This post has been long in coming. I've got so many different versions of it in my drafts and I hate all of them. So, again, I've scrapped everything I've written on this topic before and started over. This one will stick and hopefully not be so, so, well rant-y or negative or any other horrible adjective anyone can think of.
Every so often in the news, in social media, and other outlets there is something huge which happens which makes people bring up the "gender" discussion. Most recently it's been the entire election in the US what with certain comments being made. I'm sure you know what I mean. If you don't then you must have a cozy place under your rock *winks*
Anyway.
The entire situation with the election and many, many situations prior and after have spurned me to write this. Why? Because with the discussion of gender comes the discussion of feminism, what it means, who is or is not a feminist, and of course, the people who insult the "femi-Nazis."
I am not a feminist.
I know this might come as a shock to anyone reading this blog considering what I write about, particularly taking into consideration the kind of characters I write about. Let me explain.
I am an equalist.
What does that mean, exactly? It means I believe everyone deserves an equal chance in life no matter their skin color, religion, gender, sexuality, age, abilities (physical or mental), or anything else which defines us as different.
Does this mean we should be ignorant to people's differences? No, not at all. But these differences should not stop a person from obtaining a job, home, loan, vehicle, citizenship or anything else which certain people are denied.
For instance:
Individual A is a 30 year old black lesbian. Individual B is a 25 year old white heterosexual male. They are both applying for a job in a business position which is normally male-dominated. So, what happens? Individual B will get the job even if both are equally matched when it comes to qualifications and experiences.
I know we all like to believe this is untrue in 2017 but it is still difficult, if not impossible for women to get jobs in what are considered "male" positions. It is made worse if you happen to be anything but heterosexual or CIS. It is made even worse if you have a visible disability (like being in a wheelchair) or an invisible disability (like being deaf.) And almost impossible if you are a woman of color.
I believe people should be judged on their personalities, their qualifications, their talents, and their ability to do the job. Ideally, if a person has the experience, is qualified, and can do the job then they should be hired without anyone needing to worry about what having someone "different" on board might do for the overall image of the company.
I want people who are coming out as transgender or gender-neutral not to have to worry about the fact they might lose their jobs for it or have to keep their not-true-to-them personality at work alone. I want women of color to love their dark skin and not worry about skin bleach or white-washing themselves to fit into society's view for the "perfect" skin tone.
I want people to be proud of their religion and not have to worry about being told they are terrorists. I want people to be able to come into the country without having to worry about their faith, skin, or country of origin. I want women to be able to whip off their shirts in hot weather if they like or men to wear skirts, dresses, and make-up if they want - both without ridicule.
I want people to be able to be them without having to worry about their lives being in danger, or whether or not they can get a job or a home or even travel.
We have made a lot of progress since the 1950s but there is still a far way to go. Transgender or homosexual teens are still kicked out of their homes. Women (of color or not) are still treated as inferior in some markets based on the fact they are female. People of different religions are still not tolerated and there is still every kind of -ism out there.
Will we get to a point where everyone is treated equal? I hope so but I doubt it will happen in my lifetime. People, humans, are not comfortable with change nor are we comfortable with what marks us as different from one to another. The definition of "normal" is different for everyone and I doubt there will ever be a time when people forget about normal and accept people for "them."
Until next time: you know what to do.
Showing posts with label gender. Show all posts
Showing posts with label gender. Show all posts
Saturday, March 11, 2017
Tuesday, January 20, 2015
We Are All People
I mentioned sometime last year (Nov 21, 2014...I checked my Tweets) I would eventually write a blog post that gives a bit of insight as to why I write some of the characters I write. More specifically: "One day I will explain why I support LGBTQ folks and why I have so many characters who are LGBTQ. It will be a blog because 140 characters (on Twitter) isn't long enough." Oh hey, this is the day.
For those who are new here or don't pay a lot of attention to my Twitter/this blog or for those who don't check out the novel series tab to see what the heck I do: I write A LOT. In most of my novels I have a non-cis or non-binary character. Only two novels in the 42 (as of Jan 2015) I've written DO NOT include someone from the LGBTQ community. This means the other 40 novels have a character who is in said community.
Who are these characters? I made a list:
The simple answer? I am under the firm belief everyone who is alive today no matter what their identity, race, color, etc deserves to be represented in fiction.
The complicated answer? There aren't enough works of fiction (RE: novels) featuring LGBTQ or even People of Color as characters in a predominate, meaningful role other than the token gay/black/lesbian/PC character. See all those characters listed above? Without them there would be no story. They each have an important role to play and in most of the stories they are the main character.
Why? Because everyone deserves to be represented and it bothers the HELL out of me when a character is included in a novel, in a minor role that serves no purpose, and the author makes a big deal about them being gay or lesbian or whatever because "O-M-G, I'M BEING INCLUSIVE!" It bugs the HELL out of me a popular author didn't mention the sexuality of a popular, well-loved character until SOMEONE ASKED and the books were over and done with.
I'm not saying you have to scream your character's sexuality/gender preferences from the mountain tops but there should be obvious clues as to who/what the character prefers or doesn't. And yes, we do need more LGBTQ main characters so issues like the Leelah Alcorn case don't happen again.
If people understand what certain groups go through for simply being themselves then maybe there wouldn't be so much hatred in this world. Maybe if there were more authors willing to write about a real, normal (whatever that means) transgender woman (or gay person, or black person, or any other "non-normal" person) in fiction there wouldn't be so many transgender (etc) suicides going on and perhaps there would be a little more tolerance in the world.
