So three years ago, I heard about Channillo.com, which gave me the inspiration to write Avalora School of Magic. Avalora isn't done yet and I doubt I'll finish it in the next five or so years. I've got ten school years planned for it and probably a couple of years after graduation to so, yeah.
Then while taking a break from writing, I found a tumblr post about a scuba diving vampire and decided "why not?" For some reason, it morphed into someone interviewing said scuba diving vampire then I thought "hey, I can do more of these interviews!"
String them all together with plot points which carry across all interviews and we've got The Interviewer, my other ongoing series. Now, I've got a lot of the interviews planned but haven't gone to far with many of them. I'm finished the scuba diving vampire (Cindy) and am currently working on Chad's interview. Chad is a traveling musician vampire.
The main character in all of this is Rosa who is the one interviewing the vampires. She's done this in the past and published the interview in her college's newspaper. Those interviews were short question and answer type but everything changed when she talked to Cindy.
See, Cindy took Rosa on a job with her. Cindy talked more about immortality and what it was like to be someone who could live forever having youth and beauty. It helped Rosa tell a story humans hadn't heard: the story about what really happens when you're immortal.
The world went a little crazy, enough Rosa could quit her job and begin to do this full time. Of course there's an underground forum where vampires talk about everything from the best blood type to trying to live with humans. Sure, there are the Hunters whose job is to put down the vampires who've gone completely insane. And yes, there are vampires and humans alike who don't want Rosa's stories to be told.
I'm not sure if I'm going to be posting this chapter by chapter on Channillo. I've toyed with the idea of making a Pateron and putting it up there with reward tiers and such along with Avalora. The Interviewer isn't exactly a novel format either so I can't gather a bunch into a book because I'm not sure when this one will end.
I honestly haven't planned an ending or gone too deeply into the groups working against Rosa be them vampire or human. All I know for sure is there are vampires. The non-sparkly kind who act a lot like people except you know, the blood drinking bit.
Hopefully there will be more news to follow and I won't forget I have a blog.
Showing posts with label novels. Show all posts
Showing posts with label novels. Show all posts
Thursday, June 7, 2018
Saturday, February 25, 2017
Review: Wicked Appetite
Why did I pick it up?
It was one of those books I got from the box sale at Book Depot so it came with the 40-odd books I got for $35. I actually picked it up because it had no dust jacket and the hard cover underneath was black with this kind of like red-bronze writing to give it the title and author name. I took a chance.
I didn't recognize the author name and I think if I had I probably might have put it down to wait for the rest of the series to come out. Yes, Book 1 in a series of (hopefully) seven books. Book 3 of this series is coming out next month and this was published in 2010 so it looks like I'm in for a wait. ONWARDS!
Review of Wicked Appetite by Janet Evanovich:
I'm going to be straight-up (as I am 99.9% of the time): I'm not sure what to think of this book. I started it on May 25th and finished it in a little over two hours. I kid you not. I started at 8:50AM, read while waiting for my doctor and saw him at about 10:55AM then took five or so minutes to finish the last few pages at home.
So why am I not sure what to think of it? Well, the premise is kind of cool. Lizzie finds out her excellent cupcake making ability is magical (no kidding) and she's an Unmentionable who has the power to find these charms to make a Stone. There are seven stones, each taking after a deadly sin and when combined they'll bring hell to earth. For those that don't know the sins are as follows: Gluttony, Lust, Greed, Pride, Sloth, Wrath, and Envy. I remember them because of Fullmetal Alchemist, not the Bible, by the way. *winks*
Anyway, so we meet Lizzie, learn a bit about her past and she goes to work that morning. She has a run in with the bad guy, Wulf, and then meets Diesel the gorgeous hunk of man who is also an Unmentionable on a mission from BUM (I kid you not, that is the acronym of the organization trying to save the world) to gather the stones and keep them from Wulf...who happens to be his cousin.
See the BUM thing? Yeah, that's kind of what this whole book was like.
Diesel's ass tingles when Wulf is near. He can (possibly?) read Lizzie's mind. There is a lot of cupcake eating. A witch in training can't control her spells and leaves someone talking gibberish then gobbling. A fat person is made fun of. The charms make these four relatives who were left the charms from their uncle hoard weird things: 1) Food and over-eating which makes sense with this being the Gluttony stone. 2) Paddles and dog collars: glutton for punishment, okay. 3) Locks, oil, ferrets...uh? 4) Kids. No really. KIDS. The poor girl has six of them because of the charm. Let's not forget the odd monkey who one minute understands you and the next is being a monkey and flipping everything off. And the cat who's apparently decades old and has one eye and half a tail.
Then there's Hatchet who's the ONLY other person in the state who can do the same as Lizzie: determine if the charm is part of the stone. Once all four charms are together they reveal the stone and the stone tablet where the other stones might be hidden. Do Diesel and Lizzie get the stone? Yep. Do they get the tablet? Nope. They let Wulf have it as Diesel's job was the stone only. *facepalm* Really dude? Really?
Oh and did I mention Diesel and Lizzie can't have sex because if they do one of them looses their powers? This is despite their obvious attraction, Diesel's flirting, Lizzie's drooling over him, and everything else throwing them together in a romantic sense. Oh, what are Diesel's powers? He can unlock a door with a touch and sense Wulf. Oh and he has the power to look good naked.
See, the book was a nice, light, and sometimes entertaining read. I felt like Glo (the witch) was just kind of there for comic relief. And Lizzie's dad coming to visit was just an excuse to get Diesel away from Lizzie long enough so she could be kidnapped by Hatchet. And her not making good cupcakes one day wasn't much of a threat of her losing her powers as she could still sense the charms within hours. It was a kind of bleh tension where there was no tension in the book. I'm not even sure what genre this would be classed in.
Would I read Wicked Appetite again?
I don't even know, no seriously, I've no clue. There were some really great bits to it and some genuinely funny moments but it started to dive into the realm of "jeez I hope this thing is classed as satire" a lot more than I liked. Will I be picking up the rest in the series? To be honest? Nope. I didn't connect with any characters and frankly, I don't care if they ever find the other stones or how.
The Negatives:
So this was my first Janet Evanovich book. The people who have read her before say this is a plot rip-off from her Stephanie Plum series and honestly, there are enough people saying it on the first page of reviews I'm going to have to believe them.
Even hours after finishing this I'm not entirely sure what to think. A monkey giving the finger, farting, burping, making messes of nice cars so they're replaced every day, and behaving poorly is just...I mean, was he needed? The book could have survived without the monkey as a side-character. Cat? Yeah, Cat was needed. And can I just say despite how Cat saves Lizzie's life twice she still calls the poor thing Cat 7184 like it was called at the human society? I mean, what the Hell? This cat saved your life, warned you when you were about to be kidnapped, saved your life again and the best you can do is Cat?
The whole Leonard section was creepy and not in a good way. Creepy-sad even. This guy had a good life and because of this charm he collects paddles and rubber chickens saying he's been a "bad boy" (yes with that in mind) and needs to be spanked. His life becomes ruined because of him becoming a glutton for punishment. I'm still not sure what brother #2 (I can't remember his name) gluttonous idea was besides ferrets, oil, and locks but it pretty much screwed his life too. Not to mention the poor Shirley who gained 200 pounds because of becoming a literal glutton. And Melody who had six kids because of being a glutton for...kids?
Honestly, this concept has a lot of premise. Take out the monkey, the immature jokes (seriously my Mage-teens are more mature than these 20-somethings), and breathe some life into Diesel and Lizzie and you'd have an amazing book. Right now? It falls flat.
Final Review: ?.?/5. I honestly don't even know.
Until next time: comments, questions, thoughts, rants, rage, and out-right insults can be directed to the comments.
It was one of those books I got from the box sale at Book Depot so it came with the 40-odd books I got for $35. I actually picked it up because it had no dust jacket and the hard cover underneath was black with this kind of like red-bronze writing to give it the title and author name. I took a chance.
I didn't recognize the author name and I think if I had I probably might have put it down to wait for the rest of the series to come out. Yes, Book 1 in a series of (hopefully) seven books. Book 3 of this series is coming out next month and this was published in 2010 so it looks like I'm in for a wait. ONWARDS!
Review of Wicked Appetite by Janet Evanovich:
I'm going to be straight-up (as I am 99.9% of the time): I'm not sure what to think of this book. I started it on May 25th and finished it in a little over two hours. I kid you not. I started at 8:50AM, read while waiting for my doctor and saw him at about 10:55AM then took five or so minutes to finish the last few pages at home.
So why am I not sure what to think of it? Well, the premise is kind of cool. Lizzie finds out her excellent cupcake making ability is magical (no kidding) and she's an Unmentionable who has the power to find these charms to make a Stone. There are seven stones, each taking after a deadly sin and when combined they'll bring hell to earth. For those that don't know the sins are as follows: Gluttony, Lust, Greed, Pride, Sloth, Wrath, and Envy. I remember them because of Fullmetal Alchemist, not the Bible, by the way. *winks*
Anyway, so we meet Lizzie, learn a bit about her past and she goes to work that morning. She has a run in with the bad guy, Wulf, and then meets Diesel the gorgeous hunk of man who is also an Unmentionable on a mission from BUM (I kid you not, that is the acronym of the organization trying to save the world) to gather the stones and keep them from Wulf...who happens to be his cousin.
See the BUM thing? Yeah, that's kind of what this whole book was like.
Diesel's ass tingles when Wulf is near. He can (possibly?) read Lizzie's mind. There is a lot of cupcake eating. A witch in training can't control her spells and leaves someone talking gibberish then gobbling. A fat person is made fun of. The charms make these four relatives who were left the charms from their uncle hoard weird things: 1) Food and over-eating which makes sense with this being the Gluttony stone. 2) Paddles and dog collars: glutton for punishment, okay. 3) Locks, oil, ferrets...uh? 4) Kids. No really. KIDS. The poor girl has six of them because of the charm. Let's not forget the odd monkey who one minute understands you and the next is being a monkey and flipping everything off. And the cat who's apparently decades old and has one eye and half a tail.
Then there's Hatchet who's the ONLY other person in the state who can do the same as Lizzie: determine if the charm is part of the stone. Once all four charms are together they reveal the stone and the stone tablet where the other stones might be hidden. Do Diesel and Lizzie get the stone? Yep. Do they get the tablet? Nope. They let Wulf have it as Diesel's job was the stone only. *facepalm* Really dude? Really?
Oh and did I mention Diesel and Lizzie can't have sex because if they do one of them looses their powers? This is despite their obvious attraction, Diesel's flirting, Lizzie's drooling over him, and everything else throwing them together in a romantic sense. Oh, what are Diesel's powers? He can unlock a door with a touch and sense Wulf. Oh and he has the power to look good naked.
See, the book was a nice, light, and sometimes entertaining read. I felt like Glo (the witch) was just kind of there for comic relief. And Lizzie's dad coming to visit was just an excuse to get Diesel away from Lizzie long enough so she could be kidnapped by Hatchet. And her not making good cupcakes one day wasn't much of a threat of her losing her powers as she could still sense the charms within hours. It was a kind of bleh tension where there was no tension in the book. I'm not even sure what genre this would be classed in.
Would I read Wicked Appetite again?
I don't even know, no seriously, I've no clue. There were some really great bits to it and some genuinely funny moments but it started to dive into the realm of "jeez I hope this thing is classed as satire" a lot more than I liked. Will I be picking up the rest in the series? To be honest? Nope. I didn't connect with any characters and frankly, I don't care if they ever find the other stones or how.
The Negatives:
So this was my first Janet Evanovich book. The people who have read her before say this is a plot rip-off from her Stephanie Plum series and honestly, there are enough people saying it on the first page of reviews I'm going to have to believe them.
Even hours after finishing this I'm not entirely sure what to think. A monkey giving the finger, farting, burping, making messes of nice cars so they're replaced every day, and behaving poorly is just...I mean, was he needed? The book could have survived without the monkey as a side-character. Cat? Yeah, Cat was needed. And can I just say despite how Cat saves Lizzie's life twice she still calls the poor thing Cat 7184 like it was called at the human society? I mean, what the Hell? This cat saved your life, warned you when you were about to be kidnapped, saved your life again and the best you can do is Cat?
The whole Leonard section was creepy and not in a good way. Creepy-sad even. This guy had a good life and because of this charm he collects paddles and rubber chickens saying he's been a "bad boy" (yes with that in mind) and needs to be spanked. His life becomes ruined because of him becoming a glutton for punishment. I'm still not sure what brother #2 (I can't remember his name) gluttonous idea was besides ferrets, oil, and locks but it pretty much screwed his life too. Not to mention the poor Shirley who gained 200 pounds because of becoming a literal glutton. And Melody who had six kids because of being a glutton for...kids?
Honestly, this concept has a lot of premise. Take out the monkey, the immature jokes (seriously my Mage-teens are more mature than these 20-somethings), and breathe some life into Diesel and Lizzie and you'd have an amazing book. Right now? It falls flat.
Final Review: ?.?/5. I honestly don't even know.
Until next time: comments, questions, thoughts, rants, rage, and out-right insults can be directed to the comments.
Saturday, February 18, 2017
Review: The Last Dragonlord Series
Why did I pick it up?
Okay, so this is going to be interesting because the first book for this series came out...oh...13 years ago. Yeah, really. Then the second book came out a year later. The third book? A decade after. Funnier, the third book is hailed to be the sequel to Dragon and Phoenix which is the sequel to Last Dragonlord. Um? What?
Oddness of how Bard's Oath was described as a sequel aside, I picked up the last and final book in this series because my friend mentioned it was on sale at a bookstore we both frequent. I picked up the first and I believe second one in a used bookstore that boasts a million books housed in one area.
I LOVE bookstores like this. You know the ones where you can't walk side by side in a aisle and there's piles of books everywhere and the shelves are double stacked oddly because they're so many books? And you walk in and it just smells so amazingly of old books and reading and love and glory and...sorry.
Back when I couldn't drive (again this series is that old), my friend and I would hop onto the bus on the weekend, head downtown to eat at this Chinese place then go diving into the realm of this used bookstore where I'd come out with a bag of a dozen books or so and she'd come out with one or two. She wouldn't finish her one or two by the time I finished my dozen but I've always been a quick reader with a huge appetite. Teachers would get mad at me for reading in class then be stunned when I gave them the right answer to whatever question they were asking and got some of the highest marks in said class.
