Another Million

Technically I should have posted this blog on June 31 but I got lazy. Oops? Anyway, another million down and six more months in the year to go.

What's funny about this million is it's less novels and more ongoing stories and short stories. I've written a total of four complete novels since January 1 which are Mists of Time Book 4: Adam's Story, Zombies 2, Death's Feet, and A Dragon's Rage. So, where did the other half a million or so come from?

Well 346,153 came from Avalora School of Magic. There were a lot of scenes written for character for another series, about 105K words or so. The planning for Avalora is over 7K. About 175K worth of fan fiction and about 10K for a short story and some random planning. Lemme break it down:

January: 158,491

• Mists of Time Book 4: Adam's Story
• Alternate Ending to Mists of Time Book 3
• Zombies 2
• Avalora Planning
• The Van Helgroves: Children, Timeline, Family/friends descriptions, and scene.

February: 132,736

• Zombies 2
• Avalora Planning
• Avalora School of Magic

March: 88,876

• Glory Hole: Kids
• Avalora School of Magic
• Death's Feet Planning

April (Camp NaNoWriMo): 126,539

• Glory Hole: Kids
• Death's Feet
• Avalora School of Magic

May: 253,040 (The biggest Word Count EVER in a month)

• A Dragon's Rage
• Avalora School of Magic

June: 240,823 (And the Million)

• End Days: Planning
• Avalora School of Magic
• A Dragon's Rage
• Naruto Fanfiction: One short story and one seemingly unending piece.

How did I write so much in May and June? Well on April 15th or so I had a mental break down because of a lot of reasons. Stress from work, former stresses I never really took care of, and a bunch of crap I can't seem to get away from now and I won't be able to get away from.

Essentially I was diagnosed with Anxiety Disorder (to the point I was clawing at myself before going to work) and was told to take 15 weeks off. The unfortunate part is because my prior job didn't pay into the government benefits thing, I only had about 422 hours of taxable work hours when I needed 600. So, I don't get any kind of Unemployment Insurance for being off because of a medical reason. One of the many ways my old company screwed me over.

Of course I am planning to keep writing the rest of the year. Whether or not I get another million will remain to be seen but I can without a doubt say I'll beat last year's total of 1,440,350. I won't beat out the novel total of 16 but definitely the words.

I do have to say, Avalora School of Magic and the fan fiction will be the bulk of whatever my final number is. Am I going to write the other novels listed in the Novel Series Tab? Well, hopefully. I at least want to get Tale of the Twins Book 3: Heaven vs. Hell written once I re-edit Book 1 and go through Book 2. Will I write any of the others? No idea. I do want to finish Glory Hole: Kids. Besides that, no clue.

I have found that writing something as long as Avalora (again over 300K and nowhere close to being finished) is both refreshing and daunting. That 345K is the first term of first year. There's a second term to first year and NINE MORE YEARS of schooling for these kids, PLUS at least a chapter or two for all six of them after graduation. It literally is Friends meets Harry Potter.

I'm also finding writing the fan fiction, knowing not many people (if any) will see it to be refreshing as well. Hey, I might post it up on wattpad or fanfiction.com but I don't have to. It can be totally mine. It might be safer that way...ahaha. As for why the Naruto-verse: I watch a lot of anime, and yes I have gone to conventions and dressed up. Once as Misa Misa from Death Note and once as Lust from Fullmetal Alchemist (Brotherhood). I find it funny I kind of went backwards in the whole writing path. Most people practice with fan fiction before moving onto original characters.

Not me. I did original character then wrote fan fiction. Technically at the start of this almost twenty year adventure of writing I started with fan fiction but I didn't know it was called fan fiction...

ANYWAY. For those wanting to reach a million in six months it's easy. Just have a mental breakdown so you have 8+ hours a day to write and just keep writing. Actually, skip the mental breakdown part and keep writing. It's probably safer for your mental health that way. Not that writers are sane people in any sense of the word.

Until next time: thoughts, comments, questions, rants, rages, and out-right insults can be directed to the comments section.

2015 Novel Series #2: Zombies 2

Second book in the year and because I'm fun: sequel (second book) of a prior book. Ha.

Technically this book wasn't supposed to exist. I wrote Zombies 1 to get over the fact I would be killing a main character in the last book of the Detective Series called The Tattooed Man. I took all the characters, main and minor, then made zombies take over Woodborough. One main character and one minor character survived the initial strike and lasted to the end of Zombies 1. Apparently my brain couldn't leave it at that so Zombies 2 came along.

The problem with zombie fiction is you never have to end it. You can always add more characters, kill off a bunch, throw more zombies at your characters, keep giving them hope then ripping it away, and write about a few choice mains for years. Zombie fiction either ends on a hopeful note or everyone really does die.

Mine ended on a hopeful note. The same main and minor who survived in Zombies 1 survive in this one along with two other people who they found along the way. I make it glaringly obvious who survives because of the point of view switching but that's okay. You don't know how they survive.

I am going to give a bunch of memorable lines as I normally do but I'm going to try and stay away from the major and minor character who lived. Why? Cuz then you know who died in Zombies 1 and that's no fun. Onwards.