I'm not saying you have to be best friends with everyone and everything can be all kittens, puppies, and rainbows. I am saying everyone deserves the same level of respect no matter what their skin color, gender, sexuality, religion, or what have you.
In order to get to some semblance of respect people have to see that no matter what a person's skin color, gender, or sexuality is the person is STILL A PERSON. They have the same wants, needs, and feelings as everyone else and they deserve to be represented and respected like everyone else.
Maybe I'm being optimistic but I think if I represent everyone as well as I can in my novels and people see these "non-normal" people as normal then maybe, just maybe, I can change someone's mind. Maybe I can bring a little more acceptance into the world. Maybe I can make a difference.
So, why do I have so many LGBTQ characters? Because everyone deserves a little love, respect, and acceptance.
Until next time: rants, rage, out-right insults, comments, questions and everything in between can be directed to the comments.
For those who are new here or don't pay a lot of attention to my Twitter/this blog or for those who don't check out the novel series tab to see what the heck I do: I write A LOT. In most of my novels I have a non-cis or non-binary character. Only two novels in the 42 (as of Jan 2015) I've written DO NOT include someone from the LGBTQ community. This means the other 40 novels have a character who is in said community.
Who are these characters? I made a list:
- Xeros, Drake, Zahnee, Zanrah, Denxen, Kien, Adara, Vesgha, Ekard, from Cara: attracted to the same gender.
- Raven, Havoc, Gold: Bonehemmer Princess and Harmonizer: attracted to the same gender
- Shawn, Ice, Derrick, Ray: Seer and Seeker: attracted to the same gender
- Jayden/Jordan: Changed: transgender
- Andre, Gary: Chosen Ones of the Forbidden Object: attracted to the same gender
- Star Von Vette, Jammer: Model: attracted to the same gender, Star is also considered "androgynous" and dresses in women's clothing even though he's a he. No, Star is not transgender and does not wish to become a female. He likes being male and likes dressing as a woman all of the time.
- Glitch, Dylan: Lies: Glitch is a gay cyborg and Dylan's an ambiromantic asexual
- Archard, Noam: Warriors Eight: attracted to the same gender
- David: Protectors: Attracted to the same gender
- Drew: Testing Grounds: attracted to same gender and cross-dresses
- Samuel, Greg: Glory Hole Series: married to each other
- Rowan: Burnt: the Story of the Fire King: male to female transgender who transitions as a point of view character over the course of the novel.
- Lucy McGregor, Anne, various minor characters: Thriller/Mystery Series: attracted to the same gender, female to male transgender (minor character of note), cross-dressers, and various others.
- Blair, Tim: Mists of Time Series: Blair is bi-gender and Tim is bi-sexual.
- Angelus: Tale of the Twins Trilogy: attracted to the same gender
- Kiyvn and Derke: Trees of Life: attracted to the same gender
- Garrick: Heroes Dilemma: attracted to the same gender
The simple answer? I am under the firm belief everyone who is alive today no matter what their identity, race, color, etc deserves to be represented in fiction.
The complicated answer? There aren't enough works of fiction (RE: novels) featuring LGBTQ or even People of Color as characters in a predominate, meaningful role other than the token gay/black/lesbian/PC character. See all those characters listed above? Without them there would be no story. They each have an important role to play and in most of the stories they are the main character.
Why? Because everyone deserves to be represented and it bothers the HELL out of me when a character is included in a novel, in a minor role that serves no purpose, and the author makes a big deal about them being gay or lesbian or whatever because "O-M-G, I'M BEING INCLUSIVE!" It bugs the HELL out of me a popular author didn't mention the sexuality of a popular, well-loved character until SOMEONE ASKED and the books were over and done with.
I'm not saying you have to scream your character's sexuality/gender preferences from the mountain tops but there should be obvious clues as to who/what the character prefers or doesn't. And yes, we do need more LGBTQ main characters so issues like the Leelah Alcorn case don't happen again.
If people understand what certain groups go through for simply being themselves then maybe there wouldn't be so much hatred in this world. Maybe if there were more authors willing to write about a real, normal (whatever that means) transgender woman (or gay person, or black person, or any other "non-normal" person) in fiction there wouldn't be so many transgender (etc) suicides going on and perhaps there would be a little more tolerance in the world.
I'm not saying you have to be best friends with everyone and everything can be all kittens, puppies, and rainbows. I am saying everyone deserves the same level of respect no matter what their skin color, gender, sexuality, religion, or what have you.
In order to get to some semblance of respect people have to see that no matter what a person's skin color, gender, or sexuality is the person is STILL A PERSON. They have the same wants, needs, and feelings as everyone else and they deserve to be represented and respected like everyone else.
Maybe I'm being optimistic but I think if I represent everyone as well as I can in my novels and people see these "non-normal" people as normal then maybe, just maybe, I can change someone's mind. Maybe I can bring a little more acceptance into the world. Maybe I can make a difference.
So, why do I have so many LGBTQ characters? Because everyone deserves a little love, respect, and acceptance.
Until next time: rants, rage, out-right insults, comments, questions and everything in between can be directed to the comments.
