For those of you actually following this blog, you'll notice I made a huge change to my "Novel Series" list for this year. Basically I knocked off every novel except book 3 of Tale of the Twins. Why?
Cuz I'm totally not getting to them in the few months of the year that's left.
Why?
Because I got distracted by Avalora and a bunch of ongoing fan-fiction.
Why fan-fiction?
To be honest, I don't know. I started free-writing and now I have a following of sorts on the site so it's gone from there. Plus it's kind of nice not to make up my own characters or world for once. It helps me focus solely on plot...even though I kind of made up some characters to go into the world. Oops?
Once I'm finished this one ongoing but almost ended fan-fiction story, I'll be going back into the Avalora world since November is coming up in a month and I've only got enough written and ready to be posted to take me through until the middle of November.
I'm planning to start working on term two of year one of Avalora by mid-October. Hopefully I can get a butt load of chapters done, kick it into higher gear for NaNo, finish term two then get Tale of the Twins done.
After that I'll finish off that super-hero book I started in August and actually finish it. Then? Eh, maybe I'll write some of the novels I had on my original list.
I've figured out I can't actually plan my years for writing so intently. My mind wanders from the project I'm on then I get distracted and I end up making on-going things. So, for next year, I'll go back to pulling titles out of a hat once I finish a novel. It seems I get more done that way.
Until next time: comments, questions, rants, rages and what not can be left below.
Thursday, October 1, 2015
Monday, August 31, 2015
Writing Tip #17: Self-Editing for Writers
Today we'll be talking about how you as a writer can prepare your piece of writing for an editor. This concept has been briefly looked at in Writing Tip #5: Your Voice and Writing Rules and Writing Tip #6: Words to be Wary of. Don't give me that look. Yes, you have to do a bit of pre-editing before slapping your editor with your manuscript. Why? Well, you want your work to be as solid as it can be before someone else mercilessly rips it apart.
No, you don't have to be the best at grammar. Word (or whatever grammar checker you're using) will catch most of your mistakes. Word will also catch your spelling mistakes. It'll even determine if you're using the wrong word sometimes. Don't trust Word.
Why? Because con is still a word even if you mean can. Bee is still a word if you mean be. There is a distinct difference between definitely and defiantly but they're both still words. There's also a huge distinction between six and sex. Word won't catch repetitiveness like constantly using "that", "just", "really", "thing", "in order", or any other word on the Words to be Wary of list. It doesn't even know the difference between weary and wary. It might not even notice you've left the "r" out in "your." And there are some instances when Word is wrong when it comes to grammar.
Yes your editor will catch all the above mistakes and yes it is what you pay them for. But you don't want your editor to get caught up in minor mistakes YOU could have caught when you want them focusing more on the larger picture. You want them to take your manuscript BEYOND your capabilities. You want them to tighten sentences and make suggestions with your voice or showing and telling. You don't want them focusing on minor mistakes. Pay them for being a second set of eyes, yes, but let them be a set of eyes used to their full potential.
So, how does one self-edit? Read over Words to be Wary of. Then go into your document and hit Ctrl+F or "Find." A window will appear. Now type in the word "that." When it finds the first "that", read over the sentence then REMOVE THE WORD or REPLACE IT. Repeat this process with the words:
Why out loud? Because your brain will force you to pay attention to every word. You won't automatically put in a word that might be missing and you're "hear" if something doesn't sound right.
Go back to your document and correct any changes. Go back to the top of your document and hit the "Show/Hide hidden characters." This button will show paragraph marks, spaces, tabs, and every other hidden character in your document. Why is this important? Sometimes at the end of a sentence you'll have hit a "soft" return instead of a hard return. So, instead of a new paragraph with a line in between, you'll have a new paragraph with NO space. You cannot visually see the difference until your book goes through formatting to be put on Kindle, Kobo, or any other website. The paragraph tag that should be at the end of every sentence looks like this:
You should also only have ONE space between each word, not two. The space between words is shown by a dot running along the middle of your word, kind of like a strike through. It looks like this:
If you have two dots then take one out. Besides your paragraph tags and space tags THERE SHOULD BE NO OTHER hidden characters. If there are: delete them and fix your document accordingly.
Go back to the top of your document again and read it from the beginning. This time make note of the story itself and anything you may have accidently changed like a character's name or eye color. Make sure a character wasn't holding an object and suddenly wasn't holding it (without putting it down) in the next sentence. Make sure a character isn't defying the laws of physics as in taking a seat on the edge of the desk when she was all ready sitting in a chair. Look for any awkward turns of phrases or sentences. Repair it all.
Now, leave it ALONE for a week or more. Go plan for your next novel, start a new one, edit something else, or read. Binge watch a show on Netflix, ANYTHING but DO NOT read your novel for at least a week. Once the week is over: start from the beginning of your document and read through it YET AGAIN.
How many read-throughs should you do? One for spelling. One for grammar. One for the words on the Words to be Wary of list. One for misused or improper words. One for sentence structure. One for hidden characters (as in the symbols not actual people in your novel). One for consistency. Once out loud. One more time after a period of time that you've left it alone.
That's nine times. I know it seems like a lot but your editor will be able to do a MUCH better job if you've read over your manuscript before sending it to them. Plus you won't have to pay them three or more times because they need to read over your novel nine times. Remember, the less they have to do, the more they can focus on your actual STORY.
Yes, it is a lot. But you can combine the read-through for spelling and grammar. If you're great you can also combine misused words, sentence structure, repetitive or unneeded words, spelling, and grammar. If you're excellent: you would have all read done those five while you're writing.
That's the key to self-editing: KNOWING the rules so well you can correct your mistakes AS YOU ARE WRITING. You will get to the point where the words on the Words to be Wary of list no longer exist in your writing vocabulary. You will get to the point where you'll know you've used the wrong word but you know to correct it before moving on to the next sentence.
What's this mean? You're working with your Inner Editor and NO it's not a bad thing. I know a lot of people say to turn off this inner critic when working on the first draft but why bother? If you're constantly shutting it off than you can't learn to get better and make a tighter, more concise first draft. I've got a whole blog post about the Inner Editor. I know the post is old but I still agree with everything there.
We've reached "The End" multiple times in our document. Now what? You find an editor to do the rest. How do you find an editor? I've touched on it briefly here. Read that whole post. Yes, it IS what you're getting yourself into.
Until next time: thoughts, comments, rages, rants, questions, and out-right insults can be directed to the comments section.
No, you don't have to be the best at grammar. Word (or whatever grammar checker you're using) will catch most of your mistakes. Word will also catch your spelling mistakes. It'll even determine if you're using the wrong word sometimes. Don't trust Word.
Why? Because con is still a word even if you mean can. Bee is still a word if you mean be. There is a distinct difference between definitely and defiantly but they're both still words. There's also a huge distinction between six and sex. Word won't catch repetitiveness like constantly using "that", "just", "really", "thing", "in order", or any other word on the Words to be Wary of list. It doesn't even know the difference between weary and wary. It might not even notice you've left the "r" out in "your." And there are some instances when Word is wrong when it comes to grammar.
Yes your editor will catch all the above mistakes and yes it is what you pay them for. But you don't want your editor to get caught up in minor mistakes YOU could have caught when you want them focusing more on the larger picture. You want them to take your manuscript BEYOND your capabilities. You want them to tighten sentences and make suggestions with your voice or showing and telling. You don't want them focusing on minor mistakes. Pay them for being a second set of eyes, yes, but let them be a set of eyes used to their full potential.
So, how does one self-edit? Read over Words to be Wary of. Then go into your document and hit Ctrl+F or "Find." A window will appear. Now type in the word "that." When it finds the first "that", read over the sentence then REMOVE THE WORD or REPLACE IT. Repeat this process with the words:
- very
- really
- just
- only
- in order
- thing (usually replaced with an object the "thing" is describing)
- quite
- get or got
- -ing words
- then
- suddenly
- smirk
- quirk
- like
- as
- feel
- think
- a lot
- kind of/sort of
Why out loud? Because your brain will force you to pay attention to every word. You won't automatically put in a word that might be missing and you're "hear" if something doesn't sound right.
Go back to your document and correct any changes. Go back to the top of your document and hit the "Show/Hide hidden characters." This button will show paragraph marks, spaces, tabs, and every other hidden character in your document. Why is this important? Sometimes at the end of a sentence you'll have hit a "soft" return instead of a hard return. So, instead of a new paragraph with a line in between, you'll have a new paragraph with NO space. You cannot visually see the difference until your book goes through formatting to be put on Kindle, Kobo, or any other website. The paragraph tag that should be at the end of every sentence looks like this:
You should also only have ONE space between each word, not two. The space between words is shown by a dot running along the middle of your word, kind of like a strike through. It looks like this:
If you have two dots then take one out. Besides your paragraph tags and space tags THERE SHOULD BE NO OTHER hidden characters. If there are: delete them and fix your document accordingly.
Go back to the top of your document again and read it from the beginning. This time make note of the story itself and anything you may have accidently changed like a character's name or eye color. Make sure a character wasn't holding an object and suddenly wasn't holding it (without putting it down) in the next sentence. Make sure a character isn't defying the laws of physics as in taking a seat on the edge of the desk when she was all ready sitting in a chair. Look for any awkward turns of phrases or sentences. Repair it all.
Now, leave it ALONE for a week or more. Go plan for your next novel, start a new one, edit something else, or read. Binge watch a show on Netflix, ANYTHING but DO NOT read your novel for at least a week. Once the week is over: start from the beginning of your document and read through it YET AGAIN.
How many read-throughs should you do? One for spelling. One for grammar. One for the words on the Words to be Wary of list. One for misused or improper words. One for sentence structure. One for hidden characters (as in the symbols not actual people in your novel). One for consistency. Once out loud. One more time after a period of time that you've left it alone.
That's nine times. I know it seems like a lot but your editor will be able to do a MUCH better job if you've read over your manuscript before sending it to them. Plus you won't have to pay them three or more times because they need to read over your novel nine times. Remember, the less they have to do, the more they can focus on your actual STORY.
Yes, it is a lot. But you can combine the read-through for spelling and grammar. If you're great you can also combine misused words, sentence structure, repetitive or unneeded words, spelling, and grammar. If you're excellent: you would have all read done those five while you're writing.
That's the key to self-editing: KNOWING the rules so well you can correct your mistakes AS YOU ARE WRITING. You will get to the point where the words on the Words to be Wary of list no longer exist in your writing vocabulary. You will get to the point where you'll know you've used the wrong word but you know to correct it before moving on to the next sentence.
What's this mean? You're working with your Inner Editor and NO it's not a bad thing. I know a lot of people say to turn off this inner critic when working on the first draft but why bother? If you're constantly shutting it off than you can't learn to get better and make a tighter, more concise first draft. I've got a whole blog post about the Inner Editor. I know the post is old but I still agree with everything there.
We've reached "The End" multiple times in our document. Now what? You find an editor to do the rest. How do you find an editor? I've touched on it briefly here. Read that whole post. Yes, it IS what you're getting yourself into.
Until next time: thoughts, comments, rages, rants, questions, and out-right insults can be directed to the comments section.
Saturday, August 22, 2015
Short Story: Why
A little something different this time around.
So back in May there was a contest run on the site Avalora is posted on. Basically authors got to submit a short story of any subject to win various levels of subscription to the site itself which was pretty cool. The only limitation was the short had to be under 4000 words.
I didn't place in the top 12 which is fine.
For kicks, here's my entry. Critiques welcome and please remember this has only been seen by two sets of eyes thus far: my own and whoever read it at Channillo. I don't have money for an editor, hardly enough to keep the billed paid so...yeah.
ANYWAY, here's the story:
Why
Let me explain why I killed them.
My parents were great people. Dad was some kind of business man. I’m not sure who he worked for or what he was exactly. All I really remember is that he had to wear a suit all the time and he made a lot of money. This allowed us to live in a big house and go to Disney World every summer for as long as we wanted.
Mom stayed at home with me. I remember her smile the most. It was bright, loving, and always made me happy. She had a lot of friends who came and sat with us, always telling me what a cute little boy I was and saying I’d grow up to be a heart breaker. They had that right.
On the night my life changed it was dark. Rain sluiced against the windows of the white truck dad drove and he had to keep his high beams on. He guided the immense beast of machinery carefully, a little under the speed limit, and making sure to check around every corner for any kind of oncoming traffic.
Funny how it works, the one who’s always careful is the one who ends up at the mercy of someone not so careful. All I remember is one moment mom was smiling back at me and telling me we would be home soon. The next moment the truck had filled up with bright white light and the sound of a horn blew through my ear in a warning which was too late.
I woke up alone, scared, with tubes in my arms and a machine beeping beside me. It terrified me and I started screaming. I tried ripping out all the tubes but I had been four and not exactly dexterous enough to do as needed. It did not take many nurses to stop me and I remember I kept shouting for my mom and dad.
The looks on the nurses’ faces went from panic and worry to pity. I didn’t exactly recognize pity then as no one had looked down at me and thought “the poor child.” One of the nurses sat on my bed beside me and hugged me. She explained my dad’s truck had been hit in the driver’s side, dad’s side.
The impact had sent the truck spinning and the passenger side, mom’s side, had hit a light post so hard it snapped under the pressure, tore down electrical wires as it fell and crushed the hood of dad’s truck. The rain kept a fire from starting. The driver of the other vehicle had been rendered unconscious from the blow. A passerby in a white car had called the police. It had all happened a week ago. Dad and mom had not made it out of the truck alive.