Genre: Alternate Reality/End of the World/Zombies

Word Count: 95,745

Prompt: The original prompt was thanks to Senses. How Zombies 1 ended made this book pop up.

Main Characters: The main and minor who survived from Zombies 1, Lisa, Bill, and Janie.

Minor Characters of Note: Allison, Caleb, Hanson, Smith, Randy, Hope, Heather, Helen, Jason, Kennedy Hobstine, and Michelle

Summation: More zombies. Nuff said.

High Points: Finally writing THE END and putting a nice end to all these characters lives both in their real world and in the alternate dimension.

Low Points: Only five of the main and minor characters mentioned make it to the end. Yes, I killed 11 named people.

The World: Ours but with zombies.

Memorable Lines:

Sometime later he spotted an off-white cement barricade ten or more feet tall. It was completely smooth and there were spikes on top of it spaced less than a foot apart. He (minor character who lived) slowed his bike to watch as the wall continued.
The more he travelled along the barricade the more he began to realize there would be no shelter beyond the walls. The forest behind was burning and the smell was stifling. He shifted to the other side of the road and saw plumbs of smoke rising up into the sky. Whoever the arsonists were they had decided to take out anything standing even if people had holed up safely inside.
It was so ridiculous, greedy, and insane, all he could do for a few moments was watch the forest burn. He started pedaling again and came to a smashed in steel gate that was on fire. It looked like a tank had driven through and he shook his head. Someone had built a life beyond those walls and because of some idiots that life was destroyed. It wasn't fair. (This is significant because at the exact moment, the MC who lived, (and the one minor character is looking for) is behind those burning walls with the other major characters who hadn't died yet. Cool huh? ;) )

McGregor said...
McGregor had been here. He spotted other names he knew: James, Mia, Michael, Sable, David, and Andy. They had been here. He sat down on the bed (in the prison the major characters set up camp in the last book, yes before the house above) and wondered what had happened. Something had exploded and they had to leave, that was obvious. There was mention of a truck but the truck wasn't here. They must have gotten out. He didn't know who had gotten out or where they were now.

(Aw, there's a really funny line here that I can't use because it reveals the name of the minor character who made it to book 2. *pouts*)

"C'mon, he's just a kid--" The man started.
"A kid with no skills who'll become someone we'll have to protect and feed but get nothing from him in return," the buff woman said.
"Just because he has a dick and you like dick doesn't mean we can bring him along," the Spanish woman said.

"Hi, I'm Chantelle. You folks want a lift? We've got food, water, and other supplies in the truck. Randy drives and his wife Hope switches out with him. There are also their daughters Helen and Heather who are the twins, and Jason their son. Who are you?" (Now let's look over the names up there. You don't see Chantelle do you? Now, let's think about which of the major characters in the Detective Series is known for breaking and switching identities. That's right. You get a prize if you're gasping and yelling at your screen right now. ;) )

"Do I dare ask how many zombies you've actually killed?" Hope questioned.
"I stopped counting after 1000. You did find me after I beat back a hoard of a few dozen," (Hehe)

"Grocery store and it looks untouched,"
"Probably because of the couple dozen zombies in the front of it," Randy said.
...
"You're not really thinking of going down there?" Hope asked.
"Of course I am. Do you know what happens when 18 wheeler meets zombie?" (Pancake.)

"How you holding up, kid?" Lisa questioned.
"I, it wasn't, I killed it," He (minor character who lived) said.
"It was dead all ready," Lisa told him. (It was also his first kill.)

"She turned while we were still fighting those things then attacked me. She bit my leg but I killed her. Then I cut my own leg off and set the stump on fire to cauterize the wound,"

"Taking a shit is no excuse to go out alone,"

"It might look like crap now but we can't give up. We gotta go for as long as we can because maybe we'll end up beating all these things. When that's done there are going to have to be people around who can rebuild. We can't give up," Bill said.

"Never assume because it gets you killed. That's especially true now,"

"Let's go, kids," Lisa said.
He was sure she would be grinning under her riot helmet. He heard Caleb scoff.
"I'm 24," Caleb said.
"I'm 32. You're a kid. Now, no talking unless absolutely necessary," Lisa said.

*Employee only door thunking in a candle shop*
"Zombie?" Bill asked.
"Naw, probably an employee wanted to help,"

"Do you mind if I ask you things?" Bill questioned.
He tried to hold back the remark but it came out.
"You just did."

"I guess some people think dying is better than living without a limb. He drank the bleach and left us with the mess. Well, let's clean up."

"Where are we going?"
"I don't know,"
"What?"
"I don't know. I'm fresh out of serial killer's homes with massive cement gates."

"If anyone can hear this: come to New York. We're set up against the hoards and the entire state is a zombie free zone."
"Think this is like the whole Terminus thing in The Walking Dead?"

She placed her hand on the key and turned it. The van (which they'd been using for a few days now to get to NY) sputtered but turned over after a moment. She took it out of park and hit the gas. The van moved ten feet then died.
She blinked then tried the key again. The van sputtered, jolted forward two feet then stopped. It made a weird creaking sound as something gave out and it sunk. She turned the key to turn the van off (not that it mattered) and sat in the driver's seat for a few minutes. No one spoke.
...
"Sixty miles, that's all. Comfortable walking pace will get us there (NY) in two days, probably less. We can handle two more days, right?" she questioned.
(Yes, yes they can...so we think. ;) )

"The only reason I'm here is because of my friends. They're the ones who deserve the credit and they're going to get it."