Saturday, January 18, 2014
Childless by Choice
So as I was eating dinner tonight (it's where I get my best thoughts, I swear) I said to myself: "Wow, it's great eating as a single person. I can eat what I want, when I want and not have to worry about someone complaining about my cooking" which is true. I don't have to worry about the carrots being too hard (it's a salad), the chicken being too spicy (it's Shake n' bake; don't blame me) or being told that I should make more things from scratch (HA!). I can just decide, cook, and eat. If I blow something up or burn it then it's my own fault and the only witness is my cat.
As per normal my mind began to wander. It strode to a conversation I had a while ago with a religious relative who could not understand why I wasn't married with at least one kid by now. Then came the explanation: I don't want to get married or have kids. Of course, that's the wrong thing to say to anyone who's religious and over 50.
But children are God's gift. You can't be alone forever. That would be wrong," etc, etc, etc. Oh poor deluded religious relative of mine: I don't believe in the same things you do. Which is fine. She is entitled to her beliefs and I respect her for believing in them as strongly as she does. But (contrary to popular belief) I am not a horrible woman for not wanting to be married or not wanting kids.
I am simply a woman of the 21st century. We don't have to be stay at home moms, we don't have to get married, we can have careers, we can be successful, and *le gasp* we have choices.
It's not all cut and dry: find your true love, get married, have 1.5 kids, live in the white picket fenced house, and cook all day so when your manly man comes home with the pay check he can eat well. It can be more like: wake up, go to work, come home to your cat, feed said cat and self then write until bedtime.
Is either woman better than the other in those instances? Not really. It's their choice and if they're happy with their choice then it's good enough. Who are we to tell people what they can and cannot do? It's not the right of anyone but the person who's making that choice. Pressures from family, friends, coworkers, and society should not dictate who we are or what choices we make.
My choice is not to pass on my genes. Why should I allow a being that fed off me like a parasite for nine months dictate the rest of my life? Why would I want to give up the freedom of doing what I want, when I want because I have to bend to the needs of a being that's only goal in life is to make me worry? Sorry, that's not for me. BUT KUDOS TO ALL THE PARENTS OUT THERE. You folks are awesome for taking on that responsibility. Me? I'll stick with my cat. Maybe a dog later down the road and a few fish.
Of course, when you pose those two questions to said religious relative the answer is: "It's fulfilling." Bullcrap. Fulfilling is getting to laze around in your pjs all day doing whatever the living heck you want. There is no fulfillment in knowing that a mini-me will be running around until after I die then produce mini-not-me-but-genetically-close-to-mes. Well unless one of them dominates the world. That might prove to be cool. But that is not enough to sway me to produce the mini-me.
Then of course: "What if your parents thought like that?" Well, then I wouldn't really know now would I? I mean I'd still be a body-less soul hanging out with other body-less souls doing whatever souls do before they get a vessel. Don't get me wrong: I'm happy my parents made me and all that but if they hadn't then I wouldn't have known, right?
"But you'll love kids." Uh, no. I barely stand my cousin's kids. Plus, why would I want to bring a little girl into a world that pressures her to look a certain way and act a certain way then makes fun of her if she doesn't? Why would I want to bring a little boy into a world where a boy can't have long hair and God-forbid he act feminine? I can preach that "gender roles don't matter, be yourself, be unique, F the haters, just be you" all I want but that doesn't mean they'll have the strength to listen.
Why do I want to bring any child into a world where despite our best efforts racism, sexism, war, hate, famine, and all that other ugly stuff still reign? And don't forget about the persecution if you're gay, want to be the opposite gender, or don't share any beliefs with the "norm." Our world sucks. I don't want to subject a child to the true suckiness of the world. Why do I want to bring a kid into a world where we're told to be ourselves then are ridiculed for not being normal? Whatever normal is. Has anyone figured that out yet?
"You're over-thinking things." No I'm not. If my hypothetical little boy wants to keep his hair long then you're going to tell me to get his hair cut (and don't lie; I saw how you reacted to a fictional character's little boy's long hair). Then you're going to slyly insult him enough (without coming off as truly insulting unless I say something, which I will)that he'll feel like crap and tell me to get his hair cut. And I'll do it because I want him to be happy, even if he's not happy and he's just conforming to society's belief of what a little boy should look like because he wants to please you and strangers.
And therein lies the problem. I know my kids will be different because I was different. I didn't push the barriers until I was in my later teens and even now I'm not pushing barriers simply because society doesn't want me to. We can all pretend that we'll teach our kids to be themselves and be strong but eventually the need for acceptance from peers (and people in authority besides us) wears them down until they morph into something a tad more acceptable.
There are very few people who can be exactly who they want to be without fear and my genetic dice are not strong enough to produce that type of person. Frankly, I don't want to see my hypothetical spawn hide their true selves like I did for so long and not realize their dreams because of it. Also, I know, deep down, those people who seem to be living exactly as they want without fear have all ready conformed so well that they think they're free. Or they've conformed another way. I don't believe that anyone is truly free from society's rule.
"Well that's just depressing." I know, trust me, I know. But, there is one more point. "What?" Why should I bring another child into the world when one: we're over-populated as it is, and two: there are over 150 million orphans in the world? "150 million?" Yes. One hundred and fifty MILLION. So, ask me again why I'm childless by choice. Go ahead. "*silence*" That's what I thought.