Coincidences are strange. I remember at the time I had an intense infatuation with Batman, the superhero who had no parents. Now I was Batman. I had no parents.
The solace I was given by the nurse was the man in the other car had broken his spine and would never walk again. It did not provide me with comfort but gave me anger. Why should he live when both my parents, good people, had died? The little comfort I did get from the information was at least he could never make another Batman.
My stay at the hospital was boring and the anger left. The nurses tried to entertain me but not much could be done for a child barely out of toddler-hood who suffered such a devastating blow. Who barely understood why mom and dad were not coming back. Who kept asking why this had happened and received no answers.
No one had an appropriate answer to give.
A week went by and I was approached by a woman from the government. She said she had contacted my mother’s sister and the woman, my aunt, would be taking care of me. I did not know my mom had a sister. It would not take me long to find out why.
The woman looked like my mother. She had the same dark hair and dark eyes with the same lips. She did not have the same happy smile, not even for her two children. She did not have a husband but when I asked her why she slapped me. Later my older cousin told me it was better without daddy as he had hit harder.
My aunt moved me out of the nice house my parents had and sold it. She had saved nothing from my former life except a suitcase of clothes. I had managed to sneak a picture under my shirt before we left and I have it to this day. It remained on my night side table to remind me of the life I could have had.
My aunt was given all the money from the house and the money my parents had saved in the bank. As I was four I could not access this money and it was supposed to be saved for me for when I turned eighteen. I did not understand the concepts at the time but I knew because of Batman I would get some kind of compensation. The issue was Batman did not have an aunt who liked to yell, hit, and drink.
I grew up in a house that had a sagging front porch, yellow weedy grass in the front and back, and shutters which banged in storms. I had to share a room with my older cousin even when she grew up and started high school. She was five years older than me and my nine year old self was always kicked out of the shared room when she had friends over.
When she turned sixteen my cousin was gone. No note but a suitcase of her clothing had gone missing and she had taken a couple thousand dollars from her mother’s bank account. My eleven year old self had been happy to finally have my own room but a small part of me wondered how my aunt who never worked had thousands of dollars in the bank.
My younger cousin, nine at the time and female had been upset her sister left. She began yelling at her mother a lot so I took to closing myself in my room to read. It had become a habit for me to look over at the empty bed and wonder how my older cousin was doing.
Life keeps going no matter what you do and I grew up. The women my mother used to speak with were right. I did grow into a heart-breaker. I had dark hair; dark “puppy dog” eyes with my father’s strong jaw and my mother’s high cheek bones. I had the good fortune to have clear skin and gain my father’s height gene. As I did not like my aunt or her home, I spent a lot of time after school in the gym so my body became toned. In the summer I ran, likely much more than any teenager should be.
Tall, dark, and handsome: every woman’s wet dream and I was it in real life. They swooned over me, the mysterious boy who hid in the library during lunch reading in one of the back corners and sat in the back of the class. I had all the answers for tests and did not act like the others boys:
The jocks with their minds full of sports, the nerds who to high school girls were funny looking and weird, the druggies who stunk of weed or booze, and the loners who were too creepy. I was part of the loner group but I had the benefit of being good looking. No one thought it entirely odd I had no friends. They assumed because of my outer shell I could do no harm and I used this outer shell as a sort of buffer.
When I was sixteen I spent the twenty dollars my aunt gave me weekly on some Batman comics. I read them with a passion during the evening hours after my homework was done and my aunt had left to go out with one of her boyfriends. I stayed away from the later issues when Batman had grown up and focused more on his early life as Bruce Wayne.
Nowhere in the comics did it ever say what exactly happened to his parents’ money. It had been left to him of course and in the end he had access to it. This was because he did not have an aunt whose name was on all the accounts until he turned eighteen and could be responsible enough to handle his money.
When I asked my aunt about the money she said I would get it and not to worry. This came in a shout and she almost hit me but I stopped her. For the first time in my life I saw what fear was in another person’s eyes. It made me let go of her hand and get a twisting feeling in my stomach. She avoided me for a week after that incident and I did not ask again because I did not want to see the fear.
The concept of someone being afraid of me was foreign. Everyone loved me at school or they were jealous of me. Some outright hated me but no one ever showed me fear. It made me feel like I had become the Joker instead of Batman and I did not like it.
Life kept moving on as it does. I graduated High School with honors and a scholarship to go to whatever school I wanted. I did not know what I wanted. My aunt had told me nothing of my parents so even if I wanted to follow in my father’s path I had no idea what it was. The scholarship would not expire so I decided to take a year off and travel wherever my beat up sedan would take me. First though, I had to get access to my money.
After graduation I did not leave on my trip. I waited until the day I turned eighteen two months later then approached my aunt in her dim kitchen. I had startled her and she showed the fear again. This time I would not let it overwhelm me. I wanted my parents’ money as now it was legally mine.
“It’s gone.”
Two words, one contracted. She said them in a low whisper and bit her lower lip after, eyes downcast and hands clenching hard at the counter behind her. The light from the window behind her shone off her messy dark hair and emphasized the bags under her dark eyes. She could have been pretty like my dead mother but cigarettes, booze, and a myriad of other bad habits had taken her youth and beauty from her.
“What do you mean it’s gone?”
She shook her head and kept her eyes down, not wanting to meet mine. The shirt she wore was skimpy and clung to her body like a sort of second skin. Her jeans were the same way and she did not wear shoes on her feet. I remember looking down at the floor to see the red nail polish on her toes and wondering if she was looking for chips in it to avoid looking me in the face.
“Gone where?”
“I spent it.”
Fourteen years of bill payments, booze, cigarettes, not working, expensive clothes for herself, holidays to Las Vegas with her boyfriends, and holidays to the beach had depleted the money my parents had left for me.
I had nothing. No mementoes to remember them. No memories or stories to know them. And now because of my aunt’s greed: no money to start my life with.
You have to realize I had never been an angry person. I took what life threw at me because I knew with time I would be okay. I had the brains, the looks, and the will to leave my aunt’s home and start my life once I could get what I had been promised. I had been driven by this fact so it curbed my anger and the worst off all my emotions and kept me level, cool, calm, and collected. Now the chain keeping the beast from rising was no more.
I cannot remember what I hit her with first though I assume since I was unarmed at the time it was a punch. I do not remember what area of the body I hit her in or when exactly I picked up the knife. I do not remember when my younger cousin had come home and began beating on my back to stop hurting her mom.
I’m not entirely sure when I pushed her to the floor and how I hurt her. The next memory I do have is of me standing in the kitchen with a steak knife in my hand. The blood dripped off the knife the same way the taps would drip into the sinks. There was a lot of blood.
It seeped into my shoes and slid under the refrigerator. It soaked into the cracks on the floor and turned the stained yellow floor deep red, the same red as my aunt’s toe nails. The blood stained my aunt and my cousin’s clothing, making my cousin’s dyed yellow hair turn a sort of orange-red color.
There were spatters of blood up the counters, across the tables and walls, even across the window and some on the ceiling. It had rained over the exposed flesh I did not cut through on both of them, marring it with little red freckles. Both lay at awkward angles and their eyes had no light in them. Neither took a breath. For some reason this did not bother me as much as it likely should have.
I walked out of the kitchen but do not remember dropping the knife. I do remember going into the bathroom and washing my hands. I stripped out of my clothes, realizing how bloody I was all over then took a shower. I dried. I dressed. I took the expensive jewellery my aunt had bought with my money and her purse.
I picked up my luggage bag and packed away all my clothes. I used my aunt’s luggage to pack away more of the belongings I wanted to take with me. Both went into the trunk of my beat up sedan. One of the neighbours asked if I was taking a holiday and I said I was. He waved to me as I pulled out of the driveway and turned away from my aunt’s home. It was probably him who called the police after a few days of not seeing my cousin or my aunt.
You know I lived free for a month. You caught up to me in Florida where I simply sat on the beach sipping a soda and watching the girls my age giggle over me. You know I went with you without argument. You know I did not change my name or appearance or attempt to hide in any way. I am a little disappointed it took you so long to find me.
Now you know why I did it. Why I stabbed my aunt sixty-eight times after beating her with my fists for so long she was hardly identifiable. Good thing for dental records, hm? You know why I stabbed my cousin three times, enough to kill her and in places which would incapacitate her and let her bleed out. I never would have hurt her if she had not hit me but this is not much of an excuse.
Now you can understand why the neighbours were so stunned to find the scene. Why they are crying because I had been a good kid. Why all those people I graduated with and my teachers seemed shock to hear about why you were looking for. Why all the lives I touched on my way to Florida were suspicious as to why you were looking for me.
I am not a horrible person. Circumstances made me this way. If I had not had a greedy aunt maybe I would have become Batman. But what is Batman except a vigilante who beats up the bad guys and lets them get away to wreak havoc again and again? If Batman actually dealt with the villains like I had then he would not have to keep chasing the same ones.
But heroes are not allowed to kill. Killing makes them villains. Funny isn’t it? The bad guys are allowed to deal with their problems with a sort of finality the heroes are never allowed to have. The heroes must toil again and again while people get hurt, their city gets destroyed, and the people they want to protect get killed. Yet they are still looked upon to save the city.
I saved no one but myself in killing my aunt and cousin. Perhaps I saved society a little because on less person living on booze and government checks might help overall. But she deserved her death like the Joker would deserve his if Batman would ever be allowed to kill the crazy bastard.
The regret I do have is killing my cousin. She is the reason I allowed you to catch me. She is why I did not try to hide. You can thank her later.
Now I supposed you have to finish processing me. I assume I get a lawyer and there will be a trial. If my lawyer is any good I will get a sentence of twenty-five years as in this state the death penalty is illegal and who can argue with snap rage especially when I showed no sign of it? Given the circumstances, I am as much of a victim as my aunt.
But I will take whatever punishment I am given because of my cousin. I deserve that. So. Let’s start the process, hm? No point in sitting here talking anymore. I will see you later, detective.
Have a nice day.
Monday, August 10, 2015
Review: Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows
Why did I pick it up?
Final book to finish off the Harry Potter series. I finished it on March 12 which means I took a little less than two months from start to finish.
Funny story: right after I finished reading it and moved onto the trilogy I'm reading now I saw someone at work had started reading this one. Same cover and everything. It was fun.
The Review of Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows by JK Rowling:
Know how I've been complaining about the same pattern for the last six books? Well it's broken! Sort of. We do start out with a scene of Voldemort torturing some poor soul who we later find out is Hogwart's Muggle Studies teacher.
Harry spends some time cleaning out his room at the Dursley's house and examining the paper which has Dumbledore's eulogy and an article with an interview with Rita Skeeter about her new book that apparently reveals the truth about Dumbledore. Harry's obviously upset over the paper but begins to pack his bags to leave.
The Dursleys are leaving too as the moment Harry turns 17 the protection on the house will be gone and the Dursleys could be in trouble. It was nice to see Dudley giving Harry a nice good bye. I was disappointed nothing further was taken with the Dursleys here. They could have been mentioned in the end but this is the last we see or even hear of them.
Harry is to be brought to the Burrow for safe keeping and a group of witches and wizards will be pairing off to make fake Harry's and hopefully distract from the real one. This is where the deaths begin. Harry and the group leave but are attacked because Snape knows when Harry's supposed to leave and obviously told Voldemort. Hedwig is killed in the ensuing battle but Harry does manage to escape after meeting Tonk's parents. He gets to the Burrow to find out Mad Eye Moody was also killed and George Weasley lost an ear.
The Minister of Magic comes to deliver the gifts Harry, Ron, and Hermione received from Dumbledore: the first Snich Harry caught, the Deluminator, and a book of fairy tails in that order. Harry was also supposed to get the Sword of Gryffindor but the Minister wouldn't hand it over. Yes all of these are important. ;)
The preparations for Bill and Fleur's wedding take place as normal and Harry is disguised. He does run into Krum who is peeved at Luna's father for wearing some kind of evil symbol. The wedding is broken up by the Death Eaters who have taken over the ministry. Harry, Hermione, and Ron escape to Sirus' old place (which he inherited) and camp out there for a while. Thanks to Hermione's quick thinking (and a convenience plot hole) she managed to bring all their things with them in a bottomless purse.
Harry, Ron, and Hermione live in the musty old house until figuring out Kreacher helped Regulus (Sirus' brother) destroy the original locket/Horcrux Dumbledore had died for. Harry starts being nice to Kreacher and Kreacher is kind in return. He brings them the dude who stole the locket and they realize they need Gryffindor's sword to break it. The trio leave the house but are caught on the way back and have to begin backpacking through England as they can no longer stay in one spot.
On their travels Ron ends up leaving the group because he had hoped Harry had a better plan in looking for the Horcruxes. Hermione and Harry continue on their travels and Harry's wand ends up breaking when the duo fall into a trap. Harry is lead to a pool where Gryffindor's sword is by a patroneous doe (important point) and almost dies but Ron saves him. They figure out what the Deathly Hallows are: the Elder Wand, Harry's invisibility cloak, and the resurrection stone. Harry knows Voldermort is going after the Elder Wand so he can beat Harry once and for all.