Another New Years Post

Everyone's doing it, Hell I did it last year. Did I stick to last year's resolutions? Er, kind of. I did finish the Thriller/Mystery Series (all 13 books in total with a spin-off zombie book and short stories). I did lose weight. I kept working at the dead-end job till Dec 24 though. I didn't send out query letters to agents or publishers but I did write them. And no, I didn't work to get things done and again coasted through everything. Oops?

This year I'm not going to make a huge self-motivation speech about changing my life. I've tried doing it for years now and it never works. I am going to set some goals though and we'll see what happens. After the list of goals will come the list of what I've written this year. For more details on what I wrote in 2014, check out the "Novel Series" tab at the top there. From there you can get details on every book except the Mists of Time series as I haven't yet posted the summaries for it yet. I will, don't worry.

One goal I kind of accomplished was leaving the dead-end job. It was great working there because I was guaranteed to be working regular shifts and had weekends/evenings off. Why did I leave? I wasn't getting paid. Like, at all, or for a long time and to put it simply: I can't afford to not get paid anymore. It put way too much stress on me and as much as everyone would like to think love makes the world go around, it doesn't. Money is the root of everything and if it's not coming in then you will suffer.

I also spoke to an editor about getting a short edited. When that's done (February by the looks of things) I'll start promoting said short story. I've also re-claimed the rights to Tale of the Twins which means I can control the pricing of it so I can start promoting it as well, if I want. It does suck I have to pay a fee to get usage rights for the edited copy since I've all ready sunk about $10,000 into the book at this point. That's what a vanity press is people: you give them all your money, they do stuff for you that you could get done a lot cheaper, then when you want to get your book back they charge you even more for keeping the (crappy) cover and edited copy.

I also wrote 16 novels. If we want to get technical I wrote 18. No. 17 was all the short stories for the thriller series as well as other random ones. No. 18 was a novel-length piece of fiction for another series. I also started on No. 19 (17 according to the list in "Novel Series") yesterday.

Enough ranting. Here are my goals for this year:

1) Milwordy: Yes, again. I will be trying to write 1,000,000 words from now until Dec 31. This time I made that the timeline in writetrack.com instead of the end of November. Now I'll get a better final word count in the fancy spreadsheet I can download at the end of the year.

2) Market my stuff: Once I get Tale of the Twins back and Best Friends: The Body Fairy edited, I will be trying a bit harder to self-promote. I'll also be re-vamping the anthologies I all ready have out and yes, raising the price. Single short stories (like Best Friends) will be priced at $0.99. Anthologies: $1.99. Novellas: $2.99. Novels: $4.99. Plus sales and regular deals and what not. So, anyone who wants a hardcopy of Tale of the Twins before it comes off the market: go to the "Store" Tab and get it now. Anyone who wants a cheaper version of the anthologies I've all ready got out: Again "Store" Tab.

3) Continue Losing Weight: I started out last year at 210 pounds. I am now 190-ish depending on the scale at the gym. Yes, that's 20lbs in a year. It doesn't seem like much but I can feel it. I'm not as physically worn out and I can fit into pants and skirts I didn't fit into before last year. I know I'll take off more this year than last year because I won't have people giving me chocolate or other treats at work and I don't buy them for home. One of the reasons I didn't lose more weight is because of the old job. Since the gym is a block away from the new job I'll be able to go right after or right before work. My goal? 160-170 lbs. Oh, and before anyone wonders: I'm 5'8" with a larger bone structure. So yes, I would like to be at my ideal sometime this year by eating properly and exercising.

4) Stop working: This is one of those goals that will probably continue into next year. Basically I want to be able to get to the point where all I have to do is write and edit all day, every day. I don't want to work at a call center (the new job, yay?) for my whole life. I don't want to go into a reception position even though I'm qualified to do it. I don't want to go back to the old job as much as I liked working there, liked who I worked with, and believed in the product. I don't need much to live month per month. $2400 would do it and give me spending money and "retirement" money. If I could make $2400 per month off my writing, steadily then I'll be happy. I'm not looking to be Stephen King famous. I don't want to be the next JK Rowling or EL James. I only want to live comfortably knowing I have a roof over my head, food in my fridge, and can spend a bit on frivolous things if I want.

Again, I've only four goals but it's not the amount of goals a person has. It's how much motivation they have to get those goals done and how much work those goals are going to take to get completed.

One of my pitfalls is my inability to market. I know the concepts behind it but I tend to fail miserably as seen with my sad attempt at getting Burnt: The Story of the Fire King published. And yes, if it had succeeded we wouldn't be having this conversation right now. I'd all ready be working on getting it out there and all that.

Anyway. Yes. Goals are an interesting concept. We all make them but rarely does one accomplish all their goals. For me it's better to have goals I know I'll be able to reach. Can I hit Milwordy? Yep. I only need 80K a month (10 months) with 200K in November. Can I market? Not really but I may have found someone to help. Can I lose weight? Sure. I'm not snacking nearly as often on unhealthy stuff and I'll likely be going to the gym 4-5 times a week. Can I stop working? Eventually.