And another thing. "There's more?" Yep. One more thing. "Okay, what?" If I'm going to subject myself to children it'll be one of those orphans. If I'm going to try and raise a kid to survive in this Battle Royal we call life I'm going to make sure it's one of those poor souls who through unfortunate circumstance came into this world without the love and care of their biological parents or who can no longer experience their parents' love. "What's the difference?" Well, I'm not bringing a child into the world, for one which means no over-populating the planet for me. For two, I'm simply helping a kid who's parents checked-out unwillingly. It's the least I can do for the poor kid. "You're strange." I hadn't noticed.
But seriously: I choose not to bring a child into this messed up world for the sake of passing on my genes. I'd rather help, nurture, and protect one of those kids who were brought into the world then dumped into an orphanage for whatever reason. If it ever comes to that which it might not solely because hey, I had fish and salad for dinner tonight without having to consult anyone first.
Until next time: Comments, questions, rants, rage and everything in between can be directed to the comments.
As per normal my mind began to wander. It strode to a conversation I had a while ago with a religious relative who could not understand why I wasn't married with at least one kid by now. Then came the explanation: I don't want to get married or have kids. Of course, that's the wrong thing to say to anyone who's religious and over 50.
But children are God's gift. You can't be alone forever. That would be wrong," etc, etc, etc. Oh poor deluded religious relative of mine: I don't believe in the same things you do. Which is fine. She is entitled to her beliefs and I respect her for believing in them as strongly as she does. But (contrary to popular belief) I am not a horrible woman for not wanting to be married or not wanting kids.
I am simply a woman of the 21st century. We don't have to be stay at home moms, we don't have to get married, we can have careers, we can be successful, and *le gasp* we have choices.
It's not all cut and dry: find your true love, get married, have 1.5 kids, live in the white picket fenced house, and cook all day so when your manly man comes home with the pay check he can eat well. It can be more like: wake up, go to work, come home to your cat, feed said cat and self then write until bedtime.
Is either woman better than the other in those instances? Not really. It's their choice and if they're happy with their choice then it's good enough. Who are we to tell people what they can and cannot do? It's not the right of anyone but the person who's making that choice. Pressures from family, friends, coworkers, and society should not dictate who we are or what choices we make.
My choice is not to pass on my genes. Why should I allow a being that fed off me like a parasite for nine months dictate the rest of my life? Why would I want to give up the freedom of doing what I want, when I want because I have to bend to the needs of a being that's only goal in life is to make me worry? Sorry, that's not for me. BUT KUDOS TO ALL THE PARENTS OUT THERE. You folks are awesome for taking on that responsibility. Me? I'll stick with my cat. Maybe a dog later down the road and a few fish.
Of course, when you pose those two questions to said religious relative the answer is: "It's fulfilling." Bullcrap. Fulfilling is getting to laze around in your pjs all day doing whatever the living heck you want. There is no fulfillment in knowing that a mini-me will be running around until after I die then produce mini-not-me-but-genetically-close-to-mes. Well unless one of them dominates the world. That might prove to be cool. But that is not enough to sway me to produce the mini-me.
Then of course: "What if your parents thought like that?" Well, then I wouldn't really know now would I? I mean I'd still be a body-less soul hanging out with other body-less souls doing whatever souls do before they get a vessel. Don't get me wrong: I'm happy my parents made me and all that but if they hadn't then I wouldn't have known, right?
"But you'll love kids." Uh, no. I barely stand my cousin's kids. Plus, why would I want to bring a little girl into a world that pressures her to look a certain way and act a certain way then makes fun of her if she doesn't? Why would I want to bring a little boy into a world where a boy can't have long hair and God-forbid he act feminine? I can preach that "gender roles don't matter, be yourself, be unique, F the haters, just be you" all I want but that doesn't mean they'll have the strength to listen.
Why do I want to bring any child into a world where despite our best efforts racism, sexism, war, hate, famine, and all that other ugly stuff still reign? And don't forget about the persecution if you're gay, want to be the opposite gender, or don't share any beliefs with the "norm." Our world sucks. I don't want to subject a child to the true suckiness of the world. Why do I want to bring a kid into a world where we're told to be ourselves then are ridiculed for not being normal? Whatever normal is. Has anyone figured that out yet?
"You're over-thinking things." No I'm not. If my hypothetical little boy wants to keep his hair long then you're going to tell me to get his hair cut (and don't lie; I saw how you reacted to a fictional character's little boy's long hair). Then you're going to slyly insult him enough (without coming off as truly insulting unless I say something, which I will)that he'll feel like crap and tell me to get his hair cut. And I'll do it because I want him to be happy, even if he's not happy and he's just conforming to society's belief of what a little boy should look like because he wants to please you and strangers.
And therein lies the problem. I know my kids will be different because I was different. I didn't push the barriers until I was in my later teens and even now I'm not pushing barriers simply because society doesn't want me to. We can all pretend that we'll teach our kids to be themselves and be strong but eventually the need for acceptance from peers (and people in authority besides us) wears them down until they morph into something a tad more acceptable.
There are very few people who can be exactly who they want to be without fear and my genetic dice are not strong enough to produce that type of person. Frankly, I don't want to see my hypothetical spawn hide their true selves like I did for so long and not realize their dreams because of it. Also, I know, deep down, those people who seem to be living exactly as they want without fear have all ready conformed so well that they think they're free. Or they've conformed another way. I don't believe that anyone is truly free from society's rule.
"Well that's just depressing." I know, trust me, I know. But, there is one more point. "What?" Why should I bring another child into the world when one: we're over-populated as it is, and two: there are over 150 million orphans in the world? "150 million?" Yes. One hundred and fifty MILLION. So, ask me again why I'm childless by choice. Go ahead. "*silence*" That's what I thought.