They end up getting captured by Death Eaters but Hermione disguises Harry and Dobby comes to save the group. Harry and Ron go to save Hermione who was separated from them (fun plot point so you can see for yourself) and in their escape they manage to steal two wands. Dobby is killed on their way out.
More happens here but Voldermort does end up possessing the Elder Wand. We also see Snape was the one who sent the doe patroneous to lead Harry to the sword. And Snape gives Harry the memories of what transpired in all of Snape's life after Voldemort gets his snake to kill Snape. Harry finds out the truth about everything. Oh, did I mentioned they've made it all the way to Hogwarts now and the school is where the final battle takes place?
It makes sense in a way. Everything began there and what better battle ground. Voldemort's death was anti-climatic. His killing curse bounced back on him and that was that. There is a bit of a death count: Lupin, Tonks (who were married and just had a kid), and Fred. Neville saved part of the day by beheading Voldemort's snake with Gryffindor's sword so that was pretty cool.
Then we hit the epilogue. We find out Ron and Hermione are married with kids, Harry and Ginny are married with three kids, and Hell, even Draco got married. Despite everything, the Malfoys are still a-okay to be out and about. Now, I do see why they weren't killed before (plot devices anyone?) but still. This family has shown a willingness to go to the dark side and they're walking around like nothing happened. Like they didn't help kill so many people and side with the bad guy. It's annoying. I mean, they didn't even get a slap on the wrist.
Again, no mention of the Dursleys. No mention on how George is doing without Fred or if he continued the joke shop. No mention of Hagrid, who the headmaster is for Hogwarts, nothing. After all the focus on the school over 7 books all we know is Neville is a teacher there. Also: Harry's worked up to be this decent wizard, said he was going to be a Auror (job's kind of mote without Death eaters anyway) and has a talent for Quiddich but do we know what he does for work? Nope. We don't know anything about the three except they got married and are sending their kids off to Hogwarts.
Even just one more paragraph would have answered all those questions. Yeah, great to know "all was well" but how well? Did George ever get married? How are the rest of the Weasleys? What about Luna and the other Gryffindors? The Dursleys? Kreacher and the House Elves?
The Negatives:
Besides those mentioned above, for a book pegged at young adults there is a lot of death in here. I find this holds true for Hunger Games and a few other popular series for young adults. I mean, I get the world can't be all peachy but Harry Potter is originally pegged for kids under 10. Yeah, they would've grown up by the seventh book but still.
Also: the neat little bow wasn't so neat. There are still points left uncovered after the epilogue which I guess is okay. Do we need to know who runs the school or what the trio is doing? I guess not but after seven books I would've liked to know something besides marriage and children. Hell, we don't even know what happens to Hagrid and his giant half-brother.
Were all the deaths needed? Not really. Hedwig, Mad Eye, Dobby, and Snape: yes. Fred, Lupin, and Tonks? Nope. Yeah people die in war but did we really need to make another orphaned kid right after Lupin finally becomes happy? Did we really need to rip apart the twins like that to show the horrors of this war? Not really. We knew the horrors. We saw the bodies in the Great Hall. We saw Lavender and Colin. Crabbe (though technically a bad guy) a bunch of death eaters, goblins, and the 50 dead Hogwarts students were all enough.
The other thing that bugs me is the way Harry treats the Deathly Hallows. He leaves the resurrection stone somewhere in the forest where anyone with enough balls can find it. He reburies the Elder Wand with no protection and he likely still has the cloak but we're never told. These are objects of immense power and he leaves them lying around. COME ON. Who's to say someone's NOT going to go grab the Elder Wand, come kill you with it, then take over the world?
That sucker should have been broken. The rock should've been tossed in the middle of the freaking ocean. And the cloak? Yeah, that's not as dangerous unless someone with the wrong ideas grabs it. I mean really. Most powerful objects in the world and just left around like nothing.
The book itself was quite dark and comparing this last one to the first one is like moon and sun. You'd never think book 1 could have developed into this theme-wise. I mean yeah, Voldemort would have eventually had to die and Harry would have had to suffer loss but not to this proportion, not in a book for kids.
Final Review: 3/5 for adults, 2/5 for the intended audience.
Until next time thoughts, comments, rages, rants, questions, and out-right insults can be directed to the comments section.
Final book to finish off the Harry Potter series. I finished it on March 12 which means I took a little less than two months from start to finish.
Funny story: right after I finished reading it and moved onto the trilogy I'm reading now I saw someone at work had started reading this one. Same cover and everything. It was fun.
The Review of Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows by JK Rowling:
Know how I've been complaining about the same pattern for the last six books? Well it's broken! Sort of. We do start out with a scene of Voldemort torturing some poor soul who we later find out is Hogwart's Muggle Studies teacher.Harry spends some time cleaning out his room at the Dursley's house and examining the paper which has Dumbledore's eulogy and an article with an interview with Rita Skeeter about her new book that apparently reveals the truth about Dumbledore. Harry's obviously upset over the paper but begins to pack his bags to leave.
The Dursleys are leaving too as the moment Harry turns 17 the protection on the house will be gone and the Dursleys could be in trouble. It was nice to see Dudley giving Harry a nice good bye. I was disappointed nothing further was taken with the Dursleys here. They could have been mentioned in the end but this is the last we see or even hear of them.
Harry is to be brought to the Burrow for safe keeping and a group of witches and wizards will be pairing off to make fake Harry's and hopefully distract from the real one. This is where the deaths begin. Harry and the group leave but are attacked because Snape knows when Harry's supposed to leave and obviously told Voldemort. Hedwig is killed in the ensuing battle but Harry does manage to escape after meeting Tonk's parents. He gets to the Burrow to find out Mad Eye Moody was also killed and George Weasley lost an ear.
The Minister of Magic comes to deliver the gifts Harry, Ron, and Hermione received from Dumbledore: the first Snich Harry caught, the Deluminator, and a book of fairy tails in that order. Harry was also supposed to get the Sword of Gryffindor but the Minister wouldn't hand it over. Yes all of these are important. ;)
The preparations for Bill and Fleur's wedding take place as normal and Harry is disguised. He does run into Krum who is peeved at Luna's father for wearing some kind of evil symbol. The wedding is broken up by the Death Eaters who have taken over the ministry. Harry, Hermione, and Ron escape to Sirus' old place (which he inherited) and camp out there for a while. Thanks to Hermione's quick thinking (and a convenience plot hole) she managed to bring all their things with them in a bottomless purse.
Harry, Ron, and Hermione live in the musty old house until figuring out Kreacher helped Regulus (Sirus' brother) destroy the original locket/Horcrux Dumbledore had died for. Harry starts being nice to Kreacher and Kreacher is kind in return. He brings them the dude who stole the locket and they realize they need Gryffindor's sword to break it. The trio leave the house but are caught on the way back and have to begin backpacking through England as they can no longer stay in one spot.
On their travels Ron ends up leaving the group because he had hoped Harry had a better plan in looking for the Horcruxes. Hermione and Harry continue on their travels and Harry's wand ends up breaking when the duo fall into a trap. Harry is lead to a pool where Gryffindor's sword is by a patroneous doe (important point) and almost dies but Ron saves him. They figure out what the Deathly Hallows are: the Elder Wand, Harry's invisibility cloak, and the resurrection stone. Harry knows Voldermort is going after the Elder Wand so he can beat Harry once and for all.
They end up getting captured by Death Eaters but Hermione disguises Harry and Dobby comes to save the group. Harry and Ron go to save Hermione who was separated from them (fun plot point so you can see for yourself) and in their escape they manage to steal two wands. Dobby is killed on their way out.
More happens here but Voldermort does end up possessing the Elder Wand. We also see Snape was the one who sent the doe patroneous to lead Harry to the sword. And Snape gives Harry the memories of what transpired in all of Snape's life after Voldemort gets his snake to kill Snape. Harry finds out the truth about everything. Oh, did I mentioned they've made it all the way to Hogwarts now and the school is where the final battle takes place?
It makes sense in a way. Everything began there and what better battle ground. Voldemort's death was anti-climatic. His killing curse bounced back on him and that was that. There is a bit of a death count: Lupin, Tonks (who were married and just had a kid), and Fred. Neville saved part of the day by beheading Voldemort's snake with Gryffindor's sword so that was pretty cool.
Then we hit the epilogue. We find out Ron and Hermione are married with kids, Harry and Ginny are married with three kids, and Hell, even Draco got married. Despite everything, the Malfoys are still a-okay to be out and about. Now, I do see why they weren't killed before (plot devices anyone?) but still. This family has shown a willingness to go to the dark side and they're walking around like nothing happened. Like they didn't help kill so many people and side with the bad guy. It's annoying. I mean, they didn't even get a slap on the wrist.
Again, no mention of the Dursleys. No mention on how George is doing without Fred or if he continued the joke shop. No mention of Hagrid, who the headmaster is for Hogwarts, nothing. After all the focus on the school over 7 books all we know is Neville is a teacher there. Also: Harry's worked up to be this decent wizard, said he was going to be a Auror (job's kind of mote without Death eaters anyway) and has a talent for Quiddich but do we know what he does for work? Nope. We don't know anything about the three except they got married and are sending their kids off to Hogwarts.
Even just one more paragraph would have answered all those questions. Yeah, great to know "all was well" but how well? Did George ever get married? How are the rest of the Weasleys? What about Luna and the other Gryffindors? The Dursleys? Kreacher and the House Elves?
The Negatives:
Besides those mentioned above, for a book pegged at young adults there is a lot of death in here. I find this holds true for Hunger Games and a few other popular series for young adults. I mean, I get the world can't be all peachy but Harry Potter is originally pegged for kids under 10. Yeah, they would've grown up by the seventh book but still.
Also: the neat little bow wasn't so neat. There are still points left uncovered after the epilogue which I guess is okay. Do we need to know who runs the school or what the trio is doing? I guess not but after seven books I would've liked to know something besides marriage and children. Hell, we don't even know what happens to Hagrid and his giant half-brother.
Were all the deaths needed? Not really. Hedwig, Mad Eye, Dobby, and Snape: yes. Fred, Lupin, and Tonks? Nope. Yeah people die in war but did we really need to make another orphaned kid right after Lupin finally becomes happy? Did we really need to rip apart the twins like that to show the horrors of this war? Not really. We knew the horrors. We saw the bodies in the Great Hall. We saw Lavender and Colin. Crabbe (though technically a bad guy) a bunch of death eaters, goblins, and the 50 dead Hogwarts students were all enough.
The other thing that bugs me is the way Harry treats the Deathly Hallows. He leaves the resurrection stone somewhere in the forest where anyone with enough balls can find it. He reburies the Elder Wand with no protection and he likely still has the cloak but we're never told. These are objects of immense power and he leaves them lying around. COME ON. Who's to say someone's NOT going to go grab the Elder Wand, come kill you with it, then take over the world?
That sucker should have been broken. The rock should've been tossed in the middle of the freaking ocean. And the cloak? Yeah, that's not as dangerous unless someone with the wrong ideas grabs it. I mean really. Most powerful objects in the world and just left around like nothing.
The book itself was quite dark and comparing this last one to the first one is like moon and sun. You'd never think book 1 could have developed into this theme-wise. I mean yeah, Voldemort would have eventually had to die and Harry would have had to suffer loss but not to this proportion, not in a book for kids.
Final Review: 3/5 for adults, 2/5 for the intended audience.
Until next time thoughts, comments, rages, rants, questions, and out-right insults can be directed to the comments section.
Saturday, August 1, 2015
Writing Tip #16: Basic HTML For Writers
For those self-published authors who are doing it all I put together a handy-dandy cheat sheet for those thinking of formatting their own blogs, webpages, and whatever else without the help of a WYSIWYG editor. Let's start with the meaning of WYSIWYG: "What you see is what you get." You're going to be fine.
All HTML, CSS, etc is made up of TAGS. No, not the game you played as a kid. These are the end braces, brackets and other such do-hickies you've never had a use for. Depending on the coding language a tag can include: < > or ( ) or { } or [ ]. You'll mostly be using ( ) and <>. The first ( ) is mainly used in some internet forums. The second <> is used in actual HTML and websites.
The stuff that goes between those braces is the command for what you want your webpage to do. So <strong> means to make something BOLD. In word editing programs and WYSIWYG you hit Ctrl+b. If you're in Blogger or Wordpress and flip over to "HTML" instead of "Compose" then you'll see the tag in action.
Tags come in two parts: opening and closing. At the beginning of every bit of code you will see <command>stuff you want the command to effect </command> See the '/'? It tells the webpage to end the command. If you forget the closing tag, then whatever the command is will effect your entire webpage. Let's move onto some simple commands.
"Renna! I want to make something bold!"
Then you use <strong>Type in bold bits here </strong>
"Renna! I want to put something in italics!"
Then you use <em> Type in italized bits here </em>
"Renna! I want to underline something!"
<u>Underlined bits here</u>
"Renna! I want tostrike-through something!"
<strike>Strike-through bits here</strike>
Not bad, huh? Of course, these can all be found at the top of any WYSIWYG editing platform. So, what about links and pictures? Links are usually at the top of your WYSIWYG editor and a little window pops up where you put your link and yay! all good. But, what happens when your link breaks or you've accidently included a word you didn't want to or, or you need to READ the HTML?