Now the final part of this post: what I wrote last year. You can find this below list in the "Novel Series" tab where links are provided to each summary post. The below list includes stories and other writing adventures not mentioned in the "Novel Series" tab

The 2014 Writing List:

January: 84,755 Dryer, Cara Synopsis, query, pitch; Face Snatcher query, synopsis, pitch, Lies pitch, part of Witches, editing Cara Book 1
February: 142,503 Witches, Car Jacking, VanHelgroves The Children, Alt to Lies
March: 124,571 Daimin meets Lapus, Memories and Times Between, Hunter
April: 145,067 Disease, Memories and Times Between, VanHelgroves Book 3 scene, Trust
May: 125,308: Trust, Child, Daimin meets Lapus
June: 96,563 Bloody X Mas, Memories and Times Between, Daimin meets Lapus
July: 148,522 Pieces, Senses, Best Friends, planning for Tattooed Man, short scene with Tyo VanHelgrove
August: 157,810: Zombies, The Tattooed Man (1,000,000th word: "down")
September: 129,158 Tattooed Man, Burnt: The Story of the Fire King
October: 3299 Planning Mists of Time Trilogy
November: 251,956 Mists of Time Books 1, 2, and 3
December: 25,846 Mists of Time Book 3 final 4 chapters and the first two chapters of book 4

So, what am I planning to write this year? No idea besides Mists of Time Book 4: Adam's Story and possibly a sequel to Zombies: The thriller/mystery alternate universe story. But I am in possession of 36 planned story ideas and 29 prompts. I'll be writing for a long time and I came to the conclusion writing is what I was meant to do.

The other loose goal I have for this year is to re-work the nature of this blog. I want to focus on three things: reviews of books, writing tips/interviews/etc, and summary posts for the novels. I'm in NO WAY promising three posts a week because it would be insane. I am promising a post a week, likely more till the end of this month at least as I've nothing much to do. And my January goal is to clean up the house a bit. Closets have to be re-organized and well, I'm off and likely won't have any better time to do it.

Until next time: thoughts, comments, rage, rants, questions, and out-right insults can be directed to the comments.

2014 Novel Series #11: Zombies

Dealing with the fact you KNOW you're going to kill off a character and the death scene is coming is difficult. Adding dealing with crazy killers, gore, morbid deaths, a character with a form of DID/Multiple Personality Disorder, and a lot of emotional baggage from basically every main character and you tend to get a bit loopy.

So, how did I deal with all these horrible, upsetting emotions that would eventually lead to a main character dying? Why, I threw all my main characters into some kind of zombie apocalypse alternate dimension of course! What better way to deal with character death than to KILL THEM ALL OFF!

No seriously. I wrote the characters (major and minor) of the Detective Series into a zombie apocalypse. Then I killed EVERY. SINGLE. ONE...except one. Technically she died too. Kind of. It's complicated. Anyway, here's the summary:

Genre: Alternate Reality/End of World/Zombies

Word Count: 103,746

Prompt: There was this scene in Senses where McGregor and Sable are dissecting a cabin in the woods and Sable's thinking about Walkers/The Walking Dead and yeah...

Main Characters: James Reeves, Mia Liu, Lucy McGregor, Michael Brown, David Jones, Andy Smith (his boyfriend), Gavriila (Michael's girlfriend), and Ashley Reeves.

Minor Characters of note: Patterson, Cade Golding, Jasmine McGregor, Dominique, Lee, Sheryl, Harry, Katherine, Joey, John...too many to name...

Summation: Zombies. Nuff said.

High Points: I...huh. I basically went on a killing spree...so...

Low Points: I basically went on a killing spree so...

The World: Ours but with zombies.

Memorable Lines:

"So, you're all seeing zombies on screen, right?"

James had a feeling McGregor had been planning this since she had first heard the word "zombie." When in doubt: trust the friend with the darkest mindset when the world ended.

"I'm prepared to die up here if I can give you guys an advantage." Michael said. (He's the tech who sees all.)

McGregor wondered if she could get her hands on a sword. Bludgeoning someone to death, second dead, took too damned long.

He had a backpack and a freaking broom. A broom. Who the Hell brought a broom to a zombie apocalypse?...The things (zombies) couldn't climb and they both (Mia and Lucy) had four magazines on them. And Andy had his fucking broom. (LOL, she can't get over the broom.)

"Um, time delay. There's a horde out back, was a horde, it's moving in." Michael said.

"How big a horde?" McGregor questioned.
Six were coming down the produce section.
"Run." Michael said.
That was a big motherfucking horde.

She couldn't afford to crack. People needed her.

"Better to be paranoid than dead."

"You don't have a magical penis that will make me straight." McGregor told him. (Yes, she's a lesbian.)

"You know how to use that?" McGregor asked (about a sword).
"Stick them with the pointy end." Ashley answered.
It was the first time since 10AM that McGregor smirked in amusement. She frowned a second later.
"We'll never know how A Song of Ice and Fire end. Damn George Martin." McGregor said.

"I didn't notice the scratch until a few minutes ago. I'm sorry."

