Saturday, February 4, 2017

Review: Fat Vampire

Why did I pick it up?

The first reason is it was another one of those books that came from the $35/box of books sale at the Book Depot where I got around 45-50 books for $35. The second reason? I devour anything having to do with vampires. Yes, I even read Twilight. The first book of the series anyway. Third reason? Awesome cover.

The Review of Fat Vampire by Adam Rex:

The books starts with Doug: chunky, nerdy, and insecure at a Com-con with his best friend. Oh and Doug's a vampire. A fat vampire who's not sexy, or savvy, or dark, or handsome or any adjective having to do with the traditional vampire. In fact, Doug regularly has to feast on cows or resort to stealing blood from the local blood bank van at said Com-con.

Doug has to walk around in a poncho and despite his (accidental) vampire status he does not become the new cool kid or get any kind of powers to make up for his, well, fatness. His words, not mine. I'm okay with extra body fat.

Anyway, around half-way or so the hilarious one-liners and general funniness kind of dives. Doug suddenly decides he's going to ditch his best friend and basically hypnotize one of the theater girls into being his blood-slave/girlfriend. Mind you this change does come about when he's rejected by the new exchange student, an Indian girl named Sejal.

Sejal's backstory becomes way more interesting than Doug's entire situation and Doug kind of gets tossed into the background despite being the entire reason the books come about. There's some odd mention about a vampire hunter's TV show where Doug is being chased down as a prime suspect, and there's a play all the kids at school are part of. There's also the fact the whole reason Sejal transferred is because she became addicted to her computer and her parents sent her overseas for a kind of rehab.

The mystery of how Doug became a vampire (along with a few of the football players at his school apparently) isn't so much of a mystery in the end. It's a bit insulting the gay vampire was the one who wanted to turn a whole hoard of high school kids so one of them would kill him. Worse yet all the kids (the football players, NOT Doug) he turned were so insecure about a male turning them they made up some story about a hot chick.

The motives were kind of...bleh. Now, if it was left as a kind of coming-of-age story of how nerdy, chunky, forever-15 Doug learns how to deal with being a vampire, it would have been cool. But no, it kind of drifts off into some odd there-MUST-be-a-villain plot that leaves the reader thinking "Huh?"

I do have to say the cover art was good and it's one of the other reasons I picked it up, besides it being about a vampire and being a book I could get for $0.50.

Now, if we take the book as being a satirical piece of fiction: it succeeds. I'm not sure if it was meant to be satire though but we'll pretend.

Would I read it again?

Probably not because of the ending.

The Negatives:

THAT ENDING! WHAT THE BLOODY HELL?! URG. Doug doesn't get to see any redemption and the reader is left with a literal list when the author breaks the fourth wall (to an extent) and describes possible endings for Doug. WHAT? NO! I don't want possible endings! DID HE DIE OR NOT? Jeez. This is the first time in a long while I've wanted to toss a book across the room in frustration.

Final review: 1/5 all because of the freaking ending and Doug's downhill transformation. Even if meant to be satirical that ending was so disappointing. If the ending had been different and the book stuck with the themes in the first half this would have been a 5-star review.

Until next time: comments, rants, rage and questions cane be directed to the comments.

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