This is the body of a link:
<a href="#">Link text here </a>
The a href tells the website where to go. The # is the actual link. So:
<a href="http://www.dairennav.blogspot.com">This blog's homepage </a>
YES, you need the quotes. YES you need the http:// No you don't necessarily need the 'www' YES you need to use an = sign. Anything missing from the tag and your link won't work. Fun fact: "a" stands for ANCHOR which is why in some WYSIWYG programs you'll see a little picture of an anchor instead of the word "link"
You want to look at an image tag? OKAY!
<img src="nameofimage.png/jpg/tiff" />
Confused? Don't worry, let's break it up. The picture tag is a self-closing tag and you can't see what it actually looks like until your preview your site. What's self-closing mean? You'll notice there's no ending tag and the / is INSIDE the >. That's self-closing.
img stands for image. src means source. You're basically telling the website "The image source is located between " "." Cool huh? Now, what's actually between our quotes? The name of your image and what format it's in: jpg, tiff, or png. Screw that up and your image won't display. You can host your images on alternate websites so your image tag might look like this:
<img src="http://www.website.com/imagename.png" /> In which you have your website name and the name of your image. Nifty huh?
"Wait, how do you control the size of the image and where it goes?"
I'm glad you asked. The image tag can get complicated:
<img src="nameofimage.png" height="430px" width="430px" vspace="5" hspace="5" border="2" />
What's all this mean? The height and width are the height and width of your image in pixels. vspace and hspace are the vertical and horizontal space between your image and whatever else is on the page. Border is the border around your images.
"Wait, how do I center it?"
Oh, now we're getting complicated. USUALLY you can add align="center" in your self-closing image tag and call it a day. Mm, not so much in MOST web applications as you'll find out when you start fiddling.
See, every website you look at is controlled by a little something called div tags which look like this: <div> stuff </div>. What's a div tag? It's a DIVision of the webpage. What's in between those div tags is a small section of your website and yes, you can have div tags inside of div tags. It's how people get a website with a colored background and a white block on top.
If you've added images in your Blogger/Wordpress account via the little image...picture at the top of your screen, then lots of options come up. If you flip over to HTML mode, you'll see a <div> tag in action. This is what's used to make your image do what you want it to do and as someone who has coded webpages by hand: divs can be a saving grace and annoying as Hell.
The question of "How do I center this image?" depends on everything else going on in your page. Yeah, I know, it's complicated.
You know what's even more fun? You can make your images clickable! If you flip on over to my "Store Tab" you'll see all my book covers lined up in neat little rows and columns with a "Buy Now" button under them with text between the two images. Cool huh? Wanna see the code?
<table>
<tr style="height: 550px;">
<td>
<center>
<a href="https://www.smashwords.com/books/view/81428"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi3S-2v4j9K3Y_RirOfe6zMSd_bQSH7PJzDf1DZxzCEuTzD21pWI26Kt6X-g9lC3Xjwyw2ZDNLrGDa-tUeSj3DzkQ9K7l9bwecj6mY4z-rVll92aqn8lKU9ZzFAkBVEWGZgFW1Cc3wdcCM/s1600/CoverartTEXT.jpg" imageanchor="1"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi3S-2v4j9K3Y_RirOfe6zMSd_bQSH7PJzDf1DZxzCEuTzD21pWI26Kt6X-g9lC3Xjwyw2ZDNLrGDa-tUeSj3DzkQ9K7l9bwecj6mY4z-rVll92aqn8lKU9ZzFAkBVEWGZgFW1Cc3wdcCM/s320/CoverartTEXT.jpg" /></a></a></center>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<i>Small Slice of the Undead</i> can ONLY BE BOUGHT in ebook form through Smashwords.
<a href="https://www.smashwords.com/books/view/81428"><img src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhlCgKGb9SNjrk98k1GNiIGoovLGmmDpkvWMbzrvm03jH4g_ZIfSuLA9BayhpBCE56B9YNcBiGxodP74dgpoKMRNGGTF54_8WHJSBIrNDgItPzcf271SG2aPIi6QGk4O6jQ-sa_aLj3yHw/s320/buynow.jpg" /></a></div>
</td>
<td>
<center>
<a href="https://www.smashwords.com/books/view/93437"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgzjvrM3m2q_Q7fAWZv5tcuUJpcrbb8Iyn_UFF3uy8m_dseeZ-IqZq5PlyBwiar7IpSBBw1j5XUrew5IiZXsejDypH6XdAwUGgsvrM2KWWtUN6pFeYHChPS-QvyeUzeNcLu61XoXGDH4OE/s1600/Apocalyptic.jpg" imageanchor="1"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgzjvrM3m2q_Q7fAWZv5tcuUJpcrbb8Iyn_UFF3uy8m_dseeZ-IqZq5PlyBwiar7IpSBBw1j5XUrew5IiZXsejDypH6XdAwUGgsvrM2KWWtUN6pFeYHChPS-QvyeUzeNcLu61XoXGDH4OE/s320/Apocalyptic.jpg" /></a></a></center>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<i>Apocalyptic</i> can ONLY BE BOUGHT in ebook form through Smashwords.
<a href="https://www.smashwords.com/books/view/93437"><img src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhlCgKGb9SNjrk98k1GNiIGoovLGmmDpkvWMbzrvm03jH4g_ZIfSuLA9BayhpBCE56B9YNcBiGxodP74dgpoKMRNGGTF54_8WHJSBIrNDgItPzcf271SG2aPIi6QGk4O6jQ-sa_aLj3yHw/s320/buynow.jpg" /></a></div>
</td>
</tr>
</table>
Confused? Let's go through it. <table> and </table> create a you guessed it, table on your webpages. Fun fact: webpages used to be made entirely from tables back in the 90s. To make a proper table you need <tr> </tr> which is your table ROW. Inside that you need <td> and </td> which is your table DATA or columns. So, I have two <td> </td> tags inside a <tr> </tr> tag which means I have two columns in one row. That's not so bad, huh?
Hey look! There's our div tag! It's controlling the text that appears between my cover image and the "Buy now" image. What's that <center> </center> tag? It's what makes the cover image centered in the middle of the column in my table. See how there's a link tag wrapped around the img tag? THAT makes the image clickable. See that <i> </i>? That is the depreciated form of <em> </em> that makes something italics. It's still in use in some WYSIWYG editing programs and on some websites.
What's the <tr style="height:550px;"> mean? That's telling the webpage to make my table ROWS 550px in height. Why did I use a table to make my store page instead of divs? It's way easier and keeps things neater, for me. It's personal preference really.
Now I know you're probably not going to use a lot of this information as most of you have a WYSIWYG editor for your blog and your website. Or you've hired someone. But, if it's the middle of the night and you've somehow gotten into HTML mode in your WYSIWYG, instead of panicking completely, you might be able to read the tags and figure out what to do.
If you really want to see some neat stuff, go to "View" and "Source" the next time you're on your favorite website. What will pop up in a new window is the coding behind that website. If you think the table was complex... ;)
Until next time: thoughts, comments, rages, rants, questions, and out-right insults can be directed to the comments section.
All HTML, CSS, etc is made up of TAGS. No, not the game you played as a kid. These are the end braces, brackets and other such do-hickies you've never had a use for. Depending on the coding language a tag can include: < > or ( ) or { } or [ ]. You'll mostly be using ( ) and <>. The first ( ) is mainly used in some internet forums. The second <> is used in actual HTML and websites.
The stuff that goes between those braces is the command for what you want your webpage to do. So <strong> means to make something BOLD. In word editing programs and WYSIWYG you hit Ctrl+b. If you're in Blogger or Wordpress and flip over to "HTML" instead of "Compose" then you'll see the tag in action.
Tags come in two parts: opening and closing. At the beginning of every bit of code you will see <command>stuff you want the command to effect </command> See the '/'? It tells the webpage to end the command. If you forget the closing tag, then whatever the command is will effect your entire webpage. Let's move onto some simple commands.
"Renna! I want to make something bold!"
Then you use <strong>Type in bold bits here </strong>
"Renna! I want to put something in italics!"
Then you use <em> Type in italized bits here </em>
"Renna! I want to underline something!"
<u>Underlined bits here</u>
"Renna! I want to
<strike>Strike-through bits here</strike>
Not bad, huh? Of course, these can all be found at the top of any WYSIWYG editing platform. So, what about links and pictures? Links are usually at the top of your WYSIWYG editor and a little window pops up where you put your link and yay! all good. But, what happens when your link breaks or you've accidently included a word you didn't want to or, or you need to READ the HTML?
This is the body of a link:
<a href="#">Link text here </a>
The a href tells the website where to go. The # is the actual link. So:
<a href="http://www.dairennav.blogspot.com">This blog's homepage </a>
YES, you need the quotes. YES you need the http:// No you don't necessarily need the 'www' YES you need to use an = sign. Anything missing from the tag and your link won't work. Fun fact: "a" stands for ANCHOR which is why in some WYSIWYG programs you'll see a little picture of an anchor instead of the word "link"
You want to look at an image tag? OKAY!
<img src="nameofimage.png/jpg/tiff" />
Confused? Don't worry, let's break it up. The picture tag is a self-closing tag and you can't see what it actually looks like until your preview your site. What's self-closing mean? You'll notice there's no ending tag and the / is INSIDE the >. That's self-closing.
img stands for image. src means source. You're basically telling the website "The image source is located between " "." Cool huh? Now, what's actually between our quotes? The name of your image and what format it's in: jpg, tiff, or png. Screw that up and your image won't display. You can host your images on alternate websites so your image tag might look like this:
<img src="http://www.website.com/imagename.png" /> In which you have your website name and the name of your image. Nifty huh?
"Wait, how do you control the size of the image and where it goes?"
I'm glad you asked. The image tag can get complicated:
<img src="nameofimage.png" height="430px" width="430px" vspace="5" hspace="5" border="2" />
What's all this mean? The height and width are the height and width of your image in pixels. vspace and hspace are the vertical and horizontal space between your image and whatever else is on the page. Border is the border around your images.
"Wait, how do I center it?"
Oh, now we're getting complicated. USUALLY you can add align="center" in your self-closing image tag and call it a day. Mm, not so much in MOST web applications as you'll find out when you start fiddling.
See, every website you look at is controlled by a little something called div tags which look like this: <div> stuff </div>. What's a div tag? It's a DIVision of the webpage. What's in between those div tags is a small section of your website and yes, you can have div tags inside of div tags. It's how people get a website with a colored background and a white block on top.
If you've added images in your Blogger/Wordpress account via the little image...picture at the top of your screen, then lots of options come up. If you flip over to HTML mode, you'll see a <div> tag in action. This is what's used to make your image do what you want it to do and as someone who has coded webpages by hand: divs can be a saving grace and annoying as Hell.
The question of "How do I center this image?" depends on everything else going on in your page. Yeah, I know, it's complicated.
You know what's even more fun? You can make your images clickable! If you flip on over to my "Store Tab" you'll see all my book covers lined up in neat little rows and columns with a "Buy Now" button under them with text between the two images. Cool huh? Wanna see the code?
<table>
<tr style="height: 550px;">
<td>
<center>
<a href="https://www.smashwords.com/books/view/81428"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi3S-2v4j9K3Y_RirOfe6zMSd_bQSH7PJzDf1DZxzCEuTzD21pWI26Kt6X-g9lC3Xjwyw2ZDNLrGDa-tUeSj3DzkQ9K7l9bwecj6mY4z-rVll92aqn8lKU9ZzFAkBVEWGZgFW1Cc3wdcCM/s1600/CoverartTEXT.jpg" imageanchor="1"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi3S-2v4j9K3Y_RirOfe6zMSd_bQSH7PJzDf1DZxzCEuTzD21pWI26Kt6X-g9lC3Xjwyw2ZDNLrGDa-tUeSj3DzkQ9K7l9bwecj6mY4z-rVll92aqn8lKU9ZzFAkBVEWGZgFW1Cc3wdcCM/s320/CoverartTEXT.jpg" /></a></a></center>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<i>Small Slice of the Undead</i> can ONLY BE BOUGHT in ebook form through Smashwords.
<a href="https://www.smashwords.com/books/view/81428"><img src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhlCgKGb9SNjrk98k1GNiIGoovLGmmDpkvWMbzrvm03jH4g_ZIfSuLA9BayhpBCE56B9YNcBiGxodP74dgpoKMRNGGTF54_8WHJSBIrNDgItPzcf271SG2aPIi6QGk4O6jQ-sa_aLj3yHw/s320/buynow.jpg" /></a></div>
</td>
<td>
<center>
<a href="https://www.smashwords.com/books/view/93437"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgzjvrM3m2q_Q7fAWZv5tcuUJpcrbb8Iyn_UFF3uy8m_dseeZ-IqZq5PlyBwiar7IpSBBw1j5XUrew5IiZXsejDypH6XdAwUGgsvrM2KWWtUN6pFeYHChPS-QvyeUzeNcLu61XoXGDH4OE/s1600/Apocalyptic.jpg" imageanchor="1"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgzjvrM3m2q_Q7fAWZv5tcuUJpcrbb8Iyn_UFF3uy8m_dseeZ-IqZq5PlyBwiar7IpSBBw1j5XUrew5IiZXsejDypH6XdAwUGgsvrM2KWWtUN6pFeYHChPS-QvyeUzeNcLu61XoXGDH4OE/s320/Apocalyptic.jpg" /></a></a></center>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<i>Apocalyptic</i> can ONLY BE BOUGHT in ebook form through Smashwords.