And another thing. "There's more?" Yep. One more thing. "Okay, what?" If I'm going to subject myself to children it'll be one of those orphans. If I'm going to try and raise a kid to survive in this Battle Royal we call life I'm going to make sure it's one of those poor souls who through unfortunate circumstance came into this world without the love and care of their biological parents or who can no longer experience their parents' love. "What's the difference?" Well, I'm not bringing a child into the world, for one which means no over-populating the planet for me. For two, I'm simply helping a kid who's parents checked-out unwillingly. It's the least I can do for the poor kid. "You're strange." I hadn't noticed.
But seriously: I choose not to bring a child into this messed up world for the sake of passing on my genes. I'd rather help, nurture, and protect one of those kids who were brought into the world then dumped into an orphanage for whatever reason. If it ever comes to that which it might not solely because hey, I had fish and salad for dinner tonight without having to consult anyone first.
Until next time: Comments, questions, rants, rage and everything in between can be directed to the comments.
Sunday, September 1, 2013
The Gender Difference
I've learned a lot from writing Lies, my April novel. One of the main characters is genderless. At first this genderless-ness means that no one can tell what gender the main is. The character is always in a mask and there are no identifying bulges where there should be if the character was male or female. Later it's found out that said character is biologically genderless.
Let that sink in for a moment. Yeah, no gender identifying ANYTHING. No ability to reproduce because despite having two holes there is no uterus or ovaries. There are no testicles, no penis, no breasts, and nothing else to biologically identify this character as male or female.
This brings up a few issues. The first is what personal pronoun to CALL said character. "He or she" obviously doesn't work for being too repetitive and just annoying. Great for word count mind you, but really annoying for an entire novel. "Ze" (the term used for transitioning transsexuals as far as my research told me) doesn't work because there is no transition. "One "wouldn't work because the main bad is "The One." "They" is grammatically incorrect. This issue was solved when the character decided on being called "she."
Why "she?" Well because the character leaned more towards dresses, skirts and feminine clothing. It just made life easier for everyone involved, including me. The NaNoWriMo April Cabin I had during that time knew about my sleepless nights figuring out what the HECK to call this character. And there were many sleepless nights until she decided to be she.
But this identification opened a whole other issue about gender roles and gender identity. See, there are people out there who are biologically male and dress as females. My character even brings up the question of "am I a female or am I a male who likes to dress like a female?" It leaves the poor thing confused about what to identify as. The character continues with being a she, again because it's easier. The second reason she remains as a she is because during her stint as a prisoner of sorts she was not allowed much to eat. When she's able to eat like a normal person, she begins to grow breasts (which she's quite proud of). Despite that she still has a somewhat masculine physical structure: strong jaw, abs, large biceps, and physically more powerful. She still isn't completely 100% in being called she but it stays because it seems to suit her more.
What does all this mean exactly? Well, it can mean different things to different people. Recently I heard about a school teaching children to call people "yo" as in "Yo hit me" rather than "she (or he) hit me." Exploring the issues a non-gendered character went through deciding what they were I don't think calling people "yo" is such a good idea.
In order to identify yourself as male or female (or the third gender) you have to have a jumping off point. You have to know the biological differences between male and female and know that despite everything males and females ARE different. Yes, a female can in theory do any job a man can BUT when physical labour is involved, men DO have more muscle mass and can do heavier loads. Yes, a female can lift heavy objects but men (in that instance) can do it better. It can't be helped.
Females are not genetically meant to be physically powerful. We're meant to be more flexible and faster. An instance of this is in the simple task of mail carrying. The maximum load a mailman (or woman) can carry out was lowered when women came into the job simply because the female mail carriers COULD NOT lift the same weight as male carriers. This meant more gray boxes, more trips to their bins, longer routes, and longer work for some. This extra physical power men have is due to higher testosterone levels in men which is also said to lead to "aggression" making men the more "violent" of the genders. Why do you think steroid pumped weight lifters are so angry? Extra testosterone. Yep.
Anyway, this whole issue about gender roles/identity in general will confuse the Hell out of kids if we simply decide to do away with gender. We have genders because we're born that way. We have to learn to embrace our genders rather than ignore them or group everyone into one. Yes, we have to learn gender roles. Yes, we have to teach kids the difference between a male and a female. That doesn't mean we have to tell the kid that because they're biologically male they have to do male things.
In fact, if a male child decides to pick the pink blanket we should allow him to. We should NOT tell him that because he likes pink he should be raised as a girl. A couple in the states did this and their six year old physically male son is trying to live as a female. Granted the kid might know the difference but he's six. I changed my mind every day on what I wanted to be growing up. I can't imagine changing my gender permanently that young. Let him decide on his own when he's older and knows the so-called expectations of both genders, don't tell him he's a girl just because he did some things like a girl.
Heck the only reason certain "genderless" models know whether they are male or female (or both) is because they were told about gender roles and decided they liked either both or liked identifying as opposite to what does or doesn't hang. Perfect example: Andrej Pejic. He identifies as neither: the perfect blend of male and female. If he was raised without a gender he likely would not be doing so well as a male model being female solely because male and female would not exist. Then there's the whole point of him not even knowing what male or female was or that he was unique because he's a he who works as a she.