This one time, we had a sub for physics and I was reading during the lesson cuz I figured this stuff out already. He asked me a question, I answered, and he stood their drop-jawed for a minute and left me alone. When it came time to do the homework in class, I finished then went back to reading while he just kind of stared. It was good day...ONWARDS!
The Review of The Last Dragonlord series by Joanne Bertin:
So I do have to mention: I LOVE DRAGONS. Anything that has dragon in the title or implies there will be dragons I automatically pick it up and read it. If you get to ever read my fiction, you'll notice in most of it I mention a dragon in some way at some point. So naturally I'd pick up this series. Naturally I'd still be wondering about it during the gap of time that occurred between book 2 and book 3.
The first time I read book one I think I finished it in a few days. Book two was the same. The second time I ploughed through this series I finished it in about a week. I remembered most of what happened in Book One but for some reason, Book two escaped me. I didn't remember what happened at the end but it was obvious I'd been through it as I turn down the top corner of whatever page I'm on if I take a break and there were old marks of turned down pages. I'd also highlighted character names cuz I'm fun like that.
Book three? You could tell the first two books had foreshadowing once you got to the third. The thing with Leet at the Dragonlord's home? Ha, made so much sense now. What I don't get is how long it took them to figure out something bad was going down. I mean really. Leet's whole bearing dictated something was up and it should have been investigated much deeper earlier than it was.
I did get annoyed at the whole thing with Pod and almost skipped her chapters a few times because why should I give a crap about this character who didn't exist before? Give me more Raven, Linden, and Maurynna. And then it made sense. Oooh...okay. Wait. That's a bit...convenient.
I did love the general story. I disliked how long it took everyone to figure out what was going on and how Linden had to prove to people it was all Leek's fault. Um, wait, wait, didn't it mention in the first book a Dragonlord's words are basically law? And here's people going against four of them? EH?
And how Leet meets his demise. Really? We're going to go there with him not suffering at all? Raven's whole being pissed at Linden thing is annoying as all Hell (Book 2). She's claimed you idiot! By powers you cannot hope to overcome! AT ALL! I think this carried over into Book 3 a bit but I can't remember, being totally honest. It was a few months ago I burned through the series again and...yeah.
Despite the few annoyances: this is another one of those series that will stick with me for a long while. Why? Weredragons. Yes. Linden, Maurynna, and all the other Dragonlords were awesome. I could've done without Raven to be honest. Otter was amazing. Let me be real here, I might have been able to do without the last book.
Oh and that hit at the end where Linden figures out he messed things up cuz of mind-hitting up Otter? Why? Why did that need to be like that? Couldn't it have been random mermaids and we leave it at that?
And in book two we totally leave behind the whole Phoenix line with no indication of what's happening in that area of the world. Um, crazy woman with an heir to the Phoenix throne left out there with no indication of where she is? Yeah, what? You think she's not going to try and find someone to reseal the new Phoenix and re-claim the lost throne? Come now.
Would I read The Last Dragonlord Series again?
Yes. Over a week. Again. As much as a few points and dropped balls in this series left me annoyed I really did love it.
The Negatives:
Aforementioned dropped balls. The whole Phoenix flying off thing and no mention of that area of the world at all in Book Three. The whole everyone being "Well if we missed Maurynna and Sha, who else did we miss?" was SO IMPORTANT...and dropped. No investigation into other non-seen dragonlords. No one even talking about the fact they thought Linden was the last then came two more out of the blue. No backstory with Otter/Leet/Jaida.
Linden didn't struggle with Rathan, didn't dodge Shan and didn't even mention his sword. The entire focus was on Leet and his whole desire to get revenge on a backstory we've known nothing about. I waited a decade for that? A DECADE AND NO NEW DRAGONLORD? Urg.
And a final thought: Is the green dragon on all three covers meant to be Maurynna? Cuz if so that's totally not what I picture her to look like. Really, shouldn't it be a red dragon (Linden) on the first cover or the peacock blue of Mauryanna, a black on the second (Sha) and the third either Linden or Maurynna (whoever wasn't on the first)? I mean, who is the green dragon? No one was even mentioned being green...
Final rating: 3/5, mainly because of book 3. Books 1 and 2 were great, awesome and amazing. Book 3 took a totally different turn and bleh.
Until next time: thoughts, comments, questions, rages, rants, questions, and out-right insults can be directed to the comments.
Okay, so this is going to be interesting because the first book for this series came out...oh...13 years ago. Yeah, really. Then the second book came out a year later. The third book? A decade after. Funnier, the third book is hailed to be the sequel to Dragon and Phoenix which is the sequel to Last Dragonlord. Um? What?
Oddness of how Bard's Oath was described as a sequel aside, I picked up the last and final book in this series because my friend mentioned it was on sale at a bookstore we both frequent. I picked up the first and I believe second one in a used bookstore that boasts a million books housed in one area.
I LOVE bookstores like this. You know the ones where you can't walk side by side in a aisle and there's piles of books everywhere and the shelves are double stacked oddly because they're so many books? And you walk in and it just smells so amazingly of old books and reading and love and glory and...sorry.
Back when I couldn't drive (again this series is that old), my friend and I would hop onto the bus on the weekend, head downtown to eat at this Chinese place then go diving into the realm of this used bookstore where I'd come out with a bag of a dozen books or so and she'd come out with one or two. She wouldn't finish her one or two by the time I finished my dozen but I've always been a quick reader with a huge appetite. Teachers would get mad at me for reading in class then be stunned when I gave them the right answer to whatever question they were asking and got some of the highest marks in said class.
This one time, we had a sub for physics and I was reading during the lesson cuz I figured this stuff out already. He asked me a question, I answered, and he stood their drop-jawed for a minute and left me alone. When it came time to do the homework in class, I finished then went back to reading while he just kind of stared. It was good day...ONWARDS!
The Review of The Last Dragonlord series by Joanne Bertin:
So I do have to mention: I LOVE DRAGONS. Anything that has dragon in the title or implies there will be dragons I automatically pick it up and read it. If you get to ever read my fiction, you'll notice in most of it I mention a dragon in some way at some point. So naturally I'd pick up this series. Naturally I'd still be wondering about it during the gap of time that occurred between book 2 and book 3.
The first time I read book one I think I finished it in a few days. Book two was the same. The second time I ploughed through this series I finished it in about a week. I remembered most of what happened in Book One but for some reason, Book two escaped me. I didn't remember what happened at the end but it was obvious I'd been through it as I turn down the top corner of whatever page I'm on if I take a break and there were old marks of turned down pages. I'd also highlighted character names cuz I'm fun like that.
Book three? You could tell the first two books had foreshadowing once you got to the third. The thing with Leet at the Dragonlord's home? Ha, made so much sense now. What I don't get is how long it took them to figure out something bad was going down. I mean really. Leet's whole bearing dictated something was up and it should have been investigated much deeper earlier than it was.
I did get annoyed at the whole thing with Pod and almost skipped her chapters a few times because why should I give a crap about this character who didn't exist before? Give me more Raven, Linden, and Maurynna. And then it made sense. Oooh...okay. Wait. That's a bit...convenient.
I did love the general story. I disliked how long it took everyone to figure out what was going on and how Linden had to prove to people it was all Leek's fault. Um, wait, wait, didn't it mention in the first book a Dragonlord's words are basically law? And here's people going against four of them? EH?
And how Leet meets his demise. Really? We're going to go there with him not suffering at all? Raven's whole being pissed at Linden thing is annoying as all Hell (Book 2). She's claimed you idiot! By powers you cannot hope to overcome! AT ALL! I think this carried over into Book 3 a bit but I can't remember, being totally honest. It was a few months ago I burned through the series again and...yeah.
Despite the few annoyances: this is another one of those series that will stick with me for a long while. Why? Weredragons. Yes. Linden, Maurynna, and all the other Dragonlords were awesome. I could've done without Raven to be honest. Otter was amazing. Let me be real here, I might have been able to do without the last book.
And in book two we totally leave behind the whole Phoenix line with no indication of what's happening in that area of the world. Um, crazy woman with an heir to the Phoenix throne left out there with no indication of where she is? Yeah, what? You think she's not going to try and find someone to reseal the new Phoenix and re-claim the lost throne? Come now.
Would I read The Last Dragonlord Series again?
Yes. Over a week. Again. As much as a few points and dropped balls in this series left me annoyed I really did love it.
The Negatives:
Aforementioned dropped balls. The whole Phoenix flying off thing and no mention of that area of the world at all in Book Three. The whole everyone being "Well if we missed Maurynna and Sha, who else did we miss?" was SO IMPORTANT...and dropped. No investigation into other non-seen dragonlords. No one even talking about the fact they thought Linden was the last then came two more out of the blue. No backstory with Otter/Leet/Jaida.
Linden didn't struggle with Rathan, didn't dodge Shan and didn't even mention his sword. The entire focus was on Leet and his whole desire to get revenge on a backstory we've known nothing about. I waited a decade for that? A DECADE AND NO NEW DRAGONLORD? Urg.
And a final thought: Is the green dragon on all three covers meant to be Maurynna? Cuz if so that's totally not what I picture her to look like. Really, shouldn't it be a red dragon (Linden) on the first cover or the peacock blue of Mauryanna, a black on the second (Sha) and the third either Linden or Maurynna (whoever wasn't on the first)? I mean, who is the green dragon? No one was even mentioned being green...
Final rating: 3/5, mainly because of book 3. Books 1 and 2 were great, awesome and amazing. Book 3 took a totally different turn and bleh.
Until next time: thoughts, comments, questions, rages, rants, questions, and out-right insults can be directed to the comments.
Saturday, February 4, 2017
Review: Fat Vampire
Why did I pick it up?
The first reason is it was another one of those books that came from the $35/box of books sale at the Book Depot where I got around 45-50 books for $35. The second reason? I devour anything having to do with vampires. Yes, I even read Twilight. The first book of the series anyway. Third reason? Awesome cover.
The Review of Fat Vampire by Adam Rex:
The books starts with Doug: chunky, nerdy, and insecure at a Com-con with his best friend. Oh and Doug's a vampire. A fat vampire who's not sexy, or savvy, or dark, or handsome or any adjective having to do with the traditional vampire. In fact, Doug regularly has to feast on cows or resort to stealing blood from the local blood bank van at said Com-con.
Doug has to walk around in a poncho and despite his (accidental) vampire status he does not become the new cool kid or get any kind of powers to make up for his, well, fatness. His words, not mine. I'm okay with extra body fat.
Anyway, around half-way or so the hilarious one-liners and general funniness kind of dives. Doug suddenly decides he's going to ditch his best friend and basically hypnotize one of the theater girls into being his blood-slave/girlfriend. Mind you this change does come about when he's rejected by the new exchange student, an Indian girl named Sejal.
Sejal's backstory becomes way more interesting than Doug's entire situation and Doug kind of gets tossed into the background despite being the entire reason the books come about. There's some odd mention about a vampire hunter's TV show where Doug is being chased down as a prime suspect, and there's a play all the kids at school are part of. There's also the fact the whole reason Sejal transferred is because she became addicted to her computer and her parents sent her overseas for a kind of rehab.
The mystery of how Doug became a vampire (along with a few of the football players at his school apparently) isn't so much of a mystery in the end. It's a bit insulting the gay vampire was the one who wanted to turn a whole hoard of high school kids so one of them would kill him. Worse yet all the kids (the football players, NOT Doug) he turned were so insecure about a male turning them they made up some story about a hot chick.
The motives were kind of...bleh. Now, if it was left as a kind of coming-of-age story of how nerdy, chunky, forever-15 Doug learns how to deal with being a vampire, it would have been cool. But no, it kind of drifts off into some odd there-MUST-be-a-villain plot that leaves the reader thinking "Huh?"
I do have to say the cover art was good and it's one of the other reasons I picked it up, besides it being about a vampire and being a book I could get for $0.50.
Now, if we take the book as being a satirical piece of fiction: it succeeds. I'm not sure if it was meant to be satire though but we'll pretend.
Would I read it again?
Probably not because of the ending.
The Negatives:
THAT ENDING! WHAT THE BLOODY HELL?! URG. Doug doesn't get to see any redemption and the reader is left with a literal list when the author breaks the fourth wall (to an extent) and describes possible endings for Doug. WHAT? NO! I don't want possible endings! DID HE DIE OR NOT? Jeez. This is the first time in a long while I've wanted to toss a book across the room in frustration.
Final review: 1/5 all because of the freaking ending and Doug's downhill transformation. Even if meant to be satirical that ending was so disappointing. If the ending had been different and the book stuck with the themes in the first half this would have been a 5-star review.
Until next time: comments, rants, rage and questions cane be directed to the comments.
The first reason is it was another one of those books that came from the $35/box of books sale at the Book Depot where I got around 45-50 books for $35. The second reason? I devour anything having to do with vampires. Yes, I even read Twilight. The first book of the series anyway. Third reason? Awesome cover.
The Review of Fat Vampire by Adam Rex:
The books starts with Doug: chunky, nerdy, and insecure at a Com-con with his best friend. Oh and Doug's a vampire. A fat vampire who's not sexy, or savvy, or dark, or handsome or any adjective having to do with the traditional vampire. In fact, Doug regularly has to feast on cows or resort to stealing blood from the local blood bank van at said Com-con.
Doug has to walk around in a poncho and despite his (accidental) vampire status he does not become the new cool kid or get any kind of powers to make up for his, well, fatness. His words, not mine. I'm okay with extra body fat.
Anyway, around half-way or so the hilarious one-liners and general funniness kind of dives. Doug suddenly decides he's going to ditch his best friend and basically hypnotize one of the theater girls into being his blood-slave/girlfriend. Mind you this change does come about when he's rejected by the new exchange student, an Indian girl named Sejal.
Sejal's backstory becomes way more interesting than Doug's entire situation and Doug kind of gets tossed into the background despite being the entire reason the books come about. There's some odd mention about a vampire hunter's TV show where Doug is being chased down as a prime suspect, and there's a play all the kids at school are part of. There's also the fact the whole reason Sejal transferred is because she became addicted to her computer and her parents sent her overseas for a kind of rehab.