<a href="https://www.smashwords.com/books/view/93437"><img src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhlCgKGb9SNjrk98k1GNiIGoovLGmmDpkvWMbzrvm03jH4g_ZIfSuLA9BayhpBCE56B9YNcBiGxodP74dgpoKMRNGGTF54_8WHJSBIrNDgItPzcf271SG2aPIi6QGk4O6jQ-sa_aLj3yHw/s320/buynow.jpg" /></a></div>
</td>
</tr>
</table>
Confused? Let's go through it. <table> and </table> create a you guessed it, table on your webpages. Fun fact: webpages used to be made entirely from tables back in the 90s. To make a proper table you need <tr> </tr> which is your table ROW. Inside that you need <td> and </td> which is your table DATA or columns. So, I have two <td> </td> tags inside a <tr> </tr> tag which means I have two columns in one row. That's not so bad, huh?
Hey look! There's our div tag! It's controlling the text that appears between my cover image and the "Buy now" image. What's that <center> </center> tag? It's what makes the cover image centered in the middle of the column in my table. See how there's a link tag wrapped around the img tag? THAT makes the image clickable. See that <i> </i>? That is the depreciated form of <em> </em> that makes something italics. It's still in use in some WYSIWYG editing programs and on some websites.
What's the <tr style="height:550px;"> mean? That's telling the webpage to make my table ROWS 550px in height. Why did I use a table to make my store page instead of divs? It's way easier and keeps things neater, for me. It's personal preference really.
Now I know you're probably not going to use a lot of this information as most of you have a WYSIWYG editor for your blog and your website. Or you've hired someone. But, if it's the middle of the night and you've somehow gotten into HTML mode in your WYSIWYG, instead of panicking completely, you might be able to read the tags and figure out what to do.
If you really want to see some neat stuff, go to "View" and "Source" the next time you're on your favorite website. What will pop up in a new window is the coding behind that website. If you think the table was complex... ;)
Until next time: thoughts, comments, rages, rants, questions, and out-right insults can be directed to the comments section.
Thursday, July 23, 2015
Review: Smoke and Bone Series
Why did I pick it up?
To be honest: I can't remember. I think it was in a three-pack, a finished series, and priced well so I grabbed it. See, I love when a series is finished, all together and ready to go like that. It means I don't have to wait a year or more for the next book thus forgetting everything that happened in prior books which generally forces me to read the prior books. I'm also impatient when it comes to knowing what happens next, so much so that I'll look for a summary somewhere so I don't have to wait.
Funny story, so I started watching The Walking Dead when it was in its second season. I got to the point where they leave Merle on the roof with his hand cuffed and a bunch of Walkers ready to break through the door. I was binge-watching and it was almost midnight, too late to see what happened to him so I turned off Netflix then went to look up what happened to him. Yes, I totally spoiled it for myself but that's okay. I'm one of those weird people who doesn't care about spoilers. You can tell me the ending of any movie I haven't seen or book I haven't read and I'll still watch or read it.
Anyway, I started this series right after finishing Harry Potter so...March-ish and finished it in a week. Yes, three books in one week. They were that good. ONWARDS!
The Review of The Smoke and Bone Series by Laini Taylor:
Normally I don't do a full post on a series but I kind of got really into this series and completely forgot to do a review after each book then started reading another series and here we are. Oops?
Anyway, our story follows Karou who's an art student in Prague. At first I had no idea what was going on and I remember being annoyed that this girl had such a blasé attitude about being strange. Then she started explaining how things she wished for came true...like her naturally blue hair. Then she met up with Brimstone. Well okay. AWESOME.
I mean that seriously. Suddenly we're thrown into a world where angels are trying to destroy demons and Karou has no freaking clue why or what's going on. She does see all the portals to Brimstone's world destroyed and the first book ends with Brimstone's death. Karou falls in love with one of the angels and it turns out the reason she has these eye tattoos on her hands (that hurt the angels no less) is because this is her second body. Yeah, you read that right. Her second body.
Originally she was a "demon" (chimera) who had been killed for loving that same angel and wanting to change the world. Brimstone managed to save her soul, make her body (a completely human one) and re-birth her, making up a complete lie of a life in an attempt to save her. Well see, NOW I'm really invested.
I believe this is where we moved into the second book. Again, I read them exceptionally quickly so my memory could be a little hazy. Turns out the angels are still killing the chimera but now that Karou's finally figured out who she is, she takes over for Brimstone's job: being the chimera resurrectionalist. Yes that's right, it's become Karou's job to bring the chimera who've fallen in battle back to life.
There's a whole bunch of awesome political stuff going on with the White Wolf and the leader of the angels, then we find out what the angels really are, and some more cool things happen. I don't want to get into too many details as it'll ruin the books.
These books were amazing. It's rare a book can capture me so effortlessly I can't put it down. This did it, all three of them and I wanted to stay up until I'd read them all. I do have to say I was weary about the story being set in Prague because of another book I read I ended up not liking. And being honest, this story would have survived if not set in Prague. Yeah, okay, Prague has this whole mystery thing going on around it with magic, etc, but I think the story would have had as much impact if it happened in any other city in the world.
Regardless, the story was great. I loved Karou and Zazuna. I was upset when we found out Brimstone was dead. Seriously I almost cried because he was an awesome character and finding out about the real him and Karou was great. Right after that: bam, he's dead. Urg. Overall: I was and still am impressed with the trilogy.
Would I read the Smoke and Bone Series again?
Hell to the yes. Over one weekend. Again. Because I'm cool like that.
The Negatives:
I can't find any negatives in this series. Like I said, the only thing that miffed me was it being in Prague. The other was how we were introduced to Karou and her strange ways. Kind of like, thrown into her oddness without really knowing how or why she was so odd. I almost didn't make it past the second chapter but held on and I'm glad I did.
Now, some of the negatives I am seeing is the fact Karou is a reincarnation of someone else. I think what people aren't getting is that this is kinda, sorta, integral to the plot of the entire series. There would be no book if that "someone else" didn't die and Karou didn't come about. And really: exact same soul with all old life experiences in new body with new life experiences. Not so much a reincarnation: an upgrade if you will. Karou is both this other person and herself.
The romance: Karou falling for Akiva totally and completely. Yes but then she leaves him at the end is entirely pissed at him for everything and yeah, eventually they get back together, yadda, yadda, but not until after they force separation on themselves and all the other fun stuff. Again: Angel falls in love with demon so yes it's kind of important the two have the whole "love at first sight" thing going on. And remember, Karou's soul remembers who Akiva was to her before she was killed. So yes. There is going to be an instant bond.
What I find really funny? How one person hated Karou's former being but love Karou herself. Again: without Karou's other being, half, life, we wouldn't have Karou so...yeah. Personally I would've loved to see more of this other self in the beginning chapters.
Final Review: 5/5 I adore this book and it's one of few that will stick with me for years to come.
Until next time: thoughts, comments, rages, rants, questions, and out-right insults can be directed to the comments.
To be honest: I can't remember. I think it was in a three-pack, a finished series, and priced well so I grabbed it. See, I love when a series is finished, all together and ready to go like that. It means I don't have to wait a year or more for the next book thus forgetting everything that happened in prior books which generally forces me to read the prior books. I'm also impatient when it comes to knowing what happens next, so much so that I'll look for a summary somewhere so I don't have to wait.
Funny story, so I started watching The Walking Dead when it was in its second season. I got to the point where they leave Merle on the roof with his hand cuffed and a bunch of Walkers ready to break through the door. I was binge-watching and it was almost midnight, too late to see what happened to him so I turned off Netflix then went to look up what happened to him. Yes, I totally spoiled it for myself but that's okay. I'm one of those weird people who doesn't care about spoilers. You can tell me the ending of any movie I haven't seen or book I haven't read and I'll still watch or read it.
Anyway, I started this series right after finishing Harry Potter so...March-ish and finished it in a week. Yes, three books in one week. They were that good. ONWARDS!
The Review of The Smoke and Bone Series by Laini Taylor:
Anyway, our story follows Karou who's an art student in Prague. At first I had no idea what was going on and I remember being annoyed that this girl had such a blasé attitude about being strange. Then she started explaining how things she wished for came true...like her naturally blue hair. Then she met up with Brimstone. Well okay. AWESOME.
I mean that seriously. Suddenly we're thrown into a world where angels are trying to destroy demons and Karou has no freaking clue why or what's going on. She does see all the portals to Brimstone's world destroyed and the first book ends with Brimstone's death. Karou falls in love with one of the angels and it turns out the reason she has these eye tattoos on her hands (that hurt the angels no less) is because this is her second body. Yeah, you read that right. Her second body.
Originally she was a "demon" (chimera) who had been killed for loving that same angel and wanting to change the world. Brimstone managed to save her soul, make her body (a completely human one) and re-birth her, making up a complete lie of a life in an attempt to save her. Well see, NOW I'm really invested.
I believe this is where we moved into the second book. Again, I read them exceptionally quickly so my memory could be a little hazy. Turns out the angels are still killing the chimera but now that Karou's finally figured out who she is, she takes over for Brimstone's job: being the chimera resurrectionalist. Yes that's right, it's become Karou's job to bring the chimera who've fallen in battle back to life.
There's a whole bunch of awesome political stuff going on with the White Wolf and the leader of the angels, then we find out what the angels really are, and some more cool things happen. I don't want to get into too many details as it'll ruin the books.
These books were amazing. It's rare a book can capture me so effortlessly I can't put it down. This did it, all three of them and I wanted to stay up until I'd read them all. I do have to say I was weary about the story being set in Prague because of another book I read I ended up not liking. And being honest, this story would have survived if not set in Prague. Yeah, okay, Prague has this whole mystery thing going on around it with magic, etc, but I think the story would have had as much impact if it happened in any other city in the world.
Regardless, the story was great. I loved Karou and Zazuna. I was upset when we found out Brimstone was dead. Seriously I almost cried because he was an awesome character and finding out about the real him and Karou was great. Right after that: bam, he's dead. Urg. Overall: I was and still am impressed with the trilogy.
Would I read the Smoke and Bone Series again?
Hell to the yes. Over one weekend. Again. Because I'm cool like that.
The Negatives:
I can't find any negatives in this series. Like I said, the only thing that miffed me was it being in Prague. The other was how we were introduced to Karou and her strange ways. Kind of like, thrown into her oddness without really knowing how or why she was so odd. I almost didn't make it past the second chapter but held on and I'm glad I did.
Now, some of the negatives I am seeing is the fact Karou is a reincarnation of someone else. I think what people aren't getting is that this is kinda, sorta, integral to the plot of the entire series. There would be no book if that "someone else" didn't die and Karou didn't come about. And really: exact same soul with all old life experiences in new body with new life experiences. Not so much a reincarnation: an upgrade if you will. Karou is both this other person and herself.
The romance: Karou falling for Akiva totally and completely. Yes but then she leaves him at the end is entirely pissed at him for everything and yeah, eventually they get back together, yadda, yadda, but not until after they force separation on themselves and all the other fun stuff. Again: Angel falls in love with demon so yes it's kind of important the two have the whole "love at first sight" thing going on. And remember, Karou's soul remembers who Akiva was to her before she was killed. So yes. There is going to be an instant bond.
What I find really funny? How one person hated Karou's former being but love Karou herself. Again: without Karou's other being, half, life, we wouldn't have Karou so...yeah. Personally I would've loved to see more of this other self in the beginning chapters.
Final Review: 5/5 I adore this book and it's one of few that will stick with me for years to come.
Until next time: thoughts, comments, rages, rants, questions, and out-right insults can be directed to the comments.
Sunday, July 12, 2015
Writing Tip #15: Vanity Presses
There will come a time when you've finished drafting your novel and you're ready to put it out there in the world. You have two choices when it comes to publishing: self-publishing and traditional publishing. There's a post in the "Writing Tips" tab called Self-Publishing is Hard Work which I suggest you check out for more information. You can do it now or later, either way is fine.
If you're still with me: I mention in Self-Publishing is Hard Work something called "Vanity Presses." More specifically, I say to avoid vanity presses. For those that don't know: a vanity press is a publication company that says they'll publish your book for you. Sounds good, right? It's not. When something sounds too good to be true then it usually is.
Before anyone asks, YES, I did publish through a vanity press. Tale of the Twins Book 1 was originally published by AuthorHouse in March 2010. So yes, I do know what I'm talking about. Below you will see a list because lists keep concepts neat and tidy. There's a lot to go through.
1) Money
When someone asks YOU to pay for publishing your book: RED FLAG. Money should only be dealt out on cover designs and editing because, hey, they have to be paid too. Now, a vanity press will charge you exuberant amounts of money to do a lot of what you can do on your own. You will be spending anywhere from two to five times the amount of money publishing your book if you go with a vanity press.
Yes, they will give you an ISBN. But you can get it for free.
Yes, they will give you promotional material. But it won't come with how to use said promotional material and said material is normally bookmarks, postcards, and business cards centered around this ONE book. This is fine if all you're ever looking to do is publish ONE book and not make a brand.
Yes, they will give you hard and soft cover copies of your book. Yes, it will be more expensive then getting them printed somewhere else. And yes, there has been cases when they HAVE NOT delivered on printed books.
Yes, they will do other promotional stuff...for a price.