**NOTE: An update on the Andrej Pejic gender-issue: 1) an ex says that in personal life Andrej prefers the female personal pronoun BUT Andrej has said that "it's whatever" AND Andrej's passport now holds the infamous "X" where a gender would be described. THEREFORE, I assume Andrej is continuing to live as a transgender: that is someone who lives between genders and therefore really doesn't mind what personal pronoun is used. Until Andrej changes his passport to reflect the female or outright says he wishes to use the female in ALL aspects of his life: I'm sticking with the he as I don't know him personally and he's made it clear that it's "whatever" or "X". Proof of the passport change (skip to about 2:30 if you don't want to watch the whole thing):
UPDATE:
In a recent interview with La Monda Magzine:
How should we refer to you? He or she?
A lot of my close friends say ‘she’. But a lot of people say ‘he’ too and I am not offended by that; when you are in this position, living this life in between genders, you can’t be too offended by anything. Either way is fine, but I prefer “she”.
So from now on I'll try to stick with the "she" pronoun when referring to Andrej. It's only fair.
UPDATE 2014: Andrej has gone through SRS surgery to become Andreja. Go look it up, I'll wait.
Again, no I'm not changing the above because quite frankly I'd rather keep things as "original" and unedited on this blog as possible besides updates and notes. Moving on.
***
Anyway it's probably not healthy to force a kid one way or another based on what they like to do. Liking or disliking certain colors or activities DOES NOT make one male or female. Being male or female is not also just a physical thing. What we feel on the inside is what defines us as male or female: not the clothes, not the toys (ha), and certainly not the looks. This defining takes place because of what we learn or are told.
See this is what it comes down to: gender roles, physical roles, emotional roles, parental roles, and sociological roles for males and females are TAUGHT. They are not innate things we automatically know upon coming out of the womb. Teachers, parents, and other adults TEACH children that a girl plays with Barbies and a boy plays with GI Joe. Society teaches children that girls like frilly things and dresses while boys like sports and cars. Girls like make-up and pink, boys like mud and blue. I could go on but I think you get it.
If our children are taught that what you like doesn't make what you are or identify as, we won't need a "yo" pronoun to describe every person. Besides, can you imagine describing someone without using he or she? Trust me, I've tried and it's HARD. Now there's a bill that's attempting to make it through in Boston that will stop police from describing ANYTHING about a subject on the "politically correct thought" that gender and racial descriptions are "bad." So the cops in Boston will receive a description of a subject as such: "Be on the look out for a running person." Yeah, that'll help the crime rate.
We need gender description and physical description in order to know what we may or may not be looking for not only in criminals but in general life. Can you imagine walking up to someone and trying to tell them you're looking for your friend but you can't say if your friend is male, female, Caucasian, Asian, Africa-American or whatever else? Identifying characteristics can't be taken away.
We have genders (and physical differences) for a variety of reasons and instead of ignoring them to "protect our children from gender (or racial) stereotypes" we should be embracing them and teaching our children that what is or isn't between their legs (or what color their skin is) doesn't dictate what they can do or can't do or what they might identify as.
That's how I was raised. I was able to play with whatever toy I liked. I played with Barbies AND toy cars. I made model air planes, I played sports, I wanted to learn play piano and dance. I played with worms and went fishing. I played dress-up with my cat. I am a straight female and embrace my femininity instead of feeling repressed or threatened by it. I don't feel inferior because of plastic dolls, I don't feel like a man is better than me and I don't feel like I need a man in my life to make it better. I know I don't HAVE to be a housewife, that I can have a job and I can support myself. I am a well-adjusted, independent woman who loves her womanhood. Adding to this I was taught that skin color also doesn't matter. We're all the same pink, squishy-ness on the inside.
Regardless, people worry too much about gender roles and what it means when their little boy might want to play dress up or their little girl likes cars "too much." Who cares? Let your kid discover who they are for them self but for gosh sakes, don't tell them they have no gender or that they're one or the other because of what they do when they're curious about everything. Most people forget this: KIDS ARE CURIOUS AND WILL TRY EVERYTHING so let them figure it out on their own. Telling them they have no gender or are one or the other (opposite to what's between their legs) will only make things worse from an identity stand-point because let's face it, no matter what you identify as later in life, you knew growing up whether you were male or female and if it was right or wrong for you.
Yeah, you may have known it was a bit weird (I did) but you get over it and eventually you grow that lovely backbone that makes you say "So what? I like what I like, I'm not normal and I love me for me because of it." If we repress the differences we can't learn to stand-up for what makes us unique. We can't learn to tell people: "Yeah, I'm a girl who knows about cars, bugs and guns. What's your point?" or "Yeah, I'm a guy who wears make-up and sews. Big deal."
We'll learn instead that we're all the same and nothing is different or strange about everyone. If I was raised genderless I wouldn't feel so unique because I'm oddly fascinated by swords, video games, and skulls. I won't feel like I know myself because I'm not an individual if everyone is "normal" for being able to like everything. We need differences in life to make us appreciate and learn to accept those differences. We need weird. We need odd. We need unusual. Besides, what the heck do you call "mom" and "dad" when they're not supposed to have a gender? What about all those languages that aren't gender neutral like the a and o's commonly in French and Italian?