The mystery of how Doug became a vampire (along with a few of the football players at his school apparently) isn't so much of a mystery in the end. It's a bit insulting the gay vampire was the one who wanted to turn a whole hoard of high school kids so one of them would kill him. Worse yet all the kids (the football players, NOT Doug) he turned were so insecure about a male turning them they made up some story about a hot chick.
The motives were kind of...bleh. Now, if it was left as a kind of coming-of-age story of how nerdy, chunky, forever-15 Doug learns how to deal with being a vampire, it would have been cool. But no, it kind of drifts off into some odd there-MUST-be-a-villain plot that leaves the reader thinking "Huh?"
I do have to say the cover art was good and it's one of the other reasons I picked it up, besides it being about a vampire and being a book I could get for $0.50.
Now, if we take the book as being a satirical piece of fiction: it succeeds. I'm not sure if it was meant to be satire though but we'll pretend.
Would I read it again?
Probably not because of the ending.
The Negatives:
THAT ENDING! WHAT THE BLOODY HELL?! URG. Doug doesn't get to see any redemption and the reader is left with a literal list when the author breaks the fourth wall (to an extent) and describes possible endings for Doug. WHAT? NO! I don't want possible endings! DID HE DIE OR NOT? Jeez. This is the first time in a long while I've wanted to toss a book across the room in frustration.
Final review: 1/5 all because of the freaking ending and Doug's downhill transformation. Even if meant to be satirical that ending was so disappointing. If the ending had been different and the book stuck with the themes in the first half this would have been a 5-star review.
Until next time: comments, rants, rage and questions cane be directed to the comments.
Saturday, January 28, 2017
Writing Tip #19: Killing Your Darlings and How to Deal with it
Any writer new or old knows the famous Stephen King quote: "Kill your darlings." What's a 'darling?' Any character, scene, word, chapter, or even full-length novel you wrote. No, not your actual darlings or loved ones, just the fictional ones.
What does he mean by "Kill your darlings?" Simple. KILL THEM ALL. Sorry. I had a Spartacus moment. Anyway, yes, King means to kill whatever you might feel is super important in your novel and yes, sometimes even your main character. Why? Lots of reasons.
When you kill a character you instantly invoke some kind of emotion in the reader and making your reader emotional is your goal. If they feel nothing then you're not doing your job. Then there's the whole dealing of the death of a character your other characters have to deal with and that will give you conflict. Plus hey, there's a cool death scene to write.
When you kill your scenes, certain words, or full chapters then you're tightening up your writing. You have to learn to read your writing from a reader's perspective. You have to learn to read your writing as if you've never read it before. You have to disengage yourself from every word, scene, and chapter so you can make your novel the best it can be. What does it do for you? Makes you a better writer. Plus it puts less strain on your editor.
So, how do you deal with killing your darlings?
First off you have to take the initial step in actually, you know, killing a darling. Start small: take out a few unnecessary words then take out a whole scene, maybe even *le gasp* a chapter. Honestly dissect your writing, look it over word by bloody word to see what doesn't move the story along. Once you find that non-consequential bit: take it out.
What do you do if that unneeded bit is a character? Well, you slaughter them mercilessly while cackling from atop your high tower. Sorry. The imagery helps me.
But seriously, you kill them. Throw them off a building, have them stabbed 27 times, let them get hit by a car, have them beheaded, burned to death, have a heart-attack, whatever makes sense for your world and your story. BUT, make sure the death will be impactful.
Don't go randomly killing off all your characters seconds after you introduce them (I'm looking at you Basilisk). You have to make the reader feel something for that character before you kill them off especially if they're a main character. Minor characters? Eh, not so much though you can and should feel free to try.
How do you know if a character is going to die? You take a good, long look at your story and that particular character. How will the story change with the character's death? What impact will this death have on the other characters? Do you need this character in another part of the story? Can your story survive without them? The deaths in The Walking Dead are all meaningful.
*SPOILERS* Pete's death by Rick's hand shows Rick's descent into madness, how he's become this tragic "survive at any cost" character which is emphasized by Morgan's reaction. Noah and Aiden's deaths reveal how much the Alexandria group really needs to learn. Tyreese's death is the loss of the "optimistic" character. Beth's death is the loss of innocence. *End Spoilers*
Like I said before: every character death has to mean something or move along the plot. If it doesn't then you didn't need to kill that character off. Don't kill off a character to end a series because you think you'll keep writing if you don't kill said character off. You'll have a lot of disappointed readers if you do that. Readers like to imagine what could have been after the series.
So, how do you deal with a character's death?
It depends on the character. You can either slaughter them horribly or have them go peacefully but again if you're not feeling something then your reader won't. Every main character I've killed I've felt something for. Yes it hurts. Yes I was balling like a baby as I wrote. But guess what? My readers will do the same.
So, buck up, take a few breaths, and kill the darling. Feel free to cry. Don't worry if you have to stop to get some semblance of sanity back. Do it. Kill your darling because it'll make you a better writer.
Until next time: thoughts, comments, rages, rants, questions, and out-right insults can be directed to the comments.
What does he mean by "Kill your darlings?" Simple. KILL THEM ALL. Sorry. I had a Spartacus moment. Anyway, yes, King means to kill whatever you might feel is super important in your novel and yes, sometimes even your main character. Why? Lots of reasons.
When you kill a character you instantly invoke some kind of emotion in the reader and making your reader emotional is your goal. If they feel nothing then you're not doing your job. Then there's the whole dealing of the death of a character your other characters have to deal with and that will give you conflict. Plus hey, there's a cool death scene to write.
When you kill your scenes, certain words, or full chapters then you're tightening up your writing. You have to learn to read your writing from a reader's perspective. You have to learn to read your writing as if you've never read it before. You have to disengage yourself from every word, scene, and chapter so you can make your novel the best it can be. What does it do for you? Makes you a better writer. Plus it puts less strain on your editor.
So, how do you deal with killing your darlings?
First off you have to take the initial step in actually, you know, killing a darling. Start small: take out a few unnecessary words then take out a whole scene, maybe even *le gasp* a chapter. Honestly dissect your writing, look it over word by bloody word to see what doesn't move the story along. Once you find that non-consequential bit: take it out.
What do you do if that unneeded bit is a character? Well, you slaughter them mercilessly while cackling from atop your high tower. Sorry. The imagery helps me.
But seriously, you kill them. Throw them off a building, have them stabbed 27 times, let them get hit by a car, have them beheaded, burned to death, have a heart-attack, whatever makes sense for your world and your story. BUT, make sure the death will be impactful.
Don't go randomly killing off all your characters seconds after you introduce them (I'm looking at you Basilisk). You have to make the reader feel something for that character before you kill them off especially if they're a main character. Minor characters? Eh, not so much though you can and should feel free to try.
How do you know if a character is going to die? You take a good, long look at your story and that particular character. How will the story change with the character's death? What impact will this death have on the other characters? Do you need this character in another part of the story? Can your story survive without them? The deaths in The Walking Dead are all meaningful.
*SPOILERS* Pete's death by Rick's hand shows Rick's descent into madness, how he's become this tragic "survive at any cost" character which is emphasized by Morgan's reaction. Noah and Aiden's deaths reveal how much the Alexandria group really needs to learn. Tyreese's death is the loss of the "optimistic" character. Beth's death is the loss of innocence. *End Spoilers*
Like I said before: every character death has to mean something or move along the plot. If it doesn't then you didn't need to kill that character off. Don't kill off a character to end a series because you think you'll keep writing if you don't kill said character off. You'll have a lot of disappointed readers if you do that. Readers like to imagine what could have been after the series.
So, how do you deal with a character's death?
It depends on the character. You can either slaughter them horribly or have them go peacefully but again if you're not feeling something then your reader won't. Every main character I've killed I've felt something for. Yes it hurts. Yes I was balling like a baby as I wrote. But guess what? My readers will do the same.
So, buck up, take a few breaths, and kill the darling. Feel free to cry. Don't worry if you have to stop to get some semblance of sanity back. Do it. Kill your darling because it'll make you a better writer.
Until next time: thoughts, comments, rages, rants, questions, and out-right insults can be directed to the comments.
Saturday, January 21, 2017
Review: Revival
Why did I pick it up?
New Stephen King baby, why didn't I pick it up would be a better question. I own most of his books and at some point have read a good deal of them. I couldn't do the history-type novel (11/22/63) he put out a couple of years ago. For some reason I've never been able to get through The Stand, The Shining and I abandoned Danse Macabre recently.
I own Doctor Sleep but since it's a sequel to The Shining, I'm kind of wanting to slog through that before moving onto the sequel. I'll get there eventually.
My favorite King novels? Carrie, Thinner, Gerald's Game, The Long Walk, Cell, The Girl who Loved Tom Gordan, Under the Dome, Pet Semetary, IT, Lisey's Story, Christine, Bag of Bones, and The Dark Tower Series. You can actually see a glaringly obvious tribute to Dark Tower Series in Tale of the Twins. There are a BUNCH I'm missing because I suck at titles, but yes, I generally adore King. I've yet to pick up Mr. Mercedes since it is a trilogy and I've a thing where I must have the thing ended before I read the whole thing...which is why Dark Tower kinda bugs me.
He's influenced a lot of my gorier horror and sarcastic comedy moments. I love how he can write a short story and bang out a novel over 400 pages. I love he's got so many books but not all of them are perfect and some of them some people (like me) can't stand. Everyone has their favorites with him and everyone has the ones they don't like and that's freaking awesome.
And ending the King fangirl-ness, moving onto the book itself. ONWARDS!
The Review of Revival by Stephen King:
So, first off: there's no body in the beginning. Nope, just a six year old boy, pardon, a 60-something man recounting his life from six to the age he is now. But this is King. We know the horror is coming. He foreshadows it coming when he first talks about Jacobs. And are we disappointed with the horror that comes to Jacobs? I wasn't. Totally knew it was coming from the set-up of seizure farmer driving the same road as Jacobs' wife but the whole "where's his FACE?" and one-armed wife? That was cool.
The minister (Jacobs) losing his faith? Predicable. Getting up at the pulpit and telling people why he lost his faith? That was pretty kick ass. Jamie losing his faith shortly after because he likes the minister? Predicable. Jamie being so good at rhythm guitar, playing in multiple bands, and becoming a druggie? Story of lives. Running into Jacobs at a fair and getting electro-shock treatment to be cured by Jacobs with Jacobs' home-made electro pulse machine? Wait, what? YES.
We see hints of said machine when Jamie's brother loses his voice and Jacobs' is the one to bring it back before Jacobs' horror happens. Anyway, Jamie and Jacobs part again then is found by Jamie's new boss (one Jacobs sets him up with) a few years later.
Then shit starts to hit the fan. We find out Jacobs has been curing people with not just his old carnie show but with his new healing show. Is he doing this for recognition? Because he's nice? Nope. They're all guinea pigs because he has a bigger goal in mind for his special electricity but Jamie's not sure what said goal is.
Of course Jamie and his boss Hugh go to see the show. Of course Hugh has revealed he was healed by Jacobs and that's why he took on Jamie in the first place. Course Hugh freaks out and has a color-episode. Then Jamie just can't let Jacobs go. Why? Because some of the people Jacobs has healed have had harmful episodes. Jamie's had one in which he randomly wakes up and starts stabbing himself. A woman cured from blindness put salt in her eyes. A kind cured from a disease ends up in a mental institution then hangs himself. One guy eats dirt.
So Jamie confronts Jacobs who wants to hire him but Jamie says no and Jacobs (in his 70s now) disappears only to reappear to say to Jamie: you can either help me or I'll let the only woman you ever loved die of her lung cancer. So Jamie helps. And Jamie cuts a deal he'll go back to Jacobs when the obsessed electricity man wants.
And Jamie does go back and we find out why Jacobs is doing what he's doing: he wants to find out what happen to his wife and son. And he does. By bringing back a dead woman during a thunderstorm. By doing so he unlocks something in all his former healed patients and they all kill a loved one and themselves...except Jamie because for some reason unexplained, he was the catalyst Jacobs needed in all this.
And what awaits us after death? Freaky ant overlords who make us slave under them for the hell of it. No peace. No redemption. Just ants whipping us if we fall down and total torture for our unlives. THERE is the horror. The part about Jamie's older brother (the first healed, remember) and Jamie still getting the visions of said ant folks? The icing on the cake.
THIS IS KING. The build-up. The odd-ness. The loving the characters and knowing them like they're your family. The CRUSHING of said characters so thoroughly. This is King. All that shit starts with E.
Would I read Revival again?
I'm going to have to cuz I burned through it on May 19th. Yes. One. Day. I nearly died but I couldn't put it down.
The Negatives:
I wish it was longer. I wish there was a bit more explanation about Clair but I get why Jamie didn't go into it. When something that traumatic happens to a family member then you don't want to talk about it.
Final Review: 5/5. This is a revival for Stephen King. This breathed new life into wanting to pick up the few books I'm missing and re-reading him from the beginning. Yes, I know I'm nuts. So sue me.
Until next time: thoughts, comments, rages, rants, questions, and out-right insults can be directed to the comments.
New Stephen King baby, why didn't I pick it up would be a better question. I own most of his books and at some point have read a good deal of them. I couldn't do the history-type novel (11/22/63) he put out a couple of years ago. For some reason I've never been able to get through The Stand, The Shining and I abandoned Danse Macabre recently.
I own Doctor Sleep but since it's a sequel to The Shining, I'm kind of wanting to slog through that before moving onto the sequel. I'll get there eventually.
My favorite King novels? Carrie, Thinner, Gerald's Game, The Long Walk, Cell, The Girl who Loved Tom Gordan, Under the Dome, Pet Semetary, IT, Lisey's Story, Christine, Bag of Bones, and The Dark Tower Series. You can actually see a glaringly obvious tribute to Dark Tower Series in Tale of the Twins. There are a BUNCH I'm missing because I suck at titles, but yes, I generally adore King. I've yet to pick up Mr. Mercedes since it is a trilogy and I've a thing where I must have the thing ended before I read the whole thing...which is why Dark Tower kinda bugs me.