Oh, and those prices you see on their websites? Mm, yeah, they don't include the cost of editing.
And the stuff they might list under marketing? Mmm, yeah, you can totally do it on your own for free.
2) Marketing
Despite what any vanity presses' website says: They will not market your book. Oh, they'll put out some news releases and put you on Amazon, Barnes & Noble, and a few other sites. But that's all they'll do. And sure, they'll talk to Kirkus for you to get a review but only if you're willing to shell out $5000 for the whole package. Kirkus charges $425. Let's say editing is about $2000, cover is around $500...you're all ready saving by NOT going through a vanity press.
Sorry, we're on marketing. Oh, you might get a social media set up guide. So, they'll give you a list of what social media sites to sign up on and might even sign you up themselves. That is not marketing my friend. They will give you an account and you have to take care of it.
If you really shell out some cash you can do a couple of video interviews and get some stand-alone ads on Google...both of which won't work if no one knows who you are anyway. Interviews and videos only work if you can show people where those interviews and videos are, that is PROMOTE YOURSELF.
Don't buy into anything they say about marketing. You will be on your own and out a couple thousand dollars.
3) Your "Team"
A lot of these vanity presses talk about your personal "team" of people working on your novel. You get your own book consultant, cover design team, editor and EVERYTHING! In the four years I was with AuthorHouse I went through about ten book consultants, NOT through my own doing. They just got changed and I never saw the guy or girl before again. My cover design team got switched on me mid-cover design. I'm pretty sure my editor no longer works there. Personal team? Nope.
You will continually get people who know nothing about your book trying to sell you more hard copies of your book so they can get paid and you can sit there trying to figure out what to do. You are not a special member of their Publication House. You are a number and nothing more.
4) MORE Money
Every so often I'd get these calls from AuthorHouse telling me I was a special little snowflake that had been selected to participate in an event to promote my book. I fell into the trap and flew all the way to Los Angels for a Book-To-Screen event.
You are NOT a special little snowflake. You're number 54 of the thousands of authors in their "House" they've tried calling and who has said "yes" to doing said event. You will be shelling out MORE money to participate in the event then you will have to pay for your way TO the event, as well as your lodging AT the event.
My trip to Los Angeles wasn't a total bust (I did get a replica Saber Tooth Cat fang and to see a Tim Burton exhibit) but it did cost about $3000. What did I get out of it? The knowledge that some people thought my book was "too similar to Twilight", a replica Saber Tooth Cat fang, to see the Tim Burton exhibit, to say I've been to LA, a cool cab driver story, and to meet 149 other authors. Was it worth the $3000? Nope. Would I do it again? Nope.
Later that year I got a call about shelling out another $3000 to go to a book signing event in some park in Toronto with another 150 authors. Um, yes half a million people would be going through said park. No, just because I would be there wouldn't mean people would take copies of my free book. Yes, free. I wouldn't be making any money while there. I would just be gaining a readership. Oh, did I mention I would have had to BUY copies of my own book before going? No? Well yes, I would have had to buy copies of my book to hand out for free. Think about that for a minute. Yeah.
5) Your Rights
The cool thing about being self-published is you get to keep your rights. The not-so-cool thing about going traditional is you don't keep your rights. Vanity presses SAY you can keep your rights but if you decided to stop publishing through them you don't get to use anything with their name on it. What does that mean? Oh, the cover, the inside EDITED version of your book, the bookmarks, postcards, business cards, posters, and any other "promotional" material is null and void.
Why yes, that does mean you shelled out thousands of dollars to give up your rights and be back where you started before meeting said vanity press if you break contract. If you want to be able to use the cover, INSIDE EDITED VERSION OF YOUR BOOK, or anything else you have to pay a fee. Yes, that's right: you have to pay a fee. I suppose it's only fair. I mean they did do all this work setting you up with people and what not. But after spending $10,000 with them that extra fee felt like a kick to the groin.
Worse yet, if you want to self-publish on Amazon, you really can't. Why? Because THEY have all ready made a page for your other book and it would look stupid to have two separate accounts. That's not good for branding.
Did I mention you can't control your pricing? Well you can. But you can't offer the book in any kind of promotional deal with other books you might self-publish because you don't have access to the vanity press' book through Amazon. You can't offer that book for free because then you're throwing money out the window and THEY won't let you. And if you want to make any REAL money through them you've got to charge at least a dollar or more than other authors to make the same amount as them.
Do they tell you when your book is coming off their shelves? Nope. Do they deliver the files you paid for in a prompt and efficient manner before taking your book off their shelves? Nope. As of this writing (January 23), Tale of the Twins is no longer available on the AuthorHouse website but I still haven't gotten any of my files even though I paid the fee on January 9th. Yeah. Think about that for a minute.
So, an update to the file thing. I finally had to call to see where the Hell my files were. When did I call? March 23. March 23 after paying for my files on January 9. What did I get? A PDF of my novel. No cover. And no, not a Word doc which is easily editable for any excess pages, a PDF which when you convert over to a Word doc. you have to reformat everything. I'm currently in the process of reformatting line-by-stinking-line because there were excess pages, wonky paragraph tags, and a bunch of other crap I can't get rid of unless I literally bring a line into the paragraph before then do a hard return. Yeah. What did I pay $150 for? More work and needing a new cover.
In conclusion:
DO NOT USE A VANITY PRESS.
I will admit there have been some authors who have had success with vanity presses but they are few and far between. In order to be a success with a vanity press you have to have disposable income and you have to be able to promote yourself...which are the EXACT same things you need for self-publishing. Except with self-publishing you get to keep your rights. You'll also get to stick with one cover designer and editor who you'll grow to like and keep doing business with. A vanity press can't give you a permanent team. You can give yourself one.
I know it might not seem like it at first glance but it's MUCH, MUCH cheaper and better for you to self-publish without a vanity press. If you're going to self-publish you want as much control as possible so that your book will come out perfect. A vanity press can't offer you that.
And a funny note: There is a company out there who helps you to self-publish. They look like a vanity press but there are major differences. To be honest, I haven't checked them out as much as I normally do but they do offer a discount if you're trying to re-publish your book after being with a vanity press. Think about THAT for a minute. Yeah.
A note for those thinking I'm being bitter: AuthorSolutions (AuthorHouse and iUniverse for those curious) had a class action law suit filed against them. There's a section in Self-Publishing is Hard that talks about research. ALWAYS DO YOUR RESEARCH. Don't fall into the same trap I did.
Until next time: thoughts, comments, rages, rants, questions, and out-right insults can be directed to the comments section.
If you're still with me: I mention in Self-Publishing is Hard Work something called "Vanity Presses." More specifically, I say to avoid vanity presses. For those that don't know: a vanity press is a publication company that says they'll publish your book for you. Sounds good, right? It's not. When something sounds too good to be true then it usually is.
Before anyone asks, YES, I did publish through a vanity press. Tale of the Twins Book 1 was originally published by AuthorHouse in March 2010. So yes, I do know what I'm talking about. Below you will see a list because lists keep concepts neat and tidy. There's a lot to go through.
1) Money
When someone asks YOU to pay for publishing your book: RED FLAG. Money should only be dealt out on cover designs and editing because, hey, they have to be paid too. Now, a vanity press will charge you exuberant amounts of money to do a lot of what you can do on your own. You will be spending anywhere from two to five times the amount of money publishing your book if you go with a vanity press.
Yes, they will give you an ISBN. But you can get it for free.
Yes, they will give you promotional material. But it won't come with how to use said promotional material and said material is normally bookmarks, postcards, and business cards centered around this ONE book. This is fine if all you're ever looking to do is publish ONE book and not make a brand.
Yes, they will give you hard and soft cover copies of your book. Yes, it will be more expensive then getting them printed somewhere else. And yes, there has been cases when they HAVE NOT delivered on printed books.
Yes, they will do other promotional stuff...for a price.
Oh, and those prices you see on their websites? Mm, yeah, they don't include the cost of editing.
And the stuff they might list under marketing? Mmm, yeah, you can totally do it on your own for free.
2) Marketing
Despite what any vanity presses' website says: They will not market your book. Oh, they'll put out some news releases and put you on Amazon, Barnes & Noble, and a few other sites. But that's all they'll do. And sure, they'll talk to Kirkus for you to get a review but only if you're willing to shell out $5000 for the whole package. Kirkus charges $425. Let's say editing is about $2000, cover is around $500...you're all ready saving by NOT going through a vanity press.
Sorry, we're on marketing. Oh, you might get a social media set up guide. So, they'll give you a list of what social media sites to sign up on and might even sign you up themselves. That is not marketing my friend. They will give you an account and you have to take care of it.
If you really shell out some cash you can do a couple of video interviews and get some stand-alone ads on Google...both of which won't work if no one knows who you are anyway. Interviews and videos only work if you can show people where those interviews and videos are, that is PROMOTE YOURSELF.
Don't buy into anything they say about marketing. You will be on your own and out a couple thousand dollars.
3) Your "Team"
A lot of these vanity presses talk about your personal "team" of people working on your novel. You get your own book consultant, cover design team, editor and EVERYTHING! In the four years I was with AuthorHouse I went through about ten book consultants, NOT through my own doing. They just got changed and I never saw the guy or girl before again. My cover design team got switched on me mid-cover design. I'm pretty sure my editor no longer works there. Personal team? Nope.
You will continually get people who know nothing about your book trying to sell you more hard copies of your book so they can get paid and you can sit there trying to figure out what to do. You are not a special member of their Publication House. You are a number and nothing more.
4) MORE Money
Every so often I'd get these calls from AuthorHouse telling me I was a special little snowflake that had been selected to participate in an event to promote my book. I fell into the trap and flew all the way to Los Angels for a Book-To-Screen event.
You are NOT a special little snowflake. You're number 54 of the thousands of authors in their "House" they've tried calling and who has said "yes" to doing said event. You will be shelling out MORE money to participate in the event then you will have to pay for your way TO the event, as well as your lodging AT the event.
My trip to Los Angeles wasn't a total bust (I did get a replica Saber Tooth Cat fang and to see a Tim Burton exhibit) but it did cost about $3000. What did I get out of it? The knowledge that some people thought my book was "too similar to Twilight", a replica Saber Tooth Cat fang, to see the Tim Burton exhibit, to say I've been to LA, a cool cab driver story, and to meet 149 other authors. Was it worth the $3000? Nope. Would I do it again? Nope.
Later that year I got a call about shelling out another $3000 to go to a book signing event in some park in Toronto with another 150 authors. Um, yes half a million people would be going through said park. No, just because I would be there wouldn't mean people would take copies of my free book. Yes, free. I wouldn't be making any money while there. I would just be gaining a readership. Oh, did I mention I would have had to BUY copies of my own book before going? No? Well yes, I would have had to buy copies of my book to hand out for free. Think about that for a minute. Yeah.
5) Your Rights
The cool thing about being self-published is you get to keep your rights. The not-so-cool thing about going traditional is you don't keep your rights. Vanity presses SAY you can keep your rights but if you decided to stop publishing through them you don't get to use anything with their name on it. What does that mean? Oh, the cover, the inside EDITED version of your book, the bookmarks, postcards, business cards, posters, and any other "promotional" material is null and void.
Why yes, that does mean you shelled out thousands of dollars to give up your rights and be back where you started before meeting said vanity press if you break contract. If you want to be able to use the cover, INSIDE EDITED VERSION OF YOUR BOOK, or anything else you have to pay a fee. Yes, that's right: you have to pay a fee. I suppose it's only fair. I mean they did do all this work setting you up with people and what not. But after spending $10,000 with them that extra fee felt like a kick to the groin.
Worse yet, if you want to self-publish on Amazon, you really can't. Why? Because THEY have all ready made a page for your other book and it would look stupid to have two separate accounts. That's not good for branding.
Did I mention you can't control your pricing? Well you can. But you can't offer the book in any kind of promotional deal with other books you might self-publish because you don't have access to the vanity press' book through Amazon. You can't offer that book for free because then you're throwing money out the window and THEY won't let you. And if you want to make any REAL money through them you've got to charge at least a dollar or more than other authors to make the same amount as them.
Do they tell you when your book is coming off their shelves? Nope. Do they deliver the files you paid for in a prompt and efficient manner before taking your book off their shelves? Nope. As of this writing (January 23), Tale of the Twins is no longer available on the AuthorHouse website but I still haven't gotten any of my files even though I paid the fee on January 9th. Yeah. Think about that for a minute.
So, an update to the file thing. I finally had to call to see where the Hell my files were. When did I call? March 23. March 23 after paying for my files on January 9. What did I get? A PDF of my novel. No cover. And no, not a Word doc which is easily editable for any excess pages, a PDF which when you convert over to a Word doc. you have to reformat everything. I'm currently in the process of reformatting line-by-stinking-line because there were excess pages, wonky paragraph tags, and a bunch of other crap I can't get rid of unless I literally bring a line into the paragraph before then do a hard return. Yeah. What did I pay $150 for? More work and needing a new cover.
In conclusion:
DO NOT USE A VANITY PRESS.
I will admit there have been some authors who have had success with vanity presses but they are few and far between. In order to be a success with a vanity press you have to have disposable income and you have to be able to promote yourself...which are the EXACT same things you need for self-publishing. Except with self-publishing you get to keep your rights. You'll also get to stick with one cover designer and editor who you'll grow to like and keep doing business with. A vanity press can't give you a permanent team. You can give yourself one.