Furthering it, what happens to the kids who are biologically one gender but feel the other? Does this mean the transsexual will no longer exist? I mean, if they don't know or feel like one to start with how can they transition to the other? Are we really prepared for our entire society to become Gender X? Are we really prepared to raise children who can't create a solid identity for themselves because they have no jumping off point? Are we prepared to take away something that makes us different and instead be a single one-gendered "yo?" Are we prepared to deal with all those gender-confused individuals who have no idea what they are because someone told them they were the opposite when they were younger?
Are we prepared to stop describing people all together and never know what a person looks like in stories we read? Can we deal without knowing what or who the main character is? Can we cope with having gender neutral names abound? Are we prepared to sacrifice our individuality on the overly-politically correct assumption that describing a person belittles them? Are we ready to give up what makes us different, unique, and special because some people are going crazy about gender identity and physical descriptions? Can we deal with everyone being thought of as the same? Do you want to be the same as everyone else?
Let that sink in for a moment. Yeah, no gender identifying ANYTHING. No ability to reproduce because despite having two holes there is no uterus or ovaries. There are no testicles, no penis, no breasts, and nothing else to biologically identify this character as male or female.
This brings up a few issues. The first is what personal pronoun to CALL said character. "He or she" obviously doesn't work for being too repetitive and just annoying. Great for word count mind you, but really annoying for an entire novel. "Ze" (the term used for transitioning transsexuals as far as my research told me) doesn't work because there is no transition. "One "wouldn't work because the main bad is "The One." "They" is grammatically incorrect. This issue was solved when the character decided on being called "she."
Why "she?" Well because the character leaned more towards dresses, skirts and feminine clothing. It just made life easier for everyone involved, including me. The NaNoWriMo April Cabin I had during that time knew about my sleepless nights figuring out what the HECK to call this character. And there were many sleepless nights until she decided to be she.
But this identification opened a whole other issue about gender roles and gender identity. See, there are people out there who are biologically male and dress as females. My character even brings up the question of "am I a female or am I a male who likes to dress like a female?" It leaves the poor thing confused about what to identify as. The character continues with being a she, again because it's easier. The second reason she remains as a she is because during her stint as a prisoner of sorts she was not allowed much to eat. When she's able to eat like a normal person, she begins to grow breasts (which she's quite proud of). Despite that she still has a somewhat masculine physical structure: strong jaw, abs, large biceps, and physically more powerful. She still isn't completely 100% in being called she but it stays because it seems to suit her more.
What does all this mean exactly? Well, it can mean different things to different people. Recently I heard about a school teaching children to call people "yo" as in "Yo hit me" rather than "she (or he) hit me." Exploring the issues a non-gendered character went through deciding what they were I don't think calling people "yo" is such a good idea.
In order to identify yourself as male or female (or the third gender) you have to have a jumping off point. You have to know the biological differences between male and female and know that despite everything males and females ARE different. Yes, a female can in theory do any job a man can BUT when physical labour is involved, men DO have more muscle mass and can do heavier loads. Yes, a female can lift heavy objects but men (in that instance) can do it better. It can't be helped.
Females are not genetically meant to be physically powerful. We're meant to be more flexible and faster. An instance of this is in the simple task of mail carrying. The maximum load a mailman (or woman) can carry out was lowered when women came into the job simply because the female mail carriers COULD NOT lift the same weight as male carriers. This meant more gray boxes, more trips to their bins, longer routes, and longer work for some. This extra physical power men have is due to higher testosterone levels in men which is also said to lead to "aggression" making men the more "violent" of the genders. Why do you think steroid pumped weight lifters are so angry? Extra testosterone. Yep.
Anyway, this whole issue about gender roles/identity in general will confuse the Hell out of kids if we simply decide to do away with gender. We have genders because we're born that way. We have to learn to embrace our genders rather than ignore them or group everyone into one. Yes, we have to learn gender roles. Yes, we have to teach kids the difference between a male and a female. That doesn't mean we have to tell the kid that because they're biologically male they have to do male things.
In fact, if a male child decides to pick the pink blanket we should allow him to. We should NOT tell him that because he likes pink he should be raised as a girl. A couple in the states did this and their six year old physically male son is trying to live as a female. Granted the kid might know the difference but he's six. I changed my mind every day on what I wanted to be growing up. I can't imagine changing my gender permanently that young. Let him decide on his own when he's older and knows the so-called expectations of both genders, don't tell him he's a girl just because he did some things like a girl.
Heck the only reason certain "genderless" models know whether they are male or female (or both) is because they were told about gender roles and decided they liked either both or liked identifying as opposite to what does or doesn't hang. Perfect example: Andrej Pejic. He identifies as neither: the perfect blend of male and female. If he was raised without a gender he likely would not be doing so well as a male model being female solely because male and female would not exist. Then there's the whole point of him not even knowing what male or female was or that he was unique because he's a he who works as a she.
**NOTE: An update on the Andrej Pejic gender-issue: 1) an ex says that in personal life Andrej prefers the female personal pronoun BUT Andrej has said that "it's whatever" AND Andrej's passport now holds the infamous "X" where a gender would be described. THEREFORE, I assume Andrej is continuing to live as a transgender: that is someone who lives between genders and therefore really doesn't mind what personal pronoun is used. Until Andrej changes his passport to reflect the female or outright says he wishes to use the female in ALL aspects of his life: I'm sticking with the he as I don't know him personally and he's made it clear that it's "whatever" or "X". Proof of the passport change (skip to about 2:30 if you don't want to watch the whole thing):
UPDATE:
In a recent interview with La Monda Magzine:
How should we refer to you? He or she?