He's influenced a lot of my gorier horror and sarcastic comedy moments. I love how he can write a short story and bang out a novel over 400 pages. I love he's got so many books but not all of them are perfect and some of them some people (like me) can't stand. Everyone has their favorites with him and everyone has the ones they don't like and that's freaking awesome.
And ending the King fangirl-ness, moving onto the book itself. ONWARDS!
The Review of Revival by Stephen King:
So, first off: there's no body in the beginning. Nope, just a six year old boy, pardon, a 60-something man recounting his life from six to the age he is now. But this is King. We know the horror is coming. He foreshadows it coming when he first talks about Jacobs. And are we disappointed with the horror that comes to Jacobs? I wasn't. Totally knew it was coming from the set-up of seizure farmer driving the same road as Jacobs' wife but the whole "where's his FACE?" and one-armed wife? That was cool.
The minister (Jacobs) losing his faith? Predicable. Getting up at the pulpit and telling people why he lost his faith? That was pretty kick ass. Jamie losing his faith shortly after because he likes the minister? Predicable. Jamie being so good at rhythm guitar, playing in multiple bands, and becoming a druggie? Story of lives. Running into Jacobs at a fair and getting electro-shock treatment to be cured by Jacobs with Jacobs' home-made electro pulse machine? Wait, what? YES.
We see hints of said machine when Jamie's brother loses his voice and Jacobs' is the one to bring it back before Jacobs' horror happens. Anyway, Jamie and Jacobs part again then is found by Jamie's new boss (one Jacobs sets him up with) a few years later.
Then shit starts to hit the fan. We find out Jacobs has been curing people with not just his old carnie show but with his new healing show. Is he doing this for recognition? Because he's nice? Nope. They're all guinea pigs because he has a bigger goal in mind for his special electricity but Jamie's not sure what said goal is.
Of course Jamie and his boss Hugh go to see the show. Of course Hugh has revealed he was healed by Jacobs and that's why he took on Jamie in the first place. Course Hugh freaks out and has a color-episode. Then Jamie just can't let Jacobs go. Why? Because some of the people Jacobs has healed have had harmful episodes. Jamie's had one in which he randomly wakes up and starts stabbing himself. A woman cured from blindness put salt in her eyes. A kind cured from a disease ends up in a mental institution then hangs himself. One guy eats dirt.
So Jamie confronts Jacobs who wants to hire him but Jamie says no and Jacobs (in his 70s now) disappears only to reappear to say to Jamie: you can either help me or I'll let the only woman you ever loved die of her lung cancer. So Jamie helps. And Jamie cuts a deal he'll go back to Jacobs when the obsessed electricity man wants.
And Jamie does go back and we find out why Jacobs is doing what he's doing: he wants to find out what happen to his wife and son. And he does. By bringing back a dead woman during a thunderstorm. By doing so he unlocks something in all his former healed patients and they all kill a loved one and themselves...except Jamie because for some reason unexplained, he was the catalyst Jacobs needed in all this.
And what awaits us after death? Freaky ant overlords who make us slave under them for the hell of it. No peace. No redemption. Just ants whipping us if we fall down and total torture for our unlives. THERE is the horror. The part about Jamie's older brother (the first healed, remember) and Jamie still getting the visions of said ant folks? The icing on the cake.
THIS IS KING. The build-up. The odd-ness. The loving the characters and knowing them like they're your family. The CRUSHING of said characters so thoroughly. This is King. All that shit starts with E.
Would I read Revival again?
I'm going to have to cuz I burned through it on May 19th. Yes. One. Day. I nearly died but I couldn't put it down.
The Negatives:
I wish it was longer. I wish there was a bit more explanation about Clair but I get why Jamie didn't go into it. When something that traumatic happens to a family member then you don't want to talk about it.
Final Review: 5/5. This is a revival for Stephen King. This breathed new life into wanting to pick up the few books I'm missing and re-reading him from the beginning. Yes, I know I'm nuts. So sue me.
Until next time: thoughts, comments, rages, rants, questions, and out-right insults can be directed to the comments.
Saturday, January 14, 2017
Writing Tip #18: Death and Where to Stick 'em
This tip is going to be way different than the other tips I've written about so freaking long ago. Sorry about that. Anyway, we're not talking about dealing with the death of your character. That's next time. Today, we're dealing with what happens to a typical person when they're, you know, KILLED. And yes in the physical sense.
For those who don't know: I wrote a 13 book thriller/murder mystery series. I went into the Forensics side of things (vaguely) and found out a lot of interesting things about what the human body does when placed in the vicinity of various deadly objects.
In short: can your character jump into ice water and swim for a mile? Nope. Unless they're immune to the cold they will experience hyperthermia almost immediately. If the water's cold enough they may even have a heart attack upon hitting said water. There are certain factors in determining hyperthermia. I found a cool article: HERE. I used said article's information in Bloody X-Mas.
Can a character survive the blast of a 12 gauge shot gun at 10 feet? Nope. Unless the person shooting at them grazes them and even then it could cause your character's death. A 12 gauge shot gun can go through at least one cement wall and can blow a hole through a tree. The human body is all soft tissue and muscle. Our bones aren't even as hard as cement. If you get grazed with a 12 gauge, you are going down. This information appears in Hunter.
Can your officer character hit a target at 15 feet? Maybe but with a standard issue Glock: they're going to stun and not kill. The range on a police Glock is 10 feet and that's if your character is a good shot.
Can you shoot one-handed or while in a moving vehicle? Nope. Recoil is a bitch and you will have a sore wrist or be thrown back depending on the size of your gun. Can you fire a bigger gun from hip height? Kind of. The butt of the gun should be supported by your pelvis or your shoulder to prevent recoil because the bigger and more powerful the gun then the further back you're going to be thrown.
For those who think your character can survive a cut to the upper arm, stick a patch on it, and move around for days, here are some bleed times for various arteries. Bleed time refers to about how long it will take a person to die if they are struck in said place. It depends on the person's age, heart rate, etc. I found all these here when looking for the proper name of the brachial artery.
Carotid Artery (neck): 2 to 20 minutes.
Jugular Vein (neck): 2 to 20 minutes.
Subclavian artery: 2-20 minutes. This is an artery in the shoulder that runs down the front of a person's body and by the first rib. Unless someone does field surgery on you right away: you will not make it.
Subclavian vein: 15-60 minutes.
The Brachial Artery: 5-60 minutes. This is the one located in your upper arm and protected by the bicep. Depending where you cut along this artery changes the bleed time. Up closer to the arm pit and you're looking at the 5 minute range. Down further by the elbow and you might survive a bit longer.
Femoral Artery: 5-60 minutes. This is the big one located in your upper leg. You hit this puppy right and you're going down in seconds.
Axillary artery: 5-60 minutes. You can hit this via the armpit and front of the shoulder joint. It's hard to hit but an upwards slash or stab hit just right and the wound becomes extremely difficult to treat even with direct pressure. Yes: insta-death.
Inguinal artery: 5-60 minutes. It feeds the femoral artery in the leg and can be accessed by striking upwards between the legs and into the groin. Another extremely difficult wound to treat even with applying direct pressure. Think Blackhawn Down.
Aorta or any part of the heart: 1-2 minutes. These are instant death bleeders.
So, what's in a CSI Kit? It depends on your kit. Here's a good website to check out: https://www.shopevident.com/category/field-kits-crime-scene
How do you do an autopsy? Wiki-how gives you a nice step-by-step guide WITH pictures located here:
http://www.wikihow.com/Perform-an-Autopsy-on-a--Human-Being
How long will it take you to dig a grave? Well, that depends on a lot of factors. If you're doing this at night with a shovel, are average in athletics, and the ground isn't frozen from the winter, and the grave is shallow: about 3-5 hours, depending how shallow. You WILL NOT be able to dig a grave in an hour, with a shovel, in the middle of the woods, at night. It is not possible. I found a cool thread: http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?t=486094
I have reams of information about decay times dependant on environmental factors as well as information about the human body in general. I don't have a link for any of it, sorry. I would suggest for any author wanting to delve into crime fiction or murder mystery: take a basic Forensic Anthropology and a Criminal Psychology course.
You can find plenty online (that's what I did) and you'll thank yourself later when your novel comes off as more believable. No, don't get a degree. You just need a single course available through a continued learning program to get you going. Of course, you can specialize in both fields if you have the time/money/motivation.
Until next time: thoughts, comments, rages, rants, questions, and out-right insults can be directed to the comments section.
For those who don't know: I wrote a 13 book thriller/murder mystery series. I went into the Forensics side of things (vaguely) and found out a lot of interesting things about what the human body does when placed in the vicinity of various deadly objects.
In short: can your character jump into ice water and swim for a mile? Nope. Unless they're immune to the cold they will experience hyperthermia almost immediately. If the water's cold enough they may even have a heart attack upon hitting said water. There are certain factors in determining hyperthermia. I found a cool article: HERE. I used said article's information in Bloody X-Mas.
Can a character survive the blast of a 12 gauge shot gun at 10 feet? Nope. Unless the person shooting at them grazes them and even then it could cause your character's death. A 12 gauge shot gun can go through at least one cement wall and can blow a hole through a tree. The human body is all soft tissue and muscle. Our bones aren't even as hard as cement. If you get grazed with a 12 gauge, you are going down. This information appears in Hunter.
Can your officer character hit a target at 15 feet? Maybe but with a standard issue Glock: they're going to stun and not kill. The range on a police Glock is 10 feet and that's if your character is a good shot.
Can you shoot one-handed or while in a moving vehicle? Nope. Recoil is a bitch and you will have a sore wrist or be thrown back depending on the size of your gun. Can you fire a bigger gun from hip height? Kind of. The butt of the gun should be supported by your pelvis or your shoulder to prevent recoil because the bigger and more powerful the gun then the further back you're going to be thrown.
For those who think your character can survive a cut to the upper arm, stick a patch on it, and move around for days, here are some bleed times for various arteries. Bleed time refers to about how long it will take a person to die if they are struck in said place. It depends on the person's age, heart rate, etc. I found all these here when looking for the proper name of the brachial artery.
Carotid Artery (neck): 2 to 20 minutes.
Jugular Vein (neck): 2 to 20 minutes.
Subclavian artery: 2-20 minutes. This is an artery in the shoulder that runs down the front of a person's body and by the first rib. Unless someone does field surgery on you right away: you will not make it.
Subclavian vein: 15-60 minutes.
The Brachial Artery: 5-60 minutes. This is the one located in your upper arm and protected by the bicep. Depending where you cut along this artery changes the bleed time. Up closer to the arm pit and you're looking at the 5 minute range. Down further by the elbow and you might survive a bit longer.
Femoral Artery: 5-60 minutes. This is the big one located in your upper leg. You hit this puppy right and you're going down in seconds.
Axillary artery: 5-60 minutes. You can hit this via the armpit and front of the shoulder joint. It's hard to hit but an upwards slash or stab hit just right and the wound becomes extremely difficult to treat even with direct pressure. Yes: insta-death.
Inguinal artery: 5-60 minutes. It feeds the femoral artery in the leg and can be accessed by striking upwards between the legs and into the groin. Another extremely difficult wound to treat even with applying direct pressure. Think Blackhawn Down.
Aorta or any part of the heart: 1-2 minutes. These are instant death bleeders.
So, what's in a CSI Kit? It depends on your kit. Here's a good website to check out: https://www.shopevident.com/category/field-kits-crime-scene
How do you do an autopsy? Wiki-how gives you a nice step-by-step guide WITH pictures located here:
http://www.wikihow.com/Perform-an-Autopsy-on-a--Human-Being
How long will it take you to dig a grave? Well, that depends on a lot of factors. If you're doing this at night with a shovel, are average in athletics, and the ground isn't frozen from the winter, and the grave is shallow: about 3-5 hours, depending how shallow. You WILL NOT be able to dig a grave in an hour, with a shovel, in the middle of the woods, at night. It is not possible. I found a cool thread: http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?t=486094
I have reams of information about decay times dependant on environmental factors as well as information about the human body in general. I don't have a link for any of it, sorry. I would suggest for any author wanting to delve into crime fiction or murder mystery: take a basic Forensic Anthropology and a Criminal Psychology course.
You can find plenty online (that's what I did) and you'll thank yourself later when your novel comes off as more believable. No, don't get a degree. You just need a single course available through a continued learning program to get you going. Of course, you can specialize in both fields if you have the time/money/motivation.
Until next time: thoughts, comments, rages, rants, questions, and out-right insults can be directed to the comments section.
Friday, January 1, 2016
Yet Another New Year's Post
So, I haven't been around since October. Sorry? It's not like I ran out of post or anything. I still have a bunch of stuff sitting in drafts. I sort of lost interest/got busy at the new job and am still trying to get used to my afternoon shift schedule.
Excuses, excuses, truth is I'd rather be writing, close second is sleeping. BUT, I did participate in National Novel Writing Month. I failed in getting my 254,000 goal because of burn out and general lack of time, plus hey, I needed to sleep. I did almost get 2,000,000 words. I kind of gained back the weight I had lost and stopped going to the gym in like April. And...yeah I failed in getting anything done for Tale of the Twins or doing any marketing in general.
On the plus side, I started working at a place I like making over minimum wage, got a new phone, got new tires on my car, and am slowly, very slowly, picking away at the debt I massed while not working. No, I don't like going to work but once I'm there it's not bad and I'm not throwing up in nervousness of having to work there.
My BFF got married while my other BFF is single (a good thing, really) and might be going for her doctrine. She's applying. I'm still singe which is fine with me, my cat's still crazy, and I don't have to choose between buying extra groceries or paying a bill. Plus hey, I'm not using credit cards or lines of credit to you know, live.
On the writing end of life: I wrote almost two million words. Most of that was split between Avalora and fan-fiction. I wrote four new novel this year. Why? Because I planned my year instead of picking as the months went on what I wanted to write. Basically I over-planned for my brain, said "hell with it" and wrote other stuff instead of following the plan. Oops.
Yes, I wrote fan-fiction. Why? Because it's fun. I can be as crazy as I want and make up all the stuff I want and it's no big deal. Let's not get into the fact I made a bunch of original characters so the fan-fiction became it's own novel in someone else's universe but whatever.