I know it might not seem like it at first glance but it's MUCH, MUCH cheaper and better for you to self-publish without a vanity press. If you're going to self-publish you want as much control as possible so that your book will come out perfect. A vanity press can't offer you that.
And a funny note: There is a company out there who helps you to self-publish. They look like a vanity press but there are major differences. To be honest, I haven't checked them out as much as I normally do but they do offer a discount if you're trying to re-publish your book after being with a vanity press. Think about THAT for a minute. Yeah.
A note for those thinking I'm being bitter: AuthorSolutions (AuthorHouse and iUniverse for those curious) had a class action law suit filed against them. There's a section in Self-Publishing is Hard that talks about research. ALWAYS DO YOUR RESEARCH. Don't fall into the same trap I did.
Until next time: thoughts, comments, rages, rants, questions, and out-right insults can be directed to the comments section.
Saturday, July 4, 2015
Another Million
Technically I should have posted this blog on June 31 but I got lazy. Oops? Anyway, another million down and six more months in the year to go.
What's funny about this million is it's less novels and more ongoing stories and short stories. I've written a total of four complete novels since January 1 which are Mists of Time Book 4: Adam's Story, Zombies 2, Death's Feet, and A Dragon's Rage. So, where did the other half a million or so come from?
Well 346,153 came from Avalora School of Magic. There were a lot of scenes written for character for another series, about 105K words or so. The planning for Avalora is over 7K. About 175K worth of fan fiction and about 10K for a short story and some random planning. Lemme break it down:
January: 158,491
How did I write so much in May and June? Well on April 15th or so I had a mental break down because of a lot of reasons. Stress from work, former stresses I never really took care of, and a bunch of crap I can't seem to get away from now and I won't be able to get away from.
Essentially I was diagnosed with Anxiety Disorder (to the point I was clawing at myself before going to work) and was told to take 15 weeks off. The unfortunate part is because my prior job didn't pay into the government benefits thing, I only had about 422 hours of taxable work hours when I needed 600. So, I don't get any kind of Unemployment Insurance for being off because of a medical reason. One of the many ways my old company screwed me over.
Of course I am planning to keep writing the rest of the year. Whether or not I get another million will remain to be seen but I can without a doubt say I'll beat last year's total of 1,440,350. I won't beat out the novel total of 16 but definitely the words.
I do have to say, Avalora School of Magic and the fan fiction will be the bulk of whatever my final number is. Am I going to write the other novels listed in the Novel Series Tab? Well, hopefully. I at least want to get Tale of the Twins Book 3: Heaven vs. Hell written once I re-edit Book 1 and go through Book 2. Will I write any of the others? No idea. I do want to finish Glory Hole: Kids. Besides that, no clue.
I have found that writing something as long as Avalora (again over 300K and nowhere close to being finished) is both refreshing and daunting. That 345K is the first term of first year. There's a second term to first year and NINE MORE YEARS of schooling for these kids, PLUS at least a chapter or two for all six of them after graduation. It literally is Friends meets Harry Potter.
I'm also finding writing the fan fiction, knowing not many people (if any) will see it to be refreshing as well. Hey, I might post it up on wattpad or fanfiction.com but I don't have to. It can be totally mine. It might be safer that way...ahaha. As for why the Naruto-verse: I watch a lot of anime, and yes I have gone to conventions and dressed up. Once as Misa Misa from Death Note and once as Lust from Fullmetal Alchemist (Brotherhood). I find it funny I kind of went backwards in the whole writing path. Most people practice with fan fiction before moving onto original characters.
Not me. I did original character then wrote fan fiction. Technically at the start of this almost twenty year adventure of writing I started with fan fiction but I didn't know it was called fan fiction...
ANYWAY. For those wanting to reach a million in six months it's easy. Just have a mental breakdown so you have 8+ hours a day to write and just keep writing. Actually, skip the mental breakdown part and keep writing. It's probably safer for your mental health that way. Not that writers are sane people in any sense of the word.
Until next time: thoughts, comments, questions, rants, rages, and out-right insults can be directed to the comments section.
What's funny about this million is it's less novels and more ongoing stories and short stories. I've written a total of four complete novels since January 1 which are Mists of Time Book 4: Adam's Story, Zombies 2, Death's Feet, and A Dragon's Rage. So, where did the other half a million or so come from?
Well 346,153 came from Avalora School of Magic. There were a lot of scenes written for character for another series, about 105K words or so. The planning for Avalora is over 7K. About 175K worth of fan fiction and about 10K for a short story and some random planning. Lemme break it down:
January: 158,491
- Mists of Time Book 4: Adam's Story
- Alternate Ending to Mists of Time Book 3
- Zombies 2
- Avalora Planning
- The Van Helgroves: Children, Timeline, Family/friends descriptions, and scene.
- Zombies 2
- Avalora Planning
- Avalora School of Magic
- Glory Hole: Kids
- Avalora School of Magic
- Death's Feet Planning
- Glory Hole: Kids
- Death's Feet
- Avalora School of Magic
- A Dragon's Rage
- Avalora School of Magic
- End Days: Planning
- Avalora School of Magic
- A Dragon's Rage
- Naruto Fanfiction: One short story and one seemingly unending piece.
How did I write so much in May and June? Well on April 15th or so I had a mental break down because of a lot of reasons. Stress from work, former stresses I never really took care of, and a bunch of crap I can't seem to get away from now and I won't be able to get away from.
Essentially I was diagnosed with Anxiety Disorder (to the point I was clawing at myself before going to work) and was told to take 15 weeks off. The unfortunate part is because my prior job didn't pay into the government benefits thing, I only had about 422 hours of taxable work hours when I needed 600. So, I don't get any kind of Unemployment Insurance for being off because of a medical reason. One of the many ways my old company screwed me over.
Of course I am planning to keep writing the rest of the year. Whether or not I get another million will remain to be seen but I can without a doubt say I'll beat last year's total of 1,440,350. I won't beat out the novel total of 16 but definitely the words.
I do have to say, Avalora School of Magic and the fan fiction will be the bulk of whatever my final number is. Am I going to write the other novels listed in the Novel Series Tab? Well, hopefully. I at least want to get Tale of the Twins Book 3: Heaven vs. Hell written once I re-edit Book 1 and go through Book 2. Will I write any of the others? No idea. I do want to finish Glory Hole: Kids. Besides that, no clue.
I have found that writing something as long as Avalora (again over 300K and nowhere close to being finished) is both refreshing and daunting. That 345K is the first term of first year. There's a second term to first year and NINE MORE YEARS of schooling for these kids, PLUS at least a chapter or two for all six of them after graduation. It literally is Friends meets Harry Potter.
I'm also finding writing the fan fiction, knowing not many people (if any) will see it to be refreshing as well. Hey, I might post it up on wattpad or fanfiction.com but I don't have to. It can be totally mine. It might be safer that way...ahaha. As for why the Naruto-verse: I watch a lot of anime, and yes I have gone to conventions and dressed up. Once as Misa Misa from Death Note and once as Lust from Fullmetal Alchemist (Brotherhood). I find it funny I kind of went backwards in the whole writing path. Most people practice with fan fiction before moving onto original characters.
Not me. I did original character then wrote fan fiction. Technically at the start of this almost twenty year adventure of writing I started with fan fiction but I didn't know it was called fan fiction...
ANYWAY. For those wanting to reach a million in six months it's easy. Just have a mental breakdown so you have 8+ hours a day to write and just keep writing. Actually, skip the mental breakdown part and keep writing. It's probably safer for your mental health that way. Not that writers are sane people in any sense of the word.
Until next time: thoughts, comments, questions, rants, rages, and out-right insults can be directed to the comments section.
Tuesday, June 30, 2015
2015 Novel Series #3: Death's Feet
So this is one of those novels I'd started, scrapped, re-started, scrapped and re-started then finally finished. The first two incantations didn't have much of a plan. It was about these six characters who worked for Death and had to make sure the souls of the dead moved on. Yes, very much like Dead Like Me. There was a main conflict but no real purpose. The bad guy wanted to stop Death for no apparent reason.
I let it sit. I re-read both tries. Then I decided to put all my focus onto one character, one of Death's Grim Reapers and everything made sense. Instead of helping souls move on, the Grim Reapers now collect the souls and bring them to death in reliquaries. There are different levels of Grim Reapers: normal reapers, the Leaders of Crews (generally five), and the Grave Robber who is a special sort of reaper that can physically see a soul if it hasn't been captured in a reliquary.
The story focuses on Rosalynne, a Grave Robber who thinks she's found her soul-mate again after 200 years. Then all Hell breaks loose and someone jumps her while she's gleaning missed souls from the cemetery. This attacker takes her reliquaries and we find out someone's trying to thwart Death. Why? That's for Death Herself to figure out.
Death Herself, Amorita, plays a more active role in this incantation than she did in the prior two. She's directly involved with the group as she had been but she's more active when it comes to actual plot. In the others, she was just there as kind of a like a guide character. In this one, she's a plot point.
This is also the novel I used for Camp NaNoWriMo, April edition. It wasn't a good Camp because again, I was in a cabin where the other people weren't active. Most of them put up a goal and then bailed. One other person tried to regularly talk but everyone else kind of took off. It's disappointing which is why you didn't see my weekly updates about Camp this year. Onwards with the novel summary.
Genre: Urban fantasy? Supernatural? I've no idea.
Word Count: 69,908
Prompt: The show Dead Like Me
Main Characters: Rosalynne, Amorita (Death Herself), and the Baddie.
Minor Characters: Simon, William, Max, Tim, Steve, Barb, Ruby, and the other Grim Reapers. Yes, ordered in level of importance. Ha.
Summation: Rosalynne never thought she'd fall in love again until she met William. The problem? Rosalynne's been dead for 200 years and works as a Grim Reaper, an assistant under Death Herself. Can William be Rosalynne's reincarnated lost lover or is something or someone trying to thwart Death?
High Points: Amorita. She was such a fun character to write. Most specifically? The scene where she goes to Heaven to talk to God and Lucifer about Purging the world so she can kill off all the people taking the reliquaries in one go.
Low Points: Ending the novel. Seriously, when you've had something in your head for so long stewing and it's finally done it's like you're missing a part of yourself now or something. I'll miss these characters.
The World: Ours but with an incarnation of Death walking around as well as people who work for her who can't die.
Memorable Lines:
Trust Simon to give her an early job. The job forced her to push her legs to their limits in racing half way across the city to get to the location on time. She shifted the handles on her bike, pulling up slightly to jump the curb and veered around the idiots on the sidewalk. Sure, she was supposed to be in the bike lane running along the side of the road but she didn't trust the motorists trying to get to work before 9AM.
Rosalynne swung her bike around an older woman walking a yappy dog and got some small sense of satisfaction when an idiot trying to take a selfie had to step to one side or be run down by her bike. She heard a curse but didn't bother to look over her shoulder. One hand did come up to give the thwarted selfie-taker a one fingered salute.
The music in her ears changed to a heavier beat and Rosalynne grinned. The pounding bass did nothing for her headache but it would help her concentrate on getting to the job before her real job. Oh the joy of working overlapping shifts of sorts. Simon couldn't even give her later work if he wanted. He gave her what fit into her schedule as given to him by Amorita.
Amorita, the mysterious woman Rosalynne, Simon, or anyone else on the team didn't want to meet. Amorita could keep to her shadows and be nothing but a name to Rosalynne for as long as her second life continued. Amoirta, Lady Death, Keeper of Souls, Grim Reaper, whatever name a person could come up with for her could stay secluded in whatever place she called home in this city. Rosalynne wished Lady Death had elected to live anywhere else. Wished wouldn't do her any good so she kept pedaling. Maybe she'd get lucky and wouldn't have to follow an ambulance to a morgue.
"You're not a good Grim Reaper," Robert told her.
She chuckled at him and she felt him watching her. She shrugged.
"You can tell that to Lady Death when you meet her but she'll just laugh," Rosalynne said.
Robert gasped and Rosalynne watched him consider her words.
"You're not Death?" Robert enquired.
Rosalynne shook her head. Robert blinked and waited.
"I'm one of her Grim Reapers. My job is to gather lost souls and bring them to her so she can bring them into the afterlife. She's the one who can tell you what happened to you and your family, not me. I do her legwork," Rosalynne said.
"So, someone stole your Grave Robber's reliquaries,"
Lady Death's voice was smooth but unnerving. It made Rosalynne want to run screaming from the room but she was paralyzed. It took Rosalynne a moment to realize Lady Death had not posed a question. She had made a statement.
"Yes," Simon agreed.
His voice was light and Rosalynne could see the sweat beading across his forehead. Simon didn't know what happened when reliquaries were taken. Rosalynne hoped he might have an idea. Apparently Lady Death could be the one to know.
"Twelve you said,"
A second statement, like she wanted to confirm whatever Simon had told her on the phone. Simon nodded this time. Lady Death took a long drag off her cigarette and exhaled five smoke rings. She was the image of calm. Rosalynne knew somewhere inside, maybe deep inside, Lady Death was not as relaxed as she seemed.
"Rosalynne," Lady Death said.
If Rosalynne had been standing she would have fallen over. She did have to tighten her grip on Barb's hand but Barb squeezed back as hard.
