrating tentacles wrapped all over you." Tenkondin said.
...
"Don't look so shocked, baby. I can speak every language. My specialty is the language of love." (Tenkondin's a perverted tentacle monster who with a touch, can learn whatever language you know.)

"So cold!" Jason (Tim's dad) protested.
"You say the same thing every year but whine when we don't come." Ron (Tim's other dad) said.
Jason grinned.
"You know I love seeing big balls." (They're watching the ball drop in NYC)
"That's why we're married." Ron said.

"If life is easy then it's not worth living."

Writing Tips #3: Show vs Tell

Going along with dialogue and whether or not to use contractions, the other big thing (style wise) in physically writing a novel is showing vs. telling. Now I know there is A LOT of advice about showing vs. telling. There are A LOT of authors throwing around the advice of "show don't tell" and this great. Most of the time.

You see if we showed the reader every little thing, every single time we would have novels as big as one of G.R.R Martin's Song of Ice and Fire series. Now before anyone gets in a huff, a bit of backstory: I love reading.

Ever since I learned how to read I delved into everything. At one point I had the entire Goosebumps and Babysitter's Club novels. I was at the library every three weeks (the amount of time you could check out books for) getting at least six books ON TOP of what I had to read for school. I now own well over 1000 books and have read at least 85% of them.
I've also read Song of Ice and Fire. And you know what? I had to force myself to STOP reading SoIF after an hour or two because of how much stuff was in it.

In comparison? I burned through the Inheritance Cycle (Eragon, etc) in a weekend. I finished It (when I was 12) in two weeks. SoIF? Took me a month or more a book. Again, this is coming from someone who's vicariously read for about two decades.

Don't get me wrong: I like the books. I love the concepts. I like the series. Would I read them a second time? Nope. Why? Too much showing. Yes. There CAN be such a thing as too much showing, also know as too much going on, too much description, and too much of a good thing.

As much as I love Stephen King, I almost died reading the first 100 pages of Black House. We didn't see the body (literally) until page 96. PAGE NINETY-SIX. THE HELL? I almost gave up. Almost. The only reason I didn't was because it's King.

No, we don't need to know the backstory of every minor character. No we don't need to know every single detail of every single character's clothing. No we don't need to know what every character ate or who the third uncle of someone's brother was. No we don't need to know every detail of every room in the entire city/town/world.

If it's not necessary to the plot: don't include it. If you can sprinkle the backstory over a few chapters: do that and not a massive info dump. Speaking of, I stumbled across a newbie in the fantasy writing genre last year. His prologue? Ten or more pages of history. His first page of the first chapter? A description of what his main character looked like, where he was, and his family line. Did I continue reading the novel? HELL NO. Why? Too much history, too much description, just TOO MUCH.

Also, the way someone reactions in a situation might be taken differently depending on a reader's experience. An author famous for "show don't tell" says don't tell the reader a person thinks someone likes them, show it. So Jenny kicks off a locker, huffs, and walks away. Oh. So she's angry? Nope. That was meant to show she might like the other character. Yeah.

See, how I see the world and how you see the world is different. So what you might think displays affection, I might take as something else entirely. Yes, there are general body cues most people employ on instinct. I suggest picking up Body Language for Dummies to see what those cues are so you don't make someone think someone's angry when they're supposed to be showing affection.

Furthering, do I need to know exactly how a bullet is leaving the barrel of the gun and how the blood sprays precisely across fallen snow (or what have you)? Nope. Tell me a character shot another character. Don't go into a four page description of a character pulling back the trigger, the barrel pulling back, hearing the sound, his vision tunneling, watching as the bullet leaves the chamber, watching it strike the victim, seeing the guy falling and his blood spraying, the smoke coming out of the gun...you see where I'm going with this, right?

Yes, it's totally okay to enter the five senses into your scenes but not every sense, every time, and certainly not for every character. Unless you're G.R.R Martin or Stephen King your book will be dropped before you finish a scene.

Like everything else, showing vs telling is a delicate balance and it completely depends on YOU as an author. It's YOUR voice, not King or Martin's. It's YOUR story, not someone else's. So show and tell as much as you want. If YOU feel it's not enough then change it until it is. Get some friends to read it and tell you what they think about your voice.

There is no set numerical rule for how much you show and how much you tell. Again, you've got to figure it out for yourself through trial and error. Generally speaking: if you're going over 100K and aren't half way through your story? You've got too much going on in one book and you're showing way too much.

Until next time: thoughts, comments, rages, rants, questions, and out-right insults can be directed to the comments section.