Anyway, monthly word counts:
January: 158,491
February: 132,736
March: 88,876
April: 126,539
May: 253,040
June: 240,823
July: 205,978
August: 202,794
September: 95,326
October: 122,740
November: 228,043
December: 53,something
Sorry, I got lazy in calculating my December total. My word tracker gave me the final total. Why were May-August over 200K? I wasn't working. I was on a LoA from the job I got in January because it almost killed me, quite literally. I got the new job August 31st which is why September's total is so low then I got back into the swing of writing and working.
Yes, December is really low. It's normally my month off and I've had way lower counts than 50K before. I didn't write for half the month so there.
Anyway, goals for this year? Same as last year: writing, trying to figure out the whole marketing shtick, potential losing weight, carving down the debt, and what not. I'll try to keep up on the blog but no promises. My memory sucks and I get distracted by writing. Sorry, totally not sorry. *winks*
Until next time: thoughts, comments, rage, rants, questions, and out-right insults can be directed to the comments.
Excuses, excuses, truth is I'd rather be writing, close second is sleeping. BUT, I did participate in National Novel Writing Month. I failed in getting my 254,000 goal because of burn out and general lack of time, plus hey, I needed to sleep. I did almost get 2,000,000 words. I kind of gained back the weight I had lost and stopped going to the gym in like April. And...yeah I failed in getting anything done for Tale of the Twins or doing any marketing in general.
On the plus side, I started working at a place I like making over minimum wage, got a new phone, got new tires on my car, and am slowly, very slowly, picking away at the debt I massed while not working. No, I don't like going to work but once I'm there it's not bad and I'm not throwing up in nervousness of having to work there.
My BFF got married while my other BFF is single (a good thing, really) and might be going for her doctrine. She's applying. I'm still singe which is fine with me, my cat's still crazy, and I don't have to choose between buying extra groceries or paying a bill. Plus hey, I'm not using credit cards or lines of credit to you know, live.
On the writing end of life: I wrote almost two million words. Most of that was split between Avalora and fan-fiction. I wrote four new novel this year. Why? Because I planned my year instead of picking as the months went on what I wanted to write. Basically I over-planned for my brain, said "hell with it" and wrote other stuff instead of following the plan. Oops.
Yes, I wrote fan-fiction. Why? Because it's fun. I can be as crazy as I want and make up all the stuff I want and it's no big deal. Let's not get into the fact I made a bunch of original characters so the fan-fiction became it's own novel in someone else's universe but whatever.
Anyway, monthly word counts:
January: 158,491
February: 132,736
March: 88,876
April: 126,539
May: 253,040
June: 240,823
July: 205,978
August: 202,794
September: 95,326
October: 122,740
November: 228,043
December: 53,something
Sorry, I got lazy in calculating my December total. My word tracker gave me the final total. Why were May-August over 200K? I wasn't working. I was on a LoA from the job I got in January because it almost killed me, quite literally. I got the new job August 31st which is why September's total is so low then I got back into the swing of writing and working.
Yes, December is really low. It's normally my month off and I've had way lower counts than 50K before. I didn't write for half the month so there.
Anyway, goals for this year? Same as last year: writing, trying to figure out the whole marketing shtick, potential losing weight, carving down the debt, and what not. I'll try to keep up on the blog but no promises. My memory sucks and I get distracted by writing. Sorry, totally not sorry. *winks*
Until next time: thoughts, comments, rage, rants, questions, and out-right insults can be directed to the comments.
Thursday, October 1, 2015
Updates
For those of you actually following this blog, you'll notice I made a huge change to my "Novel Series" list for this year. Basically I knocked off every novel except book 3 of Tale of the Twins. Why?
Cuz I'm totally not getting to them in the few months of the year that's left.
Why?
Because I got distracted by Avalora and a bunch of ongoing fan-fiction.
Why fan-fiction?
To be honest, I don't know. I started free-writing and now I have a following of sorts on the site so it's gone from there. Plus it's kind of nice not to make up my own characters or world for once. It helps me focus solely on plot...even though I kind of made up some characters to go into the world. Oops?
Once I'm finished this one ongoing but almost ended fan-fiction story, I'll be going back into the Avalora world since November is coming up in a month and I've only got enough written and ready to be posted to take me through until the middle of November.
I'm planning to start working on term two of year one of Avalora by mid-October. Hopefully I can get a butt load of chapters done, kick it into higher gear for NaNo, finish term two then get Tale of the Twins done.
After that I'll finish off that super-hero book I started in August and actually finish it. Then? Eh, maybe I'll write some of the novels I had on my original list.
I've figured out I can't actually plan my years for writing so intently. My mind wanders from the project I'm on then I get distracted and I end up making on-going things. So, for next year, I'll go back to pulling titles out of a hat once I finish a novel. It seems I get more done that way.
Until next time: comments, questions, rants, rages and what not can be left below.
Cuz I'm totally not getting to them in the few months of the year that's left.
Why?
Because I got distracted by Avalora and a bunch of ongoing fan-fiction.
Why fan-fiction?
To be honest, I don't know. I started free-writing and now I have a following of sorts on the site so it's gone from there. Plus it's kind of nice not to make up my own characters or world for once. It helps me focus solely on plot...even though I kind of made up some characters to go into the world. Oops?
Once I'm finished this one ongoing but almost ended fan-fiction story, I'll be going back into the Avalora world since November is coming up in a month and I've only got enough written and ready to be posted to take me through until the middle of November.
I'm planning to start working on term two of year one of Avalora by mid-October. Hopefully I can get a butt load of chapters done, kick it into higher gear for NaNo, finish term two then get Tale of the Twins done.
After that I'll finish off that super-hero book I started in August and actually finish it. Then? Eh, maybe I'll write some of the novels I had on my original list.
I've figured out I can't actually plan my years for writing so intently. My mind wanders from the project I'm on then I get distracted and I end up making on-going things. So, for next year, I'll go back to pulling titles out of a hat once I finish a novel. It seems I get more done that way.
Until next time: comments, questions, rants, rages and what not can be left below.
Monday, August 31, 2015
Writing Tip #17: Self-Editing for Writers
Today we'll be talking about how you as a writer can prepare your piece of writing for an editor. This concept has been briefly looked at in Writing Tip #5: Your Voice and Writing Rules and Writing Tip #6: Words to be Wary of. Don't give me that look. Yes, you have to do a bit of pre-editing before slapping your editor with your manuscript. Why? Well, you want your work to be as solid as it can be before someone else mercilessly rips it apart.
No, you don't have to be the best at grammar. Word (or whatever grammar checker you're using) will catch most of your mistakes. Word will also catch your spelling mistakes. It'll even determine if you're using the wrong word sometimes. Don't trust Word.
Why? Because con is still a word even if you mean can. Bee is still a word if you mean be. There is a distinct difference between definitely and defiantly but they're both still words. There's also a huge distinction between six and sex. Word won't catch repetitiveness like constantly using "that", "just", "really", "thing", "in order", or any other word on the Words to be Wary of list. It doesn't even know the difference between weary and wary. It might not even notice you've left the "r" out in "your." And there are some instances when Word is wrong when it comes to grammar.
Yes your editor will catch all the above mistakes and yes it is what you pay them for. But you don't want your editor to get caught up in minor mistakes YOU could have caught when you want them focusing more on the larger picture. You want them to take your manuscript BEYOND your capabilities. You want them to tighten sentences and make suggestions with your voice or showing and telling. You don't want them focusing on minor mistakes. Pay them for being a second set of eyes, yes, but let them be a set of eyes used to their full potential.
So, how does one self-edit? Read over Words to be Wary of. Then go into your document and hit Ctrl+F or "Find." A window will appear. Now type in the word "that." When it finds the first "that", read over the sentence then REMOVE THE WORD or REPLACE IT. Repeat this process with the words:
Why out loud? Because your brain will force you to pay attention to every word. You won't automatically put in a word that might be missing and you're "hear" if something doesn't sound right.
Go back to your document and correct any changes. Go back to the top of your document and hit the "Show/Hide hidden characters." This button will show paragraph marks, spaces, tabs, and every other hidden character in your document. Why is this important? Sometimes at the end of a sentence you'll have hit a "soft" return instead of a hard return. So, instead of a new paragraph with a line in between, you'll have a new paragraph with NO space. You cannot visually see the difference until your book goes through formatting to be put on Kindle, Kobo, or any other website. The paragraph tag that should be at the end of every sentence looks like this:
You should also only have ONE space between each word, not two. The space between words is shown by a dot running along the middle of your word, kind of like a strike through. It looks like this:
If you have two dots then take one out. Besides your paragraph tags and space tags THERE SHOULD BE NO OTHER hidden characters. If there are: delete them and fix your document accordingly.
Go back to the top of your document again and read it from the beginning. This time make note of the story itself and anything you may have accidently changed like a character's name or eye color. Make sure a character wasn't holding an object and suddenly wasn't holding it (without putting it down) in the next sentence. Make sure a character isn't defying the laws of physics as in taking a seat on the edge of the desk when she was all ready sitting in a chair. Look for any awkward turns of phrases or sentences. Repair it all.
Now, leave it ALONE for a week or more. Go plan for your next novel, start a new one, edit something else, or read. Binge watch a show on Netflix, ANYTHING but DO NOT read your novel for at least a week. Once the week is over: start from the beginning of your document and read through it YET AGAIN.
How many read-throughs should you do? One for spelling. One for grammar. One for the words on the Words to be Wary of list. One for misused or improper words. One for sentence structure. One for hidden characters (as in the symbols not actual people in your novel). One for consistency. Once out loud. One more time after a period of time that you've left it alone.
That's nine times. I know it seems like a lot but your editor will be able to do a MUCH better job if you've read over your manuscript before sending it to them. Plus you won't have to pay them three or more times because they need to read over your novel nine times. Remember, the less they have to do, the more they can focus on your actual STORY.
Yes, it is a lot. But you can combine the read-through for spelling and grammar. If you're great you can also combine misused words, sentence structure, repetitive or unneeded words, spelling, and grammar. If you're excellent: you would have all read done those five while you're writing.
That's the key to self-editing: KNOWING the rules so well you can correct your mistakes AS YOU ARE WRITING. You will get to the point where the words on the Words to be Wary of list no longer exist in your writing vocabulary. You will get to the point where you'll know you've used the wrong word but you know to correct it before moving on to the next sentence.
What's this mean? You're working with your Inner Editor and NO it's not a bad thing. I know a lot of people say to turn off this inner critic when working on the first draft but why bother? If you're constantly shutting it off than you can't learn to get better and make a tighter, more concise first draft. I've got a whole blog post about the Inner Editor. I know the post is old but I still agree with everything there.
We've reached "The End" multiple times in our document. Now what? You find an editor to do the rest. How do you find an editor? I've touched on it briefly here. Read that whole post. Yes, it IS what you're getting yourself into.
Until next time: thoughts, comments, rages, rants, questions, and out-right insults can be directed to the comments section.
No, you don't have to be the best at grammar. Word (or whatever grammar checker you're using) will catch most of your mistakes. Word will also catch your spelling mistakes. It'll even determine if you're using the wrong word sometimes. Don't trust Word.
Why? Because con is still a word even if you mean can. Bee is still a word if you mean be. There is a distinct difference between definitely and defiantly but they're both still words. There's also a huge distinction between six and sex. Word won't catch repetitiveness like constantly using "that", "just", "really", "thing", "in order", or any other word on the Words to be Wary of list. It doesn't even know the difference between weary and wary. It might not even notice you've left the "r" out in "your." And there are some instances when Word is wrong when it comes to grammar.
Yes your editor will catch all the above mistakes and yes it is what you pay them for. But you don't want your editor to get caught up in minor mistakes YOU could have caught when you want them focusing more on the larger picture. You want them to take your manuscript BEYOND your capabilities. You want them to tighten sentences and make suggestions with your voice or showing and telling. You don't want them focusing on minor mistakes. Pay them for being a second set of eyes, yes, but let them be a set of eyes used to their full potential.
So, how does one self-edit? Read over Words to be Wary of. Then go into your document and hit Ctrl+F or "Find." A window will appear. Now type in the word "that." When it finds the first "that", read over the sentence then REMOVE THE WORD or REPLACE IT. Repeat this process with the words:
- very
- really
- just
- only
- in order
- thing (usually replaced with an object the "thing" is describing)
- quite
- get or got
- -ing words
- then
- suddenly
- smirk
- quirk
- like
- as
- feel
- think
- a lot
- kind of/sort of
Why out loud? Because your brain will force you to pay attention to every word. You won't automatically put in a word that might be missing and you're "hear" if something doesn't sound right.
Go back to your document and correct any changes. Go back to the top of your document and hit the "Show/Hide hidden characters." This button will show paragraph marks, spaces, tabs, and every other hidden character in your document. Why is this important? Sometimes at the end of a sentence you'll have hit a "soft" return instead of a hard return. So, instead of a new paragraph with a line in between, you'll have a new paragraph with NO space. You cannot visually see the difference until your book goes through formatting to be put on Kindle, Kobo, or any other website. The paragraph tag that should be at the end of every sentence looks like this:
You should also only have ONE space between each word, not two. The space between words is shown by a dot running along the middle of your word, kind of like a strike through. It looks like this:
If you have two dots then take one out. Besides your paragraph tags and space tags THERE SHOULD BE NO OTHER hidden characters. If there are: delete them and fix your document accordingly.
Go back to the top of your document again and read it from the beginning. This time make note of the story itself and anything you may have accidently changed like a character's name or eye color. Make sure a character wasn't holding an object and suddenly wasn't holding it (without putting it down) in the next sentence. Make sure a character isn't defying the laws of physics as in taking a seat on the edge of the desk when she was all ready sitting in a chair. Look for any awkward turns of phrases or sentences. Repair it all.
Now, leave it ALONE for a week or more. Go plan for your next novel, start a new one, edit something else, or read. Binge watch a show on Netflix, ANYTHING but DO NOT read your novel for at least a week. Once the week is over: start from the beginning of your document and read through it YET AGAIN.
How many read-throughs should you do? One for spelling. One for grammar. One for the words on the Words to be Wary of list. One for misused or improper words. One for sentence structure. One for hidden characters (as in the symbols not actual people in your novel). One for consistency. Once out loud. One more time after a period of time that you've left it alone.