"I'm thinking logically, not optimistically. Logic wins over optimism every fucking time."

"You were just like "Oh, we're dealing with zombies now? Cool, let's do it." Then did it like it was nothing."

"I'm glad I was an orphaned only child."
"Poor, poor, Batman."

"You know what's ironic?" McGregor asked.
"What?" James questioned.
"I'm pissed that I have no idea what happened on The Walking Dead."

Zombie Fish and why I love Shun: Shameless Self-Promo ahead

Yes, you DID read that right: zombie fish. The anthology is out, you can find it here at Smashwords.com or here on the website.

Furthermore, since you're here and reading the blog I have a special treat. Straight from the fourth short story ("In the Water") in "Small Slice of the Undead: A Zombie Anthology" is a preview...of the famed zombie fish of course:

I know I was cursing and talking to myself, but I can't remember what I was saying. I know I turned towards my tanks and what I saw made me shut up and stare.

My fish were all looking my way. Normally I wouldn't be so freaked out because fish tend to look at you when you come towards them, especially Siamese Fighting Fish. Vibrations through the floor and thus through the water in their tanks give them a good enough guess that you're making your way over with either food or to talk. Usually I get one or two looking over, then the others join in. I never get looks from the non-Siamese fish since they're not as attentive or something.

But every single fish in their tank was looking right at me, in formation no less. People say it's creepy when cats stare at you for a long period of time. Imaging having close to 40 fish hovering in their tanks looking right at you, blowing bubbles in a formation similar to migrating birds.

I approached the tanks wearily and stood in front of them. The banging at my door was still happening but I didn't care since I knew it would hold for a good while. I slid to the left and all the fish followed in unison. I moved quickly to the right and they copied.

"What the hell?" I asked myself.

Before I could second guess my thoughts, I pulled the lid up on the miscellaneous tank. I don't think I could have ever prepared myself for the next few minutes. All 20 fish in the tank leaped out of the water and attacked me with their little mouths puckering up and grabbing at the exposed skin of my arms and neck.

"THE FUCK?" I shouted as I flailed and began whipping and bashing fish off me.

They were like leeches and no matter how hard I squished or how much I floundered about they clung to me. I finally had enough and began ripping them off by their tails. Once every fish was nothing but an oozing mess on the floor I gasped in a few deep breaths and examined the wounds.

Twenty chunks of flesh were missing and blood was trickling down my arms and neck....

###

There is one other fun character you'll meet twice in the Zombie Anthology: Shun. Actually there are quite a few fun characters. I enjoyed writing "Bomb" because of a Gothic Kid who calls himself Voltaire. "Itch" has Amber who happens to be Victim Zero, meaning the first person to become a zombie. Of course, "In the Water" has aforementioned zombie fish and "Daddy's Home" has Sam.

Anyway, back to Shun. He appears in the final two stories, "Recording" as well as "Video Feed" and I love him. It might have something to do with the fact he's Asian and I have a certain weakness for Asian men. Or it might be the fact that he uses a samurai sword as a weapon and I am morbidly obsessed with swords and other pointy objects. Or it could be that he's the most intelligent of the bunch and really, who doesn't like a smart man?

If you've been following me on Twitter, you will know that Shun is in fact homosexual. I tweeted a conversation between him and Jess on Saturday night where Shun admits to being homosexual with a lot more words then needed:
Shun: "I am a free thinker and my parents did not tolerate free thinking,"
Jess: "Free-thinking?"
Shun: "I prefer men to women...sexually,"
Jess (or Derrick): "Ah..."

There is nothing wrong with being homosexual, I want to make that perfectly clear. I'm open-minded when it comes to things like that. I think the main reason I like Shun is because he's homosexual. For his family, that's a major sin and even after being disowned by everyone he knew back home, he managed to make a few new friends and a good living for himself. He struggled through adversity, moved to a new country, got accepted into a prestigious university, made new friends and bought himself a house.

Then of course zombies happened and it didn't matter what he did or didn't do. He's just one of those characters that really sticks out in my mind. Kind of like La Puce or Anguish from the "Tale of the Twins" trilogy (Book 1 is out now), or Daimin VanHelgrove from another trilogy I'm working on for far in the future. Of course there's the lovely bunch in "Face Snatcher" which will hopefully be out within the next year or so. Yes, I have a lot on my mind. Or my mind has a lot for me to do. Whichever.

Either way, you should check out "Small Slice of the Undead: A Zombie Anthology". Why? Because it has zombies. More specifically, there are zombie fish. There's also a homosexual Asian man. The Government also admits to creating zombies. Oh and there's aliens. Well, mention of "aliens". Also, it would benefit your own survival if zombies ever attacked. I mean you would know what to do if a bomb went off, or you got really itchy, or green goo appeared in your water, or you woke up dead, or you saw people generally eating each other in a really horrible way.

Plus zombies are cool. They have the whole undead-brainless-will-eat-you thing going on. Actually there's brainy zombies in the anthology. Yes, THINKING zombies. Who would have thought? Anyway, do it for the zombie fish. Do it for Amber, Shun, La Puce and Anguish (who you won't meet if I can't get a good editor ;) ). Do it for the love of all characters and the enjoyment of all living-dead things.