"You didn't see him or sense him,"
Again, not a question but a verification of fact. Rosalynne nodded. Lady Death shifted her head to look at her and Rosalynne lowered her eyes as to not meet Lady Death's gaze. She knew Lady Death would take no offense.
"Odd the Grave Robber couldn't sense him," Lady Death went on. "Not that you're the most powerful of the Grave Robbers, a child still in terms of it, but even so you should have sensed him alone in the cemetery."
...
"Even a normal Grim Reaper should have sensed him. Odd," Lady Death said.
Instead of putting out her cigarette in the ash tray, she flicked it onto the carpet. Simon winced but said nothing. Lady Death didn't even squish the cigarette to put it out. It didn't burn through the carpet and no smoke coiled from the discarded cigarette. It was as if the life had left it the moment it left her fingers. Rosalynne did not want to linger on the thought.
Amorita let out a long breath and stepped forward. To anyone watching it would look as if her body liquefied then flowed through the bars to solidify on the other side. To her the movement felt like taking a step as normal with no barrier in between. She went where she wished when she wished and nothing could impede her.
"Look out!"
Something hit her from the side and Amorita felt the sensation of flying. She landed, feeling roughness biting at her flesh as her body rolled. She heard yelling and screaming, squealing, honking, but none of it mattered. The attacker was gaining distance. Amorita blinked at the sight of blue sky above her head and shifted.
Nothing hurt. Nothing ever hurt so she sat up. People were near her, telling her to stay still and for a moment she didn't understand why. Then she looked down at herself. There was a bone peeking out of one leg and blood flowing from the wound. Her left arm was mangled as well and there were patches of skin that had been torn away. She supposed people would consider her lucky to come away so unscathed. This was an inconvenience. (Says the one who just got hit by a car...lol)
...
Stupid cars and their ability to sneak up on her. Some inventions weren't worth it. (snickers)
"Powers above and below can't end her because they end their method of getting souls. From what she tells us, she came first, so I don't think the Rules apply to her. If she wants a tsunami to hit Japan again because she thinks it'll be fun then she'll do it." (She being Death of course)
"I've been fighting this group for centuries now and every time I thought I had them finished they came back. This time they only waited four years. No, I'm done being gentle. I will purge the world: hurricanes, tornadoes, tsunamis, earthquakes, and war. I suspect when it's all said and done over four billion will be dead," Lady Death said.
...
"But that's, you can't,"
"Who's going to stop me? God? Lucifer? You? No. The purging stats in one week..."
"What's this all about, Death?" God asked.
"The faction is back," Amorita said.
"Oh, well, don't you normally handle it without meeting us?" God questioned.
...
"Normally but this time I'm finishing the group," Amorita said.
"Oh, good. Well, have at it then," God said and began to stand.
"You sure you want to tell Death to 'have at it' without hearing her plan?" Lucifer asked.
Damn him. She had almost gotten out of this without having to tell God what she planned to do. God scowled, met Lucifer's eyes then looked to her. He sat back down. Lucifer chuckled, a little smirk coming to his face and Amorita shrugged.
"I'm Purging the earth in six days," Amorita said.
...
"How many humans do you plan to Purge?" God asked.
"Four billion," Amorita replied.
She hadn't skipped a beat, replying as if she was mentioning the weather. It was her talent, really. The angel dropped his clipboard. Lucifer lost the grip he had on his cigarillo and it dropped onto the table then rolled to the edge, hovering between falling for a few moments before becoming stead. God stared at her with wide eyes and a dropped jaw.
"Four billion?" God questioned.
He sputtered...
"Oh, you're coming with me," Lady Death said.
"Why?" Rosalynne managed.
Lady Death smirked.
"Back-up,"
(Amorita and the Baddie fighting in her apartment. She's been slamming him against walls and making a general ruckus)
"This is your neighbour in four. Do you mind keeping it down? I'm trying to put my kid down for a nap."
"Sorry, deciding the fate of the universe in here," Amorita said.
"I can't believe you just dropped that like it was nothing," the man said, pointing at her discarded cigarette.
"And I can't believe you dared to stop me," Amorita said.
"Eternity's a long time. At least I know how to amuse myself."
I let it sit. I re-read both tries. Then I decided to put all my focus onto one character, one of Death's Grim Reapers and everything made sense. Instead of helping souls move on, the Grim Reapers now collect the souls and bring them to death in reliquaries. There are different levels of Grim Reapers: normal reapers, the Leaders of Crews (generally five), and the Grave Robber who is a special sort of reaper that can physically see a soul if it hasn't been captured in a reliquary.
The story focuses on Rosalynne, a Grave Robber who thinks she's found her soul-mate again after 200 years. Then all Hell breaks loose and someone jumps her while she's gleaning missed souls from the cemetery. This attacker takes her reliquaries and we find out someone's trying to thwart Death. Why? That's for Death Herself to figure out.
Death Herself, Amorita, plays a more active role in this incantation than she did in the prior two. She's directly involved with the group as she had been but she's more active when it comes to actual plot. In the others, she was just there as kind of a like a guide character. In this one, she's a plot point.
This is also the novel I used for Camp NaNoWriMo, April edition. It wasn't a good Camp because again, I was in a cabin where the other people weren't active. Most of them put up a goal and then bailed. One other person tried to regularly talk but everyone else kind of took off. It's disappointing which is why you didn't see my weekly updates about Camp this year. Onwards with the novel summary.
Genre: Urban fantasy? Supernatural? I've no idea.
Word Count: 69,908
Prompt: The show Dead Like Me
Main Characters: Rosalynne, Amorita (Death Herself), and the Baddie.
Minor Characters: Simon, William, Max, Tim, Steve, Barb, Ruby, and the other Grim Reapers. Yes, ordered in level of importance. Ha.
Summation: Rosalynne never thought she'd fall in love again until she met William. The problem? Rosalynne's been dead for 200 years and works as a Grim Reaper, an assistant under Death Herself. Can William be Rosalynne's reincarnated lost lover or is something or someone trying to thwart Death?
High Points: Amorita. She was such a fun character to write. Most specifically? The scene where she goes to Heaven to talk to God and Lucifer about Purging the world so she can kill off all the people taking the reliquaries in one go.
Low Points: Ending the novel. Seriously, when you've had something in your head for so long stewing and it's finally done it's like you're missing a part of yourself now or something. I'll miss these characters.
The World: Ours but with an incarnation of Death walking around as well as people who work for her who can't die.
Memorable Lines:
Trust Simon to give her an early job. The job forced her to push her legs to their limits in racing half way across the city to get to the location on time. She shifted the handles on her bike, pulling up slightly to jump the curb and veered around the idiots on the sidewalk. Sure, she was supposed to be in the bike lane running along the side of the road but she didn't trust the motorists trying to get to work before 9AM.
Rosalynne swung her bike around an older woman walking a yappy dog and got some small sense of satisfaction when an idiot trying to take a selfie had to step to one side or be run down by her bike. She heard a curse but didn't bother to look over her shoulder. One hand did come up to give the thwarted selfie-taker a one fingered salute.
The music in her ears changed to a heavier beat and Rosalynne grinned. The pounding bass did nothing for her headache but it would help her concentrate on getting to the job before her real job. Oh the joy of working overlapping shifts of sorts. Simon couldn't even give her later work if he wanted. He gave her what fit into her schedule as given to him by Amorita.
Amorita, the mysterious woman Rosalynne, Simon, or anyone else on the team didn't want to meet. Amorita could keep to her shadows and be nothing but a name to Rosalynne for as long as her second life continued. Amoirta, Lady Death, Keeper of Souls, Grim Reaper, whatever name a person could come up with for her could stay secluded in whatever place she called home in this city. Rosalynne wished Lady Death had elected to live anywhere else. Wished wouldn't do her any good so she kept pedaling. Maybe she'd get lucky and wouldn't have to follow an ambulance to a morgue.
"You're not a good Grim Reaper," Robert told her.
She chuckled at him and she felt him watching her. She shrugged.
"You can tell that to Lady Death when you meet her but she'll just laugh," Rosalynne said.
Robert gasped and Rosalynne watched him consider her words.
"You're not Death?" Robert enquired.
Rosalynne shook her head. Robert blinked and waited.
"I'm one of her Grim Reapers. My job is to gather lost souls and bring them to her so she can bring them into the afterlife. She's the one who can tell you what happened to you and your family, not me. I do her legwork," Rosalynne said.
"So, someone stole your Grave Robber's reliquaries,"
Lady Death's voice was smooth but unnerving. It made Rosalynne want to run screaming from the room but she was paralyzed. It took Rosalynne a moment to realize Lady Death had not posed a question. She had made a statement.
"Yes," Simon agreed.
His voice was light and Rosalynne could see the sweat beading across his forehead. Simon didn't know what happened when reliquaries were taken. Rosalynne hoped he might have an idea. Apparently Lady Death could be the one to know.
"Twelve you said,"
A second statement, like she wanted to confirm whatever Simon had told her on the phone. Simon nodded this time. Lady Death took a long drag off her cigarette and exhaled five smoke rings. She was the image of calm. Rosalynne knew somewhere inside, maybe deep inside, Lady Death was not as relaxed as she seemed.
"Rosalynne," Lady Death said.
If Rosalynne had been standing she would have fallen over. She did have to tighten her grip on Barb's hand but Barb squeezed back as hard.
"You didn't see him or sense him,"
Again, not a question but a verification of fact. Rosalynne nodded. Lady Death shifted her head to look at her and Rosalynne lowered her eyes as to not meet Lady Death's gaze. She knew Lady Death would take no offense.
"Odd the Grave Robber couldn't sense him," Lady Death went on. "Not that you're the most powerful of the Grave Robbers, a child still in terms of it, but even so you should have sensed him alone in the cemetery."
...
"Even a normal Grim Reaper should have sensed him. Odd," Lady Death said.
Instead of putting out her cigarette in the ash tray, she flicked it onto the carpet. Simon winced but said nothing. Lady Death didn't even squish the cigarette to put it out. It didn't burn through the carpet and no smoke coiled from the discarded cigarette. It was as if the life had left it the moment it left her fingers. Rosalynne did not want to linger on the thought.
Amorita let out a long breath and stepped forward. To anyone watching it would look as if her body liquefied then flowed through the bars to solidify on the other side. To her the movement felt like taking a step as normal with no barrier in between. She went where she wished when she wished and nothing could impede her.
"Look out!"
Something hit her from the side and Amorita felt the sensation of flying. She landed, feeling roughness biting at her flesh as her body rolled. She heard yelling and screaming, squealing, honking, but none of it mattered. The attacker was gaining distance. Amorita blinked at the sight of blue sky above her head and shifted.
Nothing hurt. Nothing ever hurt so she sat up. People were near her, telling her to stay still and for a moment she didn't understand why. Then she looked down at herself. There was a bone peeking out of one leg and blood flowing from the wound. Her left arm was mangled as well and there were patches of skin that had been torn away. She supposed people would consider her lucky to come away so unscathed. This was an inconvenience. (Says the one who just got hit by a car...lol)
...
Stupid cars and their ability to sneak up on her. Some inventions weren't worth it. (snickers)
"Powers above and below can't end her because they end their method of getting souls. From what she tells us, she came first, so I don't think the Rules apply to her. If she wants a tsunami to hit Japan again because she thinks it'll be fun then she'll do it." (She being Death of course)
"I've been fighting this group for centuries now and every time I thought I had them finished they came back. This time they only waited four years. No, I'm done being gentle. I will purge the world: hurricanes, tornadoes, tsunamis, earthquakes, and war. I suspect when it's all said and done over four billion will be dead," Lady Death said.
...
"But that's, you can't,"
"Who's going to stop me? God? Lucifer? You? No. The purging stats in one week..."
"What's this all about, Death?" God asked.
"The faction is back," Amorita said.
"Oh, well, don't you normally handle it without meeting us?" God questioned.
...
"Normally but this time I'm finishing the group," Amorita said.
"Oh, good. Well, have at it then," God said and began to stand.
"You sure you want to tell Death to 'have at it' without hearing her plan?" Lucifer asked.
Damn him. She had almost gotten out of this without having to tell God what she planned to do. God scowled, met Lucifer's eyes then looked to her. He sat back down. Lucifer chuckled, a little smirk coming to his face and Amorita shrugged.
"I'm Purging the earth in six days," Amorita said.
...
"How many humans do you plan to Purge?" God asked.
"Four billion," Amorita replied.
She hadn't skipped a beat, replying as if she was mentioning the weather. It was her talent, really. The angel dropped his clipboard. Lucifer lost the grip he had on his cigarillo and it dropped onto the table then rolled to the edge, hovering between falling for a few moments before becoming stead. God stared at her with wide eyes and a dropped jaw.
"Four billion?" God questioned.
He sputtered...
"Oh, you're coming with me," Lady Death said.
"Why?" Rosalynne managed.
Lady Death smirked.
"Back-up,"
(Amorita and the Baddie fighting in her apartment. She's been slamming him against walls and making a general ruckus)
"This is your neighbour in four. Do you mind keeping it down? I'm trying to put my kid down for a nap."
"Sorry, deciding the fate of the universe in here," Amorita said.
"I can't believe you just dropped that like it was nothing," the man said, pointing at her discarded cigarette.
"And I can't believe you dared to stop me," Amorita said.
"Eternity's a long time. At least I know how to amuse myself."
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