That's nine times. I know it seems like a lot but your editor will be able to do a MUCH better job if you've read over your manuscript before sending it to them. Plus you won't have to pay them three or more times because they need to read over your novel nine times. Remember, the less they have to do, the more they can focus on your actual STORY.
Yes, it is a lot. But you can combine the read-through for spelling and grammar. If you're great you can also combine misused words, sentence structure, repetitive or unneeded words, spelling, and grammar. If you're excellent: you would have all read done those five while you're writing.
That's the key to self-editing: KNOWING the rules so well you can correct your mistakes AS YOU ARE WRITING. You will get to the point where the words on the Words to be Wary of list no longer exist in your writing vocabulary. You will get to the point where you'll know you've used the wrong word but you know to correct it before moving on to the next sentence.
What's this mean? You're working with your Inner Editor and NO it's not a bad thing. I know a lot of people say to turn off this inner critic when working on the first draft but why bother? If you're constantly shutting it off than you can't learn to get better and make a tighter, more concise first draft. I've got a whole blog post about the Inner Editor. I know the post is old but I still agree with everything there.
We've reached "The End" multiple times in our document. Now what? You find an editor to do the rest. How do you find an editor? I've touched on it briefly here. Read that whole post. Yes, it IS what you're getting yourself into.
Until next time: thoughts, comments, rages, rants, questions, and out-right insults can be directed to the comments section.
Monday, August 10, 2015
Review: Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows
Why did I pick it up?
Final book to finish off the Harry Potter series. I finished it on March 12 which means I took a little less than two months from start to finish.
Funny story: right after I finished reading it and moved onto the trilogy I'm reading now I saw someone at work had started reading this one. Same cover and everything. It was fun.
The Review of Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows by JK Rowling:
Know how I've been complaining about the same pattern for the last six books? Well it's broken! Sort of. We do start out with a scene of Voldemort torturing some poor soul who we later find out is Hogwart's Muggle Studies teacher.
Harry spends some time cleaning out his room at the Dursley's house and examining the paper which has Dumbledore's eulogy and an article with an interview with Rita Skeeter about her new book that apparently reveals the truth about Dumbledore. Harry's obviously upset over the paper but begins to pack his bags to leave.
The Dursleys are leaving too as the moment Harry turns 17 the protection on the house will be gone and the Dursleys could be in trouble. It was nice to see Dudley giving Harry a nice good bye. I was disappointed nothing further was taken with the Dursleys here. They could have been mentioned in the end but this is the last we see or even hear of them.
Harry is to be brought to the Burrow for safe keeping and a group of witches and wizards will be pairing off to make fake Harry's and hopefully distract from the real one. This is where the deaths begin. Harry and the group leave but are attacked because Snape knows when Harry's supposed to leave and obviously told Voldemort. Hedwig is killed in the ensuing battle but Harry does manage to escape after meeting Tonk's parents. He gets to the Burrow to find out Mad Eye Moody was also killed and George Weasley lost an ear.
The Minister of Magic comes to deliver the gifts Harry, Ron, and Hermione received from Dumbledore: the first Snich Harry caught, the Deluminator, and a book of fairy tails in that order. Harry was also supposed to get the Sword of Gryffindor but the Minister wouldn't hand it over. Yes all of these are important. ;)
The preparations for Bill and Fleur's wedding take place as normal and Harry is disguised. He does run into Krum who is peeved at Luna's father for wearing some kind of evil symbol. The wedding is broken up by the Death Eaters who have taken over the ministry. Harry, Hermione, and Ron escape to Sirus' old place (which he inherited) and camp out there for a while. Thanks to Hermione's quick thinking (and a convenience plot hole) she managed to bring all their things with them in a bottomless purse.
Harry, Ron, and Hermione live in the musty old house until figuring out Kreacher helped Regulus (Sirus' brother) destroy the original locket/Horcrux Dumbledore had died for. Harry starts being nice to Kreacher and Kreacher is kind in return. He brings them the dude who stole the locket and they realize they need Gryffindor's sword to break it. The trio leave the house but are caught on the way back and have to begin backpacking through England as they can no longer stay in one spot.
On their travels Ron ends up leaving the group because he had hoped Harry had a better plan in looking for the Horcruxes. Hermione and Harry continue on their travels and Harry's wand ends up breaking when the duo fall into a trap. Harry is lead to a pool where Gryffindor's sword is by a patroneous doe (important point) and almost dies but Ron saves him. They figure out what the Deathly Hallows are: the Elder Wand, Harry's invisibility cloak, and the resurrection stone. Harry knows Voldermort is going after the Elder Wand so he can beat Harry once and for all.
They end up getting captured by Death Eaters but Hermione disguises Harry and Dobby comes to save the group. Harry and Ron go to save Hermione who was separated from them (fun plot point so you can see for yourself) and in their escape they manage to steal two wands. Dobby is killed on their way out.
More happens here but Voldermort does end up possessing the Elder Wand. We also see Snape was the one who sent the doe patroneous to lead Harry to the sword. And Snape gives Harry the memories of what transpired in all of Snape's life after Voldemort gets his snake to kill Snape. Harry finds out the truth about everything. Oh, did I mentioned they've made it all the way to Hogwarts now and the school is where the final battle takes place?
It makes sense in a way. Everything began there and what better battle ground. Voldemort's death was anti-climatic. His killing curse bounced back on him and that was that. There is a bit of a death count: Lupin, Tonks (who were married and just had a kid), and Fred. Neville saved part of the day by beheading Voldemort's snake with Gryffindor's sword so that was pretty cool.
Then we hit the epilogue. We find out Ron and Hermione are married with kids, Harry and Ginny are married with three kids, and Hell, even Draco got married. Despite everything, the Malfoys are still a-okay to be out and about. Now, I do see why they weren't killed before (plot devices anyone?) but still. This family has shown a willingness to go to the dark side and they're walking around like nothing happened. Like they didn't help kill so many people and side with the bad guy. It's annoying. I mean, they didn't even get a slap on the wrist.
Again, no mention of the Dursleys. No mention on how George is doing without Fred or if he continued the joke shop. No mention of Hagrid, who the headmaster is for Hogwarts, nothing. After all the focus on the school over 7 books all we know is Neville is a teacher there. Also: Harry's worked up to be this decent wizard, said he was going to be a Auror (job's kind of mote without Death eaters anyway) and has a talent for Quiddich but do we know what he does for work? Nope. We don't know anything about the three except they got married and are sending their kids off to Hogwarts.
Even just one more paragraph would have answered all those questions. Yeah, great to know "all was well" but how well? Did George ever get married? How are the rest of the Weasleys? What about Luna and the other Gryffindors? The Dursleys? Kreacher and the House Elves?
The Negatives:
Besides those mentioned above, for a book pegged at young adults there is a lot of death in here. I find this holds true for Hunger Games and a few other popular series for young adults. I mean, I get the world can't be all peachy but Harry Potter is originally pegged for kids under 10. Yeah, they would've grown up by the seventh book but still.
Also: the neat little bow wasn't so neat. There are still points left uncovered after the epilogue which I guess is okay. Do we need to know who runs the school or what the trio is doing? I guess not but after seven books I would've liked to know something besides marriage and children. Hell, we don't even know what happens to Hagrid and his giant half-brother.
Were all the deaths needed? Not really. Hedwig, Mad Eye, Dobby, and Snape: yes. Fred, Lupin, and Tonks? Nope. Yeah people die in war but did we really need to make another orphaned kid right after Lupin finally becomes happy? Did we really need to rip apart the twins like that to show the horrors of this war? Not really. We knew the horrors. We saw the bodies in the Great Hall. We saw Lavender and Colin. Crabbe (though technically a bad guy) a bunch of death eaters, goblins, and the 50 dead Hogwarts students were all enough.
The other thing that bugs me is the way Harry treats the Deathly Hallows. He leaves the resurrection stone somewhere in the forest where anyone with enough balls can find it. He reburies the Elder Wand with no protection and he likely still has the cloak but we're never told. These are objects of immense power and he leaves them lying around. COME ON. Who's to say someone's NOT going to go grab the Elder Wand, come kill you with it, then take over the world?
That sucker should have been broken. The rock should've been tossed in the middle of the freaking ocean. And the cloak? Yeah, that's not as dangerous unless someone with the wrong ideas grabs it. I mean really. Most powerful objects in the world and just left around like nothing.
The book itself was quite dark and comparing this last one to the first one is like moon and sun. You'd never think book 1 could have developed into this theme-wise. I mean yeah, Voldemort would have eventually had to die and Harry would have had to suffer loss but not to this proportion, not in a book for kids.
Final Review: 3/5 for adults, 2/5 for the intended audience.
Until next time thoughts, comments, rages, rants, questions, and out-right insults can be directed to the comments section.
Final book to finish off the Harry Potter series. I finished it on March 12 which means I took a little less than two months from start to finish.
Funny story: right after I finished reading it and moved onto the trilogy I'm reading now I saw someone at work had started reading this one. Same cover and everything. It was fun.
The Review of Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows by JK Rowling:
Know how I've been complaining about the same pattern for the last six books? Well it's broken! Sort of. We do start out with a scene of Voldemort torturing some poor soul who we later find out is Hogwart's Muggle Studies teacher.Harry spends some time cleaning out his room at the Dursley's house and examining the paper which has Dumbledore's eulogy and an article with an interview with Rita Skeeter about her new book that apparently reveals the truth about Dumbledore. Harry's obviously upset over the paper but begins to pack his bags to leave.
The Dursleys are leaving too as the moment Harry turns 17 the protection on the house will be gone and the Dursleys could be in trouble. It was nice to see Dudley giving Harry a nice good bye. I was disappointed nothing further was taken with the Dursleys here. They could have been mentioned in the end but this is the last we see or even hear of them.
Harry is to be brought to the Burrow for safe keeping and a group of witches and wizards will be pairing off to make fake Harry's and hopefully distract from the real one. This is where the deaths begin. Harry and the group leave but are attacked because Snape knows when Harry's supposed to leave and obviously told Voldemort. Hedwig is killed in the ensuing battle but Harry does manage to escape after meeting Tonk's parents. He gets to the Burrow to find out Mad Eye Moody was also killed and George Weasley lost an ear.
The Minister of Magic comes to deliver the gifts Harry, Ron, and Hermione received from Dumbledore: the first Snich Harry caught, the Deluminator, and a book of fairy tails in that order. Harry was also supposed to get the Sword of Gryffindor but the Minister wouldn't hand it over. Yes all of these are important. ;)
The preparations for Bill and Fleur's wedding take place as normal and Harry is disguised. He does run into Krum who is peeved at Luna's father for wearing some kind of evil symbol. The wedding is broken up by the Death Eaters who have taken over the ministry. Harry, Hermione, and Ron escape to Sirus' old place (which he inherited) and camp out there for a while. Thanks to Hermione's quick thinking (and a convenience plot hole) she managed to bring all their things with them in a bottomless purse.
Harry, Ron, and Hermione live in the musty old house until figuring out Kreacher helped Regulus (Sirus' brother) destroy the original locket/Horcrux Dumbledore had died for. Harry starts being nice to Kreacher and Kreacher is kind in return. He brings them the dude who stole the locket and they realize they need Gryffindor's sword to break it. The trio leave the house but are caught on the way back and have to begin backpacking through England as they can no longer stay in one spot.
On their travels Ron ends up leaving the group because he had hoped Harry had a better plan in looking for the Horcruxes. Hermione and Harry continue on their travels and Harry's wand ends up breaking when the duo fall into a trap. Harry is lead to a pool where Gryffindor's sword is by a patroneous doe (important point) and almost dies but Ron saves him. They figure out what the Deathly Hallows are: the Elder Wand, Harry's invisibility cloak, and the resurrection stone. Harry knows Voldermort is going after the Elder Wand so he can beat Harry once and for all.
They end up getting captured by Death Eaters but Hermione disguises Harry and Dobby comes to save the group. Harry and Ron go to save Hermione who was separated from them (fun plot point so you can see for yourself) and in their escape they manage to steal two wands. Dobby is killed on their way out.
More happens here but Voldermort does end up possessing the Elder Wand. We also see Snape was the one who sent the doe patroneous to lead Harry to the sword. And Snape gives Harry the memories of what transpired in all of Snape's life after Voldemort gets his snake to kill Snape. Harry finds out the truth about everything. Oh, did I mentioned they've made it all the way to Hogwarts now and the school is where the final battle takes place?
It makes sense in a way. Everything began there and what better battle ground. Voldemort's death was anti-climatic. His killing curse bounced back on him and that was that. There is a bit of a death count: Lupin, Tonks (who were married and just had a kid), and Fred. Neville saved part of the day by beheading Voldemort's snake with Gryffindor's sword so that was pretty cool.
Then we hit the epilogue. We find out Ron and Hermione are married with kids, Harry and Ginny are married with three kids, and Hell, even Draco got married. Despite everything, the Malfoys are still a-okay to be out and about. Now, I do see why they weren't killed before (plot devices anyone?) but still. This family has shown a willingness to go to the dark side and they're walking around like nothing happened. Like they didn't help kill so many people and side with the bad guy. It's annoying. I mean, they didn't even get a slap on the wrist.
Again, no mention of the Dursleys. No mention on how George is doing without Fred or if he continued the joke shop. No mention of Hagrid, who the headmaster is for Hogwarts, nothing. After all the focus on the school over 7 books all we know is Neville is a teacher there. Also: Harry's worked up to be this decent wizard, said he was going to be a Auror (job's kind of mote without Death eaters anyway) and has a talent for Quiddich but do we know what he does for work? Nope. We don't know anything about the three except they got married and are sending their kids off to Hogwarts.
Even just one more paragraph would have answered all those questions. Yeah, great to know "all was well" but how well? Did George ever get married? How are the rest of the Weasleys? What about Luna and the other Gryffindors? The Dursleys? Kreacher and the House Elves?
The Negatives:
Besides those mentioned above, for a book pegged at young adults there is a lot of death in here. I find this holds true for Hunger Games and a few other popular series for young adults. I mean, I get the world can't be all peachy but Harry Potter is originally pegged for kids under 10. Yeah, they would've grown up by the seventh book but still.
Also: the neat little bow wasn't so neat. There are still points left uncovered after the epilogue which I guess is okay. Do we need to know who runs the school or what the trio is doing? I guess not but after seven books I would've liked to know something besides marriage and children. Hell, we don't even know what happens to Hagrid and his giant half-brother.