Do it for Daimin VanHelgrove because he's an evil manipulative bastard and if you don't, he'll come after you....once he's done fighting the forces of evil. Yes. Evil fighting evil. Trust me, Daimin's evil incarnate. Pure badassery. As in gets pleasure out of torturing people badassery. Destroying entire planets on a whim. Collects an army of dead (more zombies) to do his bidding. Yeah. Oh and he can't be killed easily. So you get to see him maimed and as he heals, he laughs manically about the attempt as he murders the maimer in the slowest most painful way possible. Now do you see why he's my favorite?

So do it because you want to meet more of my characters. Go on, get the anthology. Get Book 1. It'll make me happy. And when I'm happy, I write more. When I write more, you get to read more. See, it's a win/win situation all around.

Now, don't be so disappointed. I warned you about the shameless self-promoting in the title. And if you are disappointed, buy the anthology anyway. It'll make you happy. Plus it's cheap and you're only losing to try a new author. Expand your horizons before I become exceptionally popular (insert your laugh here, go on, I'll understand) and have to jack up my prices.

Thus my self-promotion rant is over. Enjoy:
Website: http://www.vonravenstone.com/store.html
Smashwords: https://www.smashwords.com/books/view/81428

Why I love Tim Burton and why my Book isn't like Twilight.

So as a few people may or may not know, I went to LA recently (heck check the last blog post ;) ) to pitch Tale of the Twins Book 1 as a movie idea to Hollywood executives. The gathering of literary minds was phenomenal. There was such a variety in work, it left me somewhat stunned.

Here I was going against another 150 authors to get this potential once-in-a-life-time chance to be something other than a half-assed secretary working a mundane 9-5 job. Don't get me wrong, I like some aspects of my day job but being completely serious, I'd rather stay at home and play video games or write all day. Oh and I'd like to get out of bed a lot later in the morning. I like sleep and relaxing, it's the holiness of all things holy.

Anyway, the first part of this exciting event went off well. I met a few authors during the evening on Friday and tried not to sink too far into the lawn in 4-inch stiletto heels. Authors are an interesting bunch. There were authors writing about sex and prostitutes and authors writing about alien races battling against each other. One wrote a children's story about a lost kitten, another a children's story about a mischievous dog. So much diversity, so little time to absorb it all.

Our goal (as any author's goal) was the same: to be noticed. To achieve that life-long dream of being famous because of the written world. To be able to stop living a mundane life and live off the bank account of something that popped out of your imagination.

Whether or not we succeed in this goal depending solely on our own talents of pitching our book idea in three minutes to people looking for ideas. Oh and we only had one night and one day to learn how to make this pitch perfect. Were the odds against us? Oh yes. But from what I hear, 46 people received a "call-back" asking for copies of the book.

Saturday morning brought a bout of nausea and I felt like calling off the whole thing. But I managed to get down to the meeting hall where two semi-famous Hollywood folks taught us how to pitch. It was then that I for one, figured out that everything I had done was probably wrong and re-wrote the entire thing from scratch.

After the lesson, we practiced pitching in front of one of the Hollywood folks. I was told my story was interesting but I had to learn how to breathe. Usually I'm not so nervous when speaking to people about my ideas (God knows I wasn't when describing my story to other authors), but I was in L.A. Alone. Surrounded by people and trying to capture that one moment that would potentially catapult me into fame. Yeah, nerves were required.

Then the pitching itself. I won't bore you with details. I pitched to 9 different Hollywood agents, they asked questions and I answered. It was over too quick for me to actually think. Then there was a short 15 minute author interview, a final wrap-up and we were all free to crawl back to the hovels or under the rocks from which we came.

Not me, I had another author interview the next day. Then it was back on the flying metal tin-can and back home to Canada to wait. Yes, wait. We weren't to receive any results until August 8th. For those of you keeping track, that was yesterday.

Before I get into results, I need to say a few things. I knew that despite what happened, the trip wasn't a waste. I toured LA and went to the tar pits. I got a replica of a freaking Saber tooth cat fang. I got to see the Tim Burton exhibition at the LACMA. I got to meet other authors and discuss their novels.

I love meeting other authors, even if it's online. I love talking about myself (as you can plainly see) and I love talking to people about their work, or my own. I LOVE looking at the bones of dead things (this is where the tar pits come in) and I LOVE Tim Burton - in a totally not-obsessive fan-girl way.

Tim Burton is creepy, funny, and his art/movies makes you take a step back and thing: "What the Hell IS that?" I get chills remembering some of his work. I can't say he's been my biggest motivation for writing or anything, but I like looking to his work for creepy inspiration. And Edward Scissorhands has always been one of my favourite movies.

I think this creepy obsession goes hand in hand with my love of bones (I was going to say dead things here but that might make some people think I'm a necrophiliac or something). I took an online forensics course to learn more about how to tell how a person died by their remains, a la CSI. I've always been absolutely fascinated with the human body and the concept of death.

As for my love of talking to people, well that comes and goes. Sometimes I'm the most anti-social person you could ever meet. Other times, you can't get me to shut the hell up. Especially about story ideas. I love hashing out ideas with other people or talking to people about my ideas. For instance, I love mentioning my zombie anthology. Zombies combine all my loves: creepiness, bones, death and writing. What more can a morbidly obsessed girl want?