A lot of my close friends say ‘she’. But a lot of people say ‘he’ too and I am not offended by that; when you are in this position, living this life in between genders, you can’t be too offended by anything. Either way is fine, but I prefer “she”.
So from now on I'll try to stick with the "she" pronoun when referring to Andrej. It's only fair.
UPDATE 2014: Andrej has gone through SRS surgery to become Andreja. Go look it up, I'll wait.
Again, no I'm not changing the above because quite frankly I'd rather keep things as "original" and unedited on this blog as possible besides updates and notes. Moving on.
***
Anyway it's probably not healthy to force a kid one way or another based on what they like to do. Liking or disliking certain colors or activities DOES NOT make one male or female. Being male or female is not also just a physical thing. What we feel on the inside is what defines us as male or female: not the clothes, not the toys (ha), and certainly not the looks. This defining takes place because of what we learn or are told.
See this is what it comes down to: gender roles, physical roles, emotional roles, parental roles, and sociological roles for males and females are TAUGHT. They are not innate things we automatically know upon coming out of the womb. Teachers, parents, and other adults TEACH children that a girl plays with Barbies and a boy plays with GI Joe. Society teaches children that girls like frilly things and dresses while boys like sports and cars. Girls like make-up and pink, boys like mud and blue. I could go on but I think you get it.
If our children are taught that what you like doesn't make what you are or identify as, we won't need a "yo" pronoun to describe every person. Besides, can you imagine describing someone without using he or she? Trust me, I've tried and it's HARD. Now there's a bill that's attempting to make it through in Boston that will stop police from describing ANYTHING about a subject on the "politically correct thought" that gender and racial descriptions are "bad." So the cops in Boston will receive a description of a subject as such: "Be on the look out for a running person." Yeah, that'll help the crime rate.
We need gender description and physical description in order to know what we may or may not be looking for not only in criminals but in general life. Can you imagine walking up to someone and trying to tell them you're looking for your friend but you can't say if your friend is male, female, Caucasian, Asian, Africa-American or whatever else? Identifying characteristics can't be taken away.
We have genders (and physical differences) for a variety of reasons and instead of ignoring them to "protect our children from gender (or racial) stereotypes" we should be embracing them and teaching our children that what is or isn't between their legs (or what color their skin is) doesn't dictate what they can do or can't do or what they might identify as.
That's how I was raised. I was able to play with whatever toy I liked. I played with Barbies AND toy cars. I made model air planes, I played sports, I wanted to learn play piano and dance. I played with worms and went fishing. I played dress-up with my cat. I am a straight female and embrace my femininity instead of feeling repressed or threatened by it. I don't feel inferior because of plastic dolls, I don't feel like a man is better than me and I don't feel like I need a man in my life to make it better. I know I don't HAVE to be a housewife, that I can have a job and I can support myself. I am a well-adjusted, independent woman who loves her womanhood. Adding to this I was taught that skin color also doesn't matter. We're all the same pink, squishy-ness on the inside.
Regardless, people worry too much about gender roles and what it means when their little boy might want to play dress up or their little girl likes cars "too much." Who cares? Let your kid discover who they are for them self but for gosh sakes, don't tell them they have no gender or that they're one or the other because of what they do when they're curious about everything. Most people forget this: KIDS ARE CURIOUS AND WILL TRY EVERYTHING so let them figure it out on their own. Telling them they have no gender or are one or the other (opposite to what's between their legs) will only make things worse from an identity stand-point because let's face it, no matter what you identify as later in life, you knew growing up whether you were male or female and if it was right or wrong for you.
Yeah, you may have known it was a bit weird (I did) but you get over it and eventually you grow that lovely backbone that makes you say "So what? I like what I like, I'm not normal and I love me for me because of it." If we repress the differences we can't learn to stand-up for what makes us unique. We can't learn to tell people: "Yeah, I'm a girl who knows about cars, bugs and guns. What's your point?" or "Yeah, I'm a guy who wears make-up and sews. Big deal."
We'll learn instead that we're all the same and nothing is different or strange about everyone. If I was raised genderless I wouldn't feel so unique because I'm oddly fascinated by swords, video games, and skulls. I won't feel like I know myself because I'm not an individual if everyone is "normal" for being able to like everything. We need differences in life to make us appreciate and learn to accept those differences. We need weird. We need odd. We need unusual. Besides, what the heck do you call "mom" and "dad" when they're not supposed to have a gender? What about all those languages that aren't gender neutral like the a and o's commonly in French and Italian?
Furthering it, what happens to the kids who are biologically one gender but feel the other? Does this mean the transsexual will no longer exist? I mean, if they don't know or feel like one to start with how can they transition to the other? Are we really prepared for our entire society to become Gender X? Are we really prepared to raise children who can't create a solid identity for themselves because they have no jumping off point? Are we prepared to take away something that makes us different and instead be a single one-gendered "yo?" Are we prepared to deal with all those gender-confused individuals who have no idea what they are because someone told them they were the opposite when they were younger?
Are we prepared to stop describing people all together and never know what a person looks like in stories we read? Can we deal without knowing what or who the main character is? Can we cope with having gender neutral names abound? Are we prepared to sacrifice our individuality on the overly-politically correct assumption that describing a person belittles them? Are we ready to give up what makes us different, unique, and special because some people are going crazy about gender identity and physical descriptions? Can we deal with everyone being thought of as the same? Do you want to be the same as everyone else?
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