Were all the deaths needed? Not really. Hedwig, Mad Eye, Dobby, and Snape: yes. Fred, Lupin, and Tonks? Nope. Yeah people die in war but did we really need to make another orphaned kid right after Lupin finally becomes happy? Did we really need to rip apart the twins like that to show the horrors of this war? Not really. We knew the horrors. We saw the bodies in the Great Hall. We saw Lavender and Colin. Crabbe (though technically a bad guy) a bunch of death eaters, goblins, and the 50 dead Hogwarts students were all enough.
The other thing that bugs me is the way Harry treats the Deathly Hallows. He leaves the resurrection stone somewhere in the forest where anyone with enough balls can find it. He reburies the Elder Wand with no protection and he likely still has the cloak but we're never told. These are objects of immense power and he leaves them lying around. COME ON. Who's to say someone's NOT going to go grab the Elder Wand, come kill you with it, then take over the world?
That sucker should have been broken. The rock should've been tossed in the middle of the freaking ocean. And the cloak? Yeah, that's not as dangerous unless someone with the wrong ideas grabs it. I mean really. Most powerful objects in the world and just left around like nothing.
The book itself was quite dark and comparing this last one to the first one is like moon and sun. You'd never think book 1 could have developed into this theme-wise. I mean yeah, Voldemort would have eventually had to die and Harry would have had to suffer loss but not to this proportion, not in a book for kids.
Final Review: 3/5 for adults, 2/5 for the intended audience.
Until next time thoughts, comments, rages, rants, questions, and out-right insults can be directed to the comments section.
Saturday, August 1, 2015
Writing Tip #16: Basic HTML For Writers
For those self-published authors who are doing it all I put together a handy-dandy cheat sheet for those thinking of formatting their own blogs, webpages, and whatever else without the help of a WYSIWYG editor. Let's start with the meaning of WYSIWYG: "What you see is what you get." You're going to be fine.
All HTML, CSS, etc is made up of TAGS. No, not the game you played as a kid. These are the end braces, brackets and other such do-hickies you've never had a use for. Depending on the coding language a tag can include: < > or ( ) or { } or [ ]. You'll mostly be using ( ) and <>. The first ( ) is mainly used in some internet forums. The second <> is used in actual HTML and websites.
The stuff that goes between those braces is the command for what you want your webpage to do. So <strong> means to make something BOLD. In word editing programs and WYSIWYG you hit Ctrl+b. If you're in Blogger or Wordpress and flip over to "HTML" instead of "Compose" then you'll see the tag in action.
Tags come in two parts: opening and closing. At the beginning of every bit of code you will see <command>stuff you want the command to effect </command> See the '/'? It tells the webpage to end the command. If you forget the closing tag, then whatever the command is will effect your entire webpage. Let's move onto some simple commands.
"Renna! I want to make something bold!"
Then you use <strong>Type in bold bits here </strong>
"Renna! I want to put something in italics!"
Then you use <em> Type in italized bits here </em>
"Renna! I want to underline something!"
<u>Underlined bits here</u>
"Renna! I want tostrike-through something!"
<strike>Strike-through bits here</strike>
Not bad, huh? Of course, these can all be found at the top of any WYSIWYG editing platform. So, what about links and pictures? Links are usually at the top of your WYSIWYG editor and a little window pops up where you put your link and yay! all good. But, what happens when your link breaks or you've accidently included a word you didn't want to or, or you need to READ the HTML?
This is the body of a link:
<a href="#">Link text here </a>
The a href tells the website where to go. The # is the actual link. So:
<a href="http://www.dairennav.blogspot.com">This blog's homepage </a>
YES, you need the quotes. YES you need the http:// No you don't necessarily need the 'www' YES you need to use an = sign. Anything missing from the tag and your link won't work. Fun fact: "a" stands for ANCHOR which is why in some WYSIWYG programs you'll see a little picture of an anchor instead of the word "link"
You want to look at an image tag? OKAY!
<img src="nameofimage.png/jpg/tiff" />
Confused? Don't worry, let's break it up. The picture tag is a self-closing tag and you can't see what it actually looks like until your preview your site. What's self-closing mean? You'll notice there's no ending tag and the / is INSIDE the >. That's self-closing.
img stands for image. src means source. You're basically telling the website "The image source is located between " "." Cool huh? Now, what's actually between our quotes? The name of your image and what format it's in: jpg, tiff, or png. Screw that up and your image won't display. You can host your images on alternate websites so your image tag might look like this:
<img src="http://www.website.com/imagename.png" /> In which you have your website name and the name of your image. Nifty huh?
"Wait, how do you control the size of the image and where it goes?"
I'm glad you asked. The image tag can get complicated:
<img src="nameofimage.png" height="430px" width="430px" vspace="5" hspace="5" border="2" />
What's all this mean? The height and width are the height and width of your image in pixels. vspace and hspace are the vertical and horizontal space between your image and whatever else is on the page. Border is the border around your images.
"Wait, how do I center it?"
Oh, now we're getting complicated. USUALLY you can add align="center" in your self-closing image tag and call it a day. Mm, not so much in MOST web applications as you'll find out when you start fiddling.
See, every website you look at is controlled by a little something called div tags which look like this: <div> stuff </div>. What's a div tag? It's a DIVision of the webpage. What's in between those div tags is a small section of your website and yes, you can have div tags inside of div tags. It's how people get a website with a colored background and a white block on top.
If you've added images in your Blogger/Wordpress account via the little image...picture at the top of your screen, then lots of options come up. If you flip over to HTML mode, you'll see a <div> tag in action. This is what's used to make your image do what you want it to do and as someone who has coded webpages by hand: divs can be a saving grace and annoying as Hell.
The question of "How do I center this image?" depends on everything else going on in your page. Yeah, I know, it's complicated.
You know what's even more fun? You can make your images clickable! If you flip on over to my "Store Tab" you'll see all my book covers lined up in neat little rows and columns with a "Buy Now" button under them with text between the two images. Cool huh? Wanna see the code?
<table>
<tr style="height: 550px;">
<td>
<center>
<a href="https://www.smashwords.com/books/view/81428"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi3S-2v4j9K3Y_RirOfe6zMSd_bQSH7PJzDf1DZxzCEuTzD21pWI26Kt6X-g9lC3Xjwyw2ZDNLrGDa-tUeSj3DzkQ9K7l9bwecj6mY4z-rVll92aqn8lKU9ZzFAkBVEWGZgFW1Cc3wdcCM/s1600/CoverartTEXT.jpg" imageanchor="1"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi3S-2v4j9K3Y_RirOfe6zMSd_bQSH7PJzDf1DZxzCEuTzD21pWI26Kt6X-g9lC3Xjwyw2ZDNLrGDa-tUeSj3DzkQ9K7l9bwecj6mY4z-rVll92aqn8lKU9ZzFAkBVEWGZgFW1Cc3wdcCM/s320/CoverartTEXT.jpg" /></a></a></center>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<i>Small Slice of the Undead</i> can ONLY BE BOUGHT in ebook form through Smashwords.
<a href="https://www.smashwords.com/books/view/81428"><img src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhlCgKGb9SNjrk98k1GNiIGoovLGmmDpkvWMbzrvm03jH4g_ZIfSuLA9BayhpBCE56B9YNcBiGxodP74dgpoKMRNGGTF54_8WHJSBIrNDgItPzcf271SG2aPIi6QGk4O6jQ-sa_aLj3yHw/s320/buynow.jpg" /></a></div>
</td>
<td>
<center>
<a href="https://www.smashwords.com/books/view/93437"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgzjvrM3m2q_Q7fAWZv5tcuUJpcrbb8Iyn_UFF3uy8m_dseeZ-IqZq5PlyBwiar7IpSBBw1j5XUrew5IiZXsejDypH6XdAwUGgsvrM2KWWtUN6pFeYHChPS-QvyeUzeNcLu61XoXGDH4OE/s1600/Apocalyptic.jpg" imageanchor="1"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgzjvrM3m2q_Q7fAWZv5tcuUJpcrbb8Iyn_UFF3uy8m_dseeZ-IqZq5PlyBwiar7IpSBBw1j5XUrew5IiZXsejDypH6XdAwUGgsvrM2KWWtUN6pFeYHChPS-QvyeUzeNcLu61XoXGDH4OE/s320/Apocalyptic.jpg" /></a></a></center>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<i>Apocalyptic</i> can ONLY BE BOUGHT in ebook form through Smashwords.
<a href="https://www.smashwords.com/books/view/93437"><img src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhlCgKGb9SNjrk98k1GNiIGoovLGmmDpkvWMbzrvm03jH4g_ZIfSuLA9BayhpBCE56B9YNcBiGxodP74dgpoKMRNGGTF54_8WHJSBIrNDgItPzcf271SG2aPIi6QGk4O6jQ-sa_aLj3yHw/s320/buynow.jpg" /></a></div>
</td>
</tr>
</table>
Confused? Let's go through it. <table> and </table> create a you guessed it, table on your webpages. Fun fact: webpages used to be made entirely from tables back in the 90s. To make a proper table you need <tr> </tr> which is your table ROW. Inside that you need <td> and </td> which is your table DATA or columns. So, I have two <td> </td> tags inside a <tr> </tr> tag which means I have two columns in one row. That's not so bad, huh?
Hey look! There's our div tag! It's controlling the text that appears between my cover image and the "Buy now" image. What's that <center> </center> tag? It's what makes the cover image centered in the middle of the column in my table. See how there's a link tag wrapped around the img tag? THAT makes the image clickable. See that <i> </i>? That is the depreciated form of <em> </em> that makes something italics. It's still in use in some WYSIWYG editing programs and on some websites.
What's the <tr style="height:550px;"> mean? That's telling the webpage to make my table ROWS 550px in height. Why did I use a table to make my store page instead of divs? It's way easier and keeps things neater, for me. It's personal preference really.
Now I know you're probably not going to use a lot of this information as most of you have a WYSIWYG editor for your blog and your website. Or you've hired someone. But, if it's the middle of the night and you've somehow gotten into HTML mode in your WYSIWYG, instead of panicking completely, you might be able to read the tags and figure out what to do.
If you really want to see some neat stuff, go to "View" and "Source" the next time you're on your favorite website. What will pop up in a new window is the coding behind that website. If you think the table was complex... ;)
Until next time: thoughts, comments, rages, rants, questions, and out-right insults can be directed to the comments section.
All HTML, CSS, etc is made up of TAGS. No, not the game you played as a kid. These are the end braces, brackets and other such do-hickies you've never had a use for. Depending on the coding language a tag can include: < > or ( ) or { } or [ ]. You'll mostly be using ( ) and <>. The first ( ) is mainly used in some internet forums. The second <> is used in actual HTML and websites.
The stuff that goes between those braces is the command for what you want your webpage to do. So <strong> means to make something BOLD. In word editing programs and WYSIWYG you hit Ctrl+b. If you're in Blogger or Wordpress and flip over to "HTML" instead of "Compose" then you'll see the tag in action.
Tags come in two parts: opening and closing. At the beginning of every bit of code you will see <command>stuff you want the command to effect </command> See the '/'? It tells the webpage to end the command. If you forget the closing tag, then whatever the command is will effect your entire webpage. Let's move onto some simple commands.
"Renna! I want to make something bold!"
Then you use <strong>Type in bold bits here </strong>
"Renna! I want to put something in italics!"
Then you use <em> Type in italized bits here </em>
"Renna! I want to underline something!"
<u>Underlined bits here</u>
"Renna! I want to
<strike>Strike-through bits here</strike>
Not bad, huh? Of course, these can all be found at the top of any WYSIWYG editing platform. So, what about links and pictures? Links are usually at the top of your WYSIWYG editor and a little window pops up where you put your link and yay! all good. But, what happens when your link breaks or you've accidently included a word you didn't want to or, or you need to READ the HTML?
This is the body of a link:
<a href="#">Link text here </a>
The a href tells the website where to go. The # is the actual link. So:
<a href="http://www.dairennav.blogspot.com">This blog's homepage </a>
YES, you need the quotes. YES you need the http:// No you don't necessarily need the 'www' YES you need to use an = sign. Anything missing from the tag and your link won't work. Fun fact: "a" stands for ANCHOR which is why in some WYSIWYG programs you'll see a little picture of an anchor instead of the word "link"
You want to look at an image tag? OKAY!
<img src="nameofimage.png/jpg/tiff" />
Confused? Don't worry, let's break it up. The picture tag is a self-closing tag and you can't see what it actually looks like until your preview your site. What's self-closing mean? You'll notice there's no ending tag and the / is INSIDE the >. That's self-closing.
img stands for image. src means source. You're basically telling the website "The image source is located between " "." Cool huh? Now, what's actually between our quotes? The name of your image and what format it's in: jpg, tiff, or png. Screw that up and your image won't display. You can host your images on alternate websites so your image tag might look like this:
<img src="http://www.website.com/imagename.png" /> In which you have your website name and the name of your image. Nifty huh?
"Wait, how do you control the size of the image and where it goes?"
I'm glad you asked. The image tag can get complicated:
<img src="nameofimage.png" height="430px" width="430px" vspace="5" hspace="5" border="2" />
What's all this mean? The height and width are the height and width of your image in pixels. vspace and hspace are the vertical and horizontal space between your image and whatever else is on the page. Border is the border around your images.
"Wait, how do I center it?"
Oh, now we're getting complicated. USUALLY you can add align="center" in your self-closing image tag and call it a day. Mm, not so much in MOST web applications as you'll find out when you start fiddling.
See, every website you look at is controlled by a little something called div tags which look like this: <div> stuff </div>. What's a div tag? It's a DIVision of the webpage. What's in between those div tags is a small section of your website and yes, you can have div tags inside of div tags. It's how people get a website with a colored background and a white block on top.
If you've added images in your Blogger/Wordpress account via the little image...picture at the top of your screen, then lots of options come up. If you flip over to HTML mode, you'll see a <div> tag in action. This is what's used to make your image do what you want it to do and as someone who has coded webpages by hand: divs can be a saving grace and annoying as Hell.
The question of "How do I center this image?" depends on everything else going on in your page. Yeah, I know, it's complicated.