Speaking of the anthology: it comes out this coming Monday after I meticulously edit it for another few days. And decide whether or not the cover is really as good as I think it is.
Getting away from my insistent rambling: the results of the Hollywood pitching in LA are in. And no, I won't be getting a six or seven digit figure for someone to horrendously negate the original concepts of Book 1 so they can be transferred to the big screen. No Hollywood moment for me, no one-hit wonder here and certainly no movie deal.

Is it discouraging? Hell yes. Am I depressed? Oh *insert expletive here* yes. Do I care? Oddly, not really. Yeah, I was rejected but who wasn't their first time around? It would be insane of me to think after one try (technically 9 in this case) that I would hit the big one. Am I jealous of the ones that did? Certainly. It doesn't mean I'm going to give up, oh no.

It just means I'll work that little bit harder to get my name out there even if I'm a crazy-cat lady at 40 still spouting the same nonsense about my books and my work. Actually, crazy-cat lady seems like a good goal, I've always loved cats.

The only thing that irked me about the results is one agent said the following:"It feels too much like Twilight." Wait, what? There were no werewolves mentioned in my pitch. There was no human falling in love with a vampire in my pitch. My pitch was about the multiple-personality, insane, lovable spy La Puce and how he both saves and destroys the world in almost the same breath. Where the heck does Twilight fit into that?

Book 1 is about vampires blowing each other up, setting each other on fire, maiming each other, magically transporting themselves through portals, a fight of riddles with a dragon, magical spells, a sword called the Hell-blade that was made in a Satanic ritual, vampires killing humans for sport (and food, let's not forget that), and world domination that includes enslaving the human race. So, I'm sorry: "feels too much like Twilight"?

Bah. Really, if you're not interested in Book 1 now you should be ;). There's a lot of blood and gore in there (near the end mainly, that's when the big war breaks out) and some magic just for fun. Oh and Book 2 has zombies. And the Hell-beast. Oh and the actual blood and gore is almost half the book.

On a serious note (which is very rare for me), the comparison was mote. It seems that the moment someone mentions the word "vampire" people automatically think "Twilight". It used to be that people automatically thought of Lestat or Dracula. Now it's Edward Cullen and Bella Swan. I actually had to change the name of one of my characters from Isabella to something else for just that reason, even though the name Isabella made sense in the context that was being used and I hadn't heard of Twilight yet. Kudos to Stephanie Meyer for creating such a fandom.

Despite the words above, I'm not bitter. Merely impressed and fascinated. Okay, maybe a bit bitter that an agent thought my book was like Twilight but solely for the reason that it's completely different. That's like saying Dr. Seuss is similar to Shakespeare. And don't read too much into that comparison because I don't mean it any kind of insult to Meyer or myself. I admire her tenacity and her ability to create such an empire out of her work.

Either way, my work wasn't the break-out hit some Hollywood agent/company was looking for. Now, you're thinking: but what will you do now Renna? Well that's easy. I'm going to keep writing, editing, staying up until obscene hours of the night trying to be social network savvy and working my 9-5 job until I actually make something of the little ideas I scribble onto paper when I can.

And you're thinking: but why? Well, because I love my characters, I love writing and I love the handful of people that are my fans. I may not have the funds to put out Book 2 (buy Book 1 and you get Book 2 faster ;) ) but I do have enough funds so people don't forget I'm around. And once Book 2 gets edited (because in all reality my grammar/spelling is sometimes atrocious), it will grace the Internet with its presence. Then I'll write Book 3 and people will hate me for the ending, I'm sure.

But to hate me, you must first like me enough to give the first two Books a chance. Law of averages or something. And even when you do hate me, you'll want to read more so you can wonder where I get my literary genius from (you can laugh, I won't know).

To conclude this rant: buy Book 1. Do it for the love of Tim Burton. Do it for the love of morbid things. Do it for the love of authors. Do it for the love of the written word. Or do it just because you liked (or hated) this little rant. I don't need to know your reason, but I will thank you profusely because I love you.

The Love life of a Cab Driver

Picture the scene: 5Am and the sun hasn't quite begun to make its ascent yet. A young woman is waiting outsite a building, eyeing the dark sky and trying to figure out how long it has been since she has seen a sunrise. In a cloud of exhaust fumes and a too-loud engine, a cab pulls up and asks if she is the bearer of a certain name. Not fazed by this, she admits to being the owner of the name and gets into the cab.
"So, heading to the Buffalo Airport, eh?" the cab driver asks through a full gray beard that reminds the woman of Santa Claus (or if you're a Harry Potter fan - Dumbledore).
"Yes," she replies simply since her sleep-addled brain could not come up with a wittier retort.
"What for?"
"Personal, mostly vacation,"
"Ah okay,"
Silence which is followed aptly by more silence as the young woman thinks she can nod off and catch another half hours of precious sleep before reaching the border. The cab driver breaks into her half-sleep with the follow proclamnation:
"You know, I kind of know what's up with women. I mean I had four wives..."

If you hadn't guessed it yet, the young woman was me. And yes, I did sit through about an hour of a stranger telling me about his love life that spanned over 30 years while (in mostly shock and sleepiness) I listened and made the appropriate comments. Had I been more awake I think the conversation would have gone a tad bit better.

