Saturday, February 25, 2017

Review: Wicked Appetite

Why did I pick it up?

It was one of those books I got from the box sale at Book Depot so it came with the 40-odd books I got for $35. I actually picked it up because it had no dust jacket and the hard cover underneath was black with this kind of like red-bronze writing to give it the title and author name. I took a chance.

I didn't recognize the author name and I think if I had I probably might have put it down to wait for the rest of the series to come out. Yes, Book 1 in a series of (hopefully) seven books. Book 3 of this series is coming out next month and this was published in 2010 so it looks like I'm in for a wait. ONWARDS!

Review of Wicked Appetite by Janet Evanovich:

I'm going to be straight-up (as I am 99.9% of the time): I'm not sure what to think of this book. I started it on May 25th and finished it in a little over two hours. I kid you not. I started at 8:50AM, read while waiting for my doctor and saw him at about 10:55AM then took five or so minutes to finish the last few pages at home.

So why am I not sure what to think of it? Well, the premise is kind of cool. Lizzie finds out her excellent cupcake making ability is magical (no kidding) and she's an Unmentionable who has the power to find these charms to make a Stone. There are seven stones, each taking after a deadly sin and when combined they'll bring hell to earth. For those that don't know the sins are as follows: Gluttony, Lust, Greed, Pride, Sloth, Wrath, and Envy. I remember them because of Fullmetal Alchemist, not the Bible, by the way. *winks*

Anyway, so we meet Lizzie, learn a bit about her past and she goes to work that morning. She has a run in with the bad guy, Wulf, and then meets Diesel the gorgeous hunk of man who is also an Unmentionable on a mission from BUM (I kid you not, that is the acronym of the organization trying to save the world) to gather the stones and keep them from Wulf...who happens to be his cousin.

See the BUM thing? Yeah, that's kind of what this whole book was like.

Diesel's ass tingles when Wulf is near. He can (possibly?) read Lizzie's mind. There is a lot of cupcake eating. A witch in training can't control her spells and leaves someone talking gibberish then gobbling. A fat person is made fun of. The charms make these four relatives who were left the charms from their uncle hoard weird things: 1) Food and over-eating which makes sense with this being the Gluttony stone. 2) Paddles and dog collars: glutton for punishment, okay. 3) Locks, oil, ferrets...uh? 4) Kids. No really. KIDS. The poor girl has six of them because of the charm. Let's not forget the odd monkey who one minute understands you and the next is being a monkey and flipping everything off. And the cat who's apparently decades old and has one eye and half a tail.

Then there's Hatchet who's the ONLY other person in the state who can do the same as Lizzie: determine if the charm is part of the stone. Once all four charms are together they reveal the stone and the stone tablet where the other stones might be hidden. Do Diesel and Lizzie get the stone? Yep. Do they get the tablet? Nope. They let Wulf have it as Diesel's job was the stone only. *facepalm* Really dude? Really?

Oh and did I mention Diesel and Lizzie can't have sex because if they do one of them looses their powers? This is despite their obvious attraction, Diesel's flirting, Lizzie's drooling over him, and everything else throwing them together in a romantic sense. Oh, what are Diesel's powers? He can unlock a door with a touch and sense Wulf. Oh and he has the power to look good naked.

See, the book was a nice, light, and sometimes entertaining read. I felt like Glo (the witch) was just kind of there for comic relief. And Lizzie's dad coming to visit was just an excuse to get Diesel away from Lizzie long enough so she could be kidnapped by Hatchet. And her not making good cupcakes one day wasn't much of a threat of her losing her powers as she could still sense the charms within hours. It was a kind of bleh tension where there was no tension in the book. I'm not even sure what genre this would be classed in.

Would I read Wicked Appetite again?

I don't even know, no seriously, I've no clue. There were some really great bits to it and some genuinely funny moments but it started to dive into the realm of "jeez I hope this thing is classed as satire" a lot more than I liked. Will I be picking up the rest in the series? To be honest? Nope. I didn't connect with any characters and frankly, I don't care if they ever find the other stones or how.

The Negatives:

So this was my first Janet Evanovich book. The people who have read her before say this is a plot rip-off from her Stephanie Plum series and honestly, there are enough people saying it on the first page of reviews I'm going to have to believe them.

Even hours after finishing this I'm not entirely sure what to think. A monkey giving the finger, farting, burping, making messes of nice cars so they're replaced every day, and behaving poorly is just...I mean, was he needed? The book could have survived without the monkey as a side-character. Cat? Yeah, Cat was needed. And can I just say despite how Cat saves Lizzie's life twice she still calls the poor thing Cat 7184 like it was called at the human society? I mean, what the Hell? This cat saved your life, warned you when you were about to be kidnapped, saved your life again and the best you can do is Cat?

The whole Leonard section was creepy and not in a good way. Creepy-sad even. This guy had a good life and because of this charm he collects paddles and rubber chickens saying he's been a "bad boy" (yes with that in mind) and needs to be spanked. His life becomes ruined because of him becoming a glutton for punishment. I'm still not sure what brother #2 (I can't remember his name) gluttonous idea was besides ferrets, oil, and locks but it pretty much screwed his life too. Not to mention the poor Shirley who gained 200 pounds because of becoming a literal glutton. And Melody who had six kids because of being a glutton

Honestly, this concept has a lot of premise. Take out the monkey, the immature jokes (seriously my Mage-teens are more mature than these 20-somethings), and breathe some life into Diesel and Lizzie and you'd have an amazing book. Right now? It falls flat.

Final Review: ?.?/5. I honestly don't even know.

Until next time: comments, questions, thoughts, rants, rage, and out-right insults can be directed to the comments.

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