You know what's even more fun? You can make your images clickable! If you flip on over to my "Store Tab" you'll see all my book covers lined up in neat little rows and columns with a "Buy Now" button under them with text between the two images. Cool huh? Wanna see the code?
<table>
<tr style="height: 550px;">
<td>
<center>
<a href="https://www.smashwords.com/books/view/81428"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi3S-2v4j9K3Y_RirOfe6zMSd_bQSH7PJzDf1DZxzCEuTzD21pWI26Kt6X-g9lC3Xjwyw2ZDNLrGDa-tUeSj3DzkQ9K7l9bwecj6mY4z-rVll92aqn8lKU9ZzFAkBVEWGZgFW1Cc3wdcCM/s1600/CoverartTEXT.jpg" imageanchor="1"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi3S-2v4j9K3Y_RirOfe6zMSd_bQSH7PJzDf1DZxzCEuTzD21pWI26Kt6X-g9lC3Xjwyw2ZDNLrGDa-tUeSj3DzkQ9K7l9bwecj6mY4z-rVll92aqn8lKU9ZzFAkBVEWGZgFW1Cc3wdcCM/s320/CoverartTEXT.jpg" /></a></a></center>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<i>Small Slice of the Undead</i> can ONLY BE BOUGHT in ebook form through Smashwords.
<a href="https://www.smashwords.com/books/view/81428"><img src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhlCgKGb9SNjrk98k1GNiIGoovLGmmDpkvWMbzrvm03jH4g_ZIfSuLA9BayhpBCE56B9YNcBiGxodP74dgpoKMRNGGTF54_8WHJSBIrNDgItPzcf271SG2aPIi6QGk4O6jQ-sa_aLj3yHw/s320/buynow.jpg" /></a></div>
</td>
<td>
<center>
<a href="https://www.smashwords.com/books/view/93437"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgzjvrM3m2q_Q7fAWZv5tcuUJpcrbb8Iyn_UFF3uy8m_dseeZ-IqZq5PlyBwiar7IpSBBw1j5XUrew5IiZXsejDypH6XdAwUGgsvrM2KWWtUN6pFeYHChPS-QvyeUzeNcLu61XoXGDH4OE/s1600/Apocalyptic.jpg" imageanchor="1"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgzjvrM3m2q_Q7fAWZv5tcuUJpcrbb8Iyn_UFF3uy8m_dseeZ-IqZq5PlyBwiar7IpSBBw1j5XUrew5IiZXsejDypH6XdAwUGgsvrM2KWWtUN6pFeYHChPS-QvyeUzeNcLu61XoXGDH4OE/s320/Apocalyptic.jpg" /></a></a></center>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<i>Apocalyptic</i> can ONLY BE BOUGHT in ebook form through Smashwords.
<a href="https://www.smashwords.com/books/view/93437"><img src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhlCgKGb9SNjrk98k1GNiIGoovLGmmDpkvWMbzrvm03jH4g_ZIfSuLA9BayhpBCE56B9YNcBiGxodP74dgpoKMRNGGTF54_8WHJSBIrNDgItPzcf271SG2aPIi6QGk4O6jQ-sa_aLj3yHw/s320/buynow.jpg" /></a></div>
</td>
</tr>
</table>
Confused? Let's go through it. <table> and </table> create a you guessed it, table on your webpages. Fun fact: webpages used to be made entirely from tables back in the 90s. To make a proper table you need <tr> </tr> which is your table ROW. Inside that you need <td> and </td> which is your table DATA or columns. So, I have two <td> </td> tags inside a <tr> </tr> tag which means I have two columns in one row. That's not so bad, huh?
Hey look! There's our div tag! It's controlling the text that appears between my cover image and the "Buy now" image. What's that <center> </center> tag? It's what makes the cover image centered in the middle of the column in my table. See how there's a link tag wrapped around the img tag? THAT makes the image clickable. See that <i> </i>? That is the depreciated form of <em> </em> that makes something italics. It's still in use in some WYSIWYG editing programs and on some websites.
What's the <tr style="height:550px;"> mean? That's telling the webpage to make my table ROWS 550px in height. Why did I use a table to make my store page instead of divs? It's way easier and keeps things neater, for me. It's personal preference really.
Now I know you're probably not going to use a lot of this information as most of you have a WYSIWYG editor for your blog and your website. Or you've hired someone. But, if it's the middle of the night and you've somehow gotten into HTML mode in your WYSIWYG, instead of panicking completely, you might be able to read the tags and figure out what to do.
If you really want to see some neat stuff, go to "View" and "Source" the next time you're on your favorite website. What will pop up in a new window is the coding behind that website. If you think the table was complex... ;)
Until next time: thoughts, comments, rages, rants, questions, and out-right insults can be directed to the comments section.
Thursday, July 23, 2015
Review: Smoke and Bone Series
Why did I pick it up?
To be honest: I can't remember. I think it was in a three-pack, a finished series, and priced well so I grabbed it. See, I love when a series is finished, all together and ready to go like that. It means I don't have to wait a year or more for the next book thus forgetting everything that happened in prior books which generally forces me to read the prior books. I'm also impatient when it comes to knowing what happens next, so much so that I'll look for a summary somewhere so I don't have to wait.
Funny story, so I started watching The Walking Dead when it was in its second season. I got to the point where they leave Merle on the roof with his hand cuffed and a bunch of Walkers ready to break through the door. I was binge-watching and it was almost midnight, too late to see what happened to him so I turned off Netflix then went to look up what happened to him. Yes, I totally spoiled it for myself but that's okay. I'm one of those weird people who doesn't care about spoilers. You can tell me the ending of any movie I haven't seen or book I haven't read and I'll still watch or read it.
Anyway, I started this series right after finishing Harry Potter so...March-ish and finished it in a week. Yes, three books in one week. They were that good. ONWARDS!
The Review of The Smoke and Bone Series by Laini Taylor:
Normally I don't do a full post on a series but I kind of got really into this series and completely forgot to do a review after each book then started reading another series and here we are. Oops?
Anyway, our story follows Karou who's an art student in Prague. At first I had no idea what was going on and I remember being annoyed that this girl had such a blasé attitude about being strange. Then she started explaining how things she wished for came true...like her naturally blue hair. Then she met up with Brimstone. Well okay. AWESOME.
I mean that seriously. Suddenly we're thrown into a world where angels are trying to destroy demons and Karou has no freaking clue why or what's going on. She does see all the portals to Brimstone's world destroyed and the first book ends with Brimstone's death. Karou falls in love with one of the angels and it turns out the reason she has these eye tattoos on her hands (that hurt the angels no less) is because this is her second body. Yeah, you read that right. Her second body.
Originally she was a "demon" (chimera) who had been killed for loving that same angel and wanting to change the world. Brimstone managed to save her soul, make her body (a completely human one) and re-birth her, making up a complete lie of a life in an attempt to save her. Well see, NOW I'm really invested.
I believe this is where we moved into the second book. Again, I read them exceptionally quickly so my memory could be a little hazy. Turns out the angels are still killing the chimera but now that Karou's finally figured out who she is, she takes over for Brimstone's job: being the chimera resurrectionalist. Yes that's right, it's become Karou's job to bring the chimera who've fallen in battle back to life.
There's a whole bunch of awesome political stuff going on with the White Wolf and the leader of the angels, then we find out what the angels really are, and some more cool things happen. I don't want to get into too many details as it'll ruin the books.
These books were amazing. It's rare a book can capture me so effortlessly I can't put it down. This did it, all three of them and I wanted to stay up until I'd read them all. I do have to say I was weary about the story being set in Prague because of another book I read I ended up not liking. And being honest, this story would have survived if not set in Prague. Yeah, okay, Prague has this whole mystery thing going on around it with magic, etc, but I think the story would have had as much impact if it happened in any other city in the world.
Regardless, the story was great. I loved Karou and Zazuna. I was upset when we found out Brimstone was dead. Seriously I almost cried because he was an awesome character and finding out about the real him and Karou was great. Right after that: bam, he's dead. Urg. Overall: I was and still am impressed with the trilogy.
Would I read the Smoke and Bone Series again?
Hell to the yes. Over one weekend. Again. Because I'm cool like that.
The Negatives:
I can't find any negatives in this series. Like I said, the only thing that miffed me was it being in Prague. The other was how we were introduced to Karou and her strange ways. Kind of like, thrown into her oddness without really knowing how or why she was so odd. I almost didn't make it past the second chapter but held on and I'm glad I did.
Now, some of the negatives I am seeing is the fact Karou is a reincarnation of someone else. I think what people aren't getting is that this is kinda, sorta, integral to the plot of the entire series. There would be no book if that "someone else" didn't die and Karou didn't come about. And really: exact same soul with all old life experiences in new body with new life experiences. Not so much a reincarnation: an upgrade if you will. Karou is both this other person and herself.
The romance: Karou falling for Akiva totally and completely. Yes but then she leaves him at the end is entirely pissed at him for everything and yeah, eventually they get back together, yadda, yadda, but not until after they force separation on themselves and all the other fun stuff. Again: Angel falls in love with demon so yes it's kind of important the two have the whole "love at first sight" thing going on. And remember, Karou's soul remembers who Akiva was to her before she was killed. So yes. There is going to be an instant bond.
What I find really funny? How one person hated Karou's former being but love Karou herself. Again: without Karou's other being, half, life, we wouldn't have Karou so...yeah. Personally I would've loved to see more of this other self in the beginning chapters.
Final Review: 5/5 I adore this book and it's one of few that will stick with me for years to come.
Until next time: thoughts, comments, rages, rants, questions, and out-right insults can be directed to the comments.
To be honest: I can't remember. I think it was in a three-pack, a finished series, and priced well so I grabbed it. See, I love when a series is finished, all together and ready to go like that. It means I don't have to wait a year or more for the next book thus forgetting everything that happened in prior books which generally forces me to read the prior books. I'm also impatient when it comes to knowing what happens next, so much so that I'll look for a summary somewhere so I don't have to wait.
Funny story, so I started watching The Walking Dead when it was in its second season. I got to the point where they leave Merle on the roof with his hand cuffed and a bunch of Walkers ready to break through the door. I was binge-watching and it was almost midnight, too late to see what happened to him so I turned off Netflix then went to look up what happened to him. Yes, I totally spoiled it for myself but that's okay. I'm one of those weird people who doesn't care about spoilers. You can tell me the ending of any movie I haven't seen or book I haven't read and I'll still watch or read it.
Anyway, I started this series right after finishing Harry Potter so...March-ish and finished it in a week. Yes, three books in one week. They were that good. ONWARDS!
The Review of The Smoke and Bone Series by Laini Taylor:
Anyway, our story follows Karou who's an art student in Prague. At first I had no idea what was going on and I remember being annoyed that this girl had such a blasé attitude about being strange. Then she started explaining how things she wished for came true...like her naturally blue hair. Then she met up with Brimstone. Well okay. AWESOME.
I mean that seriously. Suddenly we're thrown into a world where angels are trying to destroy demons and Karou has no freaking clue why or what's going on. She does see all the portals to Brimstone's world destroyed and the first book ends with Brimstone's death. Karou falls in love with one of the angels and it turns out the reason she has these eye tattoos on her hands (that hurt the angels no less) is because this is her second body. Yeah, you read that right. Her second body.
Originally she was a "demon" (chimera) who had been killed for loving that same angel and wanting to change the world. Brimstone managed to save her soul, make her body (a completely human one) and re-birth her, making up a complete lie of a life in an attempt to save her. Well see, NOW I'm really invested.
I believe this is where we moved into the second book. Again, I read them exceptionally quickly so my memory could be a little hazy. Turns out the angels are still killing the chimera but now that Karou's finally figured out who she is, she takes over for Brimstone's job: being the chimera resurrectionalist. Yes that's right, it's become Karou's job to bring the chimera who've fallen in battle back to life.
There's a whole bunch of awesome political stuff going on with the White Wolf and the leader of the angels, then we find out what the angels really are, and some more cool things happen. I don't want to get into too many details as it'll ruin the books.
These books were amazing. It's rare a book can capture me so effortlessly I can't put it down. This did it, all three of them and I wanted to stay up until I'd read them all. I do have to say I was weary about the story being set in Prague because of another book I read I ended up not liking. And being honest, this story would have survived if not set in Prague. Yeah, okay, Prague has this whole mystery thing going on around it with magic, etc, but I think the story would have had as much impact if it happened in any other city in the world.
Regardless, the story was great. I loved Karou and Zazuna. I was upset when we found out Brimstone was dead. Seriously I almost cried because he was an awesome character and finding out about the real him and Karou was great. Right after that: bam, he's dead. Urg. Overall: I was and still am impressed with the trilogy.
Would I read the Smoke and Bone Series again?
Hell to the yes. Over one weekend. Again. Because I'm cool like that.
The Negatives:
I can't find any negatives in this series. Like I said, the only thing that miffed me was it being in Prague. The other was how we were introduced to Karou and her strange ways. Kind of like, thrown into her oddness without really knowing how or why she was so odd. I almost didn't make it past the second chapter but held on and I'm glad I did.
Now, some of the negatives I am seeing is the fact Karou is a reincarnation of someone else. I think what people aren't getting is that this is kinda, sorta, integral to the plot of the entire series. There would be no book if that "someone else" didn't die and Karou didn't come about. And really: exact same soul with all old life experiences in new body with new life experiences. Not so much a reincarnation: an upgrade if you will. Karou is both this other person and herself.
The romance: Karou falling for Akiva totally and completely. Yes but then she leaves him at the end is entirely pissed at him for everything and yeah, eventually they get back together, yadda, yadda, but not until after they force separation on themselves and all the other fun stuff. Again: Angel falls in love with demon so yes it's kind of important the two have the whole "love at first sight" thing going on. And remember, Karou's soul remembers who Akiva was to her before she was killed. So yes. There is going to be an instant bond.
What I find really funny? How one person hated Karou's former being but love Karou herself. Again: without Karou's other being, half, life, we wouldn't have Karou so...yeah. Personally I would've loved to see more of this other self in the beginning chapters.
Final Review: 5/5 I adore this book and it's one of few that will stick with me for years to come.
Until next time: thoughts, comments, rages, rants, questions, and out-right insults can be directed to the comments.
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