Oh, and if you haven't been keeping up (or remembering) on the past few tweets (shame on you), then I'll let you know now that the above was the beginning of a 12 hour journey to Los Angeles, CA where I was to pitch my book as a movie idea to Hollywood executives. Yes you read that right. I was headed to Hollywood with my book in one hand, a suitcase in the other and half-remembered dreams of, well, I can't exactly remember what I was dreaming. Surely it had something to do with impressing an executive enough that I'd get a call back.

I digress (as I normally do); the cab ride went over fairly smoothly. The airport was a normalcy for me since I'd been there before. Finding the gate and waiting for the hour was no concern. Once the plane actually came and we made our ascent, I assumed I was settling in for a two hour flight as the ticket had said.

A voice from somewhere in front broke into these thoughts and informed us: "Thanks for joining us on this five hour flight..." Excerpt from brain: Five hours? Huh? Oh right, time change. Oh Hell, I didn't bring enough to amuse myself with in my purse and there's no way in Hell I can get my carry-on down from the luggage compartment. Bloody Hell.

The last was thought in a British accent of course. Anyway, let's fast foward over the exceptionally boring five hour plane righe and get to the more interesting descent, shall we?

As the air-bird began to land, I looked out my window and saw the great black pyramid rising up through a cluster of flat and stale looking buildings. Excitment bubbled in my chest (either that or it was indigestion) as I thought: "Oh my freaking God, it's the Luxor! Criss Angel performs there!" This was quickly followed by: "Noooo, this is only a two hour layover, I can't DO anything!" And thus my fan-girl/morbid obsession with pyramids/perverse obsession with magic moment was destroyed.

Skipping over the escape of the tublar metal flying can, I realized the Las Vegas airport was about the size of a small city. People crowded everywhere and the gate I was looking for was no where near my general proximity. I was happy that I booked a two-hour layover. Finding the gate was akin to a journey through the tourist section of a city made famous for hosting a wonder of the world. I should know since I live 15 minutes from such a city.

A path cleared ahead and I noted with a sense of relief that I found my gate. Unfortunately my stomach reminded me that it hadn't been fed and would soon eat itself if I didn't feed it soon. I followed my nose (literally) and found food. I just travelled 4000 KM/2,800 miles to eat at Burger King.

Skipping forward another hour and a half, I got on the second plane. According to my ticket (I should have known that tickets lie), I would be in LA in two hours. A summary of the flight: the plane went up and we could turn on electronic devices. The plane hovered for 15 or 20 minutes and we had to turn off our electronci devices as we made the final descent. Excerpt from brain: Why exactly was there a layover for that?

Regardless, I made it out of the second air-born tin can relatively safely and found a bright green cab to spend an obscene amount of money in to get to my hotel. That night was spend on taking in my surroundings, exploring the concept of a mall without a roof (we call these "a plaza" in Canada and have indoor malls. The entire outdoor mall concept amuses me), eating and working on detailed character profiles for a crime fiction novel I'm working on.

No, the irony of profiling detective characters was not lost on me. And knowing one such character extremely well, the irony would be exceptionally amusing to one fictional detective known as James Reeves. He might even make a reference to some obscure factoid that people could live without knowing a la Sheldon Cooper from "The Big Bang Theory". Probably not though as James is not Sheldon.

Sleep was imminent by 8PM (11 PM in the Great Not-so-white-right-now North) but I pushed through until 11PM and enjoyed the luxury of having a king-sized bed all to myself. The next day would be spent at an exhibit featuring creepy clowns and meeting my fellow authors. But as I began to drift into unconsciousness, I had no idea of the creepy clowns that would claim my waking hours. Thus ends the first day of the LA trip.

A bit of shameless self-promotion: "A Small Slice of the Undead" (my zombie anthology) will be coming out this month. Once the cover is complete and the final edit done, I will be putting it up for sale as an ebook. Until then, be amused by future blogs and don't answer the door if someone asks if you have an extra brains.

Zombies

As I mentioned on FaceBook, I'm posting something on here having to deal with zombies. Two things actually.
The first: I finally sat down and stared reading "Pride, Prejudice and Zombies". If you're not sure what this is, it's Jane Austin's Pride and Prejudice with zombies...and ninjas in later chapters. I haven't finished it but I can say it hasn't been as enjoyable as I thought it would be. Simply because you have to fight through the older English writing and have to think while you're reading.
Not that think while you're reading is a horrible thing, but I haven't had the concentration for it recently. Thinking aside, it's actually an entertaining read.
The second: Over the next week or so, changes are going to be happening to the website. One of these changes will include the release of some zombie short stories. You'll be able to find these short stories in the "Bookshelf" section of the site.
The next major change may be dealing with layout and navigation. I also might find the time to add some kind of comment section or something of the like. I'll post a message on FaceBook once it's all done.
Until then there are two short stories you can check out on the website (for free I might add) if you're interested in reading the first chapter of a potential novel and a short little descriptive piece about dragons. You'll find those in the Bookshelf section, where the information about Tale of the Twins sits.
That's about it for this update, there will be more in the near future.